Reviewer; Joolay

Now playing; Sunnyhill- The grasshopper Song

Title: 3/5

Honestly, I don't really fancy the title because it's too long, and usually, people ignore long titles. The more you reveal, the less suspense there is. Though, the title makes perfect sense with your story so I don't dock the marks away.

Poster: 9/10

I love that poster shop that did your poster. (: I just felt that it would be better if it was 500x500px or 600x600px. Somewhere around there. Because I feel that the limited space have left the characters really close to each other and more space between would make the poster less concentrated on a particular area.

Description and Foreword: 6/10

I adore your description. It's short and sweet, you don't reveal much about the story. Though, it goes along the line cliché plots. I usually steer away from such plots, with the exception of a few, and yours would come under them. Anyway, your description was intriguing. The last line really hit me when I first saw it. Maybe you could have put that sentence first. Redo the structure of that paragraph and it would be really hit the right spot.

Though, I felt that the foreword shouldn't have been character profiles. It makes your story less professional, and it do (most often) leak the very important parts to the story, making readers annoyed with the early revelation. If you were to insist to have a character profile in your foreword. I suggest that you tell the description of the story though the profile(s). Like a summary behind a book. I've seen some authors do a preview of their story in character profiles and they were amazing. If you were to write that very suspense-growing paragraph, it would bring your story to a whole new level.

Plot:  7/10

Now, the plot was rather fine to me.  I felt a little bored sometimes, because you dragged your story for quite a bit. The time spent with NaNa getting over Khun was quite long. Please don't misinterpret that I want NaNa to look like a cold-hearted girl. You did spend quite some time with her aching about the break up, but it was the same thing over and over again, every time I saw something about NaNa grieving over the relationship, I just breeze through the content. 

Then came the part where NaNa began to get over Khun, and she starts to spend more time with SHINee. But that time too, it was too long. After reading 3 or 4 chapters of it, I started to get restless, wanting to know when something shocking would happen. 

This plot was also one of the more common plots but I liked how you made NaNa and Khun as a couple that wasn't known to the public. Many stories I've read have the main characters that were already a couple, in the spotlight, the hot topic. So this point made quite a difference to your story, and made NaNa have quality character traits. She doesn't sound attention-seeking, at the top, also, the kind of people you would want to avoid in society too.

So what you mainly have to improve on would be your storyline. About how long should you take to write about a particular issue. How? Don't write filler chapters. If you find yourself writing one, stop. Filler chapters make readers bored, and that isn't the way to do it. You have to look at the audience, and see if your writing is what your audience wants. Not that you do everything they say though, it is still your story. 

Originality: 9/15

This plot was one of the common ones, so I won't dwell much on this. It was realistic, but then again, this would contradict your description that was all about a fairy tale. 

Flow: 7/10

The flow was fine, but you spent too much time on particular areas/issues, so remember what I talked about. The filler chapters. Filler chapters are chapters where there's no particular point to it. Without that part of the story, your story wouldn't change (or change much). So if you find those chapters, get them out.

Grammar/ vocabulary/punctuation/spelling: 14/20

Your grammar was fine. There wasn't many grammatical errors, but there is one part I have to mention. The difference between 'then' and 'than'. I realised you used 'than' instead of 'then'. 'Than' is used as a comparison. Chicken tastes better than cabbage. Phones are more convenient than the fax machine. While, 'then' is used this way. Let's make our way there then. Then, what else could we do? You weren't born then, so just drop the topic. See the difference? They are not the same. And it is one of the most common errors made so it's forgivable.

So, moving on. Your vocabulary was quite nice. But to further broaden this area, try to add more idioms in, or replace some of the more simplistic words with the words that are more dense.

Your punctuation was fine, but I suggest you stop writing "..." after some of yours sentences. Try to describe these pauses you are trying to tell your readers. Use words, and this will then fall back on your vocabulary area.

There wasn't any mega spelling mistakes but I suggest you spent some time going back to every chapter to do some editing, because there are mistakes here and there, and besides there is the button the check your spelling, so use that setting well. (:

writing style: 7/10

You had the level of writing an amazing story. You could go higher, way higher by training your vocabulary skills. Describe more. Deduct filler chapters. Have in mind every time you write if the story is making the readers be in suspense.

Overall enjoyment: 7/10

It was nice to read a SHINee story for me, since I rarely read about them. You made them very alike their real traits, so I'm really grateful about that.

In all, 69/100.

I hope this review had helped you in improving your writing skills, and thanks for your request! (: