-drowning-

Jimin is a chronic liar drowning in his own lies

January had flown past before Jimin realised, and what he shared with Jungkook had, too. No more morning chat. No more afternoon time. No more night calls. They've also stopped going back home together since many weeks ago because of their vastly different timetables. They still occasionally meet up for lunch, but not too often.

So if you were to ask Jimin, he would tell you that he's muddled through January. 

xxx

Jimin does not welcome the idea of February either. Because no matter how slack the Photography Club is, club sessions have started by the first week. As an interest group, Photography has club activities twice a week, once on Wednesdays (to be attended by people who has Photography as their main club, such as Jimin) and another on Fridays (to be attended by all members, such as Jungkook). For people like Jimin who have Photography as their main and only club, they are expected to attend both Wednesday and Friday sessions. But after attending one Wednesday session (of awkward introductions, ice-breakers and boring presentations given by some senior), Jimin vows to skip all the Wednesday sessions and to only attend Friday sessions.

So Jimin ends up hating Wednesdays in general, although all classes end by 1:45pm for the sake of afternoon club activities, since it is the designated extracurricular day for Senior High. Not that the people weren't nice - batch mates or seniors wise, they're all pretty kind and easy to talk to even though Jimin has zero passion for photography. No, it's nothing to do about the people.

Actually, it does. But just one specific person.

Wednesdays… Wednesdays that reminds Jimin of the unspoken promises he had with Jungkook. Because for god's sake, Jimin gives no for photography, it's Jungkook who has an interest in that second after dance, and they were both meant to quit dance and become lazy photographers to slack around all day, together. But somewhere, things went wrong. Jungkook didn't quit dance, and while he did put Photography as his main club along with the other three dancers who stayed behind, they eventually recognized that the order doesn't mean and changed it around for the sake of minimizing paperwork (it's a trouble to get excused every time, as Jungkook himself says).

Thus this is the reality. There's no Jungkook on Wednesdays in the computing lab 4, because he's 4 floors down in the dance practice room with Hoseok and Minhyuk and Ilhoon, attending his main club activity rather than his interest group. Jimin doesn't like reality, so he runs away from facing it.

Because this is not what he signed up for.

xxx

Apart from a growing hatred towards that particular day of the week, Jimin is also experiencing a growing sense of insecurity. Because he hears everything that he doesn't want to from Jungkook at the few moments they actually do spend time together. Everything about dance. All those episodes during practice, especially when it involves Hoseok somewhere, which is about 90% of the time, even if his name doesn't necessarily appear, Jimin knows.

Honestly speaking? Jimin knows that he would be replaced for sure - he knows that, he isn't stupid. But what he had never foreseen was that Jungkook would be the very one to remind him about that. It stabs Jimin's insides a thousand times whenever Jungkook shares all those stories with him, and it's even more terrible when he has to smile and look interested because he still wants to spend time with Jungkook, even though that's all he wants to tell him.

A couple of times, Jimin just wants to scream and tell Jungkook to shut the fck up because can't you see you're drowning me. But he ​​​​​​​​​​​​​​doesn't, because no Park Jimin is too rational to do that. He ends up blogging at a ridiculously high frequency so that he retains that little bit of sanity in him.

But no matter how hard Jimin tries to remain impassive, it's hard to not mind. As a result sometimes talks turn into fights. Not the real kind of fight - Jimin may not be the most sociable person alive, but he's the kind whom people can barely start a fight with due to his easy going nature. And also because it can't be called a 'fight' when Jimin's the only one worked up. Either way, it just makes Jimin feel like a one-sided fool because he's always the one losing his cool, then tries to give Jungkook cold treatment which disintegrates in the matter of minutes or days.

Once he wasn't his most rational self so he posted on facebook: "I wonder if you can tell that I'm not fine", and panics the moment the process is completed. He debates for a while if he should take it down, but eventually he decides to leave it and maybe Jungkook needs to see it. He distracts himself with youtube afterwards, until a new notification popped up 2 hours later.

"Jeon Jungkook likes your post."

Jimin screams into his pillow until he was out of breath.

xxx

Out of the many fights, Jimin only remembers one. It was a Friday, on 14th February, the supposed Valentine's Day that is celebrated as Friendship Day since they're students. It is arguably the most ironic day to get in a fight with your friend. Jimin got mad at Jungkook in the morning because of something really trivial and also partly because he has a terrible headache and is less tolerant to the ty emotions Jungkook brings to him.

If Jimin has to be fair, as far as Jungkook can tell, it was just Jimin over-reacting badly to some of their routine insults. But Jimin doesn't care to think for Jungkook at this point of time. His head is hurting, and he doesn't want to be put through more bull.

Things doesn't go as he wish, because Jungkook probably picked up the coldness of his tone from the messages, and he wants to make up for whatever it is, so he texted Jimin about taking a polaroid together after school.

Jeon: Hey. Wanna take polaroid later????

Jimin only sees the message after gym when he's trudging down the stairs with Bambam, and once he suppressed his annoyance at the 4 question marks, he picks up Jungkook's attempt to compensate his misery. Jimin wants to forgive him at that very moment, out of appreciation for his effort, hell he doesn't even remember why they fought in the first place. But despite so he doesn't want to sound overly excited, so he replies as nonchalantly as he could.

Neko: K. 

He was about to chunk his phone aside to fish for his wallet when his phone vibrated again with an incoming text.

Jeon: Cool….not now though hoseok still having bio

Jeon: Can you wait until 3:30????

Jimin doesn't even find energy in getting mad at the two texts squeezed into one, or the 4 dots, no spacing and question marks. He just wants to laugh hysterically so that tears can be justified, but instead, he only mutes himself. He supposes he must have looked really terrible, because even pre-occupied Bambam turns to him and asks if he's okay.

"I'm fine," Jimin manages, cracking a grin. "How are things going between Jackson and Amber?"

"Bad," Bambam drones. "I'm stuck in the middle and it's so tiring urgh."

Jimin lets him rant, and types a curt "No." into the chat box. He doesn't hesitate a beat to send it out.

Nothing else. No explanations, no alternatives offered, no "uh I gotta run can I just take one with you and go home thanks". Nope.

Fck all this, Jimin thinks. I'm going home.

Luckily for him, it's the weekends, so he doesn't have to deal with Jungkook. He doesn't contact Jungkook either, meaning zero interactions because Jungkook would rather hang himself than start a random conversation unless he has a specific purpose. He's still angry at Jungkook, he doesn't want to lie anymore.

Angry because of how insensitive Jungkook is. Angry because of Jungkook's lack of common sense. Or just, angry because he's fcking insecure just by hearing about Hoseok - Jeon Hoseok who shares a last name with Jungkook and thus "jeon" is their common address for each other since Year 1, way before Jimin actually became Jungkook's friend. Angry because Park Jimin is terrified of being replaced from Jeon Jungkook's world, and such fear is ridiculous and unprecedented so he doesn't want to admit it, rather he translates denial into offensive emotions.

Angry because Jimin doesn't know who the fck he is to Jungkook anymore.

The next Monday, Jimin was studying in the library during his free period when his phone vibrated. He looks at the sender and frowned, tossing his phone aside and going back to his lecture notes. One solid minute passes, before he sighs, reaching to retrieve the innocent device and unlocked it.

Jeon: Whr u???? Got stuff to pass you….

Jimin sets his phone back down and snorts. He uncaps his highlighter, caps it back, before picking up his phone again.

Neko: Library.

About ten minutes later, Jungkook appears by his table, panting slightly as he sets a small packet beside Jimin's notes. "It's for Friendship Day," he explains. "And uh, I gotta run, I have chem lecture like now." With that, he turns tail and rushes out.

Jimin stares at him for a while before turning his gaze to the small packet lying beside Rock Type & Rock Cycle. It's a simple silver packet, pretty unappealing by Jimin's standards. He still opens it, and pours out an assortment of branded chocolate, along with a note. He unwraps one Hershey's Kisses, pops it into his mouth and unfolds the absurd origami that Jungkook decided to hide his words in.

[A/N: If you want a typed out version, refer to my blogpost]

 [A/N: recap time! Kitsune is Jungkook if you remember from the prelude  ^^]

Neko: I'm glad you know you're annoying as ck. You're forgiven only because of the chocolates.

Jimin finishes all the chocolates later that night because of how fcking tempting it is. As a result, the sore throat that has finally gotten better after a whole month worsens the next morning.

It's just like how Jimin and Jungkook are like right now: Jungkook pisses Jimin off, Jimin destroys himself after each fight, Jungkook apologizes, and Jimin forgives him, then it happens all over again. It never does get better, and Jimin drowns a little more every day.

xxx

Things with Jungkook doesn't actually magically get better after that; in fact, they see each other even less often because concert is approaching and dance is having late night practices almost every day.

On the other hand, Jimin remains sick 24/7, with his condition varying between bearable, bad and terrible. It's like his body couldn't handle the stress from the previous 2 years of dance, where he didn't dare to fall sick because his presence is needed at every single practice, 6 days a week, for different tiers of dancers. Now that dance is removed from his life, the sudden slack allowed for his body to finally get some payback time.

To be honest, Jimin doesn't really care about being sick, although he does feel pretty self-conscious when he kept coughing during classes (once it got so bad that a guy from his class passed him a packet of lozenges, and Jimin was so flustered because he's never spoken to thaat guy). But he still goes to school most of the time, and only takes MC when he didn't find the lessons that day important enough to give a about, or when he really couldn't make it to school and back without dying badly.

It's not like it matters anyway. There's no more Jungkook to force him home now.

xxx

On the last day of February, Jimin is eating dinner at home when his phone rings. It's an unknown number, but Jimin picks up anyways.

"Hello?"

"Hi, Jimin, right?" The woman on the other line sounds relieved when Jimin made a quiet sound of approval. "I'm Jungkook's mother."

"Oh, Mrs Jeon," Jimin chokes on his drink and scrambles to find words, because why is Jungkook's mom of all people calling me. "What's the occasion?"

"I want to check with you if you know where's Jungkook? He has dance practice again today, but it supposedly ends one hour ago and he's not picking up any of our calls."

​​​​Jimin could feel his head throbbing, he wants to say sorry to disappoint you jungkook-mom but I no longer know his whereabouts because things have changed and I'm currently miserable over it and you're not doing me any good by reminding me of all that then hang up on the lady, but Mrs Jeon sounds positively worried and he isn't heartless, so he swallows all that and racks his brain for something useful to say.

"Actually, it's normal for practice to drag especially when concert is coming up," he begins. "And Jungkook never checks his phone at practice, he also tends to leave it right beside the speaker so the ringtone is bound to be drowned out. I'm sure it's just an over-run session and he just forgot to inform you."

"Ah, I see," Mrs Jeon says, but Jimin can hear that uncertainty clearly, so he starts again.

"You mentioned it's been an hour since practice is supposed to end, right? Then they're probably going to be done soon, if not already. Practice doesn't usually drag so late. They're probably eating now," Jimin pauses a little, before forcing himself to continue. "How about you call Hoseok instead? They're probably together at this moment."

"Oh, oh right, Hoseok!" Mrs Jeon exclaims on the other line. "Alright, thanks for your help Jimin!"

Jimin wants to say​​​​​​​ please don't ever call me regarding your son again just go to Hoseok because he probably knows more than I do now and you're not welcome, but he eventually settles with a "No worries, Mrs Jeon."

Jimin gladly hangs up, because he doesn't think he would be able to continue conversing with Mrs Jeon anymore. The food is already cold and disgusting by then, so he abandons all that's left and stumbles upstairs.

It's stupid, but five minutes later he starts to panic. What if something really did happen to Jungkook. Like a car accident, or he got abducted by terrorists. What if the only one that can help is Hoseok but Mrs Jeon doesn't have his number and because of Jimin's incomplete mission Jungkook dies or something equally bad. Practically every drama scene flashes by his thoughts and Jimin is now ridiculously worried, and very convinced that Jungkook's bleeding to death in some dark alley of sorts.

He opens Jungkook's contact (still saved as poopjeon ajjuma, the work of Taehyung back in Taiwan that Jimin has been lazy to change), and stares while his thumb hovers over the call button. He held himself back for five times successfully, and before irrational fear could get the better of him, he throws his phone aside and entered the bathroom.

Hopefully it's nothing and I'm just being ridiculous, Jimin thinks to himself as the cold water hits him, effectively clearing his head a little.

But why do you still care so much, Park Jimin, when you're no longer in the position to.

-TBC-

Naggy author time!

I finally updated!!! I'm sorry for the long wait lol I had a short part-time and got a writers block in between zzz. From now on I will try to update once a week since I have 16 weeks until August and I really need to finish by then.

Did I remind yall that there will be a lot of angst in the earlier half (or more than half) of the story? The worse has yet to come though HAHAHAHA

And if you need to know, the picture of the letter is real lol. No worries I told jungkook-friend I'm using it and although she protested I don't think she'll kill me so there you go.

Anyways, how are you guys taking the Epilogue that bighit dropped today? Because I am so emotional thanks to them sighs. If you wanna know my take on HYYH, click here for my blog post earlier ^^

Also do comment! I love to know what you think :)