Reviewer: Chindee

Now Playing: Lately by Infinite

Title: 5/5

Short and simple yet has a deeper meaning. I love it!

Poster: 8/10

The poster clearly states the author, title and main characters of the story. However, I feel as though it looks too crowded.

Description and Foreword: 8/10

I liked how you showed pictures of the all the main characters and gave a brief description of them. I found some grammar mistakes throughout the foreword though, hence the deducted points.

Plot: 9/10

The plot is quite interesting; I like how it incorporates reality with fantasy.

Originality: 12/15

This is quite a unique plot; I haven’t seen any stories similar to it.

Flow: 8/10

You have a lovely flow when you write, the sentences flow together nicely.

Grammar/ vocabulary/punctuation/spelling: 13/20

The grammar and vocabulary used was well done, the major problems would have to be spelling errors and punctuation. You also seem to have a slight difficulty in knowing which tense to use.

“Even in such a state she stills somehow managed to look decent enough that people could never tell she'd just woken up.”  - This sentence is too long, it should be, ‘Even in such a state, she still somehow manages to look decent enough, that people could never tell that she had just woken up.’

“He swiped his mouth with a paper towel and picked up his bag.” – ‘Swiped’ sounds awkward in this context, you should use ‘wiped’.

“Someone had ran straight into her and knocked her over.” – Another problem with past tense and present tense, ‘ran’ should be ‘run’.

“Siwon looked around the table awkwardly, afraid to approach Sooyoung like Donghae did to Yoona” – This might be a slight typo but you wrong ‘Sooyoung’, which I think you were meant to write ‘Tiffany’.

“At this Donghae and Siwon started slapping their knees and guffawing, and was joined in seconds like by the rest of the girls except for Sunny.” – This sentence doesn’t really make sense. I think you should take away the word ‘like’.

“Yoona and Donghae gave a passionate goodbye to each other and headed while....” – This sentence doesn’t make sense either. You probably forgot to write ‘off’ after ‘headed’.

“As it was getting dark, there weren't very many people around.” – ‘Very many’ makes sense but it sounds really awkward, I suggest that you take away the ‘very’.

“YoonYul were staring at Taeyeon in shock, unable to anything while their unnie slowly finished her breakfast.” – This sentence currently doesn’t make sense as you forgot to put a verb about ‘unable to’.

“Whoa, Eeteuk thought, and I'm supposed to be the king of quick minds, she saw thourhg everything” – There seems to be a typo here, ‘thourhg’ should be ‘through’.

“He started to get up and walk away Yoona grabbed with shoulder and pushed him down.” – After ‘walk away’ there should be a ‘but’.

“The girls got to Taeyeon's house after school had finished.” – I feel as though ‘arrived’ would be more suitable in this sentence than ‘got’.

“Taeyeon nodded, announced that she had some unfinished homework, and left the table.” – ‘Announced’ should be ’announcing’.

“past two days regardig Taeyeon and Eeteuk” – Minor spelling mistake, ‘regardig’ should be ‘regarding’.

“and hit him geny while” – I assume that ‘geny’ is meant to be ‘gently’.

“They'd known each other for a few days now, and ironically Junsu lived rather near Taeyeon so they could walk to and from school together.” – ‘Near’ sounds awkward in this sentence, ‘close to’ or ‘nearby’ might be more suitable.

“Taeyeon looked completely different. Before, her beauty seemed to shine from the inside and made her pretty thay way. Just then, her outer appearance radiated reflected her inner beauty.” – ‘Thay’ should be ‘that’ and I think that ‘Just then’ should be replaced with ‘But now’, so that the sentence will make more sense.

“did felt horrible he day he confessed to Yoona” – After ‘felt horrible’ the ‘he’ should be ‘the’.

“All the thoughts she'd been trying to hold back during her date with Junsu when at her in a rush, and she felt herself being flooded with images of Eeteuk and the sounds of his voice.” – ‘When’ should be ‘went’.

“Rest as long as you want...until you want to leave.” – The sentence doesn’t make sense right now, the sentence should be, ‘Rest for as long as you want or until you want to leave.’

“She didn't even have to see the face before she felt her heart do a weird little flop like it always did when she met up with him.” – The sentence is too long, the sentence should be. ‘She didn’t even have to see the face before she felt her heart do a weird little flop, like it always did, when she met up with him.’

“Onew turned to see one of his close friends Key running up to him.” – There should be a comma after ‘see’ and before ‘Key’.

“Why would we go through the entire school to find this hidden corner just to write a note?” – ‘we’ should be replaced with ‘he’.

“She threw hr hands up in anger.” – Minor spelling mistake ‘hr’ should be ‘her’.

“A librarian had been putting books onto the shelves and had been oblivious to all that was going on (somehow miraculously) accidently bumped the cart into Minho, tripped over it and fell over.”  - After ‘Minho’ there should be a ‘whom’.

“He almost kill my friends, Junsu.” – ‘Kill’ should be ‘killed’.

“listen Taeyeon, you were pretty close to our hyung yourself as I've found out” – This sentence doesn’t make sense. Either take out ‘yourself’ or put commas around ‘yourself’.

“Well, it seems like you warned up to him pretty fast.” – Another minor spelling mistake, ‘warned’ should be ‘warmed’.

“She found it was starting too hard to breathe” – The sentence, right now, doesn’t make sense. I understand what you are trying to say, however you should right it in this way. ‘She found that she was beginning to feel as though it was too hard to breathe.’

“I don't think is Seoul anymore” – There should be a ‘this’ before ‘is’.

“Now, to figure where I am,” – There should be an ‘out’ after ‘figure’.

Writing style: 7/10

You have a lovely writing style, however you don’t write in paragraphs and that might be a problem for the reader, as they might find it hard to read. Through your story, I feel as though your writing gets better as you continue on with the story.

Overall enjoyment: 8/10

I liked the story, this was the first time that I read a Super Generation story. J

In all, 78/100.

I hope that this review will be able to help you with your future fanfictions!

All the best,

Chindee.