-words two years late-

Would we have turned out differently? Maybe, maybe not. But dear friend, thank you for telling me.

我们在最好的年华里相遇又错过。我们爱过，却最伤。

Jimin barely climbed out bed the next morning, hating how he's always so alert to the damned alarm regardless of how minimal his sleep was. Today is the NUS Open House event, and Jimin will be going with his father. And apparently, today he'll also be getting a letter from Jungkook too.

"I have to make it for dance rehearsal at 1pm so I'll try to pass you around noon," was what Jungkook had said the night before, after concluding his lengthy complaint of how he shouldn't have agreed to cameo for Indancity* because organisation is a mess and he just wants to fix everything, but if he does that they'll only end up even more reliant.

(*A/N: Indancity is the name of the annual dance concert series organised by Bangtan High's dance crew)

"No one forced you to," Jimin was saying, bored of Jungkook's rant.

"Sungjae was just so pathetic and I couldn’t say no!" says Jung(soft)kook, in an attempt to prove that he isn't just an overly attached parent.

"You brought it upon yourself," Jimin states, not letting Jungkook convince him.

"It's tradition for the alumni to go back for the first Indancity after graduation!" Jungkook protests meekly.

"You brought it upon yourself," Jimin repeats, unimpressed. "So if you caved to the kids, you jolly well it up."

"So cold-hearted…"

But karma is a , which is why two hours later Jimin called Jungkook in sheer panic because Jinwoo texted Jimin to ask him for help and in the heat of the moment Jimin mentioned that he'd probably be free before Jinwoo dropped the bomb.

"The kids want me to fcking help with the lighting and sh*t for the Volare stage, ARE THEY CRAZY," Jimin was ranting. "I can't believe I said okay before I even checked what help they needed, ugh."

"Wow, now let me return every word you said to me about how I was too soft for the kids," Jungkook mused, notably amused much to Jimin's annoyance. "But why not? It's not a huge favour they're asking for."

"Not a huge favour," Jimin repeats mockingly. "Jungkook, every fcking human that breathed in the PAC control room knows that me and Kyungsoo had a thing, but I highly doubt most of them knew that we ended badly. I don't want his techies junior sending that poor guy weird stuff."

"Oh… I didn't think about that… speaking of Kyungsoo, what happened between you two?"

"Not important at the moment, help me think of an excuse to tell the kids that doesn't involve me saying 'sorry I can't because I sort-of-not-really dated the techies' ex-chairperson and it'll be awkward' because the words will spread to Kyungsoo somehow, I'm 100% certain," Jimin bemoans.

"But I want to know what happened," Jungkook whines, but sobers up a little when Jimin lets out a small scream of frustration. "Okay, okay, let me try think of something, don't scream. It's o'clock."

"I don't care, I'm gonna scream if I don't get a reasonable, solid excuse to reject the kids," Jimin stressed, rolling on his bed to bring down his anxiousness.

"Jimin, you're gonna wake your neighbours," Jungkook deadpans. "And your dad," he adds.

"I don't care," Jimin half-shrieks, but significantly softer.

"How about you tell them you're going overseas?" Jungkook suggests suddenly.

"Overseas?" Jimin repeats, then his eyes light up. "Oh my god, yes. That sounds workable."

"Yeah, maybe say your parents already booked the flight but didn't tell you," Jungkook continues. "But like don't tell Jinwoo this right now, cause that would be too obvious. You should say something like, 'it should be okay', then a few days later you drop the news."

"Holy sh*t, I'm convinced," Jimin says, in awe. "But maybe I won't wait that long to tell Jinwoo, they need time to find someone else to fill that role."

"Alright, it's up to you," Jungkook agrees. "Anyway, if you need I can always just tell them the truth and tell them to stop bothering you."

"Don't you dare," Jimin growls warningly. "I don't need the rumours to fly around again, I was so sick and tired of that."

"Jimin, you guys literally walked around the school in each other's hoodie, of course everyone would be convinced that you two were dating."

"I know, I know," Jimin whines. "The drink stall uncle still doesn't let me live, he always brings up Kyungsoo when I visit and it's so awkward."

"Tell me the full story, I'm like dead curious," Jungkook pressed.

"Another day, it's complicated," Jimin sighed.

"But I want to know now! I thought you were really dating him!"

"Yeah, so was half the school," Jimin deadpans. "But long story short, it was supposed to be platonic, he confessed, we tried it out without making it official but he turned creepy so we cut clean. We're not on talking terms now. Happy?"

"… No, I want to hear the details," Jungkook replies cockily. "But okay, tell me that another day. I really need to sleep now, my parents intend of waking up very early since we can only stay until 1 tomorrow."

"You meant today, it's like 2am already," Jimin corrects distractedly. "But ok, go sleep."

"Whatever," Jungkook says dismissively. "Anyway, I'll tell the kids that your parents sprung a surprise trip on you tomorrow when I see them at rehearsal, you can text them after that to confirm the news and you'll be safe."

"Yeah, it sounds like a plan," Jimin breathes in relief. "Thanks."

"Mhm," Jungkook drones lazily. "G'night."

"Night."

xxx

Jimin barely had 5 hours of shut-eye when his dad wake him up. He doesn't quite share his father's enthusiasm about the Open House, but swallows his complaint when he gets a seat on the train so he can sleep for the next hour (seriously why are all these universities so far away). Jungkook texted him again, saying that he'll have to leave even earlier than planned because "the kids are a fcking mess and I'm the only Year 7 who's going down today", so he'll find Jimin at 12 noon to pass him the letter.

Frankly, Jimin has no idea what to expect. He tries to focus on the talks and exhibits they visit, but it's hard to fully take it everything when he barely understands how university is supposed to work.

Hours tick by, and it's noon. Jimin's seated in the huge canteen, waiting for his dad to bring back food when his phone vibrates noisily.

Jungkook: where r u?

Jimin: uhhh idk, some canteen

Jungkook: …

Jimin: DON’T JUDGE

Jungkook: is it level 2 or what

Jimin: I… think so?? I remember I climbed some stairs

Jungkook: I think I know where, wait.

His phone rings a minute later, and Jimin spots Jungkook in the crowd near the entrance almost seconds after he picks up. He waves, and Jungkook noticed him. Jimin hangs up the call, waiting for Jungkook to get past the lunch hour crowd.

"Sup," he greets when Jungkook finally stand before him, bright-eyed and slightly panting.

"Hi to you too," Jungkook mutters distractedly as he searches his bag, before pulling out an envelope and pressing it into Jimin's hand. "Here you go."

"Holy sh*t, I have the exact same letter set that I bought from Daiso like, two years ago," Jimin says, fascinated.

"Yeah same, I bought that set a long time ago but barely touched it," Jungkook mutters, fidgeting. "Anyway, there's actually something else that I wrote like two years ago but never had the guts to send it to you, I'll email it to you later, you can don't read it if you don't want to."

"Why wouldn’t I read it?" Jimin asks, laughing. "Anyway, I think you should be going, your parents have been trying to get your attention for a while."

"Oh, right, yeah," Jungkook says stupidly. "Then uh I'll run now, text me later?"

"Yeah, yeah, good luck with the kids," Jimin chuckles. "Don't die before we get to talk."

Jungkook only nods briefly before he heads off.

"Remember to eat lunch!" Jimin yells after him.

"I'll try!" Jungkook yells back, before he disappears within the crowd. Jimin frowns at his response, but shrugs anyway, knowing that it was futile.

His father walks up to the table with a tray of food, peering at the direction Jungkook went off. "I got you laksa," he says casually. "Was that Jungkook? I haven't seen you with him for a while."

"Uh, yeah," Jimin says, slotting the envelope into his bag discreetly. "He had some stuff to pass me."

"Oh. Anyway, what do you think of that double-degree program?"

The rest of lunch was peaceful, with Jimin's father too busy comparing the various majors and special programs to notice how half-hearted Jimin's replies were.

xxx

The letter lay in his bag for the next 3 hours. Jimin was planning to only read it when he's back home, but curiosity got the better of him, so after he managed to get a seat on the train back, he carefully slides the letter out of the envelope. He's greeted with the familiar Jungkook style of writing, as he scans through the letter that Jungkook wrote to him in December last year.

(A/N: I think the handwriting is quite ok to read, but if you prefer a typed-out version I have it here, including the small note Jungkook wrote to Jimin before is also there if you ever need it)

The letter had Jimin reeling a little, because these were words that he had wanted to hear years ago, struggling with insecurities and questions like what am I to you, did what we share meant anything, was I the only one who missed us. The confirmation that no, it wasn't ever a one-sided thing, that Jungkook had cared too, and still do.

He pulls out his phone, knowing that he should let Jungkook know that he's read the letter, but has no idea how to really write anything now. He sees an unread message from Jungkook instead.

Jungkook: I just told the kids the story thing so you can text Jinwoo later alr

Jungkook: anw uhhh check you school email, I sent you sth…. U don't have to read it though, it's quite a mess….

Deciding to only text back after he's read that email, Jimin logs into his mailbox and sees a new email in the inbox titled 'depressing sh*t' - very Jungkook indeed. The email consists of a one-liner (specifically: As I said ah....I wrote this at a very depressing time....so if you don't want to read it also can^^ up to you^^ and we must meet soon kay^^), and an attached file.

"A lot of this does not make sense but I hope you get the point. Here goes.

I remember the happy times and the sad times, the laughs and the fights. I remember how time also passes so quickly when I am with you, talking about everything and anything. We shared so much and yet here we are, standing at opposite ends of this life. What have we become? Strangers who used to know each other. We have become shadows of our past selves.

You said I changed and I agree. I did change a lot. So much that even I see the change. But do you realise? You have changed as well. Maybe that is why we are where we are today. Remember when I said I would not change for anyone? I lied. I meant to say I would not change for anyone who was not close to me, not important to me. But for pride sake, I said what I said and I regret it so much, but what is said has been said. There is no taking my words back.

I took you for granted. And I lost what was and still is the most important to me, you. I know it is mostly my fault that we became like this. I know I should have fought for you. But I thought you would always be there. So I never did anything about it when I felt you drifting away. Turns out that was the biggest mistake I ever made, the mistake that made you walk out of my life.

Maybe it was already decided long ago that we were not meant to be. Maybe we should have never been friends. If that would have made you less upset and disappointed in me, even if I would be hurt, I would turn back time and make it such that you never met me if I could. You are just so important to me. When my friends and I were talking about the 5 most important people in my life not including family, your name appeared immediately as the most important. Your friendship is really the one I cherish a lot because I know it is hard for you to open up to anyone and I really felt happy and honoured that you opened up to me.

You said that I don't know when you are upset. But, I do know about it. I just don't know how to approach you. You said you don't know how to talk to me about problems that concern me. The same goes for me. I want to ask you questions but I just couldn't find the right words. I said I like to push buttons on purpose just to see your reaction. But sometimes it's not. It's just cause I want you to know what is going on in my life now. But that backfired really badly huh? I never wanted it to seem like I was rubbing it in your face that 'hey, I can still have a wonderful life without you.' I really wanted us to stay as important people in each of our lives. I guess it can't happen anymore.

There is so much I want to say, so many things to tell you, but I don't think that will happen. Even though I know you hate it, but I must still say this to you. I am sorry. I am sorry for ruining this friendship. I am sorry for making you so upset. I am sorry for not living up to your expectations. I am sorry for not being there when you needed me most. I am sorry for being a horrible friend. I am sorry for everything that I did wrong. Most of all, I am sorry that you met me and became friends with me. As much as I want us to be like what we were before, I know it is not possible. If possible, I want us to be neko and jeon again, the 2 zhidaos juniors feared. But that will never happen.

On this note, I wish you all the best for your future life. If it makes it easier for you, I wish for you to forget about me. Forget every action done, forget every word exchanged, forget every laugh shared, forget every tear cried. Forget the existence of Jeon Jungkook if it makes it easier for you to move on. Even if you do that, you must know that I will never ever forget you. You are the best friend I ever have and the most important person in my life. I am really grateful for meeting you even if you don't think so. I will always cherish our time together. I hope that you will be able to meet someone in your life who will care for you like I never did, to not make you cry like I did, to cherish you like I never did, to not hurt you like I did. To the most important person in my life, I wish you good luck. I guess this is goodbye to the old us.

Wishing to turn back time to happier times but knowing it's impossible is what really hurts to most.

When something or someone important to you appears, never take your sight away, it may just disappear the very next second.

Also, if you see Tae, please help me tell him that I said sorry that I was not a better friend for him and that I hope he's is doing well. Thank you.

Thank you for all the happy memories both you and Tae gave me. Those were the best 2 years of my life. Even if we can't be what we used to be, I hope we can still remain friends. Let's start over. Hi. My name is Jungkook. What's yours?

I actually wrote this 2 years ago, but I didn't dare to send it to you as I didn't know what your reaction would be. Now that 2 years have passed, and I feel like I have matured a little, I realised that though I said I was mature then, in all honesty, I was really immature and a coward for not sending this then. Maybe if I did, things may have been different. We ended off really badly and I don't want to carry this regret around for the rest of my life. I am not asking for your forgiveness because that will be too much to ask. I am just hoping that we can still meet up like before just to relax and enjoy each other's company. But if that is not possible, at least I know that I tried. I didn't want to carry this regret for the rest of my life, so I decided to let you read it and just let you know how I feel.

Ps, I hope you don't feel sad or anything after reading this. I don't know if you will but yeah, I just felt like I should say it. I only sent this to you and not Tae because even if I have matured, I am still a coward and am scared to talk to him for fear of his reaction. It's been too long since I talked to him and I really don't know how to start talking to him but I really want to let him know that I am really really sorry for everything and I hope both of you are doing well. So, I hope you can help me tell him that. Also, help me thank him for all the good memories we shared, because even if both of you forget, know that I won't."

xxx

Between the two of them, they had left so many things unsaid. Both being emotionally constipated and generally sh*t at healthy communication, they never truly opened to each other about what they're upset about for fear of dumb things like pride. Jimin never told Jungkook how much he was suffering, Jungkook never told Jimin how much he cared, and they ended up drifting apart.

And today, Jimin sat on the train, reading through the words that went unspoken, words that Jungkook had wished Jimin knew in 2014, words that were buried below Jimin's blindingly strong insecurities, words that only had the chance to be heard two years after the whole deal has closed. Words that Jimin is very glad that Jungkook decided to let him know.

Jimin: I read it, both the letter and the emailed one. And uh, yeah we should totally meet up to talk about it after we're done with all the application stuff.

-TBC-

Naggy author time!

So yes guess who's the idiot consistently increasing the number of chapters LOL WE STILL HAVE ONE MORE CHAPTER + EPILOGUE + LONG AUTHOR CLOSING NOTES TO GO + BONUS CHAPTERS MAYBE WHY AM I DOING THIS TO MYSELF.

Anyway this was actually written out for a while and I was planning to post it on my birthday (8th) but BLESS GUESS WHO IS THE PROCRASTINATOR HAHAHA. It's like the 3rd day (night) of recess week and I'm finally uploading this, I need to get my life together lmao.

The chinese in the opening meant sth like: "we met at our HYYH, we loved each other, but hurt each other the most". It's not fully relatable but it's a beautfiful quote that I'm determined to use to here it is lmao fight me it's my fic.

I guess I don’t need to explain why the letter(s) twisted the fic's ending dramatically from what I had planned in Jan 2016. There simply wasn't ever a Jungkook POV. This letter spoke volumes to me. This, and the following talk we had.

Oh yeah, if you didn't catch the in-text A/N, if you want to read the typed-out version of the letters you can refer to my blogpost.

I can't believe this journey is ending, and most probably will really wrap up by the end of 2017! Like wow another 2 years of my life.

Lastly, because this is my fic and I'm shameless, SUPER JUNIOR WILL BE HAVING A COMEBACK ON 6TH NOVEMBER PLEASE SUPPORT THEM, THEY HAVE A VLIVE CHANNEL TOO (@SJRETURNS) YOU'RE WELCOMED TO SUBSCRIBE AND WATCH GROWN MAN AVERAGE AGE ~35 ACTING LIKE IDIOTS YET ALSO THE HOTTEST. TVXQ WILL ALSO BE APPEARING ON THE NEXT EPISODE OF KNOWING BROTHERS I STRONGLY ENCOURAGE YOU TO WATCH THEIR STATION SONGS DROP (Yunho, king of dance, king of visual, king in geeneral, don't fight  me on this) & IN A DIFFERENT LIFE (Shim Changmin wrote the lyrics himself to Cassiopeia, catch me crying over that) BECAUSE THESE ARE GREAT QUALITY SONGS, FIT OF A KING. STAN IDOLS WHO EDUCATE YOU ABOUT THE 4TH INDUSTRIAL REVOLUTION, STAN INTELLECTUALS WITH DOUBLE DEGREES AND MASTER DEGREES. FEEL FREE TO HOLLER AT ME IF YOU WANT AN UNHELPFUL GUIDE TO STANNING.

HOLY FCK JUST AS I WAS EDITING THIS JAEJOONG UPDATED HIS INSTAGRAM WITH A PICTURE WITH HANGENG I AM CRYING IM SOFT AND SENSITIVE AND OMFG I CANT BELIEVE DON’T TOUCH ME RIGHT NOW I AM SO READY TO FIGHT SOMEONE I DON’T EVEN KNOW WHY THIS MAKES ME SO HAPPY YET SO ATTACKED AT THE SAME TIME, DBSK & SUPER JUNIOR WERE THE BEST FRIENDS EVER THERE'S NO TWO GROUPS LIKE THEM EVER I AM SO EMOTIONAL RIGHT NOW FCKING SH*T THIS IS ALMOST LIKE THE ATTACK I FELT WHEN HEECHUL CHANGED HIS DP TO A RECENT PHOTO OF HIM AND HANGENG OK THE LEVEL OF ATTACK I AM SCREAMING I HAVE NO CHILL NOW I'M JUST RUSHING TO UPLOAD THIS SO I CAN GO HOLLER IT IN ALL MY FRIEND GROUPS BYE.