Jinyoung’s POV

The moon will shine bright tonight.

And as the moon rises in the dark sky so does my nervousness and anticipation.

This feeling is killing me.

I woke up today snuggled up with Mark. It has been two weeks since I accepted him being a werewolf and us being mates. It has also been two weeks since I moved in here in their pack house. Everyone has been good to me; his family, his friends, and the rest of his pack. Lastly, it has been two weeks since I have decided to give life a chance – to let people in my life again, to interact with them, and to bring back the hope that maybe I was wrong to assume that I brought tragedy upon my family.

I haven’t told Mark the reason why I am so distant with the people around me yet but my guts told me that he somewhat knew or has an idea about it. I don’t want to tell him though, to be honest. I’m scared he’ll run away from me if he knew the misfortunes that came with me. I won’t blame him if he rejects me when he finds out.

“Jin? Jinyoungie? Baby, are you okay?” Mark asked, worried. His deep morning voice pulled me back to my senses.

“Huh? Uh yeah,” I mindlessly replied.

“Are you sure? You zoned out for a while. I have been calling your name but you keep staring in space,” he asked again. He shifted in our bed until he was on his side facing me. He ran his hand on my hair down to my nape where he gently squeezed it as if to get my attention. “Are you sure you’re okay?”

“Yeah, sorry,” was the only thing I replied as I buried my face in his pajama-covered chest. I inhaled his scent; it’s stronger than usual and still very addicting.

“C’mon, let’s go freshen up and eat breakfast.”

Mark used the bathroom first while I rummaged for something to wear. When he stepped out, he was freshly showered and was wearing his usual ripped jeans and sweater.

“Go freshen up Jinyoungie, I’ll be in my office to sign some papers before we eat,” he said. He pecked my forehead before disappearing into his office.

Getting into the bathroom, I did my morning routine. After showering, I stood in front of the mirror watching my reflection. I wasn’t as pale and as ghostly looking as I used to. I look brighter, happier – I looked more alive.

But do I deserve to be like this?

Looking down on my wrists, I can see the scars I engraved on my skin. The scars reminded me of the pain of living a life that caused death to others. Images of my family and their unmoving states flash through my mind. I closed my eyes and willed the thoughts away but then I heard screaming. I saw a boy, screaming and crying his heart out to nothing in particular. He just sat there on the cold, empty floor, all dejected, lost, and devastated.

Tonight is our mating night. Can I really bound and commit myself to Mark? Will I really complete him as he said? Can I really stay by his side without death and tragedy occurring? I have seen my family die. Can I bear to see Mark or Luke shed life because of me?

“Jinyoung? Jin- What the hell are you doing with my razor?!” I heard Mark exclaimed from my left. Looking at the door, I found him staring at me wide-eyed. “Baby put my razor down,” he nervously added.

Razor? What razor?

I looked down at my trembling hands and saw that indeed I was holding his razor. Looking back up to my reflection I was more surprised to see myself crying. How the heck did this razor got to my grip? When did I start crying?

Not even a minute into my confusion the razor soundly dropped on the sink and two warm hands held my trembling frame from behind.

“M-Mark I… I didn’t k-know… I w-wasn’t…” I stuttered. I myself was confused and shocked.

“God, Jinyoung! You took forever inside the bathroom so I decided to come get you. But I saw you holding my razor while sobbing. Are you… were you about to cut yourself again? I thought you promised not to do it anymore,” he softly chastised as he turned me around and hugged me tightly.

“N-no! I didn’t know! I wasn’t aware I was holding it! I was just d-deep in thoughts then y-you came. I didn’t realize what I was doing. Please believe me!” I sobbed into his shoulder. I felt guilty and ashamed for my actions. I was doing it unconsciously, but still.

Mark didn’t say anything for a few moments. He just stood there, hugging and comforting me, letting me cry and apologize over and over again.

“First let’s get you dressed then we’ll talk. We really need to talk Jinyoung-ah,” he stated then he was guiding me out of the bathroom.

Was he mad? Was he disappointed in me?

Mark let me put my clothes on and he helped me dry my hair. He didn’t say a word, which only increased my thoughts of him being mad at me. After he put the towels I used away, he sat on our bed and motioned for me to follow. He pulled me up and sat me on his lap before he caged me in his arms.

“What were you thinking so deep about when you were in the bathroom Jinyoung-ah? What caused you to try and cut yourself again?” he calmly asked. My eyes began to water again. Can I really tell him? Should I lie?

“Are you mad at me?” I asked instead. My tears started to drip from my eyes but Mark quickly wiped them away.

“I’m not mad Jinyoung-ah. I’m worried. I don’t want you hurting yourself again. I don’t want to see the pain in your eyes from all the emotional turmoil you’re keeping inside you. Tonight we are gonna complete our mating and I need you to tell me what’s hurting you, what’s causing you to hurt yourself. After tonight, we will be forever bound to each Jinyoung-ah. I’m not letting you deal with your demons alone. We’re together now,” he further coaxed, rubbing my cheeks with his thumb to wipe the tears that kept falling.

He’s right. I need to tell him not for the sake of him knowing but to ease all the untold guilt and emotions that have been eating me up inside. I’ve told no one about this – I’ve never really opened up to anyone, not even to my uncle but for Mark, I could try. Telling him is the least thing I could do after all that he has put up dealing with my issues and me. So I took one heavy breath and sent a prayer to whoever god listening that hopefully after this, he will still be beside me.

“T-the first one happened when I was 5. My parents were busy with their business so they couldn’t pick me up from school that time,” I shakily began. I dropped myself on Mark’s chest knowing that I wouldn’t be able to keep myself upright whilst I relate my story to him. “My g-grandparents surprised me then and came to fetch me afterschool. T-they said we’d go to the bank first before we head to the mall to shop for presents. It was two weeks before Christmas and I was really happy at the thought of buying presents. B-but we never made it to the mall. The bank where we went was robbed. W-we were still inside when it happened and my grandparents…” I paused to swallow a lump forming on my throat then continued, “…they were ones of the few who were shot. T-they didn’t make it. There was an exchange of gunfire from the police outside and the r-robbers inside the bank. When the robbers were successfully caught, i-it was already too late for my grandparents. My grandpa died of a fatal gunshot and grandma died due to severe blood loss.”

Mark was still listening intently while rubbing my back and letting me cry as I continue. He didn’t say anything so I proceeded with my story.

“The second incident happened on my little sister’s 6th birthday. S-she was a menopausal baby and I was already 18 at that time. My parents didn’t expect to have her but still, we love and we cherish her so much. That day we wanted to surprise her when we got home from school and work. My p-parents fetched me from school and together we drove home bringing a huge cake and plenty of presents for her. I was... I was happily chatting with them, telling them about the present I bought for Lily. Suddenly, the car swiveled both my parents on the front seats screamed. T-then I heard a loud crash and shattering of glass. I-I blocked out for a moment and when I looked at them, they were bloody, so many wounds on their faces and so many broken glasses everywhere. I heard t-the distant blast of the sirens and the distinct commotion outside. T-then the car was smoking and I remembered screaming for my parents, trying to wake them up. Next thing I knew I was hauled out of the car.

I watched as the smoke thickens. I c-can see my parents’ unmoving bodies from the broken window of the car and I wanted to run to them. I desperately struggled and screamed for the rescuers to save them. But the car… there was an explosion and the car erupted in flames. I-I was there, completely shocked and helpless as I watched the fire engulf the car including my parents.”

By this time, my body was shaking. I was crying hard at the memories of my family perishing before my very eyes. Mark attempted to say something but I stopped him. I need to tell him all and get everything out before I hear what he has to say.

“T-the last one w-was two years ago. After my parents’ death, I took care of Lily. I was already 18 when they died and with the money, they left us I was capable of looking after her. I-It was one typical day for us. I was dropping her off at her friend’s house for a sleepover coz I need to stay late at the university for my thesis. Everything was fine; we were even singing stupid nursery rhymes while driving. All of a sudden we heard loud honking before our car was hit so hard we were pushed out of the lane.

Another car hit ours and it hit on Lily’s side of the car. I g-got away with broken ribs and a fractured arm but my sister… she… s-she got impaled by a metal part of the car. Her small fragile body couldn’t take the impact. She… she died on the spot.”

Bitter tears continued to fall endlessly on my face as I clutched on Mark’s sweater. I was breathing heavily and my body was trembling uncontrollably from my sobs.

“Mark, I was there. Every single time I lost a loved one, I am always there watching as they took their last breaths. I lived to witness my loved ones die and every time it happened a part of me died with them. The little broken pieces that are left in me are scared less to lose more. I bring nothing but tragedy to people I cherish so much. I don’t want that to happen again,” I told him tearfully.

“That’s why you isolated yourself from your family and from everyone else,” He stated after a long time of staying quiet and only listening to me.

“I don’t want to cause more misfortunes Mark. I don’t want to lose more. I… I would understand if you choose to leave me. I’d rather be hated by you than see you or Luke perish right before my eyes. I-I don’t think I can handle even just the thought of it,” I said, still crying hard. I gave Mark one sad smile before pulling away and attempting to leave. I didn’t even manage to get off his lap before he forcefully dragged me back down and kissed me passionately. This has been the first time he kissed me again after I found out he’s a werewolf and it took me by surprise.

“Listen to me Jinyoung-ah,” he said after pulling away from our kiss. “Never ever think that you’re existence caused all those tragedies,” he sternly stated as he wiped my tears away.

“All of those that happened in the past weren’t your fault Jinyoung. Those were something out of your control. Instead of blaming yourself you should see each of those events as another beginning to start anew. It’s okay to grieve for a while but in the end you should look on the brighter side. You should be thankful that even after going through so much you’re still alive to move forward with life. You almost died three times Jinyoung-ah, shouldn’t you be happy that you actually survived?”

“How can I be happy if I have already lost the reason why I live?” I asked back. Then I saw sadness in Mark’s eyes making me regret what I said.

“Am I not enough reason for you to live Jinyoung-ah?” He asked sadly. He my tear-stained cheeks before cupping my face with both of his hands. “Things happen for a reason Jinyoung. I always believe in that. Don’t you think that you, still breathing and alive up till now despite everything has happened, has a reason? Werewolves have only one true mate. Imagine what has become of me if you died in one of those incidents. Do you still think that’s not enough reason to let go of your past and start a new one with me?”

That shut me. To be honest I never really thought of anything else but the grief and guilt that have long consumed my state of mind and being. I never thought of having anyone else for fear of losing them.

“You don’t realize the positive side of your existence coz you are always clouded with sorrow, guilt and the wrong belief that bad things happen to anyone you love. It’s time you let go Jinyoung-ah. Let go of those painful memories and focus on the happy times you spent with your family. Do this, if not for me then for yourself.”

Still unable to answer everything Mark has said, I only stared at his eyes. There’s nothing in there but love and affection for me. They are filled with promises of a new happy life, something that I have refused to believe and accept since my sister’s death.

Mark brought my face close to his – close enough till our breaths mingled and our noses touched.

“I am claiming you tonight Jinyoung-ah. You have to make up your mind coz after I mark you, I don’t want to see you hurting yourself ever again both physically and emotionally. I don’t want you to keep torturing yourself with the memories of your past. After tonight I want you to be happy. I want to see you smile genuinely and I will do anything to keep you happy and safe. Can you do that Jinyoung-ah? Can you let go of your past and accept to start a new beginning with me?” Mark asked, brushing his lips against mine.

Stupid as I may seem but I still can’t find myself to say anything. Fresh tears began rolling down my face as I nod and accept Mark’s offer of a new life.

Mark smiled and finally brought our lips together.

For the second time that day, I woke up snuggled in our bed. This time however it was a pillow I was cuddling with and not my mate.

After my breakdown earlier, Mark has sent me back to bed to rest. I didn’t oppose the thought of it coz all the crying and the emotional roller coaster so early in the morning has exhausted me.

I glanced at the clock in the room and saw that it was 1 pm. Realizing how hungry I was, I sat upright on the bed and stretched my limbs. I took my phone from our bedside table and saw a sticky note on my screen.

Baby, I have to go see and settle some things. I’ll be home before dinner, okay? Go freshen up and eat, I had the food prepared for you before I left. Rest up ‘till I get back, you’ll need it.

-Mark♥

Yeah. I might really need to prepare myself for tonight.

I refreshed myself in the bathroom before I scurried out of our room and to the kitchen. I was rummaging through the fridge, looking for what Mark had made for me when the front door of the packhouse opened. Holding a plate of fruits, I peeked from the kitchen to see who it was. To my relief, it was my uncle.

“Oh hi Jin! I see you’re finally up,” Uncle Haejin greeted. He stepped into the kitchen too and went straight to the cupboard where we keep Luke’s supplies.

“Luke’s with you?” I asked. I thought Luke was with Mark.

“Yeah, Mark dropped him earlier in the clinic. I figured you both will be… busy tonight so I volunteered to watch over the kid,” he answered sending my cheeks into a furious blush.

“Oh,” I stupidly replied not knowing what else to say. I turned my back from my chuckling Uncle to hide my flustered face.

“Do you know where Mark went?” I hurriedly changed the subject.

“He ran some errands with Jaebum and Jackson but they’ll be back soon, don’t worry.” He responded and shortly after, he closed the cupboard. “I need a pair of pajamas for Luke. Can you please get me one Jin?” he requested.

“Yeah, sure. I’ll go get it.”

I went upstairs to grab some sleeping clothes for Luke and I added a few sets of shirts and shorts just in case he’ll need them. I packed it in his baby bag and I made sure to include his favorite plushies before returning to my uncle.

“Here you go Uncle,” I said, giving him the bag. I resumed my seat on the breakfast counter to continue eating my late lunch.

“Thanks Jin. Rest assured Luke is fine with us,” he added.

“Of course. Thanks Uncle,” I told him. Just before he disappeared from the kitchen, he stopped in his tracks and turned back at me.

“I’m happy for you Jin. I hope you are happy too,” he smilingly said. I can’t help but return the genuine smile he gave me.

“I am,” I muttered just as he left.

I was a bit restless for the rest of the afternoon. After putting the dishes away, I decided to continue with the manuscripts of my current book but I can’t seem to concentrate. Sighing, I closed my laptop and went out of our room. I mindlessly sat on the rocking chair in our living room, pondering what should I do to ease up my nerves. I tried to close my eyes and drift to sleep but my mind drifted to the thoughts of what should take place tonight.

“Should I google about how werewolves mate? Or should I look up how two guys do the deed?” I muttered to myself only to blush at the thought of what I might find online. To make matters worse my ideas only increased the tension I felt.

“Damn it, this is stupid,” I cursed, referring to the things I thought to do to prepare myself for tonight or to at least ease my nervousness. In the end, I decided to go find a good book to read.

I went to Mark’s office where he kept a whole bunch of books hoping that he has something that would interest me and would entertain me for the time being. Thankfully, he has few novels stored and I picked a few before I settled myself on his soft, brown sofa. I placed the books down on the coffee table before lying down and making myself comfortable. I managed to finish reading a few chapters before I fell asleep.

-oOo-

“Jinyoung,” I heard someone called. “Baby wake up,” he said then I felt a gentle tap on my cheek and that hand caressed my hair. Slowly I stretched my limbs and yawned loudly.

“Hi,” I greeted Mark when I finally got my bearings and found him sitting beside my sprawled body.

“Hi baby, did you rest well?” He asked as he helped me sit up.

“Yeah. Sorry I invaded your office and took some books,” I told him. He kissed my forehead before tucking my head under his chin.

“It’s okay. Come, let’s eat dinner. I brought some food from the diner in town,” he said.

I pulled away from him and he helped me up to my feet. We made it down to the kitchen where the food was already set on the table waiting for us.

We both ate in silence and I can feel the tension between us thickened as the silence continued. After dinner, I volunteered to do the dishes so Mark can freshen up and change his clothes. When I was done, I went to our room and waited for him by the glass window, overlooking the entire town.

The moon was perfectly round and shining brightly on the night sky. It illuminated the town and the nearby woods. I could see the pack clinic from here and I can’t help but feel bad that we have to let Luke sleep somewhere else for tonight. I hope my baby sleeps well.

“Are you okay?” Mark asked as he stepped behind me and held my waist. I leaned back to his bare and still a bit damped chest and closed my eyes as I inhaled his intoxicating after-shower scent.

“Yeah, I’m fine,” I replied after some time. He embraced me from the back and I let myself melt in his warmth. He began kissing my neck, just leaving soft butterfly kisses and his hands were caressing my sides.

I know that he could feel how tense I was and I know he could tell that I was nervous. He never mentioned it, thankfully, and instead, he tried to make me relax just by holding me. His gentle touches assured me that there’s nothing to worry about and that he’d take care of me. All I have to do was surrender everything to him and he’ll do the rest. And I did.

“M-Mark,” I called, biting my lip as I squeezed his arms that were wrapped on my waist. And like he knew what I meant, he pulled away for a moment to let the thick curtains fall, covering our view of the town.

When he turned his attention back to me, he smiled and approached me. He didn’t waste time and kissed me immediately. His hand was on my lower back and the other was behind my head, holding me still as he kissed me passionately. My hands were trapped between our chests as I returned the kiss.

Then his hands took mine. He placed my uncertain hands around his neck then he bit my lower lip making me gasp. He took that opportunity to slip his tongue inside my mouth, tasting and exploring me. I tangled my hand on his hair in hopes of stopping it from trembling.

One of Mark’s hands circled my waist while the other slipped under my shirt and curiously traced my torso then my chest. I moaned loudly when his hand found my and started to flick it. His hungry lips never ceased to keep mine busy and his hand on my back was preventing me from pulling away from his other hand’s assault.

When my was all hard and pebbled, he let go of it. In one swift motion, he pulled my shirt off of me and quickly smashed our lips back again. This time the kiss was more desperate, needier, and demanding. He began to walk and I simply followed until I fell back on our bed. With his werewolf strength, he effortlessly lifted me ‘till I was on the center of the bed.

He didn’t join me immediately. Instead, he kneeled beside me and proceeded to loosen the string of my sweat pants. I swallowed nervously as he pulled it down revealing my legs and my boxers with my obviously hard and excited groin.

“Y-you too,” I whispered. I tugged his shorts to tell him what I meant.

“Not yet,” he slyly smiled before he briefly yet messily kissed me again. “I’m taking your boxers off,” he informed me before he asked me to lift my hips. When I did, he quickly pulled the thin fabric off of me leaving me completely before him.

“So beautiful,” he whispered in my ear and a gasp escaped my lips as his hand found throbbing length. He peppered my neck with wet, open-mouthed kisses as his hand worked wonders on my crotch.

“Ah… nnggh,” I moaned lowly as he pleasured me. I brought my hand up to cover my mouth from sputtering embarrassing sounds but he stopped me.

“Don’t. I want to hear you baby. Let me hear you,” he said. So, I removed my hand and held onto him instead. His lips began to travel south, to my collarbones then to my chest. He took a stop and worshiped my s sending jolts of pleasure throughout my body and making me twitch in his hand. I mewled and arched my back as he , nibbled, and bit my s turning them red and very sensitive.

When he deemed it enough, he left my abused nubs and continued lower. He spread my legs wide and settled between them. Before I could question him about what he’s gonna do, he inhaled my till it hit the back of his throat in one go.

“Oh my god! ... ahh!” I screamed, unable to hold my voice down at the sudden feeling of being inside his skillful mouth. My hands were pulling on his hair quite hard but he didn’t complain. He soon found a steady rhythm as he bobbed his head and continued to pleasure me.

With my eyes closed, I felt one of his hands left my thigh then followed by a sound of a cap opening and closing. Seconds later, I felt a cold, slicked finger probing my entrance. Mark then let go of my length and started to kiss and nip the insides of my thigh.

“This will be a bit uncomfortable baby but I need to loosen you up. Can you relax for me?” he asked in a low, husky voice while looking up at me. I nodded before taking a deep breath, willing myself to relax. When I managed to do so, Mark began to insert his finger in.

I groaned, feeling uncomfortable at the digit pressing inside me. I clutched the bedsheets beside me as Mark slipped the finger in and out of me gently and slowly. I barely noticed when he added his second finger. I was too focused on the new sensations I was feeling. Then I heard the bottle cap opening again and in his next slide, I felt another finger joining the two.

“F-,” I winced due to the stinging feeling of being stretched. Mark’s mouth began kissing the base of my length and my sacks to distract me. He remained me for a while until he felt me relax again and until my whimpers of pain turned to moans. When he realized I was enjoying his fingers in me he added another.

“Aah! Mmm,” I grunted. This time he made his way up till he was hovering on top of me. He watched me intently as I mewled, whimpered, and moan with every movement of his finger inside me. I couldn’t seem to care that I looked sweaty and wrecked. My mind was blank and all I could focus on was the intensity of his eyes and the dancing of his fingers.

“You think you’re ready for me baby?” he asked.

“Y-yes. P-please Mark,” I pleaded.

Mark immediately took his fingers out and pulled away. I watched as he slipped out of the last garment covering his body. When his shorts were gone, his hard bounced in his stomach and stood tall. He took the bottle of lube from the and generously lathered his length with it. I gulped. My nervousness was returning.

Mark hovered on top of me again. He began kissing me, kissing my tension away. He parted my thighs as wide as they could get before he positioned himself at my entrance.

“Ready?” he asked.

“Y-yes. Claim me Mark. I’m all yours.”

The next thing I knew Mark was kissing me hard as he slowly slipped his hard and thick in. All my moans and whimpers drowned in his mouth as he kissed me, distracting me from the initial pain of being filled to the hilt. I shut my eyes tightly as I tried to block out the pain. My hands were digging into his back and I am sure I have left few scratches and nail imprints from the way I was holding into him for dear life.

“T-that’s all of me baby. Are you alright?” He checked. He wiped the tears that I happen to spill.

“F-full. So full. Just… aah! Just give me a m-minute,” I panted out. He resumed kissing me, gentler this time and he whispered words of comfort in my ear. After some time I rolled my hips up and moaned loudly at the feeling. He took that as the cue to move so he slowly pulled out and pushed back in.

“Baby I’m sorry I can’t hold back anymore,” was the only warning I got before he was pounding into me fast and hard. I couldn’t do anything but vocalize my pleasure with every and every snap of his hips. A minute later, my eyes almost rolled back when he brushed on my prostate, sending me an immense amount of pleasure.

“Ahh! Mark! Oh god, Mark!” I shamelessly moaned as he kept hitting that set of nerves. “M-Mark I’m, ah! I’m close!” I warned.

He picked up the pace and he was ing inhumanly fast inside me. Mark began to release grunts or should I say growls of pleasure as he pistoled in me. Mark gathered me in his arms and nuzzled my neck. He the spot where my neck and my shoulders meet.

“Mark! I’m … Mark… ah! Mark… MARK!” I screamed and came hard.

“Mine,” I heard Mark growl just as I felt Mark’s canines sunk in my flesh. I released another scream of pain as I felt his canines break my skin. He my neck and I felt his swell inside me. “Oh god! W-why are you getting b-bigger?!” I half screamed half moaned from both pain of his bite and pleasure of my release and his swelling inside me.

“S-! Mark! Ahh!” I screamed uncontrollably when he bit down harder on my neck and at the same time, he released his seeds inside me. The pain of being marked was gone and was replaced by intense pleasure. For the second time, I ed too when I felt him erupt in me.

After the seemingly endless release. Mark’s canine retreated and he began his mark. I slumped back in bed, heaving and definitely still high in pleasure.

“Baby, are you okay?” I heard him ask. But my senses were still unfocused and I was still out of it so instead of answering I pulled Mark down and nuzzled on his sweaty chest. When I was able to float back to my sane self I realized something. He was still hard. He was still inside me so it was hard to miss.

I looked up questioningly at him. He answered me by rolling his hips and I had to shut my eyes from the sudden pleasure. I was still sensitive from my previous release and here he was, ready to give me another one.

“I’m sorry Jinyoungie, it’s full moon. I can’t help it,” he apologized as he began to move again, gently and slowly ing inside me. “Just one more round and I’ll let you rest for a bit.”

“O-okay, just g-go slow,” I told him, burying my face on his neck. I already accepted the fact that I might not get enough rest tonight

“Hey Jinyoungie,” he called. He pulled me away from his neck to stare into my eyes. His pupils were blown and they seemed darker. “I love you,” he said. I stared wide-eyed at him. It’s the first time he said it. I know he was waiting for my reply so I shyly tucked and hid my pleasured face back on his neck.

“I… I love you too.