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Warning: Cursing. And some more angst.

"What's your favourite season Lu? Wait, let me guess, is it Winter?" Sehun joked, nudging his boyfriend. It was an August afternoon, there was no sun and the clouds were gray. They were sitting on a bench, surrounded by leaves that were a plethora of colours. It had rained the night before and the ground was wet. The petrichor was thick in the air and by the way Luhan was breathing in so deeply, Sehun knew this was one of his boyfriend's favourite smells.

"Actually no, it's Autumn." Luhan smiled, reaching up to ruffle his boyfriend's hair. Sehun laid his head on Luhan's lap while his body hung awkwardly over the arms of the bench as Sehun stretched over the limited space. Luhan immediately began Sehun's hair, knowing how much his boyfriend loved it when he did that.

"Why?" Sehun asked, looking up to his boyfriend, unwavering adoration in his eyes as he admired Luhan from beneath him. There was never a time that Luhan didn't look perfect. Not when he woke up, not when he was sad, not when he was sick. He was so agonizingly attractive and maddeningly adorable. Sehun didn't want it any other way.

"Because change happens in this season. Everything is dying. Look at the trees for example, they're shedding their leaves. Why? Because they're preparing for something worse, Winter is coming. Autumn is not misleading with the promise of birth or brighter days like Spring or promising longer days like Summer. Autumn is preparing for the cold, the darkness and the brutality Winter comes with." Luhan said, exhaling deeply after pondering over his reply.

"Lu, I love you but sometimes you're so melodramatic." Sehun joked, trying to lighten the atmosphere because during that explanation, his boyfriend's features had become rather forlorn and Sehun would have done anything to see him smile again.

Luhan smiled but Sehun couldn't help but notice how dim Luhan's eyes looked. It was like the internal light was malfunctioning or had been switched off.

1/1/2014

New year.

Is there supposed to be a new me?

How could there be when everything is exactly as it was yesterday?

It may be a new year, but every monster remains to be a monster and

the dead remain to be dead. So tell me, what's new about this year?

17/4/2014

It hurts.

.

I don't know what to do anymore.

I don't know where to go.

Where can I run?

Where can I hide?

I've already run.

I've already left my country.

So where else is there to go?

Nowhere.

There is nowhere.

I can leave, I can run. I can go somewhere else.

But how can you run from demons where they

are right ing inside you?

Do you cut your chest and rip it out?

I can't do this anymore. I'm so tired.

20/4/2014

Happy birthday to me.

I'm so glad to have all these people around me and

all these presents and this wonder-ing-ful life.

Psyche.

I'm still a miserable .

Like last year.

And the year before that.

Like all my life.

Sehun read on, even though he was terrified and confused and desperate. He finally realized after a few entries like that, that this was Luhan's journal. And , he's never read anything so angst-ridden, so depressed, so full of hurt and anger. He was having a hard time believing it belonged to his delicate and sweet Luhan but undoubtedly, the handwriting belonged to his deer-like boyfriend.