A/N:

I'd like to say a few things:

If you're ever feeling hopeless and need help and do not feel like you want to burden family or friends, you can always talk to me.
I know it's scary to talk about your emotions because you're afraid of worrying friends and family, but do it, or else I will gladly listen. 

I've been depressed for 3 years and finally felt like I was out of it one year ago, but lately I felt the hopelessness return and felt afraid. Now losing someone, who have managed to light up my dark times to the same thing that's been haunting me, is scary. It has just been feeding the gloomy thoughts I've had, but I want everyone to treasure their life instead of thinking it was all a waste. He tried to hard to be happy but couldn't do it.

When life seems darkest, it also makes it easier for you to find the light. It has to be dark for the stars to come out. So let's find a happy thought in all of this darkness, and walk on through life. Smile a little wider, be a little nicer. He deserves that. 

Love yourself. <3

Safe journey, Kim Jonghyun.

Chapter 20.

Mark jumped down first, landing on the platform outside of their cave. He reached up to grab Jaehyun’s ankles as the other lowered himself with the help of Jisung. Mark wrapped his arms around Jaehyun’s waist and used all his strength to soften the other’s fall. Jaehyun settled his feet on the ground, inhaled deeply and grinning widely. Mark couldn’t help but chuckle. Who would be happy to be back in this hell hole?

Haechan swapped at Jisung’s hands and slid down the side of the mountain slightly, letting rocks roll down and Mark covered his eyes. “Please!” He yelled in a whisper. Haechan rolled his eyes, probably forgetting that Mark could see it clearly. Then he went to lower himself too. Mark reached up and managed to catch Haechan who let go without warning. His fingers gripped around the other’s hips, slipping up beneath his shirt. Mark’s eyes widened and he released a surprised huff when Haechan landed half on top of him. Haechan landed on his feet, and Mark stumbled back. Haechan sent a glare over his shoulder and Mark glared back. It was all play. Mark noticed the pull at the corner of Haechan’s mouth. Idiot. Mark thought and moved back to let Jisung jump down. Renjun was next, and he helped Jeno down by catching him; leaving Jeno looking embarrassed that his smaller friend could be this strong and catch him when he had been so protective just hours ago. Renjun didn’t need protection.

Chenle came down last, swiftly and landed on his feet, bending in his knees and a hand shooting down to touch the ground. He was grinning widely.

  “We’re back.” He said. “Before dawn.” He added.

Mark noticed Jisung open his mouth to add a funny comment to it when somebody pushed the flap of fabric, that served as a door to their cave, aside. Everybody went silent, ready to face whoever it was. Mark expected Ten or Taeyong.

His long form though was too outstanding compared to the small. Mark felt his heart swell at the sight of him. Johnny stood there, living and breathing and looking well.

  “You’re ba-” Johnny’s voice was caught when Haechan sprang into his arms having stood closest to him. Johnny’s arms automatically embraced him and he looked down in confusion only to see Haechan’s face in the light from the torches inside the cave. He gawped. “Hae?” He breathed shakily and Haechan jumped up and down in excitement, looking like a 10 year old kid. Johnny almost crushed Haechan when he hugged him again. “Haechan!” He half sobbed. “I told you not to-” Johnny looked up, meeting Jaehyun’s eyes and he looked like he was happy yet also in shock. Jaehyun charged forwards but stopped right in front of Johnny giving him a rough push with one arm. Haechan wiped his face with his sleeve before reaching his arms in between the taller boys. Jaehyun was already talking.

  “Thanks for the warning, friend.” He said voice clearly dripping with sarcasm. “ing great move. Throw me out of this place, leave me in the arms of the ing first clan and commander. Are you a ing idiot?”

  “Jaehyun! Not here!” Johnny pleaded.

Haechan failed to get through them to stop Jaehyun who seemed much stronger than before. Mark felt like somebody had thrown cold water over him.

  “Not here? Oh? Really? Well, let me give you a warning; I’m gonna ing yell.” Jaehyun said having a finger out to empathize his last words, pointing it at Johnny. “WHAT WENT THROUGH YOUR ING HEAD?!”

Mark and the others were almost blown back from the amount of power that was in Jaehyun’s voice. Mark was for a short moment, reminded of Winwin when he charged at Johnny.

  “He already received punishment, Jaehyun.” Mark said making the other stop. Jaehyun turned around to look at Mark, there was once again that unfamiliar look in his eyes. Then they softened, a look of worry taking over his features.

  “What did they do to you?” He asked Johnny and the taller chuckled.

  “Nothing. Now you’re worrying about me?”

  “Well can you blame me for being angry?” Jaehyun asked while on the same time searching Johnny’s body for any signs. Haechan reached out a hand to the bindings around Johnny’s leg that was still there.

  “Johnny…” He whispered, he sounded sad. Jaehyun stepped closer.

Johnny put out a hesitant hand and held onto Jaehyun’s arm. “I made a choice.” He said. Jaehyun shook his head.

  “We made a promise.” He told the taller. Haechan was looking at Johnny too. He was in on that promise.

  “And I made a vow.” Johnny said in a very low voice. Jeno didn’t hear it, looking confused but the Damned heard it clearly.
 

Speaking of a promise. Mark looked behind Johnny, forgetting the hurt and flush of embarrassment that had gone through him a moment ago. Instead of feeling like a fool he felt worry go through him. Where was Ten and Taeyong?
 

Mark almost flew down the stairs as he ran down. The sky to the west was getting lighter. Mark saw somebody run towards the west side of the land. He didn’t mind them, heading straight for Taeyong’s tent.

He found the two in an embrace.

Mark had felt betrayed already but now that feeling came back. He didn’t say anything, not sure of what to say.

  “Taeyong… Do you think they believed it?” Ten said and Mark wondered what this meant. The people running… were they connected to what was happening inside the tent?

Taeyong nodded. “Now they won’t be watching our cave all the time. Their eyes will be turned elsewhere. It’ll give them space.”

Mark smiled, they had been acting. He felt his heart get lighter.

  “Are you sure they’re on their way. You said two days. Why did we let him go?!”

Mark wanted to chuckle. Ten should stop worrying about him so much.

  “I don’t know.” Taeyong said. “I guess, I put too much trust in him.”

 

Mark felt challenged and he grinned. “Have a little faith.” He said, feeling amused by imagining Taeyong’s and Ten’s face when they saw the new arrivals. Ten let go of Taeyong’s arms before running to Mark, wrapping his arms around Mark’s neck. Mark had to take a few steps back by the force. He hugged Ten back, inhaling his scent and seeing his home in flashes.

Taeyong’s eyes glowed and to Mark it was a comforting sight. He didn’t have to fear anything around him because now Taeyong was there. Yet as Mark held Ten he remembered what he saw first. What had happened while he was gone? Johnny, Ten and Taeyong all alone. Mark gripped the fabric of Ten’s shirt, feeling the other’s body against his and wishing he could put a protective spell on his brother to keep him from any harm.

Mark realized his protective thoughts were getting a hold of him when Ten loosened his grip and Mark was still holding on. He let go, looking at Ten’s face with a smile. “I have someone you should meet.” He told him and looked up to Taeyong who had come closer. He frowned.

  “Who?”

  “A few new friends and an old one.”

Taeyong’s face seemed to shift into shock before he started running. Ten grabbed Mark’s hand and ran after Taeyong. Mark felt amused.

Ten was out of breath by trying to follow Taeyong’s speed. Mark just went with Ten, and they got up a little later. Taeyong stood in front of Jaehyun who was glaring at the other.

  “Let’s make a deal.” Jaehyun said. Taeyong’s eyes kept shifting between looking into each of Jaehyun’s. “No one makes a decision to exile me without my consent. Okay?”

  “I-” Taeyong started. Wanting to defend himself but all he could do was nod. Johnny had invited everyone inside. He was talking with Renjun and Jeno.

  “You kids,” he said. “What did Haechan and Mark put you through?” He asked and Haechan laughed.

  “Put the blame on me. I was saving their lives.”

Renjun grimaced and then looked up, his eyes glowed slightly. Taeyong was looking at him too. “A Damned? Outside of the borders?”

  “Things have changed.” Mark said, repeating Jaehyun. “They no longer have the no-killing rule. No, if you see a Damned you’re allowed to kill or have to report it. You can’t hide anyone that’s ill; they are all gathered in one place.”

The others who knew nodded. Ten’s jaw had dropped.

  “That’s insane!”

  “I know.” Jaehyun replied. “I’m not feeling well, it came a little after I got home. Renjun…”

Taeyong and Ten seemed to know that Renjun was the new Damned.

  “He died on the way back.” Mark explained. “And he woke up too.”

  “Oh, Mark,” Ten sighed and caressed Mark’s arm. “You’ve been through so much.” He said and Mark could see Ten felt guilty for not coming along. Mark stepped closer to assure the other he would be okay.

  “Let me introduce our new companions,” Mark then said with a smile. Taeyong seemed to groan inwardly at that: more people to protect and worry about. “Renjun; just woken up from death and now one of us. Jeno his best friend; pretty handy with a sword and Haechan.” Mark felt his throat tighten a bit. “The leader of the group,” Haechan tried to protest. Johnny and Jaehyun chuckled leaving Haechan’s face turning red. “or well, kind of. He’s pretty… cool.” Mark managed to say and Ten and Taeyong gave him a look. Ten’s looked like he knew something Mark didn’t know, and Mark scratched the back of his head.

  “So what do we do now?” Chenle asked with a smug smile.

Taeyong gave Chenle a look. “I’m getting Doyoung.” He said or rather groaned and then left. Ten smiled.

  “So,” he started and sat down. “Tell me what happened.”

Mark sat down too and noticed Jisung get comfortable beside Johnny. Johnny gave Jisung a one-armed hug. Giving the other a smile. Haechan seemed a bit awkward, Chenle started out talking about the first part of the travel, then they came to meeting Renjun and Jeno.

  “We thought we should probably just kill them off, but Mark here is soft.” Chenle said and Jeno choked on the food he was eating. Renjun chuckled.

  “Who was the one having a crossbow pointed at them?” He asked and Chenle leaned forwards.

  “You got to have something better than a crossbow to kill me.”

Renjun raised his brows. “Oh really?” He asked challengingly but Haechan stepped in.

  “So, I was at our camp in the woods…” He started explaining about the two bringing the Damned with them back to camp. Not knowing what they were and shooting a glare at the three for lying. Jaehyun laughed not having heard this part of the story. Johnny was laughing so hard.

  “Can’t believe you were all ready to kill each other and now you’re all here!” He commented. Mark chuckled and looked at Ten. Ten smiled at Johnny before fixing his eyes on Haechan. There was a strange look on his face when he looked at the other.

  “What happened at the square?”  Mark asked after they reached to the part of parting.

Jisung looked embarrassed. “I saw some really beautiful crystals a woman had. She told me she had more in the back and I was an idiot to step into the shade and look into the back of the building with her. She saw me so clearly, should’ve seen the fear on her face.” Jisung grimaced.

Chenle nodded at that. “I had to run in to get him the hell out, imagine her face when she saw my odd eyes, different from what everyone had been told. Red eyes. Mine aren’t. She passed out, people came running when she had screamed, thought we’d killed her. So we ran into woods, called for you while avoiding being shot.”

  “So many times you could’ve gotten killed!” Ten gasped.

  “More.” Jeno added.

  “More.” Jisung agreed and the two shared a look. They agreed on at least, one thing.

 

Mark decided to explain what happened next. “I heard them call for me.”

Jaehyun frowned. “I didn’t?”

  “We hear better.” Chenle said with a casual shrug, but still came off as an arrogant . Jaehyun laughed, and narrowed his eyes on Chenle who grinned at the other. Chenle had no fear. He’d confront everyone and everything.

Mark continued, ignoring them. “So I brought Jaehyun with me and we met up in the woods. Jaehyun took us to where Haechan lived.”

  “That’s when they told us the truth.” Haechan said. Jeno raised a hand. Haechan saw it. “Or well, Jeno used his suspicion and revealed it by making it dark. We agreed to let them stay, because Renjun was so ill we knew he didn’t have much time left. I couldn’t bear having him or Jaehyun dying and then waking up only to be killed again. I knew you were here too.” Haechan said with a small smile sent in Johnny’s way. Johnny looked a little wistful.

  “Yeah, well, then we almost got eaten by a Rox.” Jisung said with a shrug. Chenle chuckled, Renjun shook his head.

  “Drowned in a river.” He said. “Literally.” Jisung looked pale. Renjun gave him a smile. “Jisung got me up and Mark saved my life.”

  “Some from the 5^th Clan had followed us though.” Jeno said, everyone’s voices seeming quieter.

  “Then I died.” Said Renjun while fiddling with his own fingers. Ten gasped.

Jisung blinked, glancing at Renjun before continuing. “We had to hide quickly and couldn’t leave Renjun behind, I carried him all the way to a bunker where we hid for a while.”

  “Until he woke up.” Chenle said. “Then he somehow knew that we were being followed, and that Jisung would be an idiot and reveal us.” Jisung pouted. Johnny and Ten were frowning.

Renjun seemed to be even more focused on his hands now.

  “And then we continued our journey and got back in time!” Mark said, noticing the awkward atmosphere.

  “I’m happy that you got back in time.” Johnny smiled. “Because people noticed.” His voice turned darker, serious and Mark didn’t like that tone in Johnny’s voice.

He looked at Ten, remembering what Ten and Taeyong had been doing in the tent. “What happened?”

  “People have been watching what we do, of course they have. You and Chenle go training, you always go training but didn’t for two days. This night, they decided to check up on it. Lord Win luckily hasn’t been giving out any orders. We kept saying different stuff to people, in the end we made it seem like you, Jisung and Chenle were doing something we didn’t know about. So you have to come up with something.”

  “And the others? How do we explain their arrival?”

Ten looked troubled. Mark rubbed his shoulder in comfort. “I’ll talk to Lord Win. We can trust him.” He said.

Johnny didn’t look like he agreed, Ten did not either but they didn’t say anything against it.

In that moment Doyoung and Taeyong arrived.

  “It all makes sense.” Doyoung said as he looked at them all. “Now it all makes sense.”

Ten rolled his eyes, but did it away from Doyoung so that the other didn’t see. “He’s been rambling on and on lately.”

 

  “You’re all probably exhausted.” Doyoung said. “I’d like to speak to some of you, out of curiosity, of course. Mostly Jaehyun,” he then said with a glint in his eyes. Jaehyun raised his brows but then smiled. “I was so saddened the way we parted with you, it is much better having you with us.”

Jaehyun chuckled. “Let’s talk when I’ve gotten some rest, Doyoung.” He said, having stood up to greet Doyoung and squeeze his hand. Doyoung looked very happy and nodded with a grin. Johnny made space for where Ten had slept since Jaehyun had gone and Jaehyun lied down beside his friend. They moved their sleeping spots to the end of the cave. Lying with Johnny first at the left side, Jaehyun, Haechan, Renjun and Jeno. Mark lied in the right side at his usual spot with Ten beside him with enough distance to Renjun and Jeno for them to have a path to get out. On the other side of them lied Jisung and Chenle. Taeyong had his spot near the entrance and Mark noticed he’d taken some of his furs with him to the cave.

Mark lied beside Ten, thinking. He couldn’t sleep. After pretending to sleep and then finding himself staring at Ten sleeping he sat up. Ten and he was sharing a blanket, since the many new arrivals wasn’t expected and they would draw attention by bringing more blankets up to the cave. He quickly took it off of him and made sure it was snug around Ten’s form. The air was getting colder.

Mark rubbed his face, looking over at Chenle and Jisung. Chenle wasn’t sleeping with a blanket since Jisung had stolen it. The other was hugging one of Jisung’s arms instead. Mark knew Jisung would soon wake up because of it. Those two had a weird friendship.

Johnny was sleeping soundly. Jaehyun seemed to be in a deep sleep, finally with friends again. Where he wanted to be. Mark tried to ignore the uneasy feeling in his chest and removed his gaze from Jaehyun. He found himself looking at Haechan. The other was sleeping lightly. He’d been awake for some time, probably forcing himself to stay awake. It was light outside and they wouldn’t sleep for long, Mark knew that. After travelling without enough rest, they still managed to fall asleep. Johnny, Ten and Taeyong after what Mark heard had been awake much of the night too. Mark looked over to see Renjun’s eyes open. The other was just staring into space, Jeno had an arm thrown over Renjun’s waist. Mark wondered, maybe they weren’t just friends? Jeno obviously felt very deeply for Renjun. Mark shook his head, or they were just close friends. Who was he to know? He knew nothing about those things. Clearly.

Mark got up and walked over to the mouth of the cave. Taeyong was eating a citrus fruit outside, legs hanging over the edge. Mark settled down beside him. He sighed.

  “Something is going to happen soon, isn’t it?” Mark asked as he watched the world around them. The great lake and the world beyond it.

Taeyong nodded. “It is happening. Lord Win will have to speak up soon. The Damned are getting out of control. Yuta had some things stolen from him. I am thinking of having Chenle guard his tent.”

  “What? Why would they steal from Yuta?”

  “He hasn’t been himself since Ha- Hansol’s death.” Taeyong almost couldn’t say the name. “Created some new enemies. And since Lord Win isn’t doing anything something bad will happen soon. Got a new leader… Coups. He’s gathering up a team, and they are not our friends.”

  “Great.” Mark muttered and ran a hand through his hair. He looked over towards Yuta’s tent, but as he expected it to be difficult to find amongst the others he found it immediately.

  “Does Yuta have a fire going?”

Taeyong looked over towards Yuta’s tent. “Not a bi- That’s a big fire.”

  “His tent is on fire.” Mark repeated and the two got up. Taeyong immediately sprang down the steps. Mark felt his blood run cold. He turned around and threw the curtain aside.

Light streamed inside and lit up the cave.

  “UP!” He commanded and Chenle and Jisung sprang up. Johnny and Haechan too. “Be ready to defend yourselves.” Mark said seriously. “Chenle, you’re coming with me.”