-intro-

It's not a good thing if too many things goes unspoken.

The story has probably started on 15 December, 2013, 01:23. The night that Jimin has just returned from visiting his grandparents in China. Jimin was checking his email as he waits for his hair to dry before going to bed, and that was when he opens one titled, 'section allocation* for senior high dancers'.

(*A/N: I don't know how it works for dance, but just assume that the members are divided into 'sections', and the best dancers are usually in section 1. Jimin has always been a section 1 dancer, so keep this context in mind)

He found his name in section 2, and although he didn't want to, his eyes automatically scanned for Jungkook's name, and found it in section 1.

Too many thoughts start whirling in his head, voices screaming at him for being dumb, mean chuckles and 'I told you so' echoing. Jimin feels instantly smaller as a person, when the ability that he's most confident of, is gradually reduced to nothing.

Groaning, he throws his head back to cut off whatever words that are bubbling up his throat. Switching off the piercingly bright lamp, he sat in darkness with only the blue light from the laptop monitor illuminating his face, trying to not think about anything and genuinely failing.

It's too late for so much thinking, he decides minutes later.

Face impassive, he deletes that particular email, and about every other email sent by dance. He blindly scrolls through a few more emails about the upcoming Senior High orientation, before turning off his laptop and climbing into bed.

"I'm gonna quit dance," Jimin says out loud, although no one is around to hear. "I'm quitting," he repeats, in a smaller voice. "I'll email Mdm Zhang tomorrow once I wake up, I'll quit dance for real this time."

xxx

Jimin didn't get much sleep that night. He vaguely remember dreaming of a mirror with blurred words scribbled all over it, a mirror reflecting what resembles the familiar practice studio with a few hazy outlines of dancers. He recalls staring at the mirror as cracks crawl all over the smooth surface before the whole thing shattered before his eyes.

Jimin doesn't like that dream. It made him feel uncomfortable.

As he stumbled into the bathroom to wash up, he looked into the mirror to see a boy with pale skin, cracking lips and dark eye circles. It seems to be overlapping with a figure from his dream, but Jimin shakes his head to stop thinking about that.

After forcing down some breakfast, he is ready to email Mdm Zhang, but before that he checks his facebook, and saw Jungkook's comment below his status, welcoming him back. That comment made him hesitant about clicking 'send', and eventually he resorting to saving the email as a draft.

He does, however, delete that status announcing that he's back. He does phone Jungkook later.

"Tell the seniors that I won't be back until school reopens."

Jimin doesn't attend any remaining holiday practice.

xxx

Jimin met Jungkook about two weeks later, at the Macs in White Sand. He saw Hoseok a few tables away, with another friend. Jungkook noticed Jimin looking, and explained that they came from practice earlier. Jimin didn't comment on that, and Jungkook didn't elaborate.

They easily slip into their routine exchange of banter in between eating, and when they're mostly done with the food, Jungkook wipes his hands thoroughly before he fished a small package out from his bag, gesturing for Jimin to take it.

"I bought this in Taiwan on the last day," he explained as Jimin poured out the content. When Jimin realises what it is, he almost screamed out loud in excitement.

"Oh my god, DBSK as five, how did you find these I was hunting for them in Taiwan every time we were in stores that sell kpop stuff," Jimin gushed, hugging the photocards.

"Maybe you're just unlucky," Jungkook said lightly.

"Mean but I'm letting you off because of this, anyway thanks jeonnnnnnnnn!"

"It's a Christmas gift, or New Year, whatever," Jungkook said, waving a hand dismissively. "Now keep that away, you're gonna spill your drink all over it at this rate."

"Tsk okay, okay mom," Jimin said as he stores away the package with extra caution.

"Speaking of Taiwan, how were the last few days after I left?"

"We did a lot of physically draining stuff like mountain climbing and hiking, you should be glad you weren't there. The scenery and food were all nice, but to be honest I barely talked with Tae, he's just on his phone all the time."

"Isn't he always," Jimin sighed. "Speaking of which, I want to collate all our Taiwan photos. Dump all your camera photos into a thumb drive and pass me soon kay!"

"Alright, alright. How was China, anyway? You were there for quite a while."

"Boring, as usual. It's freezing cold to go outside, but my grandma's a great cook so that makes up for a lot of things. What about you? I remember you said your family is going to Japan."

"Nah, we cancelled that. I've been in Singapore since Taiwan."

And Jungkook starts to talk about dance. How practice has been terribly planned, Himchan was such a , and how they are still without an instructor.

Somewhere in between, Hoseok drops by to say hi before leaving with his friend.

Jimin only listens.

When Jungkook was done with his rants, he said, "I'm quitting."

Jungkook looked up from mixing ketchup with mayo. "You're quitting," he repeated.

"Yeah," Jimin said quietly, playing with his fries.

There was momentary silence, before Jungkook said, "okay".

Jimin looked up from the tray to stare at Jungkook.

"It's okay," Jungkook repeated, more slowly. "We'll manage."

"Don't worry," he added when Jimin didn't respond, almost like an afterthought.

Jimin nodded.

He doesn’t remember the rest of the conversation, only that he had quietly logged into his inbox, and clicked 'send' for the draft titled 'Dropping out'.

He remained in a dazed state until he was home, hitting the bed almost immediately, hoping to ease the splitting headache, only to have that same dream again. Except that this time, he could clearly see that "okay" was written all over the mirror, and he had a closer look on the blurry figures -- one of them was definitely Jungkook and… none of them were Jimin.

Jimin struggles to remember how the dream ended, but his last bit of memory is the silhouette of a boy kneeling in the mess and trying to piece the shards back, but only ending up with bloodied hands.

That dream scares him a lot.

When Jimin reaches for his phone to check the time, he sees the notification that Mdm Zhang has replied to his email. "Sad to hear", "unfortunate", "respect your decision"--

It's official now, but Jimin doesn't feel the single bit relieved.

xxx

One week before school reopened, Jimin went back school with Namjoon to purchase the new school materials. When they were done picking out their uniforms and books, they bought a drink each and sat down for a proper catch up.

Namjoon told Jimin that he's kind of  regretting his decision to join robotics because of how intense and demanding it is.

"More demanding than a performing arts CCA?" Jimin asked, eyebrows raised. When Namjoon nodded, Jimin shook his head in disbelief and commented that perhaps Namjoon has only "jumped from one fire pit to another".

"Maybe I'm just meant to have a crazy intense life," Namjoon said, looking sulky. Jimin laughed, while Namjoon made a face.

"Speaking of which," Namjoon said, peering at Jimin in interest. "You joining back dance? I remember your name was on the list."

"Nah," Jimin replied. "I quit."

"Oh," Namjoon said, looking sympathetic. "Parents?"

Jimin thought of how his parents had told him a thousand times to quit dance and focus on his academics, and how he'd always defied them. "Kinda, not really."

"Then…?"

"They put me in section 2."

Namjoon choked on his drink. "Wait what? You? In section 2?"

"Yep, you heard that right," Jimin laughed, but that laugh didn't even sound very convincing to himself. "Why else do you think I finally saw through this sh*t?"

"Dude, that's quite fcked up. Who the hell is in section 1 then? The instructor?"

"Jungkook," Jimin replied simply, and Namjoon fell silent.

"Hoseok's still in section 2," Jimin started after a while. "And Minhyuk is still in section 3. I think they're pretty pissed about that, but yeah."

"Well," Namjoon drawled. "Not like their skills can make it to section 1 in the first place."

"You could be more subtle about it, Namjoon," Jimin rolls his eyes.

"Whatever. Still, this allocation is really fcked up man."

"Yeah," Jimin said.

He didn't really want to talk about it, but he knew that Namjoon understands. "I never thought this would happen again."

Namjoon raised an eyebrow at that, not saying anything yet, urging Jimin to go on.

"Being put in section 2, I mean," Jimin continued, looking away to stare at the flock of birds in the sky. "I've been in dance for 10 years straight, and the only time I wasn't in section 1 was last year's open house when Zelo called in sick last minute and I had to cover him for the show to go on. I thought that would never repeat."

"I wonder if the seniors were thinking straight," Namjoon said, downing his drink.

"Nah, they probably had it all planned out. They strongly believe that Park Jimin will be in so long as Jeon Jungkook is," Jimin said, grinning so widely that he probably looked creepy. "Always a package deal, or so they thought. A one plus one."

"Jimin, I don't think-" Namjoon starts, but Jimin cut him off.

"No, Joon. That's precisely it," his words trailed off, watching one bird fly away from the flock. "I was the plus one as far as anyone can see."

Namjoon went quiet for a moment. "But Jimin, that's just the assumption. You both are equals."

An assumption that everyone believes, Jimin thought. Myself included.

"Well, not like me not joining back makes a huge difference," Jimin eventually said.

"Me neither," Namjoon laughed easily. "As far as Himchan's concerned, I'm probably just the extra pair of hands to carry chairs."

Jimin rolled his eyes at that but had to agree.

"A prop," Namjoon added, after second thought. "I was like a prop."

"And I was a shadow." A shadow of my best friend.

Namjoon laughed again at that. "I'm glad I left. They don't value people."

"I'm glad too," Jimin said. I don't value myself either.

"What club are you joining then?" Namjoon asked. "I already started in robotics, I mean."

"Photography," Jimin replied. "I signed up for that the last school term with Jungkook and Taehyung, but Tae's going to another school, so yeah. I think it's pretty slack and all, I haven't heard anything from them."

"Photography sounds cool," Namjoon commented. "But I've never heard you talk about that."

"Probably because I'm not the most interested in it," Jimin answered. "It was mainly Jungkook's idea."

"Ah, I see," Namjoon nodded.

"But say, will you feel scared of being judged by the seniors?" When Jimin shot him a look, he quickly added. "I mean, Yongguk's also in robotics, yaknow. I always hide from him during club sessions."

"Not really," Jimin said. "I don't even care anymore. Judge all they want. I'm out."

"I wish I can be more like you, I can't imagine facing Yongguk," Namjoon sighed. "Dance is just so fcked up, I don't know why Jungkook's so devoted to it."

"Maybe because he is at least recognised for it," Jimin replied lightly. "But anyway, have you seen this video of the cutest ever kitten?"

He had Namjoon successfully distracted, and as he half-heartedly swoon over baby animals, he thought of what he didn't dare to tell Namjoon.

That he didn't want to talk about Jungkook. That distress had been eating away at him for days. That he was scared of the future, of how they would be like when Jimin's no longer in dance. He didn't tell Namjoon of the dreams either. Of the "we'll manage" and "okay". Of the twist in the pit of his stomach when he saw Jungkook with Hoseok.

You're just being insecure, Park Jimin, he told himself. It will be fine.

It will be fine, Jimin repeated to himself, ignoring the nagging voices telling him otherwise, and willed himself to focus on the video of baby parrots that Namjoon's showing him.

"Li--ar! Li-ar! Liar!" The parrot squawked, flapping its wings. Namjoon clutched at his stomach laughing; Jimin draws on a smile.

At least, I hope it would be.

-TBC-