"Shua! Shua, wake up!" Junghan shook Joshua awake. Joshua groaned. "Shua, last night!" Great, Junghan did remember the night before. Deciding it would be easier to talk about it, Joshua opened his eyes.

Junghan's face was right next to his, close enough that if they moved even slightly their noses would brush.

"Did you say you love me last night?" Junghan asked, a sense of urgency to his tone.

Joshua nodded.

Junghan's face lit up and happiness radiated from Junghan. Then Junghan pulled back, the smile dropped and Junghan worried his lip between his teeth. "Is it true?" he asked, voice small.

Joshua hesitated. Had he meant it? He'd been feeling a different sort of warmth around Junghan, a different sort of feeling than the infatuation he'd felt when he first met Junghan.

"I think so? I've never been in love before but it doesn't feel like just infatuation or whatever anymore."

Junghan searched his eyes. Joshua felt like he was inspecting his soul. He swallowed, nervous. What if Junghan thought he was lying? What if it wasn't enough for him?

Finally, Junghan's eyes widened in excitement and he vaulted at Joshua, connecting their lips.

Joshua didn't know if the kiss was hungry or soft or demanding, but he felt Junghan's vulnerability and sincerity and need to be close.

When Junghan pulled back he laughed, his expression one of pure mirth. "Finally. I love you, Joshua. Shua, I love you. I love you, I love you, I love you, and I know you're falling in love with me back and I love you. And I can say it and know you'll say it back and not be scared when I say it thinking I've gotten too attached too quickly."

He kissed Joshua again and again, and Joshua got lost in Junghan's kisses.

Eventually, Junghan rolled over onto his back and sighed. "I love you and you're falling for me."

They fell into silence, their breaths matching, in and out, in and out 

Joshua heard murmuring drift in from outside Seungcheol's front door. He made out Seungcheol saying something before a deeper, softer voice replied. There was the muffled noise of someone clapping someone else on the back, and Seungcheol's front door creaked open.

Joshua's attention whipped to the door, curious who was coming in. It was just Seungcheol. He closed the door behind him.

"You two look happy," he stated, almost tense.

Junghan nodded. "Something good happened."

Seungcheol raised an eyebrow as his gaze flitted to Joshua. "Really? What?"

Junghan glanced at Joshua, looking almost sorry. "Joshua's, uh, he's, you know --"

"I think I might be in love with Junghan? I'm not sure how to tell, but," Joshua shrugged awkwardly.

Seungcheol visibly relaxed. "That's great! What'll we do celebrate?"

Junghan glanced towards his crotch before sighing. "We can celebrate later. Who was that you were talking to?" Joshua was glad Junghan asked, he was curious, too.

"Nobody, just a neighbour. Wanted to know about babysitting."

Junghan hummed, managing to make it sound disbelieving. "Right. At this time? So quietly?"

"Everyone talks quietly this early. He had morning classes or something, I don't know." Seungcheol sat down at his coffee table, trying to look as devil may care as possible.

Junghan's eyes narrowed. "Why are you lying?" Then he gasped, looking slightly betrayed. "That's your other friend, isn't it? Go and let him in, we wanna meet him! Why's he here so early?"

Seungcheol swore. "How'd you know?" Then he stuck a hand in his jacket pocket, looking away. "He has somewhere to be, then he wants to walk his boyfriend to school. I don't know, they're soulmates." He shook his head.

Seungcheol took his jacket off then climbed back into bed. "Wait, you guys have already met him -- Wonwoo. He's been out to clubs with us, we've hung out with him at the cafe."

Junghan shot up. "You're friends with him? Mingyu's soulmate? Really? You guys are making me soft, I'm losing my touch -- I had no idea."

Seungcheol looked shocked. "I've been friends with Wonwoo since the guy started high school. He still hasn't really warmed up to everyone else, how didn't you notice Jihoon and I are the ones he's friendliest with?"

Joshua thought back, he hadn't interacted with Wonwoo very much -- maybe once or twice to talk about a book Wonwoo was telling someone else about. Usually, he was kissing Mingyu or whispering things back and forth with the tall teenager.

"He doesn't really seem like the type of person that would be friends with you," Joshua said, cautious of how Seungcheol might take it. "And he's always with Mingyu, kissing and just being quiet while the kids joke around."

Seungcheol made a face. "I guess. But, why would he come to my performances then?"

"To keep Jihoon company and give him support while you butcher his babies," Junghan said, obviously without thinking.

Seungcheol chuckled bitterly and Junghan's eyes widened as he realised what he'd said. "Crap, Cheollie, I didn't mean --"

"It's true," Seungcheol cut him off. He shrugged. "It's not a big deal."

Junghan opened his mouth to say something else, but Joshua shook his head and ran a hand through Junghan's hair.

"Hannie, you'll just make it worse. Cheol's already said it's fine, leave it be."

*

  Tue, 10 November 2015

  Hi Mom,

  Not much has been going on, I've just been going to Seungcheol's performances (he's a rapper, but he's not very good. He occasionally does fairly well.) and going to college and trying to balance everything.

  I think I'm getting into the groove of things, but I also think I'm falling a little behind in one of my courses so I'm obviously not doing too well at it. Don't worry, I've already learned all the stuff in that course back home -- I just haven't picked up all the vocabulary quite yet so I get a little lost in lectures and stuff. A little bit of studying and I'll be right on track. Don't freak out, you know what I'm like.

  I'm sorry I didn't take the time out to tell you about Seungcheol, I promise I'll try harder to keep in touch and let you know how I'm doing and what's going on. Maybe I'll even start taking pictures to send you. When's dad free to talk? It'd be really nice to talk to him again, even just for a few minutes.

  There's something that's been a bit of an issue, actually, but I don't know how to phrase it or anything. It's nothing bad, so don't worry! Just something I'm having a little... Trouble with. I thought I was handling it fine but Seungcheol says... Ahh, I feel awkward just typing it out. You know that time when I was younger and you walked into the living room and my first boyfriend and I were laying on the couch together shirtless? You freaked out and I got in trouble because I was fifteen and spooning my boyfriend half . Then I explained things to you and that I wasn't interested in anything like that ever. And you told me that was alright and my soulmate would understand. Well, Junghan doesn't. And I'm fine, I've gotten used to things, but Seungcheol says I should try explain things again because I'd prefer not to do things --

  Gosh, I'm really writing to you about this. I'm sorry, I should be able to sort this out on my own but you're so much wiser and I don't want Junghan to just sweep it off thinking he understands when he doesn't but I don't want to hurt him either because "physical affection" is really important to him. So I was wondering if you had any ideas on ways I could try explaining it to him or something.

Also -- how do I know if I'm falling in love? I know it's supposed to be one of those things you just know but what if what I'm feeling isn't? I've never been in love before -- how am I supposed to just know something? What if I just think this is love because I think Junghan deserves for me to be in love with him?

  I don't know if I'm actually going to send this to you, I feel like this all stuff I should be able to sort out on my own, being an adult and all. I don't want to waste your time or anything.

  Your only son who really needs to learn to keep in touch better,

  Joshua

Joshua leaned back and closed his Mac. He sighed and pushed the laptop towards the foot of his bed, where he didn't have to think about it.

Shouldn't he be able to solve all his issues on his own? Or with his soulmates' help, at the most? He felt like a child again, having to rely on his mother to help solve his problems. He'd been a fairly independent teenager, not always willing to divulge his issues to his parents. But now he was on the opposite side of the world and felt like he'd never needed his mother's advice more.

His phone vibrated on his bedside table. It was a message from Junghan asking if he was busy. Joshua replied no, and less than ten seconds later he was picking up a call from him.

"Hello Hannie," Joshua greeted, putting the call on speaker.

"I'm at Cheollie's but we miss you, Shua."

Joshua snorted. "I'm studying, I'm falling behind in one of my --"

"What are you studying?" Seungcheol interrupted.

"Vocab. I have no idea what half these words are in Korean. I know them in English and that's the most frustrating thing. I know this stuff," Joshua complained. He grabbed one of his notebooks from under his bed, hoping it was the one he'd been revising from the night before.

Seungcheol coughed. Joshua swore he heard something that sounded like Seungcheol taking a drag from a cigarette crackle over the line.

"Is it too late for you to switch into an English class or something? Is that something you can do?" Seungcheol asked.

Joshua shook his head, knowing Junghan and Seungcheol wouldn't be able to see it. "I don't know, I don't want to ask. I'm enjoying that it's hard and I'm learning. That's why I'm taking stuff I've covered in America, to get the Korean words for this stuff."

Junghan sighed. "You're so hardworking, I think my mother likes you better than she likes me. You're perfect."

Joshua hummed as he started looking through his notebook. It looked like this one was the one. "So why'd you call?"

"I missed you."

Joshua almost blushed at the tenderness in Junghan's voice.

"I want you to be here so we can cuddle and tell each other we love each other," Junghan continued. "I don't even want right now, I just want to bask in the knowledge you're falling in love with me and be cute with you."

Joshua snorted. "You don't want ? Who is this imposter and what have you done with the real Junghan?"

There was rustling as Junghan shifted. "Why do you and Cheollie always make jokes like that? I'm a normal guy who wants to be all over my hot boyfriends, sue me."

Joshua stiffened at the casual remark. And Seungcheol wondered why he didn't want to talk to Junghan about and not having it.

Seungcheol made a weary noise. Joshua was glad Seungcheol had noticed the comment, but he didn't want Seungcheol to poke the nest and have Junghan say something worse.

"I didn't mean anything like that. I didn't realise the jokes bothered you so much, I'll stop making them," Joshua apologised.

"It wouldn't bother me if you both made jokes about something else, but neither of you do. It's like that's the only thing you ever notice about me."

"It's just the easiest to make fun of. I'm sorry, angel, I didn't realise it was a soft spot," Cheollie spoke up.

Junghan made a soft noise. "You two care so much, I can't believe I ever thought of soulmates like I used to."

Warmth bloomed in Joshua's chest. He knew how Junghan used to think about soulmates, and felt a little hopeful that he could talk to Junghan one day. Not now, like Seungcheol thought, but eventually.

"So, did you want to --" Joshua began.

"Can you just stay on the line? I miss you," Junghan asked, his voice almost a whisper.

"You saw me yesterday," Joshua laughed.

He'd originally worried about Junghan's clinginess, but now he figured it probably had something to do with Junghan's dad, as much as Junghan would never admit it. It had seemed to die down a little once Junghan had grown more secure about their relationship.

Joshua hoped it was just because they'd seen each other so much recently that Junghan missed him so quickly, not the insecurity creeping back in.

"Yes, I can be on the phone with you two as long you don't make too much noise -- I'm trying to study."

Junghan made a sound that was very similar to a squeal. "This is one of the reasons I love you, you're so accommodating. When I told Cheollie I wanted to call you he said it was ridiculous."

There was a noise, then the sounds of play fighting or play wrestling that was definitely flirting, then what Joshua assumed was Seungcheol's bathroom door slamming shut.

"Who won?" Joshua asked.

"Me, of course," Seungcheol replied smugly. "Our dear angel's hair came out of the pretty bun he had it in so now he's gone to fix it."

"You know that's a low blow. He can't play fight properly with his hair in his face."

Seungcheol chuckled. "I can't play fight properly with it up like that. He took selfies this morning, I'll send them to you."

Joshua hadn't seen Junghan's hair done any way besides down or tied in a ponytail. "Please, I bet he looked really nice. I bet he had bits of hair that weren't quite long enough to be in the bun, so they just sorta hung around his face and tickled his neck." Joshua sighed. "He should do more with his hair, increase his powers of charm and persuasion and whatever else he uses to get discounts."

"Sent them, remember not to look at them until he comes back so he hears you waxing poetic about him." 

"Oh, it's fine," Junghan voice drifted over, faint, "I heard him just then."

Joshua realised he'd been staring at the page of words he had to memorise for twenty minutes."I'm not getting any studying done, so either shush or I'll have to hang up."

Junghan groaned. "You're so boring sometimes. But I get it, school comes first, tuition's expensive. Can Cheollie and I watch a movie on his laptop or will that distract you?"

"You're fine with just being on the phone with me? And not even speaking?" Joshua asked, finally picking a word and starting to write it over and over until it stuck.

"I miss you, it's not like it's much different than having you in the room."

Joshua smiled. "Of course you can watch a movie -- you can entertain me with your commentary."

Seungcheol laughter cut short, presumably because of Junghan glaring at him. "He has a point." Seungcheol defended himself. "You aren't quiet when we watch movies."

As Joshua tried to memorise the words on his list, he listened in amusement to Seungcheol and Junghan's playful arguing. Their banter soon turned into flirting and tickling. Unable to concentrate, Joshua put his notebook aside and reached for his laptop.

Then there was a wet smacking noise Joshua recognised as kissing.

Joshua decided to ignore it, and instead went back into the email he'd written his mother earlier, to edit and make it sound less childish.

Then, Junghan gasped. "Shua! Do you want to try phone ? I'll walk you through it, it'll be fun, I promise!"

  Message sent

"!"

"Shua? Are you ok?" Junghan's tone fell from excitement to concern.

"Uh, yeah. Yeah, I'm fine. Just sent my mum an email rife with typos. I went back to edit and uh, wasn't paying attention when I clicked the mouse."

"That's it?" Seungcheol asked, sounding like he thought Joshua was overreacting.

"There was also some uh, some stuff I didn't want to send to her anymore. You know, about me." Joshua's throat was tight. His mum wouldn't react badly, but Joshua still felt like he should be able to solve his issues on his own.

(Gosh, he'd left all that in there, too. Now he'd get something about how his mother would always be there to help solve his issues or something patronising and like his mother didn't believe he could ever be his own adult.)

"Oh," Seungcheol said. "I hope she doesn't react badly."

"So no phone ?" Junghan asked. Joshua could imagine him pouting, his head probably on Seungcheol's chest.

"Nope, no phone . I have to think of a way to fix this."

"Right, of course. I hope you figure it out. I love you. I'm going to hang up before I screw anything else up. Love you, Shua."

Joshua didn't quite register what Junghan said, things already whirring around in his brain. Would it work if he sent an edited version and asked his mother not to read the first one, tell her he'd accidentally sent it before he'd finished writing it?

"Love you, too, Hannie," Joshua said absently, only registering the appropriate response to Junghan's words.

Or would she still read the first one? What if she'd already started reading it? He didn't know what hours his mother was sleeping these days.

"Bye, Joshua," Seungcheol's voice crackled over the line.

"Yeah, bye."

Hours later, he still didn't have a solution.