-delimma-

Jimin decides there is sufficient reason for him to try again

Because he isn't ready to fully give up just yet.

Midterms flashed past. Jimin is pretty much screwed for everything - hell, he didn’t even bring his calculator to the Math paper. But fck that, who cares about math.

And while Jimin didn't explicitly study, the end of midterms does allow for something out of his considerations and photogs doesn't have anything lined up, leaving Jimin with a lot more time than before, in other words he starts thinking a lot more about Jungkook again.

And as Jimin packs for his Geography Hong Kong trip, he can’t dismiss the nagging feeling that something’s undone. He blogs of his confusion and one hour later, he gets a call from Yixing.

“Hey.”

“Hey to you too. I just your blog. Need to talk?”

Jimin hesitates a heartbeat before turning down the offer. “Maybe another time, Yixing. I’m confused by myself. There’s no point confusing others if I can’t even make it out myself.”

“Not really,” Yixing points out. “If you talk it out, you may figure something out. And ultimately, you shouldn’t be doing this alone, Chimz.”

Jimin wants to refuse, but the old nickname made him feel fuzzy and less alone and now he wants to tell Yixing everything.

“I just don’t know, Xing. I can’t seem to figure out what I want. It’s like I want to go back to being friends, but I don’t want to make us any more awkward than we are now. I want to try again, but I felt like I’ve done enough. I want to push harder, but I don’t want to force things-” Jimin knows he’s been blabbering, but the words tumble out so fast, so desperate to be heard. “I can’t be sure if that’s what he wants, and actually, I want to know if that’s what I want as well.”

The other line remained quiet for a while and Jimin imagines his friend frowning as he gathers his thoughts, fingers drumming and lips pursed. A cough drew his attention back. “Firstly, if you’re thinking so much about it, then it’s probably what you want. You’ve always wanted it, you're just afraid it isn’t what Jungkook want, afraid that it won’t turn out the way you wanted it to be. But let me get one thing clear first. Do you miss the memories with Jungkook, or you just miss Jungkook? Because if what you miss is the way things was, you’ll definitely be disappointed even after resolving whatever issue you have with each other. Because there’s no way you can go back to how you were, Chimz. So think carefully about my question.”

So Jimin thought hard about that. He misses all the good times they’ve had in dance, the dinners and the talks. He misses messing around with each other, misses their ing sessions and routine banters. But more than that he misses Jungkook’s presence by his side, misses sharing mundane things in life with him, misses launching into a childish playfight over the lamest of reasons.

“I guess I miss both,” Jimin starts, letting out a shaky breath, “but if I have to choose, I miss Jungkook, I really do. It’s like this huge empty space in my life with him gone and no one’s able to fill up that void.”

Yixing was quiet for a few heartbeats, and Jimin waits for his friend to chide him for being ridiculously hung up on someone, but he only sighs and says, “Figures. He’s like the only thing you ever blog about.”

“Hey! I blog about other things too,” Jimin protests meekly.

“Okay, maybe 90% Jungkook,” Yixing concedes.

Jimin whines a little about that, but Yixing quickly dismisses that. “Anyway. If that’s what you miss, and what you want, just follow your heart and stop letting yourself stop yourself from this. I can’t guarantee you that what’s waiting is all rainbow and sunshine, but you might as well go for it. After all, the only thing we’re allowed to believe is that we won’t regret the choices we make.”

Jimin lets his protests die on his tongue, as Yixing presses on. “It may hurt more after giving it another try, and you may wish that you’d never done it, or even hate on yourself for touching this matter, but what’s this now? You’re just torturing yourself all over again.”

“I can only tell you what to consider, Chimz, but at the end of the day, this is your decision in the end.”

Jimin fell silent as he thinks through his options and possible outcomes, and realised how terrified he is. “Is it cowardly that I fear the future?” He blurts out.

The other line was barely silent for a heartbeat before Yixing says fiercely, “Of course not! I don’t know anyone who doesn’t fear the future. Relationships, school, job, life, everything. No one doesn’t fear the future. It’s the things that we can’t predict that terrifies us, isn’t it.”

“So should I go for what I want instead of what seems right? Because I hate how rational I am at this point of time. I’m so terrified of what may happen if I do something, Xing. So scared that things may not turn out the way I want.”

“Chimz, I told you that I can’t decide for you. But look at it this way. You’re just stagnant at where you are now, and you’ve distanced so much with Jungkook so you don’t actually have that much to lose anyway,” Yixing sighed, but still patient. “And wouldn’t it be stupid if both of you longed for the same thing, yet both were scared to say something first? It’s just like how we were before, isn’t it?”

“It kind of is,” Jimin murmured in agreement. “And I remember that it .”

“Yes. We both pretended that no one’s hurting, that we weren’t affecting each other, that we didn’t need each other in our lives. It’s better that we’re talking now right?”

“You have a point, but Xing, I just can’t be sure. I knew you were affected, I could tell, it took us a longer time to make up because we were both too proud and too unprepared to talk about it. But I can’t with Jungkook, I can’t read him at all. I don’t know if he even needs me around, each time I see him he looks perfectly fine. I don’t even know if I was important to him even back then, he has so many other people in his life and I only had him, and honestly I don’t want to be a back-up plan. And he’s always been crazy realistic. And his reaction was cold when things went sour with Tae. You know what he told me when I asked him if he’s affected by Tae breaking off contact with him? He said, well he won’t mean much to me after a while. And god Xing, I’m not sure if I fall under that category too.”

“Maybe that’s just his personality,” Yixing offers. “You can’t expect everyone to be like us.”

“I know, I know…” Jimin mumbled. “It’s just terrifying to put everything on line so irrationally.”

“I can’t say if being irrational in dealing with relationship issues is good or bad, but perhaps relationships weren’t meant to be rational from the start,” Yixing murmurs. “And at the end of the day, whatever decisions you made, you must remember that it was what you wanted most at that point in time, so whatever happens, don’t let yourself regret it.”

The inner debate raged on for a moment before ceasing. “You’re right,” Jimin says, his mind clearing up. “There’s no point torturing myself any longer, this isn’t getting me anywhere good. I might as well put an end to this state.”

“So… you’ve decided?”

“Yep!” Jimin says, letting himself fall onto the bed, suddenly feeling much lighter. “Thanks for being a great psychologist today.”

Yixing laughs on the other line. “You’re welcome, Chimz. Anything for you.”

“No but seriously, Xing. I think you understand me better than I make myself believe I do,” Jimin says, laughing at his own words. “If that actually make sense. All that inner debate all my energy away.”

“Nah, I understand you fine,” Yixing says, and Jimin hears ruffling sounds as he presumably rolls into another position. “I just speak the truth that you don’t wish to admit or won’t choose to believe in unless someone else told you.”

“… That’s deep bro.”

“I know. I’m always deep.”

Jimin rolled his eyes at that. “Yeah sure. And anyway I’m gonna hang up and call Jungkook to settle this.”

“Yes please, my phone is crazy hot now I think I’m getting second degree burns,” Yixing agrees. “Let me know how it goes.”

“Will do.”

xxx

It's only when Jimin has already dialled Jungkook's number when the gravity of his actions sink back in. He panics and for a heartbeat, he was this close to hanging up and rethink his lines when Jungkook picks up.

Fck here goes nothing.

"Sup," came the muffled voice that Jimin hasn't heard in a while.

"Hey," Jimin manages to say.

Jungkook was quiet for a while, before responding in a voice chipper than usual (who am I kidding Jungkook speaks in a monotone 60% of the time, and now he's literally chirping). "Aiiiiiii neko! How's life!"

"Look uh, I'm sorry for calling so abruptly, but you free to talk for a moment?"

"For a moment, yeah," Jungkook mumbled. "But make it quick my PW tutor wants a EoM draft by next week."

"Oh, I'm sorry about that?" Jimin offers helplessly.

"Don't be," Jimin can almost imagine Jungkook waving a hand dismissively. "He's an ~"

Jimin winced at how high-pitched Jungkook's voice is getting and he knows Jungkook is trying to avoid talking to him about what he wants to, but god damn he didn't make this call for no reason.

"Look, Jungkook, we really need to talk," Jimin forced out, then held his breath, waiting for the response, only to feel incredulously pissed off when Jungkook replies with a "Talk about what~?"

"Jungkook don't singsong to me, I'm serious," Jimin frowned. "It's no easier for me to make this call."

"Okay, okay. Go ahead."

"We need to settle this sh*t, for real."

"Which one?"

"…Everything since the start of this year?" Jimin's so mad, he's amazed he can keep the fury out of his answer.

"Well that's a lot of sh*t."

"Yes, but we settled none," Jimin said curtly.

"Mhm~" There, more singsong, more humming.

Not gonna lie, but Park Jimin was one step away from killing Jungkook at this rate.

He took multiple deep breathes before starting again. "Look, Jeon. It's hard to talk over the phone, and you have a EoM due so let's make this quick. When are you free in the second week of June holidays? This needs to be settled."

"… Wednesday. Near your place."

"Great, thanks. We talk then. You go back to your EoM. Bye," Jimin rushed through his words and quickly hung up.

Heaving out a heavy sigh, Jimin forces himself to not think about the conversation anymore. That was difficult, but that's step one.

xxx

Hong Kong was amazing, mainly for the food. Jimin could do without the nightly essays and extra lithology concepts, but he figures that's a small price to pay. When they were at Disney Land, Jimin bought a silver Mickey Mouse necklace for Jungkook, thinking about the merchandise of Jimin's favourite band that Jungkook got for Jimin from Taiwan. I don't want to owe him anything more. When Bambam asks about who was that for, he lied and said it was for his mom.

The trip wraps up nicely without more thoughts about Jungkook. It's only after their plane has touched down in Changi Airport that Jimin gets a text from Jungkook.

Jeon: Wednesday noon, Tampines. And uh, welcome back.

-TBC-

Naggy author time is back after idk how many months lol. As usual, not gonna explain. My fic, my pace. And same rule, this is unbetaed. When I upload the nxt chapter, I will update this with the betaed version.

Honestly this was the last chapter I expected myself to get stuck on (for months, if anything), because half the content was already there in the form of the texts exchanged between me and the Yixing friend for the talk. I initially thought oh well how hard can be a quick formatting be, but lol that failed badly because it looks terrible and it's hard to add description. I was showering today and an inspiration was sent to me so I changed it to a call format haha. And yes, about 80% of the conversation between Jimin and Yixing were the exact words exchanged between me and my friend then.

Also, the story between Jimin and Yixing won't be explained because… I have no energy for that LOL. And it's kind of unexplainable as well HAHA

Anyways, this is chap 8 out of 17 (inclusive of epilogue). By any luck, it may be completed before 2017 ends LOL. But idk lol I've only completed one semester of college and ok who the hell told me it's easy GET OUT HERE I WILL FIGHT YOU. Results will be out by this Friday fml oh well I need something to gauge how much I need to work lol.

Till the next time :)