It's weird.

Brian knows Jae's not drunk, not this time.

He hasn't had anything to drink since he got here except some water and soda; no alcohol is in the author's system, as far as Brian's aware of.

So, with Jae not being completely piss drunk and his state of mind not being compromised by alcohol, Brian's wondering why they're in the same position as last time.

If Jae's not drunk, why are his lips on Brian's?

This time, Jae's lips don't taste like beer, and Brian doesn't know why he's not pulling away.

He's unsure of why he doesn't hate it.

The kiss was quick; it didn't feel like hours this time. In fact, it was over as quickly as it began, which left Brian wondering if he just imagined it.

"Sorry- oh my God, I just- I don't know what got into me, I'm really sorry"  

Jae's profuse apologizing tells Brian it wasn't his imagination,

"U-Uh, it's okay"

"No, it's not okay, you have a girlfriend, I'm really sorry- I..." 

Jae sighs and just stares at Brian who doesn't know what to do at the moment

"I-I better go." Jae says and Brian's mind is in such disarray that he doesn't object, even when Jae exits the balcony and practically bee-lines for the front door, and leaves, ignoring Wonpil's calls.

Sungjin and Wonpil turn to look at Brian, who's left alone on the balcony, staring at nothing in particular; his lips burning with that unsettling feeling of familiarity.

"Brian, what happened?" Sungjin asks what him and Wonpil are both thinking. Brian doesn't respond, just like last time,

"Brian!" Sungjin says a little louder and this time Brian looks at them. The look on Brian's face causes Sungjin to change his question,

"You okay, Bri?"

"Huh? Y-Yeah, I'm fine."

"You sure? You look like you just saw a ghost or something" and Wonpil laughs,

"What?" Sungjin asks

"You sound like such a dad"

Sungjin kisses his teeth at Wonpil who's giggling quietly.

"Hey, did uh, did you and Jae get in like a fight?" 

Brian looks at his bestfriend,

"No, no,we didn't fight" Brian answers,

"I guess he just wasn't feeling well."

Sungjin nods and things get awkwardly quiet. 

"Oh man," Wonpil says quietly, but it's loud enough to break the awkward silence

"What's wrong?" Sungjin asks,

"Jae just took the car. That was my ride home." Wonpil answers before getting up from the couch,

"Maybe if I run, I can catch up to him-"

"No it's okay, I can drop you off."

Brian doesn't even tease Sungjin about that offer because he's too distrated.

After about 20 minutes, Sungjin and Wonpil leave, thanking Brian for tonight, and Brian thinks he said no problem.

Brian doesn't bother looking to see if the apartment is clean and simply goes to shower, and is about to settle in bed, when he hears the front door unlock.

"Babe?"

Minri's voice resounds through the apartment, and Brian didn't know he could feel this way; feel like the last person he wants to see right now is his girlfriend. Brian groans as he gets out of bed, and goes to greet her,

"Hey," he says quietly and hugs her. Minri smiles and she looks up,

"Hey, you okay?"

And Brian laughs a bit,

"Just fine. Why?"

"Lately you've been looking a bit out of it."

"Just tired, that's all," Brian replies, and Minri says,

"You sure? You look like you have a lot on your mind."

"Nope, I don't." he says.

And he's not lying.

Because it's not multiple worries and concerns that are causing Brian not to think straight.

It's just one thing.

One person whose existence is distracting; whose presence in Brian's life has seemed to turn it chaotic.

"Okay, talk to me whenever" Minri says before smiling, and she tiptoes to give Brian a kiss. Brian's a bit hesitant, but he does it anyway.

"I'm gonna shower,"

"Okay, I'm gonna go to bed now, I'm tired."

"Alright, good night, babe" Minri says, and Brian replies with just,

"Good night."

Brian watches her as she undoes her bun, her dark brown locks falling to her face, as he''s standing in the doorway of their room.

"I love you" he says.

But it's not that sincere and endearing.

It's more of him reconfirming something, telling himself that he loves Minri. It's like he's saying it out loud to tell himself that despite all these things that are happening, things he's finding out, that he still loves her.

Minri smiles and Brian almost feels apologetic,

"I love you, Bri. Now go to bed, you look exhausted"

Brian smiles back and goes to bed, but doesn't fall asleep until Minri's soft, steady breathing is the only thing he hears in the pitch black of their room.

"Hey, Mom" 

Brian says through the phone,

"Oh, honey, hi!"

"Hi, how are you?"

"I'm good, how're you?"

"I'm okay" Brian replies,

"What's up, why're you calling?"

"Mom, I was wondering if you were busy today?"

"Nope, why?"

"Can I stop by later?"

"Oh sure, with Minri?" Mrs. Kang asks, and Brian can hear the anticipation in her voice

"No, just your son, sorry" he replies with a laugh,

"Okay, yeah, swing by! I'll prepare some coffee or snacks"

"Will do, see you soon"

"Bye sweetie"

Brian hangs up the phone and sighs.

"You're going to your mom's today?" Minri asks.

They're in the kitchen, Minri is sitting at the island on the bar stools, a mug of warm tea in her hands, while Brian is standing at the stove, waiting for the pancake to turn golden brown so he can flip it.

"Yeah, just gotta ask her something."

"Want me to come?"

Brian thinks about what he's going to ask his mom, and replies,

"No, it's okay. Just gotta talk about something" 

"Okay," Minri says and smiles as Brian places a stack of pancakes in front of her, strawberries and blueberries colouring the plate with whipped cream on the side. She says a quick thank you, and it isn't long before Brian joins her at the island, and they both enjoy their breakfast

"So what did you want to talk about, sweetie?"

They're sitting in the Kang living room, Brian's dad out at work.

"Mom," Brian isn't sure how to casually bring this up, but he decides to ask a question,

"Did I have a brother?"

His mom laughs, almost nervously, before replying

"No, that's absurd"

"Did you and dad have any other children, before me? After me?" 

"What- no, Brian, what're you even talking about?"

"Then please explain this" Brian tries not to sound angry, but it's difficult.

He reaches inside the back pocket of his jeans and pulls out the paper he found before. Mrs. Kang just stares at it, open in slight shock and horror as she stutters. 

She looks up at Brian, who looks so broken. So hurt and betrayed, yet at the same time so angry and demanding.

"Who am I, Mom? Or can I even call you that-"

"Brian, please-"

"Who's Brian?! Who's Younghyun?!" Brian raises his voice and can't decipher if the tears his eyes at out of frustration or sadness.

"Who am I? What else have you lied to me about? Am I really Brian Kang? Who's Younghyun? Why'd you lie all this time?"

"Brian, that's too many questions, I don't know which one you want me to answer-"

"Everything!" he yells, almost scaring his mother.

"I want you to tell me everything; the truth. I think I have a right to know." Brian ignores the years that escaped and is now rolling down his cheek.

"Who am I?" he repeats the question most prominent in his mind, more calmly this time.

Mrs. Kang exhales before replying,

"Maybe we should wait until your father gets home-" and Brian's words don't cut her off, it's his glare.

"I think I've waited long enough."

She clears before saying,

"You're Brian Kang." and Brian almost rolls his eyes, but she continues,

"But when you were born, your father and I named you Younghyun."

Brian felt like someone had punched him right in the face.

Deep down in his gut, Brian probably saw this coming; instinctively knew that him and Younghyun were essentially the same person. But hearing his mom confirm it; confirm the life of lies he's been fed by the people that watched him grow, is something that's hard to swallow and easy to choke on.

"You were addressed as Younghyun until you were in your 20's, until we moved to Canada for a while. But, the move seemed to have triggered another loss in memory, and that's when we decided to call you Brian." 

Around 4 years ago; the same time that Jae's Younghyun disappeared.

"Why did we move? Why did you change my name?" 

"We moved so that you could study. We changed your name so that you fit in a little easier."

Brian doesn't like the way this sounds like an interrogation, but he doesn't know how else he's supposed to ask. And then, he asks a question that causes his mom's eyes to go wide,

"How was Park Jaehyung involved with me?" 

It's quiet for a while, but Mrs. Kang finally answers,

"You guys went to the same school, and became very close."

"What was he to me?" 

"Your friend."

"That's not all I was to him, though."

"Brian, I don't think telling you of all this without your father-"

"What was Jae to me?" the boy repeats. 

He's never spoken to his mother with such a tone, but he can't change his voice to fit any other emotion except irritation and anger. Mrs. Kang replies with simply,

"Everything." 

Brian doesn't respond, so that prompts his mother to continue,

"To put it in simplest terms, Jae was truly your everything." 

The way his mom calls Jaehyung his nickname so easily and naturally is something that makes Brian sick but also sad, and so apologetic.

""The reason you got so good at singing, before, was because he used to write poems that you would wish to turn into lyrics. But before, you couldn't play instruments no matter how hard you tried."

Jae's explanation of Younghyun pops up in his mind, 

"He was your best friend. You guys knew each other inside and out. And at first, your dad and I were happy, because you found such a good friend, who made you happy but was there for you when you were sad. And he was such a good kid,"

I don't want to hear this, Brian wants to say, but he just bites his tongue.

"He would always bring treats whenever he came to our house, even more when he was sleeping over" his mom's voice sounds fond as she reminisces and Brian wonders, if he had his memories, if he would be able to reminisce like that. 

"But then you and him were starting to get a little..." she thinks of how to word it

"You guys were becoming something more than friends. And I don't mean best friends, it was like you guys were a couple" she almost sounds disgusted and Brian never felt so angry towards his mother.

"Your father and I clearly didn't approve, but I tried convincing him, that it was just a phase, that you both were kids just trying to figure yourselves out. But when you got tattoos, that's when your dad drew the line. We told you that you were going to finish your university education in Canada, and that there was nothing that could change that."

Unbelievable. 

Brian thinks.

How could you guys? Why did I let you guys take me away? 

"And the sudden move to another country triggered another relapse." she says, 

"From then on, you were known as Brian Kang. Your father and I were hesitant coming back to Korea, worried that you would encounter Jae again, but we both decided that you had lost all your memories of him, and he's a reknown author, so the chances of you meeting again were slim. But then, you met-"

"Minri." Brian finishes her sentence,

"You and Dad must've been so glad..." he says, scoffing, and Mrs. Kang just listens,

"You guys must've been thrilled to know I had fallen for a girl. Even when I lost my memories, you guys probably had a moment of relief when you realized that along with those memories, Jae was gone too..."

"Brian, this is all in the past-"

"That's why it's so sad. It's all in the past that I don't remember." Brian's vision start to blur a bit and he didn't realize until this moment how emotional he was.

"Do you know how sad Jae looks when he talks about Younghyun? About me? About the me I don't remember being?" 

"Brian..." she tries comforting, but that name isn't the best source of reassurance at the moment.

"He still remembers every single detail about me-"

"Younghyun isn't you, you're Brian"

"How could you say that.." he almost whispers,

"Protest and deny it all you want, but you know it yourself. You're not the person he remembers, you're not the same person that he loved, that loved him. Because you, Brian, are not Younghyun."

It's quiet; for a long time. His mom doesn't know what to say, having just spilled everything, and Brian doesn't know how to respond with the cruel truth of the situation.

His mom's right, he's not the same person Jae loves and remembers.

Brian doesn't like chocolate cake, but Younghyun loved it. Brian considers himself to be a freelance musician, who loves instruments while Younghyun was hopeless with them. 

But, the comforting feeling Brian gets around Jae is something Younghyun maybe felt too. The way Brian feels like the connecting of their lips is so natural, may be because of Younghyun.

Knowing that he is Younghyun, doesn't really help the situation. 

What can he even do with this information? With the knowledge that the Younghyun Jae longs for, is him, and is practically right under Jae's nose. 

"I have one more question" Brian speaks up, and looks at his mom,

"Why couldn't you love and accept what Jae and I were? Why didn't you just let us be?" 

And this time, there's no uniform response with a coorelating story, there's no retelling of Brian's past that only his mom, out of the two of them, remembers.

With no response, Brian takes the birth certificate back, shoving it back into his pocket. His movement is angry, rushed, just simply wanting to get out of there.

"Thanks for the coffee.. and answers" he says, with no real appreciation, and walks out of the family house.

He gets in his car, and just sits in the driver's seat, still parked in the driveway. His frustrated tears blur his vision again, and he just screams.

He doesn't know what else to do; it's not like he can pretend to be Younghyun, but he also can't continue being friends with  Jae like this. 

After almost 15 minutes of just sitting in his car and thinking things over, he finally heads home. He drives slower than usual, not necessarily giving him time to think, considering he has to focus on the road, but more of giving himself time alone. 

When he finally reaches his apartment, he takes the stairs instead of the elevator, walking up the steps slowly, one by one. Brian unlocks and opens the door to their apartment, and says,

"Min-ah, I'm home," and then he wonders when the last time he called her 'babe' was.

Not hearing her voice respond, Brian walks to the kitchen island to set down the keys, and sees a little piece of paper, the corner of it underneath his phone. It's Minri's neat, familiar hand writing, that reads

' hi babe! you forgot your phone, so i'll just leave you this little note. 

going out with the girls for a bit, will be back soon! love you ^_^ ' 

Her writing is cute, Brian can almost visualize the i's being dotted with hearts. He smiles sadly to himself as he goes to put the keys down, but stays still for a moment. He doesn't drop the keys, but instead picks up his phone and is out the door, again. He sends Minri a quick text, informing her that he'll be with Sungjin for a while, but not too long. 

Brian's driving around, and parks on the street in front of the cafe. He doesn't go in though, because when he's about to, he sees Sungjin talking to Wonpil over the counter, and the smile on his best friend's face is so sincere, that he decides not to interrupt them. He goes back in his car, and drives around again. 

This time, he stops at a club; not one with loud music and people that are too close, and had too much to drink. But a live club, one he often visits to listen to performances. 

Music is something that he finds comfort in, and he decides that right now is a good time to watch a few live performers. He walks in, and a few regulars recognize him, and say a quick 'hi', which he replies with a smile and a 'hey,' in return. 

He makes his way to the dimly lit room, lights focused on the small stage, people sitting in lounge chairs, enjoying the current melody being played by the guitarist on stage. There are a lot of people today, so it takes him a while to find a seat. The chair is positioned so that it forms a small, short L with the chair that someone else is currently sitting in. It's dark, so Brian doesn't really process who he's talking to when he says,

"Can I sit here?"

But recognizes the voice that answers,

"Uh, yeah, if you want." 

As if things couldn't get more awkward and uncomfortable for Jae, after stupidly kissing Brian for the second time, they're sitting practically beside each other. 

"Never thought I would see you here," Brian says.

It's back to the awkward small talk, like when they first started encountering each other.

"Wanted to relax a bit, listen to some music" Jae replies, but because of the song resounding throughout the room, Brian doesn't really hear him. 

"Pardon?" he says, and leans in, but so does Jae, to repeat what he said.

They both halt, Jae thankful they leaned in with their heads going in opposite directions, and he tries not to sound like his heart is caught in his throat when he repeats himself.

"Ah," Brian says, leaning back in his chair, nodding. 

Jae looks at him, inspecting his face. Brian doesn't look happy or peaceful like he usually does. Right now, he looks distressed, like the reason he's here is to take his mind off of things. Brian's eyes are on the performer, but his mind is definitely somewhere else, so easy to read, like Younghyun, Jae thinks. 

"Hey," Jae decides to speak up, and Brian turns to look at him, his eyebrows raised,

"What's wrong?" 

And this time, Brian doesn't feign happiness or content. He doesn't immediately brush it off, smile, and say 'nothing' like he does with Minri. He doesn't know why Jae asking the same question would get a different response, than if Minri or even Sungjin would ask. Maybe it's the author's eyes, or the apologetic feeling Brian experiences. Whatever it is, causes Brian to say the truth.

He looks at Jae, who's looking at him, and scoffs as he honestly replies,

"Everything."

AUTHOR'S NOTE;

aw mAN, i kept you guys waiting for so long !! SORRY, I STARTED MY FIRST JOB AND LIKE; YEAH. BUSY, AND I'M TIRED, and also my short trip consumed my time !! SO I'M REALLY SORRY. but anyway; here's chapter 7 !! :'D 

OH MY GOD, PLEASE TELL ME YOU GUYS WATCHED JAEHYUNGPARKIAN HOST ASC, AND ALSO TAKE UP MORE THAN HALF OF SONAMOO'S BEFORE SCHOOL CLUB V APP LIVE THINGY-

anyway ! I hope you guys didn't dislike this chapter, and yup! finally, Brian knows for sure and things are going to start moving along now, so i hope you guys stay interested and continue reading! ^_^ (: anyway, please please please comment! ( I LOVE READING THEM) upvote! :D and also subscribe to keep updated! i'll try and update soon, but until then,PEACE ! - Zen

p.s; none of my chapters are edited or reread before i post them; i just write & post so please excuse any spelling or grammatical errors ok thnx bye ily.