Everybody makes mistakes. 

It's just a fact, because no one is perfect. And of course, everyone makes bad decisions often resulting in regret and sometimes wanting a do-over. And there's no better way to describe the way Jae is feeling other than regretful and wanting to do things over.

He regrets not listening to Wonpil, and thinking having a drinking competition with Jackson wasn't a bad idea. It was a race to see who could finish a bottle of beer faster, but resulted in 4 rounds of it being tied.

He wants to redo that moment he stupidly placed his lips on Brian's, but he doesn't know for sure if the alcohol would let things lead to another outcome.

Although feeling this way, Jae refuses to let it show. Reason being, Brian hasn't brought it up, and the author has been talking to him at the counter for a good 15 minutes, now. But then again, how are you supposed to bring up kissing someone, especially when it's not your significant other?

"Were we that loud?" 

"Yes! I got complaints this weekend,"

"Okay, but how do you know that was Jackson and I?"

"Hmm," Brian hums in fake thought before answering,

"I think it was the way my neighbour described the noise as, '2 loud, obnoxious boys who are probably piss drunk, and couldn't control their volume',"

And Jae just hits Brian in the shoulder, and he tries not to be obvious when he panics, realizing he just touched him.

Brian is, at the moment, off-limits to Jae.

For Jae, Brian is the personification of a taboo.

"Did you have a good time, though?" Jae acts as if nothing happened between them. As if the last thing he remembers before blacking out is sitting alone in the den, and coming to once he was in his car, Wonpil on his left, driving. 

His eyes catch the way Brian subtlety bites his lip, and then gives Jae a smile,

"Yeah, I did."

"Did you have fun cleaning up the mess?" Jae pretends like he didn't purposely lean his head on the celebrant's shoulder when he offered to clean up. 

"Wonpil and Sungjin cleaned it up."

"Ah, how nice. Wonpil usually isn't into cleaning anything that isn't his." Jae replies,

"Probably did it because Sungjin was there," he adds and Brian laughs in reply.

"Dude, I swear they're gonna end up together." Brian says, and he looks at Jae with amusing eyes,

"Do you wanna bet?" 

"What? No! I called it first!" Jae retaliates,

"Nu-uh," Brian denies like he's an 11-year old child,

"I called it when Wonpil walked in to find you!" 

"Nope, doesn't count."

"What the-"

"Because you didn't know how Wonpil felt. Since I called it after teasing him about Sungjin, I called it first"

"How is that fair?" 

"Life isn't fair, young Padawan" Jae replies, and Brian sees just a glimpse of Jae's cute, slightly nerdy, triumphant smile as he takes an exaggerated sip of his Americano.

"You're so annoying,"

"You don't mean that~"

"And what makes you so sure?" Brian says, raising his eyebrows as he wipes the mug,

"C'mon, you love me,' Jae replies with a cute wink, and Brian pretends to be disgusted rather than slighty swoon.

Brian's currently pretending like he's not being eaten away by the guilt of kissing someone other than Minri. Arguably, it wasn't an intense make-out session, just a simple peck, and some may not even consider it a kiss.

But to Brian who doesn't know if Minri was actually his first kiss or not, a drunken 'peck' isn't so simple.

If Brian was being honest with himself, though, he would admit that the part making his emotions turn chaotic wasn't so much the physical kiss.

It was the way it felt right; felt natural. It was the unnerving feeling of déjà vu he got when Jae placed his lips on his. And Brian didn't know the feeling of already experiencing something, with his condition, could be so comforting and unsettling at the same time.

They've been talking as if nothing happened, and Brian concludes that iit's best if they continue on like this. Because for all he knows, Jae was too drunk to remember doing anything.

But there's an incredibly ridiculous question Brian wants to ask. The thought of actually vocalizing this question to Jae is crazy, even to Brian himself. And that bizarre question is;

Have we kissed before? 

And Brian shakes his head as he pictures Jae's various reactions, ranging from hysterical laughter, slight disgust, and extreme confusion. 

"So, Bri?" he's pulled out of his thoughts again,

"Hm?"

And Jae scoffs, 

"You weren't listening, were you?" 

"Nope," he admits, and the 2 laugh.

"He never does," Sungjin says as he goes to Brian's side, just returning from delivering an order to a table. 

"It took me like 3 times to get his attention at the party, when I was trying to say bye," 

And Brian freezes momentarily when he thinks about the reason he didn't respond to his best friend's voice. Jae just laughs, as if he didn't know he was the reason Brian didn't answer right away that night.

"Anyway, I was asking when's the next time we'd be able to hang like that again?"

"You like my friends?" Brian asks,

"Pretty sure I like Jackson more than I like you," 

"You don't mean that," Brian mocks, and continues on to quote Jae,

"You love me" 

And Jae refuses to give him a sad smile, because he knows he's probably subconsciously given them multiple times. Instead he pretends like what Brian just said isn't true, and fake gags.

But it's true. Jae does love him; or, more acurately, Younghyun. They're not the same person, and Jae knows that; but it's hard.

It's hard to control himself sometimes, and he has to remind himself that Brian's not Younghyun. Especially when they're joking around like this, talking to each other so comfortably that the line between past and present gets blurred by hope and anticipation.

"How's this Friday sound?" 

"That's sooner than I expected"

"Sungjin probably wants to see Wonpil again,"

"Can you guys stop dragging me into your conversations? I'm an individual." Sungjin says and almost has a smug look on his face when he adds,

"Plus I don't need you guys to see Wonpil." 

Jae and Brian look at each other, both of their eyebrows raised in both surprise and amusement,

"Ooo~ Look at my best friend, gettin' it~" and Jae almost laughs at how weird Brian just sounded, but just says

"Oh my God, I have to tease Wonpil about this." 

"I have said that I hated you guys, right?" Sungjin asks for a refresh of memory and the 3 just laugh. 

"Okay, so Friday, whose place?" Jae asks, and gets an answer from Brian,

"Mine, probably." 

"Don't forget to bring Wonpil," Brian says to Jae, and Jae looks at Sungjin as he replies,

"Nah... Sungjin's probably gonna bring him."

Sungjin rolls his eyes before walking away to serve another customer, mumbling something about Jae and Brian not being funny, just simply annoying, under his breath.

"Aw man, soon enough we're not even going to be able to ." Brian says, almost fondly.

They share a couple of moments of silence before laughing to themselves, as Jae says what they're both thinking,

"Nah, it'll still be funny if they do hook up."

"So, are you really willing to have another hang-out?" Jae asks,

"You make it sound weird for friends to hang out with each other."

"I wasn't really the type to have a lot of friends."

"Lies," 

"No, seriously" Jae says, and Brian's listening when he adds,

"I mean, yeah, I like talking to people, but there are only like a select few that I could trust, and really consider friends. I mean, in all honestly, I only have Junhyeok, Wonpil," he pauses before smiling and saying,

"And I had Younghyun."

There's that name again.

The name Jae whispered after kissing Brian, and the name that immediately came out of Jae's lips, his tone of voice surprised, when he saw Brian. It seems like it's always subconsciously involving Brian, but that name... Whenever it escapes Jae's lips, the name sounds so sad. The name Younghyun, when Jae says it, is filled with sadness but his eyes look like they're filled with false hope. 

Brian's about to ask Jae if he misses Younghyun, when someone enters the cafe

"Oh! Hi Minri," Jae says first, and tries not to feel so guilty. 

"Hi Jae!" she says cheerfully, and Jae almost winces at the thought of how his name would sound so different if she found out about what he did. He doesn't necessarily know if she'll react negatively, maybe she's a free spirited girl who would laugh and not take offense that drunken Jae had stolen Brian's lips for a brief moment. But something tells Jae that it would hurt her.

"Hey you," Brian says fondly, and Jae ignores the jealous feeling deep in his heart because that's not his Younghyun.

"Hi~" Minri says from over the counter,

"Babe, your parents want us to visit today." 

Jae tenses up at the mention of Brian's parents. The same disapproval and slight hatred that filled their eyes when he met them for the first time in almost 4 years, the same emotions he started receiving once him and Younghyun got older; as their friendship was progressing into something more.

"Today?" Brian repeats, and Minri nods in response.

"Something about wanting to see us again. Your mom is so cute, she loves me" Minri asks.

Jae scoffs to himself,

Yeah, so cute.

He thinks, and even the voice in his head is dripping with sarcasm.

Because a completely unaccepting wretch who ignored the fact that her son was in love, just because the person he loved wasnt a girl-

Jae's inner rant was cut off by the sudden reminder that he was in public, and that he should calm down.

Is so freakin' cute. 

He finishes off his thought, sighing as if he had just deprived himself of oxygen from saying those words. The author decides to go converse with Sungjin before he says something under his breath that either Brian or Minri catches, and completely ruins the light mood. Brian's eyes follow Jae's figure, but quickly remember who's in front of him, and his gaze returns to Minri.

"What time do you get off today?" 

"Early, around 6,"

"Oh, that's perfect! We'll just go to your parents for dinner, and then drive back home." 

"Okay sounds good. Hey, Min-ah, the guys want to hang out again this Friday. You can come home, we won't be long,"

"Really? Okay then, yeah, I'll just text Sooyeon to see if she's free." 

"Thanks, appreciate it," Brian says before giving her an endearing smile,

"Can I get you anything?" he asks, and Minri smiles.

"Well, since you asked, I'll have one Chai Latte, please" she replies.

Chai Latte. A warm drink, sweet, and not purely caffeine based. Almost opposite to an Iced Americano.

Brian's parents house is familiar, and welcoming as always; well, to Brian and Minri, atleast.

Minri's helping Mrs. Kang out in the kitchen, as they're waiting for Brian's dad to arrive from work.

"Brian, honey~" Mrs. Kang calls, and he pokes his head in the kitchen,

"Yes?"

"Can you get me my notebook, I forgot the measurements for this recipe." she says, and Brian smiles before saying,

"Sure,"

"It's in my office, in my drawer," she informs, and Brian is off.

Brian goes into his mom's office, and walks to her desk. It's neat, only a few picture frames on top of the mahogany wood. The boy walks behind it, and opens 2 drawers, neither of them containing the notebook. However, something in one of them catches his eye. It's a simple sheet of paper; but what catches his eye is the 2 little footprints located on the side of the page.

He tilts his head in curiosity before deciding to pick up the sheet of paper. 

It's as if the whole world had crashed down on him; the life he's known and is comfortable with is crumbling around him. 

The sheet of paper, in bold fancy font says; Birth Certificate, on the top. And written underneath the "This is to certify that", is a name he's familiar with.

"This is to certify that Kang Younghyun 

Weighing 6 lbs. 2 oz. was born on the day of...."

Brian doesn't bother reading the rest out loud, because his eyes have already registered that his birthday is written on there. 

So many thoughts are running through his head and he doesn't know what to believe anymore. It's like a cliche scene from a drama; or a novel, and so Brian doesn't really know what he's doing when he folds it up, and places it in the back pocket of his jeans. 

"Honey!" Brian panics slightly before yelling back,

"Yeah?"

"Did you find it?" Mrs. Kang yells back, and Brian's frantically searching the drawers that he didn't check, and finds the black familiar notebook in perfect time,

"Yep!" he responds, and quickly returns back into the kitchen.

He smiles, pretending like he didn't just find something that supports his doubt of his entire life he's been told he lived. He goes to Minri's side, and she habitually wraps and arm around his side. 

Brian's mind is preoccupied with Jae's words, experiences; his existence. And he almost doesn't hear Minri say,

"Hey, babe, you okay?" 

"Just fine," he pretends, and kisses her forehead, and the front door opens and the Kang house is filled with greetings to Mr. Kang, and him encouraging them to start eating dinner.

Brian's looking at his parents, trying not to let his emotion show on his face, but he's questioning everything. Wondering what else they've lied to him about-

No. 

He doesn't let himself jump to conclusions, despite the piece of paper he found.

No, you don't know that. You don't know that they lied to you, he thinks, referring to his parents. 

Sometimes it's good to pretend like you don't know things; it's like a sense of comfort. 

Friday comes a lot faster than Brian realizes, or is prepared for. The night is a lot more comfortable than his birthday get-together. Jae's talking comfortably with Jackson and Mark. Sungjin and Wonpil are having their own conversation out on the balcony, and Brian's distracting himself with preparing some bowls of snacks to set out in the living room.

The night goes by smoothly; but once again, Jae's the only one left, hanging around for Wonpil who's immersed in Sungjin's seemingly exciting story.

They're not in the den this time, they're out on the balcony, Sungjin and Wonpil have moved inside, conversing in the den.

Both Brian and Jae are quiet, and Brian's staring at Jae whose eyes are bright. He's looking up at the sky, lit up naturally by small specks rather than down at the concrete jungle below them. 

"Hey Jae," 

"Hm?" 

"Can I ask you something?"

Jae wonders if he's about to bring up the kiss, but decides if he does, he'll just pretend like he doesn't know what he's talking about.

"Yeah, sure." 

It's quiet for a few moments before Brian finally asks,

"Do you miss him?" Jae thinks for a bit, wondering who Brian's referring to,

"Who?"

"Younghyun." he answers.

Jae wants to ask Brian why he's suddenly bringing up Younghyun, or why he even wants to know. But the look in Brian's eyes is one similar to defeat, like denial and acceptance being experienced at the same time.

"Yeah." Jae replies,

"Yeah, I do. I miss him."

"Is it hard being friends with me because I look like him?" Brian asks.

It's not that you look like him. It's hard because you technically are him, but you just don't remember. Jae wants to say,

"In all honesty, it kinda is. Because it's like he's right here, but he's not. It's like I could reach out and touch him, but I can't. It's hard in the sense that, if someone else saw us, like Wonpil before he knew you, it would seem like I was standing on the balcony with Younghyun, but you're Brian." 

Brian's looking at Jae, who isn't looking at him. His eyes are still locked on the stars, the moon, as if he's searching for something within the dark purple, blue, and black hues that act as a background for distant stars and nebulas. 

"What was he like?"

"Didn't you already ask me this before?"

"Yeah, but, I feel like now that we're a little closer, maybe you can go more in depth." Brian explains himself. The author thinks a while, and begins explaining.

"He liked the colour blue, and enjoyed chocolate cake. He wanted to learn all types of instruments, but ended up failing at every attempt. Younghyun liked to sleep on the left side of the bed, his left, he always specified. He was actually pretty good at drawing, and his drawings are where I got most of my inspiration for stories from. In fact, he designed the tattoo I have, and he got one too..." and Brian thinks he can feel the dandelion on his nape burning,

Jae continues on to enlighten Brian on Younghyun, and Brian doesn't miss the fond, longing smile Jae's showing when he does so.

"You guys weren't dating?" Brian says, cautiously. Jae thinks about how to word it,

"I don't really know how to explain this, but, the simple answer is no, Younghyun and I were not dating. But we definitely weren't just best friends, either. There was always this underlying emotion that both of us felt, that never got to escalate to dating. I mean, we did things that couples do. Bashfully and all flustered, as if we were children trying to confess to each other."

Brian thinks this is the most he's heard Jae talk. The intoxicated fountain of words that came out of Jae on the night of the party can't even begin to compare the words he's saying now. These words, tonight, have emotion. They have thought laced within them, and the way they flow makes Brian feel like he's experienced it before.

"So, no. We weren't dating. There was no classic 'will you be mine' type of confession. He disappeared before I got the chance."

"Do you think he'll come back?" the platinum haired boy asks,

"I hope he does. And I hope he'll remember me." Jae says to Younghyun, both directly and indirectly at the same time.

"I hope he does, too. Maybe then you'll get the chance to ask him," Brian says.

"Yeah... That'd be nice." Jae says, still staring out at the stars.

"But for now, I'll pretend" 

And the tall author sees Brian's head tilt in slight confusion, and so he decides to clarify, the irony of his words almost killing him

"I'll pretend like he's right beside me."

AUTHOR'S NOTE;

ok writing this really quickly because i'm about to leave to visit my cousins !! sorry for the long wait, but please comment your thoughts! ^_^ I'll update when I get back from the States (I'm Canadian lol) but yeah !! I think the next few chapters will be quite interesting to write, so I hope you guys are here with me for that! ^_^ I hope this chapter wasn't too bad; but please please please comment anything you have to say! personally, as a rookie writer, i love reading comments. alot :D  but yeah! ^_^ ok please subscribe to keep updated, and i'll see you guys when i get back! bye - Zen