Reviewer: Chindee

Now playing: Wanna B by Block B

Title: 5/5

The title is part of an oneshot series, so it fits perfectly.

Poster: 8/10

The poster is a bit plain but I like how you used the same theme for each poster of the oneshot collection. Your poster clearly shows the two main characters and the title of the oneshot. I liked how ‘Wrath’ is written in red, the red is able to symbolise the pain that they both have to go through. So nicely done!

Description and Foreword: 10/10

Short, simple and straight to the point. I like it!

Plot: 8/10

I quite liked the plot, it is able to convey how similar a daughter and mother can be. It’s able to show how the daughter falls in love with someone whom is similar to her father.

Originality: 13/15

I never really see stories that talk about abuse within relationships. I liked it, it shows that not all relationships are full of love and fluffiness.

Flow: 8/10

The oneshot was quite well written; it flowed well throughout the story.

Grammar/ vocabulary/punctuation/spelling: 14/20

I was satisfied with the grammar and vocabulary used however there were some problems with your punctuation and spelling.

“Sigh, when will I ever see my fresh bare face completely flesh again?” – This sentence is quite confusing, I only partially understand what you are trying to say.

“As they say, beauty comes with a price, a very painful price but if I had never been worn out, I wouldn't have to pay anything at all.” – To give the sentence a deeper meaning, it would be better off for the sentence to be split into two. I understand the first part of the sentence, however when you talk about being ‘worn out’ and ‘not having to pay anything’, that confused me.  ‘As they say, beauty comes with a price. A very painful price, but if I had never been worn out, I wouldn’t have to pay anything at all.’

“"Kota, dinner's ready!" My mom yelled from downstairs.” – ‘Dinner’ is meant to be ‘breakfast’.

"Look at your and hand my face, mom." – There’s some sort of typo in that sentence, I’m not sure what it is because I’m not sure as to what you are trying to say.

“Not to be boastful or arrogant or anything but I’m one of those model students who get good grades and gets along with everyone.” -  There should be a comma after ‘model students’.

“All I kept on hearing was “The Trojan horse… Paris… Greek…” and other things like that which is exactly why I read about the topic in advance.” – There should be a comma after ‘other things like that’.

“As I ran around the corridor that seemed to blur due to the adrenaline that I felt accompanied by the mixed feelings of fear and worry, I searched endlessly for Dongwoo, opening each door hoping that he’d be there.” – This sentence is way too long! ‘As I ran around, the corridor seemed to blur due to the adrenaline that I felt, accompanied by the mixed feelings of fear and worry. I searched endlessly for Dongwoo, opening each door, opening each door hoping that he’d be there.’

“Besides, you don’t know how it feels like to be me, a student of low grades.” – Replace ‘of’ with ‘with’.

“Oh, the excruciatingly painful blows than Dongwoo gives.” – I think you had a typo, ‘than’ should be ‘that’.

“It was last year when I got caught up in a fight and terribly lost.” – It might make more sense if it said ‘lost terribly’ rather than ‘terribly lost’.

“I saw around me such as the leaves, the trees and the like.” – I think you meant that ‘lake’, not ‘like’.

““So you finally spoke to me.” I said with a smirk.”  - What Dongwoo says doesn’t really make sense. Maybe, ‘So you finally decide to speak to me.’, would make more sense.

“Still, I just stood there with a slightly bleeding head, staring at her whose lips began to shake.” – Replace ‘whose’ with ‘as her’.

“This pain that I’m feeling right now is what she’s been feeling all this time so Kota, hit me with all you’ve got, put all of your frustration on me so that I could repay my debt to you.” – This sentence is too long. ‘This pain, that I’m feeling right now, is what she’s been feeling all this time. So, Kota, hit me with all you’ve got. Put all of your frustration on me, so that I could repay my debt to you.’

Writing style: 8/10

I enjoy your writing style as you are able to portray how a teenager acts and how it changes per teenager.

Overall enjoyment: 8/10

I really enjoyed your story, it shows how not all abusive relationships end badly.

In all, 82/100.

I hope that this review will be able to help you with your future fanfictions!

All the best,

Chindee.