-serendipity-

다시 만나서 반갑다 친구야

It's nice to meet you again, my friend.

Two weeks have passed since Jimin gotten Jungkook's letter, and nothing is scheduled. Jungkook explains that he's uncertain as to when he's free, and Jimin is determined that he won't be the one trying.

They met by complete chance on the last week of March. Jimin was invited back to school to join a discussion on 'improving the Senior High Economics performance'. Since Ms Lim was both his Economics teacher and homeroom teacher, and had always been nice to him, Jimin didn't think too much before saying yes.

He was not expecting to be stuck in the same room as Youngjae, Jinyoung, Yugyeom and Ms Goh instead. "Ms Lim will be speaking to the H2 students while I'm taking the H1 students*," Ms Goh, the youngest Economics teacher well known for her fiery temper, had explained to Jimin when he entered. Jimin was high-key ready to turn tails and flee out of this suffocating room, but it's kind of late to back out so he slides into a seat furthest from Ms Goh and practices the mental art of camouflage.

(*A/N: the H1 vs H2 of a subject is somewhat like the intermediate vs advanced level of a subject; some teachers like Ms Lim would teach both classes, while others like Ms Goh would only teach H1 or H2).

Most of the desks and chairs have been pushed to the back of the classroom since it's December holidays, leaving only a few arranged in a loose circle. That means that Jimin is forced to sit much closer to the others than he prefer. Youngjae and the rest had looked up when he first entered, but now they've returned to talking among themselves.

Time ticks past 11am, but Ms Goh doesn't look like she's about to start. Jimin shifts uncomfortably in his seat, keeping his eyes fixed on his phone screen and pretending that he's deaf to the chatter around. He was contemplating an escape plan when Jungkook and Seokjin pushes through the door.

"Sorry we're late," Jungkook drawls, visibly comfortable with Ms Goh. "Seokjin dropped his wallet in the station, we had to go back."

"Consider yourself lucky that I'm in a good mood today," Ms Goh replies with a roll of her eyes. "Sit your down so we can start, we're already 10 minutes behind schedule."

"Yes madam!" Jungkook mock salutes as he turns to scan for available seats, which was when he notices Jimin. I didn't know you were coming was the silent question as Jungkook takes a seat directly opposite Jimin with raised brows. 

Jimin shrugs lightly to reply Me neither, looking away shortly afterwards.

And it's as if Jungkook's arrival has lifted the strange spell in the room. People talk louder, Ms Goh isn't frowning anymore, and Jimin feels a whole lot more ease.

"Ms Goh, let's start!" Jungkook says cheekily. "I bet you have a lunch date later hm~"

"Shup up, brat!" Ms Goh snaps with little menace. "Anyway, let's start talking. It'll be quite an informal thing, I'll just ask you some questions like how you found the lesson structure and material given, nothing to stress about."

The session went quite smoothly. No one held back with the pent-up complaints about the lecture material, unrealistically long 'model essays' and demanding hours because hey, what's there to fear when you've graduated?

Jimin and Jungkook didn't speak to each other much in the session, rather, they bickered through glares and minimal gestures when the others weren't looking. Whenever Jimin catch Jungkook shaking his leg, so he would frown disapprovingly until Jungkook conceded and planted his leg firmly to the ground with an exaggerated sigh, then Jimin would nod in satisfaction and look away, even if he knows for sure that Jungkook would resume his terrible habit fairly soon.

In a sense, they were loud, but in a subtle way.

They were dismissed on time. Ms Goh thanked them for coming down and they all left the room after a habitual bow (it's kind of weird because they technically don't have to anymore, but they've been doing that for 6 whole years, it's hard to change that).

Before Jungkook could say anything, Jimin waved a quick bye and slipped off, not wanting Jungkook to be awkward trying to decide who to talk to. He isn't 16 anymore, he knows better.

Instead, he rounded the building to speak shortly with Ms Lim about appropriate attire to wear his interview next week, then went to visit the drink stall uncle. His last stop was outside Hou De Xuan. The door was locked so he could only peer inside, wondering if the tables were still arranged in that messy manner for the sake of their exclusive graduation party. His lips curl up to a smile when he remembers that night, the bunch of them decorated the classy room with lame balloons and banners, forced every guest (including their teachers) to limbo through the door, threw confetti into the air at all the wrong timing and sang karaoke until their throats hurt. The night had ended with tears, hugs and too many (poorly-taken, ghost-film-worthy) polaroids.

"Lunch?" The sudden voice made Jimin jump. Bless his quick reflexes that allowed him to narrowly prevented an intimate interaction with the wall.

"Fck, you scared me!" Jimin complains, glaring at Jungkook.

"Hey, not my fault that you didn't hear me yelling your name like ten miles away!" Jungkook argues.

"I could have died and it would have been because of you sneaking up on me," Jimin insists childishly.

"You're too dramatic, Jimin," Jungkook mutters. "Anyway. Lunch?"

"Lunch?" Jimin repeats, blinking rapidly to help him think better. "What about your clique?"

"They have their own stuff, and a few of them didn't want to see each other so…"

"Okay, friendship drama. My favourite topic. Tell me later."

"Yeah, yeah. So… lunch?"

Jimin recognises let's talk as the unspoken request in how Jungkook's fingers are nervously gripping at his shirt hem.

"Why not? Where?" Jimin says after a beat of silence.

xxx

They somehow end up travelling all the way back to Tampines to food hunt, a decision that Jimin doesn't quite understand because they were both starving and there were much closer options. But then again, Jimin can't really explain majority of his actions when he's around Jungkook.

Nearly one hour later, they're strolling down the rows of restaurants, and to be honest Jimin isn't sure if he's still hungry after the long delay. They settled on Nando's, because both have always been curious of the food there since it opened but never had the chance to try it out.

Ordering was faster than it usually would be since they both settled for the chef's recommendation. The waitress took their orders and was retreating when Jungkook called her back. "Hey sorry, can I just check, does his order contain any parsley?"

"I think so. Should I ask the kitchen to remove that?"

"Yes please, thank you."

The waitress left and Jungkook leaned against his chair casually, trying to pretend that he's oblivious to Jimin's stare.

"What? You're allergic to that stuff, no?" He finally grumbles when the waitress came back to set down their drinks.

"Yeah, I am," Jimin says quietly, dropping his eyes to study his lychee mocktail. "I'm glad you remember."

"It's hard not to after Taiwan," Jungkook mumbles awkwardly.

"I told you to stop talking about it!" Jimin complains.

"You should have just told me that you're allergic to parsley when I asked you to drink the soup!" Jungkook persisted.

"You wouldn't stop nagging if I didn't!" Jimin shoots back. "Plus, I told you that before in Korea…"

That shut Jungkook up. "Still, you should have just refused me or something," he says grudgingly in the end.

"It's not easy for me to do that!" Jimin protests weakly.

Jungkook was about to say something else, but their order has arrived and he settles for sorting out the utensils instead.

They later dropped this topic.

The meal was light-hearted. They bickered throughout as they always did, had meaningless competition over who could get the least oily hands after handling the chicken. They judged each other for being a messy eater (because eating chicken gracefully is not a skill Jimin has mastered, and probably never will), and laughed mercilessly whenever the other dropped a piece of food on the table. Yeah, totally appropriate table manners for 18 year olds.

"This is honestly not a place that you should come with any friend," Jimin voiced his realisation out loud after he dropped his chicken yet again. Because seriously Jimin is such a freak about eating neatly, he doesn't even eat anything with bare hands (and by anything, I mean drumsticks, prata, prawns, crabs, and everything else you can imagine), so there is no way he would allow himself to eat chicken so messily around most people.

They didn't stay for long after finishing their meal since it clearly wasn't a place to talk. After wandering around Tampines for a while, they decided to go back to White Sands to talk. It's kind of funny, how they'd always end up there.

The renovation was just recently completed, so the mall smelt of fresh cement and paint. It's also Jimin's first time here ever since it closed down for renovation. They walked around the mall, trying to recall the old layout, arguing if the escalators have shifted or if the shops are different. Their old spot on the fifth floor has ceased to exist, so they found new seats on the third floor and started a mundane chat.

It's never difficult to chat with Jungkook, they don't usually run out of topics. But Jimin reads the growing weariness in Jungkook's every move, so he takes pity and decides to start the real conversation.

xxx

"So uh, this wasn't what I was expecting because I had everything scripted off your letter, but now I don't remember a word of that so just bear with me."

"It was a brave thing you did, and I'm very happy you decided to let me know that it wasn't as one-sided as I thought it to be."

"You don't look like you're ready to talk, so maybe I'll talk a bit more. It's pretty obvious, but I struggled the most in Year 5, especially the earlier part. Insecurity hunted me every day as I watch what we used to be distort into nothing, and it really doesn't help to see Jackson and Bambam around me. I wondered why they could stay friends, while we couldn't. I hated to be around you, tried to avoid you, yet still longed to spend time with you. I didn't talk to anyone about the matter at first, because I didn't want other people to be included in this. But I slowly realised that it does no good for me, that I'm going to be ruined at this rate. I started talking to people about it, I asked for their opinion, and my friends told me to stop. Stop taking the first step every time. Stop wondering who am I to you. Stop asking to meet for lunch, for whatever. Stop seeing you all together for a while, and see how that works out. And I saw that I was much better without you. The realisation was disappointing in a sense, but I can't say I was surprised."

"You know me, Jungkook. I'm rational to the bone. But I feel like all my reason and logic goes down the drain when it involves you. I made you the center of my world, the first and the last. And when you choose to walk out, I felt like the skies crumbled on me. But that mess of a person I was? That is not the me I want."

"I can't say I got better immediately. I spent a long time denying that you're trying to hurt me, then after I acknowledged that, I spent a longer time trying to acknowledge that you have hurt me and I'm not okay with that. I guess I really got better in Year 6, I found new friends, new things to do, new tasks to focus on."

"And it took me a long while to realise this, but I certainly wasn't without fault in this. I was blinded by insecurities, reluctant to go out and meet new people, didn't think I would need other friends when I had you, never dared to confront you with 100% honesty and allowed the miscommunication to deepen. I was probably a bother in some way too."

"So today, what I want to let you know is that I'm fine. And I mean that. Because I may have lied about that a thousand times in the past, but I have no reason to lie to you now."

"Of course, if parallel universe really exists, I hope the neko and jeon there don't ever have to go through any of these. But in this world, right here, right now, I want you to know that I never regretted meeting you. Meeting you changed me drastically, you broke through walls to drag me back to reality, and I ended up building a world around you. When you left, it was painful, but it was a change I needed. And I ended up happier after that too."

"You've told me that I'm the most important friend to you. I must say that I'm very touched, but I must also say that I don't believe you. And don't give me that offended look, Jungkook. You only think that because you are full of regrets. People long for what they've lost, it's nothing wrong to admit that. And it's okay if I'm not the most important. It doesn't matter anymore. It's a question I've stopped asking because I've answered that for myself and for you a long time ago."

"I also want you to know that you don't have to keep thinking that way, because you definitely have, and will have, more important friends than me. I meant what I wrote to two years ago. I want to you learn from our failure of a friendship that you should appreciate people who value you as a friend. You were always the one telling me to look ahead, and now I ask the same for you, except to also see the people that are with you."

"Yup. I think I've said everything I can think of, and really we're not meeting today for me to be repeating all these old tales to you. I don't need this closure, Jungkook. I've made peace with myself for quite a while. You're the one who needs this, and today I'm here for that. You have to get talking for that to happen, though. I've said my share, so from now on I'm not gonna say a word until you do," Jimin concludes.

And true to his words, Jimin stays silent. It's obvious how much it's affecting Jungkook, seeing how he's squirming in his seat and clawing at the leather of his wallet, eyes looking everywhere but in Jimin's direction.

"Don't do this!" Jungkook bursts after a while, too flustered to stay quiet.

"I'm not doing anything," Jimin replies peacefully, holding Jungkook's eye contact.

"But you're expecting me to say something!!" Jungkook explains in exasperation.

"Yes, I am," Jimin replies patiently. "That kind of is the reason why we're talking now, but okay."

"You know I can't do this!" Jungkook exclaims, twitching agitatedly. "You know I can't say these stuff! If I was less of a coward I would have chosen to tell you face to face, when in fact it took me 2 years just to have the guts to pass you a letter!"

"I know," Jimin finally says quietly. "It was brave enough that you gave me the letter, but remember that you asked for this talk on top of that. That you wanted this talk despite claiming to be a coward. You had issues with the ending of our chapter and there has been stuff that you'd wanted me to know. This is your chance to tell me."

"I know, I know! But it's hard, I can't bring myself to say those stuff!" Jungkook protests, and Jimin feels himself giving in when he meets Jungkook's reddening eyes.

"I don't want to pressurize you into talking, Jungkook. You know I'd hate that," Jimin says gently. "We've played the guessing game throughout Senior High, I think we both had enough of that. You can take your time if you want to organise your thoughts, or just let me know directly if you're not ready to do this today."

"I don't know how to do this," Jungkook mumbles softly, visibly frustrated.

Jimin nods sympathetically as he leans back to study Jungkook (he tries to be subtle about how he isn't looking away, but it's hard to pretend since Jungkook is clearly tensed and hyper-aware to everything that Jimin is doing). Jungkook repeats "I don't know how to do this" about five times, but eventually he collects himself enough to start talking.

xxx

"I knew that things were going wrong," Jungkook admitted quietly. "Way back in the first term of Year 5. I knew. I felt it. And I know the fault is mainly mine. I knew you were drifting away. I knew it was because I wasn't treating you right. I was an . I was distracted by all the new friends, new class, new everything. And also because truthfully, I didn't know how to address it. I was so scared that if I try to act, it may end up different from what I intended, and I may lose you completely. I didn't know what to do, and was scared that a wrong move will upset this precautious balance between us."

"In the two years we became close, no matter how far I wandered, which direction I went, whenever I turned to look you would always be there, exactly where you always would be, waiting. And I got used to that, I took your patience and presence for granted. I had blind confidence that you'd still be there even if I don't stop exploring. That perhaps the safest way was to just keep up my act as per normal, and maybe if I pretend like nothing is wrong and I'm the same ignorant idiot, you'd still stay with me."

"And in a way, because it was you that I was hurting, I felt even worse. If you were Taehyung, he would have said it straight to my face that I'm an and he won't want anything more to deal with me, and I may feel less sick of myself. But you… you're just too nice for your own good, Jimin. You tolerated my bullsh*t for a really long time before you snapped, you blamed yourself before you blamed me, you don't even try to get back at me and even allowed me to act friendly with you around others so I won't feel awkward…"

Jungkook ends up crying, as expected. "I don't know why I'm crying," he complains through red eyes.

Jimin sighs. "It's okay. You're getting the public embarrassment. I'm just being judged because people would think I made you cry."

"Mean," Jungkook mumbles. Jimin shrugs innocently. He won't ever understand how Jungkook can act like an majority of the time but still naturally tears up whenever he gets marginally emotional. It's trait that Jimin recognised since Year 3, a trait that they used to brainstorm ways to stop because it's affecting the scary reputation they need to maintain in front of rebellious juniors. They've long accepted it as unpreventable.

"You may not believe me, and I know I acted like I was completely fine, but I was upset and affected in Year 5 too," Jungkook confessed, sniffing. "Lots of drama were also happening simultaneously, both in my class and in dance too. I felt horrible, both as a person and as a friend."

"And my friends that I met in Senior High, they were really supportive during that period of time. They listened to me rant, stayed with me when I ended up crying, also tried to advise me on what to do. They told me "I don't know which friend you're referring to, and whether things will turn out fine with him, but we'll always be here for you" when I finally cracked and told them how I'm losing a best friend because of my own stupidity. I'm super thankful for them."

"I don't mean this to offend at all, but sometimes I think this may not be a truly bad thing? That we went our separate ways, I mean. I'm not sure if you felt it, but back when we hung together every day, both of us don't exactly interact with others much? We're like… exclusive. For the better lack of words. We just had that aura, you know, one that other people cannot possibly intrude. Like we radiated off this vibe that pushed other people away. That's not very healthy, to be honest. When we went our own ways I feel like we met a lot of other people to hang out with and balance out the energy. I feel like we both got brighter?"

"That, I kind of agree," Jimin hummed thoughtfully. "If you think about it, both of us have similar… energy? What do you call that? We're both more down in general, we don't exactly have the brightest outlook on life, and are largely unmotivated most of the time. Hanging with each other only worsened that."

That finally ends the heavy mood of a monologue. They talked a little more after that, more like "throwback to" and "did you know". Like Jungkook wasn't actually calling "neko" during the run, he was calling for his friend Nicole. Like Jungkook never heard Jimin snapping at him in the toilet that day and only assumed that Jimin was mad at him again. Like Jimin really hated how Jungkook would tell him all about dance.

"You know, it sort of eats at my pride to say this, but you're probably a better dancer than I am," Jungkook says casually since they're on that topic of dance. "You are born with a better music sense, and I always felt small next to you from time to time."

"Wow, thanks."

Jimin doesn't tell Jungkook that those words freed him of years of insecurity that hunted him. Of how he's less of a dancer because everyone seeks the opinion of the more dominant of the two. Of how he's less respected in the club. Of how he's just a shadow of his friend, a plus one to the package deal.

Perhaps he should have just told Jungkook about it, but it's probably the topic for another day.

xxx

It's getting late and both of them are due to be home soon for dinner so they left their spot to catch the next bus.

"Anyway I'm glad you talked to me, even if I had to sort of force it out of you with my silent riot," Jimin says as they stood on the escalator. "You gotta up your communication game though, Jungkook. If not you're gonna fck up again sometime later with another friend like this."

"I'll try, and I'm trying," Jungkook promised. "But Jimin, if I were to up my communication game, you gotta up your game too. You need to learn to fight for stuff sometimes, you shouldn't be that nice to everyone."

"Yeah, yeah," Jimin mumbled. "I'm working towards that. Let me live."

"Rude…"

Taehyung comes up in the later part of their conversation. Because Jungkook certainly hasn't settled with Taehyung.

"To be very honest, I wouldn't recommend you meeting with Tae," Jimin says carefully. "I talked with him before, about you and stuff. I don't think he's quite happy with you."

"I know, I just wish he would talk to me…"

"Like it's not like I can't ask Taehyung about it, but every time I try he'd change the topic. I don't think he'd be willing to listen," Jimin explains. "I feel like he just sort of flipped to the next chapter right after? Like he didn't actually healed, but he didn't want that scar to be disturbed again."

"I understand… it probably won't change much even if I got to talk to him," Jungkook admits sadly.

"I'll try and test his attitude more in the future, but probably not now yeah," Jimin suggests as they started boarding the bus.

"Yeah…" Jungkook relents.

"Wanna hear a confession?" Jungkook says suddenly after they were seated.

"What?"

"It's stupid, but I used to feel quite upset that you and Taehyung are still in contact," Jungkook professed easily.

"Were you upset that I'm closer to Taehyung, or that Taehyung is still close with me?" Jimin asked, genuinely curious. It seemed like a MCQ with the same answer, but there was a slightly dangerous undertone there.

"Both," Jungkook says after a long while. "But maybe more of the first reason."

"Oh," Jimin says stupidly. "I see."

"In fact, I think I used to be quite possessive of you? Like I get mad when other people talk to you and stuff," Jungkook admits.

Jimin looks at him, unsure of what to say for a while. "Same though, to be honest," he eventually says, smiling.

"If you think about it, it's like we've been through a break up?" Jungkook says suddenly. "You're like the girl that gets super affected in the start, and I'm that dude that only regrets later."

"Err… if you put it that way… I guess it makes sense too?"

"Yeah," Jungkook pressed, holding eye contact. "No homo but you know, if you were a girl, I would totally ask you out."

"Dude…" Jimin stares back. Jungkook had just made a very bold statement, and he's not sure if he's processing it right. "We would have ended up so much worse as a couple though? There's no way we could have made it work if we managed to fck up this much just as friends."

"You're right," Jungkook mused, finally breaking the eye contact. "It would have been a huge fight though. The kind that the whole school will know. The scale like Minhyuk breaking up with his girlfriend in Year 6."

"Holy sh*t, that! I still can't believe though? Everyone was so convinced that they were gonna be the couple and Hani always looked at Minhyuk across the hall as if he hung the stars."

The conversation swung to the gossips side and they had fun discovering new accounts that they've never heard of.

It was approaching Jimin's stop very soon. When he stood up to alight, Jungkook grabbed him back by the wrist. Jimin looked back and was about to ask what is this about when Jungkook spoke.

"So… We're friends right?" Jungkook asked in a small voice, but his eyes met Jimin's and it reminded him of the exact look Jungkook wore when he asked him "we're gonna do fine right?" before important stages.

Jimin stares back, exasperated because dude are you fcking serious, we just spent 3 hours pouring our hearts out to each other. Jungkook didn't back down though but only persisted. "Answer me, I need to know for sure. Are we still friends?"

"Of course we are," Jimin replies, sighing fondly. "Now let me go before I miss my stop or I'll make you walk the entire distance back with me."

Jungkook only beamed back at him, eyes bright. Jimin rolls his eyes at Jungkook once more before he dashes off the bus just before the doors closed. He turns to watch the bus drive away. Jungkook is waving at him through the window. Jimin waves back. He only turns to leave when the bus is out of sight.

Welcome back, curious .

-TBC-

There is no naggy author time today, neither do I have time to beta this and the previous chapters. The date is 18 Dec, 2017. Kim Jonghyun, composor of many musical masterpiece, an amazing vocalist, artist and musician, you'll be deeply missed. You've worked  really hard, Jonghyun. Rest in peace.

This chapter is written through tears to honour his passing, and his 27 years of presence. To highlight the importance of mental health, of communication, of seeking help. Do not try to struggle alone. Do not dismiss your dangerous thoughts too easy. Do not underestimate the power of mental health. Look out for your friends. Look out for yourself. Take it seriously.

I understand that this chapter looks highly unorganised, and there isn't a lot of explanation below as there usually would be. I'll find another day to tidy up all the formatting, beta all the chapters, and post the last epilogue with the final A/N. Should be before the end of the year.

Once again, never dismiss the importance of mental health. I'll see you at the epilogue.

EDIT: I've beta-ed it, sorta. Anyway here's the initial notes that I wanted to have for this chapter.

About the bowing: so it's a school rule for students to teachers anywhere on campus, but most of us carry that habit outside of school. We still habitually bow when we run into our teachers (not even kidding, I ran into my Year 2 Chinese teacher at the carpark below my block, I bowed at her from 20m away LOL), and definitely so if we go back to visit. It takes me a lot of effort to not to bow to my university professors, and I still slip up time to time.

I'll never comprehend why we went back to Tampines for food, because both of us were definitely hungry, we just didn't want to eat fast food (that was available near our school) and the school canteen was closed, but there were certainly other options available and closer malls too. And hm fun fact Jungkook ended up working part-time at Nando's in 2017, quite cool right!

The parsley incident… so I have a bunch of allergies and parsley is one of them. And if it isn't obvious enough from previous chapters but Jungkook is a pretty dominant and persistent person and Jimin is pretty bad at rejection of any kind (another reason why the whole thing with Kyungsoo landed up that way in a sense sighs). Jungkook saw that Jimin wasn't drinking the soup (with parsley) and told Jimin that he shouldn't be wasting food etc and Jimin drank the soup to pacify him. Jungkook only found out later when he saw Jimin taking meds for it after showering. He felt very guilty when Jimin reminded him that he told him about the allergy one year ago in Korea (it was a similar accident, can't remember what food it was over lol).

The "I'm glad you remember" was my mini tribute to that amazing chanbaek fic 10080. Read it during my most sensitive days (read: Jimin's Year 5) and it made me cry. Always gonna be a classic for me. That and the kaisoo fic Anterograde Tomorrow ("people are so scared of endings so they don't even begin").

The talk was hard to write because I forget what was really exchanged so yeahh. The Jimin part was largely based off my response to Jungkook's letter, the Jungkook part was mainly based off my summary blog post (which was super short so like… literally no details).

The whole part of the conversations (including the break up reference, the "are we friends" question etc) after the main talk were largely real though since I had a better record of those. And the "I'd ask you out if" was just slightly adapted from the original "honestly if I were a guy I would probably ask you out". My response was identical to Jimin's. To be honest I think it was a dangerous point and if one of us actually relented we would have went down a completely different way.