018

Chapter 18.

The cold water felt refreshing against his skin, washing away the blood from his face and hair, seeping into his clothes leaving him cold. A red tint was washed away in the grey water and the strength of the flow of the stream pulled at his fingertips. He ran his fingers through his hair before getting up. Chenle was shaking his blond hair, droplets flying off and hitting Mark who merely grimaced squeezing his eyes shut to avoid the water hitting his eyes.

“Maybe they went further down?” Chenle suggested, and they started following the river, but they couldn’t see a sign of the others yet.

They found them at the bank, Haechan was standing on a rock that reached out over the roaring river. He was frowning, not looking amused and staring into the water as if he was waiting for an answer.

“We survived.” Chenle said, arms spread out and expecting a warm welcome. Jisung grinned, he looked relieved and Jaehyun looked at Mark with worrying eyes. Mark walked over to give the other’s arm a reassuring squeeze before he went up beside Haechan.

Without looking at Haechan he spoke, looking straight ahead at the woods on the other side. “What worries you?” He asked and Haechan looked like he hadn’t noticed Mark and Chenle’s arrival. He blinked at Mark in surprise. Then he went back to frowning at the river.

“The strength of the river is greater now. More rain had come lately, it’s not good.” Haechan eyed the rocks that protruded from the grey water, they would beat at you as your body was dragged with the stream. “Renjun will be swept away like a leaf.” He muttered, only loud enough for Mark to hear.

“I can hold him, tie him to me.”

“You’ll take Jaehyun.” Haechan stated, and Mark knew he again didn’t have the chance to argue. He wondered how Haechan would get across.
Haechan turned and went over to the others, explaining the situation. Mark stayed at the rock and heard Jeno argue.

“I won’t let you tie him to one of them!”

“One of us?” Chenle repeated, he couldn’t hide how offended he was even though Mark knew it was meant to come off as sarcastic. Mark turned around to see Jisung step closer to Jeno, their heights matching.

“You wanna be swept away and drown?” He asked in a low voice. Mark hurried over to step in between but Haechan threw out an arm to stop him.

“Let them.” He said softly. Mark wanted to enlighten Haechan about how many people the two boys had killed already but didn’t wanna frighten Renjun who already looked terrified of the idea.

Jeno stepped forward, challenging Jisung. “I can carry him.”

“Then you can both drown.” Chenle added with raised brows, looking amused again. “How romantic.”

“Shut up!” Jeno hissed but Jisung pushed him with both arms sending Jeno stumbling back.

“You know nothing!” Jisung yelled. “Absolutely ing nothing you little privileged !”

Everybody was now just as wide eyed as Renjun. Jisung was glaring daggers at Jeno and Mark wasn’t sure if he should let this continue.

“I haven’t seen my family in years, actually killed some of them when I was so ing lucky to wake up. And I don’t ing mean that I wanted to wake up. But now I have the strength to keep you guys alive and cross that ing river, so let me ing do a god damn good thing for once in my life.” Jisung inhaled deeply. “I could bash your face in-” Chenle’s hand landed on Jisung’s shoulder. Jisung eyed the woods leading to the 5^th clan. “But we need to get moving.” He stated and he rushed off finding the robe that Haechan had brought with him and Mark looked at Haechan who’s eyes were fixed on Jisung. What was the kid trying to get from this? Mark went over and helped Jisung who was still furious, ripping and tearing at the robe to untangle it instead of doing it calmly. Mark reached over with slow hands and took the robe from Jisung’s grip. Jisung looked into Mark’s eyes, nostrils flaring. Mark gave him a nod. “You’re doing great.” He said softly and Jisung huffed, but Mark knew somewhere Jisung appreciated Mark’s words. Haechan came over to help Mark. Jisung took over supporting Jaehyun.

Jisung had Renjun tied to his back who seemed weaker than ever. This trip through the river would do nothing good with his fever and he was not conscious much anymore. Jaehyun seemed fine other than coughing and being slow. Mark knew who would go first. Mark felt Jaehyun wrap his arms around Mark’s torso, the arms around him felt muscular, he could feel the muscles flex when Jaehyun gripped around his own wrists to have a safe grip. Jeno was trying to fight against Chenle who had pulled his wrists around his chest as well, holding him there and laughing at the other’s curses. Haechan stood alone. He looked determined, yet Mark couldn’t imagine Haechan’s frame to be strong enough against the force of the water.

“Wait for me to cross.” Mark told Haechan who only cocked a brow at him. Mark backed off before he lifted Jaehyun’s legs up and the other yelped but accepted the piggy-back ride. Then he ran, as much as he could run. He sprang halfway across the river and heard Jeno gasp, while Jaehyun breathed in deeply before they crashed into the icy water.

The pull was much greater now and they moved away from their destination quickly. Mark remembered Jaehyun talking about using the flow of the river to get to where you wanted to go. He kicked them away from one of the rocks and then swam with the flow before he could reach up to grab onto a branch reaching out over the river. Using all his power he felt his heartbeat quicken slightly as he heaved himself and Jaehyun’s body up. Jaehyun against his weakness grabbed onto the branch as well and Mark got them up the muddy hill, they untied the robe and Mark was more agile now, quickly securing a grip on Jaehyun and getting them both up.

They went along the bank and found the others. Mark felt like he could collapse, but he kept standing. Jisung was next, Mark threw over the rope so Jisung had something to secure him from being swept away. Jisung tied it onto the robe that was already around him.

“Stay afloat.” Haechan ordered him. “Renjun is barely breathing.” He said, for a moment letting his worry shine through. Jisung nodded then he did the same as Mark. Since he carried someone lighter, he got farther. Mark pulled at the robe.

It flew back to him.

Mark’s eyes widened. Jisung hadn’t secured it tight enough and suddenly he was out of sight. Haechan cried out Renjun’s name while Mark ran. Leaving Jaehyun by himself. Jisung was pulled under the water and around the stone Mark had kicked against to not get smashed. “Jisung!” Mark yelled, panic rising within him. The flow of water was endless, the white foam on the top ruined his way of finding Jisung’s blond hair. Endless and endless the water ran and Mark kept running along with it, feeling his lungs close, begging for oxygen that he hadn’t let in since Jisung went under water. Breathe. His lungs begged him. Breathe. He pleaded for Jisung. Renjun must’ve drowned by now. Renjun was dead.

Then he emerged, and he was immediately thrown against a rock, crying out in pain, inhaled roughly as if he took air in with such need his throat couldn’t handle it. Jisung’s fingers held on to the rock with such strength, the force of the water tried to drag him and Renjun along. Jisung’s pale hands were red.

Renjun hung by Jisung’s back, head lolling back and eyes closed. Mark tied the rope around the trunk of a tree and wrapped it around his hand while clutching onto it. He stepped into the water, not too far but he leaned out to get to Jisung who reached out his bloody hand. Jisung’s eyes begged for Mark to save him, a tremble of his lips making him look many years younger. Mark pleaded for Jisung to let go. To let the flow take him. Mark would catch him.

Jisung closed his eyes before he did so. Before he let go. Renjun was dragged along making Jisung turn before he fell in. Mark shot out digging a hand beneath the rope tying the two together and grabbing onto Jisung’s arm as the robe was now hooked around his elbow. He let himself get dragged with them but the rope tied to the tree led them to shore. Jisung was pulled up by Mark and Mark used his dagger to cut the two free. Renjun’s body was limp. Jisung got up beside the other as Mark stared at Renjun’s pale body.

“I killed him.” Jisung cried. “He’s dead.” He sobbed, voice deep and rough yet with that childish hint as if his childhood hadn’t left his body yet. Mark cupped Renjun’s face trying to remember the day he’d seen a kid get pulled up from the river. A woman had gotten on top of him, pressing down on his chest. Mark copied her, before feeling for Renjun’s heart. Like Taeyong’s heart. Like Jaehyun’s. It needed to be restarted.

Mark pushed and pushed and tried to remember how fast Ten’s heartbeat went. How fast Johnny’s did whenever Ten wasn’t near.

The normal steady heartbeat when Ten was drawing. When he wasn’t focusing on Taeyong or Johnny or the danger he was in. When he was just calm and relaxing.

Renjun’s body convulsed and the boy’s eyes opened wide when he tried to breath with water in his throat. He retched. Water coming out of his mouth. Mark had jumped off him. Jisung was holding him close, patting his back and promising Renjun he was okay. Mark looked at the happiness in Jisung’s eyes. His face pale and his hair sticking to his face, water dripping from his chin.

A person emerged from the woods. Mark looked up and saw the red hair look almost crimson in color when it was wet. Haechan looked at Mark and then to Jisung sitting with Renjun who had closed his eyes, fingers weakly holding onto Jisung’s shirt. Mark stood. Haechan was swaying slightly. The other suddenly swayed too much, Mark reached out an arm and Haechan grabbed onto it to steady himself.

“Thank you.” Haechan whispered and Mark smiled, but his smile was tight. He was too worried.

Chenle did well too. Jeno helped the other kick them off the rock and grab the branch for safety. They camped in the woods after walking for a while. They needed to rest, their limps had fought bravely against the strength of the water.

The Damned sat awake when the others collapsed. They napped as the sun was crossing the sky, gathering their strength again. Jisung was dozing off a little while Chenle controlled how their clothes were drying.

“How many times are we gonna be near death?” Chenle joked. “I mean. We’ve been hunted by the villagers, by a Rox and now the river almost killed us?”

Mark chuckled. “Humans, animals, nature.”

“The circle of life.” Chenle said with a flick of his brows. “Sounds familiar.” He then added and Mark chuckled.

“Not all men are wise.” He said. “We just steal from other wise men.”

“And women.” Chenle added and Mark laughed.

“Of course. To add to it, we just steal from other wise men. Who has stolen it from women.” Chenle laughed so loud Jisung woke up. Haechan did too. Sitting up with a glare thrown in Chenle’s way.

“Pretty sure that has been said before too.” He added and Mark couldn’t help but feel embarrassed that the other had heard their conversation. “We’re equal. We use our strengths wisely. Women have abilities men doesn’t have and vice versa. Yet it depends, some men have abilities like women and the other way around. The differences are the s and sometimes not even. So why are we having this conversation again?”

Haechan looked at each of Chenle and Mark. The two Damned shared a look and Chenle raised his hands.

“It started out as a failing joke.”

“Because of the humanity before The Last War. They were the failing joke. Trying to divide us into A, B and Os and Fs and Ms, as if that could help us in the end?” Haechan was standing now.

“Freaks.” Jisung added with raised brows and got up to wear his clothes again.

Mark chuckled. Haechan should meet Lord Win, Mark was sure they could talk forever with their travelling minds.

They wore their clothes and ate lunch. Jaehyun and Renjun was sleeping more than others. So Mark went over to wake up Jaehyun, while he heard Jeno call out Renjun’s name softly. Jaehyun startled when Mark put a hand on his arm. Mark smiled, and Jaehyun looked relieved at the sight of him.

“We gotta keep moving.” Mark smiled apologetically. Jaehyun looked like he could need more rest.

“It’s okay.” Jaehyun muttered and sat up. Mark stood again reached out a hand for Jaehyun to take when Jeno’s voice got his attention.

“Renjun?” He called but his voice broke and Mark spun around, feeling like everything slowed down when Jeno called out his friends name. Renjun lied still, unmoving. Chenle and Jisung stared at the other and Jisung fell to his knees while Chenle crouched down beside the other, gripping Jisung’s shoulders tightly. Haechan stood watching Jeno pull Renjun’s body close. Mark looked at Haechan. A tear fell from the bottom of his lashes, rolling down his cheek. Jaehyun covered his mouth and Mark closed his eyes.

Renjun was gone.

“We should bury him.” Haechan said after a while. They had expected this, maybe that was why Jeno didn’t cry for so long. Maybe that was why Jisung didn’t get angry. Yet it was still heartbreaking. Jeno still sat with Renjun in his lap, the other’s head resting on his arm, eyes closed as if he was just sleeping. The day seemed cold all of sudden. The hour dragged out of them just slowly packing their stuff, now trying to let time pass, not wanting to put an end to a friend. Jisung was picking at the skin around the nails of his fingers, eyes fixed on Renjun and Jeno. Chenle seemed to know not the joke around, he was quiet and kept mostly to himself. Jaehyun sat against the trunk of a tree, looking up at the sky. Mark had found himself gravitating towards Haechan who was sitting on a stone, eyes on the ground, frowning and looking… angry.

“He’ll wake up.” Jeno said through a stuffed nose, voice sounding caught. He sniffled and wiped the snot off his face with his sleeve. Then went back to holding around his friend. Mark suddenly saw flashes. Of Hansol in the light of the setting sun, chest full of holes and covered in crimson. His face so peaceful yet stained with blood. Mark’s stomach recoiled and he stumbled backwards before he fled into the bushes. He was aware of Haechan and Jaehyun raising their gazes, watching him leave. He fell to his knees and threw up the lunch they had just eaten. The taste of cheese mixed with acid all over his tongue and lips. He grimaced, clutching at his shirt.

He felt the feeling of his muscles working on killing, the drive in him that had sliced and pushed and fought. He felt it all again and he felt the raw emptiness when he realized Hansol had died. A friend, someone he had fought and annoyed, yet this person had been so loyal to him. Protected him, given his life to him. Now Renjun was gone too and Mark wondered if the boy could’ve lived longer if it wasn’t for their interference. Mark crawled away from the puddle of vomit and knocked into a tree, lying there in his misery. He felt it, the numbness he had gone through, the hazy days of wishing of his life just ending. Him wishing for time to just stop and everything to vanish into dust. Mark saw a smile, the bright eyes and the black hair falling over a beautiful face.

Mark’s heart lifted, but only for a moment. He missed Ten. He needed him with him. Ten would stay positive, he would know what to do. Ten would get Taeyong. Johnny would pat Mark’s back, be there as a quiet comfort…

Mark didn’t know when he started crying, but he found himself so awfully aware and he tried to stop his voice from coming out. Then he saw someone sit in front of him and realized that it was Haechan. He was quiet, eyes downcast but he was there. Mark covered his face; he had to show strength. How could Haechan trust him if Mark couldn’t even stay tough?

“You’ve experienced this before?” Haechan’s voice asked and Mark lowered his hands as Haechan spoke. His voice was soft, with no judgment.

“Kind of.” Mark admitted and wiped his eyes and cheeks. “Recently.” He added.

Haechan nodded, looking thoughtful. “A friend?”

“That’s what he became.” Mark tried to ignore the image of Hansol standing guard every night, red eyes scanning the grounds. “He was loyal to a friend who was loyal to us. He died protecting me and my friends.”

“From who?” Haechan asked. Mark took a short moment to think before he spoke, yet when Haechan sat there, giving Mark company when Mark was in misery and then still seemed to trust him and help him talk… Then Mark had to give Haechan some of it back. He had to be honest with Haechan.

“The Damned.” Mark said. He watched shock briefly pass Haechan’s features but the other masked it well. Mark inhaled deeply. “We’re going into a dangerous land Haechan. You can turn back at any point. We still have a day’s walk, now with only Jaehyun to bring along…” Mark gritted his teeth but continued. “We should be faster but we’ll have to spend the night outside of the borders. The Damned have no control of their emotions, they’ll lash out. But they are human.” Mark assured Haechan who looked skeptic, but open. “They live and breathe, they love and they yearn for it.” Mark saw Taeyong’s eyes, his gaze when he looked at Ten. “They are stronger than before, somehow near immortal but also far from it. I want you to judge them for yourself, as I learned to do.”

“But you’re one of them.” Haechan pointed out.

Mark nodded. “I am. But I lack the usual traits. I am in control of my emotions and they are as new and different to a healthy human as they are to a new Damned. What I’ve heard, the stories that made them seem as monsters… It was from a whole different perspective.” Mark smiled. “They can be dangerous, but any human can be. Look at the world.”

“Look at the world.” Haechan repeated with a pull at the corner of his lips. “You’re right.”

“You will come with us?” Mark asked, Haechan stood and Mark moved to do the same when Haechan reached out a hand. Mark looked at it.

“It seems like my destiny wants to go there, and so I will just follow.” Haechan’s eyes were twinkling, the trees in his background swaying in the wind. Mark felt dizzy, yet grabbed for the hand that pulled him to his feet.

Mark felt out of breath, thinking hard about what to say next when Jisung barged through the bushes.

“They’ve followed us!” He said wildly, a plea in his voice. Mark and Haechan looked at each other. They had Jaehyun, but also a dead companion and someone who wouldn’t leave this companion. They were screwed.