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Sana can’t scan the gender. The baby is apparently still small according to the average growth chart. She’s advised to watch her nutrition, practices proper breathing and avoids stress.

On her way to pick up her meds at the pharmacy, her strides are a little weaker. She’s bummed, beating up herself. She promised herself to start eating healthy and she broke it everytime. Being a student means having no money and what to do when unhealthy but very much fulfilling fried chicken costs lower than a plate of organic salad.

She guesses this is the price she has to pay in becoming parents. A baby is expensive and he’s not even here yet.

The father is not here too.

More of the reason she becomes upset.

As she walks to her car after bagging her piles of pills, the thought of him not being here and she can’t share her misery with him suddenly turns to anger. What the hell is he doing for missing the appointment? The very first and important appointment, no less.

It’s like The Assignment thing all over again. How reliable is he, really?

She slams the door of her car and with a screech of the tires, she drives back to the dorm.

For the entire day, she ignores everyone. Nayeon is well familiar with her moods so whenever Sana turns quiet and doesn’t even bother to correct her mismatching clothes, she knows not to bother her either. Two miscalls from her father, she ignores. A classmate asks for a copy of a note, she sends it without questions. Jeonghan asks if she wants her favorite rarely-available egg tart from this one bakery, she leaves him on read. (But he buys one for her anyway because he’s Jeonghan). She even ignores the egg tart.

All day, she highlights the hell out of her book under the disguise of studying. And by the time she turns to page fifty-four and she’s running out of ink, she throws the book to the foot of her bed.

With nothing to do, nothing to occupy her mind, no one to talk to, she’s back with her only company : misery.

She’s so angry at herself. Tom is a tomato but he’s been a tomato for a week too long. And this is all her fault.

She takes a deep breath, because it’s required. She calms herself, because it’s also required. If she’s required to drink those green-brown smoothies every meal, she would do it too. She would do anything to deserve being a mother before she can hold her baby, flesh to flesh. And by the time she holds him or her, it will be a very healthy baby.

She glances at her vibrating phone. Mingyu is calling. For the thirteenth time.

Well, of course she ignores him too.

It’s only eight, but she’s already turning off the light and wills herself to sleep.

The next day, thanks to the long night sleep, she feels positively better. Her moods kicking in and so is her enthusiasm. Even better when her first morning class got cancelled, because that’s the one class she shares with Mingyu, so she has more time to avoid seeing him.

It’s not that she doesn’t want to see him. Liking a person always makes the heart craves the littlest sight of him. But right now, she’s not very happy with him. And trying to be happy is what she wants to do today.

The library is empty and that makes her lips twitch into a small smile. She sets her stuffs onto the table at the very end and proceeds to search for books she might needs for more reference. After three aisles, four books later, she comes back to find additional people starting to fill the tables. She sighs and walks back to her seat.

There, on top of her notebook, she finds a pack of red M&Ms in ziplock bag.

She slowly sits as she lifts the pack. Inside it, is a note written in torn pink paper.

Baby Bird,

I have a feeling you don’t wanna see me or talk to me.

And that’s alright, I deserved it. But pls don’t hate me too long ☹ Tom needs a father.

I’m so sorry for yesterday.

KMY

She tries. She tries so hard not to melt. But hear that swirling sound? That’s the sound of her heart melting into a pile of goo all over the library floor.

Damn him. He’s making it so hard not to like him. She’s totally aware of how screwed she is that it takes little effort for him to get away of his mistakes but it’s too late now. Anything he does, she realizes that she’s giving little pieces of her heart everytime.

Sana turns the pack over. The red M&Ms are about the equal amount of the usual pack of M&Ms. In one pack of M&M, usually, there will be about a dozen of the red ones.

She leans back to her seat, realizing that he had gone through several packs of M&Ms to collect the ones she likes.

Okay, maybe not little effort at all.

She doesn’t know whether to laugh or cry about the fact that he remembers the little thing she told him about her and went through such trivial thing just to be sweet.

Damn him. He’s really making it so hard not to fall for him.

​​​​​​​

She drives up to his house later that evening. She figures she needs to lead, otherwise, he wouldn’t dare to show up in front of her. And they need to talk about Tom, face to face.

A show from the television can be heard inside the house. She rings the bell and muffled footsteps echo behind the door and when it swings open, she finds herself looking at a handsome fox-like face.

“Oh, Sana,” Wonwoo smiles and opens the door wider as invitation. Sana follows him in. “Mingyu has a practice. But he’s always home sometimes by now. Have a seat,” Wonwoo offers, patting one of the stool at the kitchen.

“Thanks. What are you making?” She’s referring to the two rows of containers. A small side of them filled with broccoli and carrots. “Are those meal plan?”

One of Wonwoo’s eyebrows arches upward. “These are for you,” he says like this is something Sana should know.

“Me?” She almost shrieks. She doesn’t expect that.

He bends down to check the oven. “Mingyu and I made a deal yesterday. Since I’m studying nutrition, it’s best if I prepare them for you. And as return, he covers half of my rent this month.”

Sana clutches the S pendant on her chest. Her heart can’t take this. “Mingyu . . . asked you to? Why?”

Does he know? About Tom’s faltered growth? How?

Wonwoo smiles. “That’s just the way he cares.” And then he looks straight to her eyes. “And Mingyu doesn’t care about a lot of girls. In fact, this is the first time I think he cares too much.”

Sana looks down to the bowl of freshly-washed cherry tomatoes. “It’s given. I’m pregnant with his child. Can I have one?” She asks, picking one of tomatoes.

“Have it, all yours.” He starts stirring something in a bowl, pours some greenish blended stuffs in, and stirs again. “I don’t really think it’s just about his child. He’s beside himself since yesterday. I figured it has something to do with you?”

Sana doesn’t answer, chewing on the tomato slowly. There’s thing to process. The moment she thinks Mingyu doesn’t care enough, he goes beyond and does something like this. The moment she thinks she’s just one of his girls, he makes her thinks she’s special to him.

Does he feel the same? So far, she thinks all his affections rely solely on the fact that she carries his baby. Is it a stretch to think that he puts her in his thought too? The red M&Ms speaks volume.

Right then, the front door chucks open. Her sense prickling—the sense she seems to develop everytime Mingyu is in the same room lately. The hair on her neck stands and her heartbeats goes wild.

He looks sullen compared to the guy talking beside him who’s all grinning. Sana knows the guy, he’s Mingyu’s housemate too. He looks like puppy and his name rhymes with Hockey. His eyes land to her first before Mingyu’s follow.

It’s as if there’s a light switch in his eyes the moment he sees her. “Sana.” He says her name in a heavy sigh. His shoulders droop as though the weight he carried being lifted away from him. He then

tosses his gym back away and Sana is enveloped in his arms before she can even register his movement. “Baby bird, you’re here. I’m sorry about yesterday. I’m so sorry.” His voice muffled against her neck.

“I’m here, meaning I forgive you.” She smiles, feeling like she’s ten feet taller. That is until she rubs his back and it’s wet. “Yikes, you’re sweating! Get the hell off me!”

He’s laughing as he steps back. “I’m so glad you’re here. I’m just so sorry about yesterday. You refused to pick up my calls. I was so worried.” He’s pouting and the second he does, Sana forgives him again for all the sweats he smears over her. “Have you been here long? Why didn’t you tell me? I could’ve rushed back.”

“Not long. I would eat one of these if I do.” She points to one of the containers. Mingyu glances at Wonwoo, Wonwoo smiles and Mingyu nods at him.

He turns back to her, smiling. “Come up with me?” He leads her by the hand to her room and as they walk away, Sana overhears a faded conversation from the kitchen.

“Who is that? Is she the reason why that jerk got so moody today? I didn’t think it was because of a girl.”

“Well, I would say, there’s a time for everyone. Even for a Kim Mingyu. Now go shower, and get your filthy hand away from those apples.”

​​​​​​​

Mingyu is taking a shower. Sana has changed to one of his Rolling Stone shirt and now she’s strolling around in his room.

He has only three perfumes, one of it is almost drained and when she sniffs, it’s his usual scent. Dude has strawberry flavoured lipbalm and she chuckles at that until it comes to her that it might be one of his girls’ stuffs. She flicks it away like it’s stenches with disease. There are few mementos on the table, most are from basketball. She runs her fingers across the spines of his books. And then she frowns.

He has medical textbooks.

“Snooping?” He asks, closing the door behind him, completely nonchalant about the fact that he has only a towel on around his hips.

Sana tries to hold her ground without a) fainting, or b) squealing. So far, she’s still standing. But her breathing tells otherwise. She’s breathing hard. If it isn’t because of the loud volume of music somewhere in the house, Mingyu can easily hear her embarrassing inappropriateness.

He runs his fingers through his hair and shakes the water off them.

, that was so hot. “Do that again,” she says unconsciously.

He, who’s already reaching for a shirt, looks blankly at her. “I have no idea what I did.”

“That. The hair thing.” She mimics his action and that makes him laugh.

He’s grinning like a happy child as he does what he’s told.

Sana sighs. “I hate that you know you’re hot.”

He laughs again and Sana looks away when he starts putting on clothes. As much as she wants to be in the front seat, she knows it’s inappropriate and would not help her growing attraction situation at all.

“Why do you have medical textbooks?” She plucks one of the book. Clinically Oriented Anatomy, it reads.

He’s quiet for few seconds. “I took foundation in medic. I quit in the first few months.”

“Really? Why?”

“Just not what I’m into.”

She flips the pages. “But you keep the books. This one has a lot of in it.”

He snickers before pulling the book from her and tosses it mindlessly on top of the table. “I have a shift in an hour. Let’s not waste the time and talk.”

She follows suit when he sits at the edge of the bed. She starts first. “Where were you yesterday, Kim?”

He rubs his face and groans into his hands. “It’s a long story. But long story short, it has something to do with why I have those textbooks to begin with.” Sana looks at him questioningly, prodding him to continue. “My father. My father is a high-profile doctor, and I took medic in hopes that he—well, he noticed me as his son, someone who could make him proud and—” At this point, she already grabs his wrist and brushes softly. She notices that this is a vulnerable topic for him by the way he clenches his jaw. “Anyway, I realized I was better than taking after a guy who doesn’t deserved to be impressed. But that’s another story.”

He takes a deep breath. “So yesterday, my gramp called. He said my dad’s lawyer sent a legal document.”

“What document?” She asks in a whisper, because she has a feeling this is a bad thing.

“He’s setting up a will, for his family. His family—doesn’t include me. So he wants the document signed to clear his right off me.”

Sana’s heart immediately aches for him. Mingyu is chuckling right now, but if he tried to study medic to be noticed by his father, just few years back, it’s easy to tell that it’s still in need of that acknowledgement. It’s not that he doesn’t have a father. He has. The man just doesn’t want to be his father. Like he’s all kind of wrong.

He continues. “We signed it. I no longer have a father.” He smiles bitterly and she scoots forward to wrap her arm around him. “Not that I ever have him.”

In soothing rub around his back, she whispers, “ him. You’re so, so much better without him. If anyone loses anything good in life, it’s him. You don’t have anything to lose. It’s better to not have a father than having him as a father.”

He stares at his fingers, looking contemplative. “I had a few drinks. Several,” he confesses guiltily.

She leans her head on his shoulder. “It’s okay. I told you, you can. Just don’t go over your limit. I’m going to be very mad at you if you do.”

“And then, I fell asleep on this damn floor. My phone was dead. My alarm was not set. And I missed the appointment.” He rubs his face again. “, baby bird. I felt like such a loser. I kept thinking like I was no better than him at that point. I missed the first appointment for ’s sake. What if I keep messing up? Remember? This is the second time for us. I was the reason we were not friends before. You hated me before because I screwed up the assignment. What if I keep doing this?”

“Shh. Calm down. Remember? We’re getting better anyway, even when at one point, we’re more ed up than an unsubmitted assignment. I always thought, a friendship was not possible between us, but here we are, and we have a great thing coming for the two of us.” She’s saying the rest of this as a reminder for herself too. “You’re becoming a father and you’re going to be the best father you can be. If it’s not enough, we’ll keep trying. Few mistakes are likely and it doesn’t mean we’re bad. You hear me?”

There’s a point in her speech that he grabs her hand and holds it tightly between his. He plays with her fingers absentmindedly.

“You’re getting better at this. You used to talk and swore like a kid.”

She laughs. “You grew up well, too. You used to be such a pig.”

They grow silent for a while. Sana recalls back their conversation and she realizes he’s as insecure of being parent as much as she does. “I figured you went to the doctor after me. Which explains the meal plan?”

“Yes. I went around noon. I’m so sorry, Sana. You must have been . . . sad.”

“I felt so terrible. All I want is Tom to be healthy, but I couldn’t even put much effort into that. It’s not like I didn’t know better. I just didn’t bother enough.”

“Tom will be okay, you know that, right? It’s just . . . a process. Slow is still a process. There’s still a growth in slow. Don’t kick yourself over it.”

“I just don’t feel fit. Am I even fit as a mother?”

He pats her hand. “We’ll keep trying. This is us trying. And trying is better than nothing at all.”

​​​​​​​

Before Sana turns off her lampshade that night, she turns to Nayeon.

“Tell me about Mingyu. In all of those years I missed out because I didn’t care about him.”

Nayeon puts away her phone and turns her body towards Sana. She has that look. The gossipy, can’t hold anything back look. Sana thinks it’s going to be a late night for the two of them.

“When you were loud about hating him, I never agreed. He never came out as a jerk to me at all. Though, he can be annoyingly flirty.”

“I know that now. What else?”

“You actually just want to know about his relationship history, right?”

There’s no hiding when it comes to Nayeon. Sana thinks it’s actually impressive that she managed to hide her pregnancy until now. “. . . Yes.”

Nayeon grins like a Cheshire cat. Sana refrains to roll her eyes. Nayeon really likes it when she knows a secret, especially one where she’s the only one who knows. “Mingyu only dated once in highschool. Lasted for more than a year. And that was a record for a player who never asked anyone for a date; and it’s a well-known fact that Mingyu doesn’t do repeat.”

“Repeat what?”

“One-night-stand. He would never go for a second.”

Sana’s heart sinks at that. Does that mean there won’t be any other chance for them? That would be . What’s with her current state of hormones, and he just has to be the only guy she wants. “Why?” She asks.

“Fear of attachment or catching feelings. Guys like him are commitment-phobe. I’m pretty sure his one relationship traumatized him or something.”

If Mingyu is commitment-phobe, he would run from her and Tom long ago. But he stays. Or is that just about his moral? He loves kids.

He also loves girls, but maybe it would be too much in his plate to keep both a girl and a baby at the same time.

She wants to bury herself under the blanket and cry as the thought makes up to one big question. “Is there any chance for me and him at all?”

For a long time, Nayeon doesn’t answer. And for an Im Nayeon to not have quick comeback, it’s quite discomforting.

“I don’t know. He’s. . .  different . . . with you. Always. You were always that one girl he sorted out from a whole group of girls. He wasn’t nice to you like he did every girls. But when he’s nice to you, he’s a lot nicer than he does to every girls. So I can’t really tell. You might have a chance, but it takes a real convincing for him to dip his foot into the water.”

Sana studies the crack at her wooden side table. She can feel herself delving into her insecurities. Her against all those girls. Those girls never have average looks. Yet, Mingyu refuses to take a chance with them.

And here’s her. They have something long-term to share. It’s just that she thinks she would be just that to Mingyu. Just the mother of his child. For him to consider her, it’s probably only going to be a pity chance. Just for the sake of their child.

Nayeon seems to be able to hear her thoughts when she adds, “But again, he’s different with you. So I guess, if anyone can change him, it would be you.”

a/n i miss those times i can write light chapters. like the early chapters. 

now there's too much going on in one chapter. sorry. but maybe we can get over with this story fast. I'm aiming for 20 chapters maximum. We'll see.

I'm getting realllyyyyy busy guys, i actually have to go way over my bedtime to put this up. I didn't check this at all. I hope this is okay.

thanks for reading! <3