It’s dark out when he leaves work, his brown satchel heavy over his shoulder as he walks away from the building. He plans to enter the nearby store before reaching his house and he groans under his breath because he’s the one who asked Baekhyun about what he wanted from the store.

He pulls his hands out of his slacks when enters the store, he grabs the first basket he sees and stalks off the aisle he knows he’ll find something he wants to buy. He’s not a fan of wasting time, wondering around aimlessly.

He doesn’t get very far into his shopping. He spots someone he’s becoming too familiar with and he’s a little threatened because even with the back turned to him, he knows who it is. He stares at Jongin by the drug aisle with his arms over his chest as he closely stares at each of colourful boxes.

Chanyeol debts with himself on whether or not he should head over. He stands there dumbly and then questions why he should even talk to Jongin. He has nothing to say or ask him.

He watches as Jongin hurriedly grab one of the boxes from the shelf, his hands are trembling and he looks shaken. Chanyeol blinks and stares at him as he turns around and walks right past him– almost unseeing and distracted and as if Chanyeol is one of the products on the shelf.

“Right,” Chanyeol says to himself and shrugs his shoulders– this isn’t the first time someone he has slept with has blatantly ignored him. It’s no longer as offending as it once was when he was all too new at this whole thing. He’s not sure if Jongin even saw him standing there or not– Chanyeol doesn’t bother to stop him to find out.

He moves on through the store, buys his favourites and all Baekhyun has requested before he steps out of the store with his satchel heavier than it previously was. He yawns as he makes it down the street with his hands tucked into his pockets.

 ()()()()

The lights are off when he gets into his house and he creeps in quietly– not wanting to wake Baekhyun because he’s a nightmare when he’s rudely awakened from his deep sleep. He toes his shoes off and drops his satchel to the floor as he s his slacks and walks through the darkness of his house.

He unpacks the groceries before heading upstairs to his room. He stops by the door across from his room, slides the door open quietly and peeks in– the lump on the bed is obviously Baekhyun and Chanyeol shuts the door just a quietly.

He sits on his bed, face in his hands before digging his fingers into his hair and glaring at the floor. These feelings will never go away– feelings of being a failure and he has failed at everything so for.

Lost his child, lost his husband and he has already lost himself.

It’s a ty emotion and he doesn’t want it, but fails to get rid of it. He doesn’t know how and letting go isn’t an option to him. Because letting go means forgetting for him and he doesn’t want to forget what he had with Kyungsoo.

He can’t stay in this house– not tonight. He’s positive his feelings will eat him alive of he does. He can always wake Baekhyun and keep him up with him– but Chanyeol would rather not talk about his feeling tonight and Baekhyun won’t be able to give him what he wants.

()()()()

She’s beside him, her chest heaving as she tries to catch her breath, throwing the dirtied tissues in her trashcan and dropping back into her bed. “You surprise me every time,” She laughs breathlessly, she closes her strong legs that seem to go on for miles. “It’s a shame you’re afraid of being tied down,” She giggles and sits up before leaning against her pillows.

He stares her down at her last comment before responding with, “I need to wash up,”

“Hmm?” She blinks sleepily at him, confused, “Yes, of course,” She says as he pulls his comforter over her body and buries her face into her pillow. Chanyeol has been here multiple times so he doesn’t understand why she even tells him where things are. “Clean towels are in the second cabinet.”

He finds the towel, places them next to the sink before he steps in the shower. He adjusts the shower head because he’s slightly taller than her.

He picks up his briefs after he’s done when his quick shower and slips into them before he stands up to looking around the room for wherever his slacks and dress shirt landed. He feels her eyes on him but he never turns around to stare back.

He finishes buttoning his shirt and sits own on the edge of the bed to put on his socks. All done in silence and she never attempts to talk again– until Chanyeol is halfway out the door.

“Good night, Chanyeol,” She yawns carelessly and Chanyeol nods in response before he’s out of the bedroom. “Make sure to call me again whenever you’re feeling lonely, darling!” She shouts.

He grabs his satchel from the couch in the living room that’s one with the kitchen and walks to the closest he remembers her telling him to put his shoes in. He steps out of the apartment after stretching himself and sighs.

The door automatically closes behind him; he hears the click and he knows he can’t get back without her opening it again. Not like he wants to go back inside for any other reason now.

He stands in the hallway, at a loss of what to do because he’s just not satisfied tonight. He stares at his phone– thinking of who he can call and who will likely pick up this late.

He knows that he has to get back home before Baekhyun wakes up and notices he’s not where he’s supposed to be– at home and not out doing this. With the thought of Baekhyun’s disappointment and their previous conversation; the grip in his chest squeezes tighter.

He needs to change but he doesn’t know how to stop anymore. Everything else becomes too loud and he falls deeper into despair he is unable to express– his emotions start to be too much and it’s never pleasant when he allows himself to feel.

Chanyeol heads for the elevator and looks down at his phone– Baekhyun has left him numerous pissed off messages and even angrier voicemails. He ignores them in favour of replying his sister’s message asking him how he’s doing and the next is a picture of her and her husband standing in front of the airport.

The next exchanges with his sister on KKT have him feeling lighter and his mind a little less crowded.

He hears the footsteps coming from behind him as he continues to wait for the elevator. He hates it because it takes forever to get on the sixth floor and he’s not up for walking down the stairs this late.

“Chanyeol?” He blinks up from his phone’s screen and finds himself staring at Jongin. He frowns, for a second he thinks he’s now starting to see things because what’s up with him seeing Jongin everywhere now?

“Hey,” He says drily and Jongin smiles bashfully at him. For a second, he thinks of pretending he has forgotten Jongin’s name because he doesn’t want to talk but decides against it. “Jongin,” He hums in acknowledgement and fully turns to look at him– he looks more put together than he did in the store.

“Didn’t think I’d see you here,” Jongin declares as he fumbles with the blue snapback on his head. It’s then Chanyeol realizes that Jongin didn’t see him in the store– unless he’s a damn good actor but he doesn’t know him well enough to be the judge of that. He has only met the guy twice and this is the third time.

“Do you live in the building? I live on the 3^rd floor,” He’s trying to make conversation and he’s very awkward about it. Chanyeol feels like the previous two encounters with the man are his hallucinations because the man in front of him is a lot less like the one he met and a little more on the shy side.

He almost feels bad about using him like he did. His usual partners aren’t so– and the words to describe Jongin escape him.

He puts his phone away and observes with a grimace at how Jongin is still fumbling with himself– fidgeting nervously. Then he starts to feel a little irritated when he has a feeling he knows exactly what it’s all about. “Just visiting a friend.” He utters flatly because if what he thinks is correct; he wants no part of it and it’s nothing to be flattered about. He doesn’t elaborate more and steps through the open elevator doors.

He’s not about to start dealing with this. He never wants to deal with these things– it’s always better to ignore them until the go away or surface with a vengeance too strong to overlook.

“So you don’t live here then, huh?” Jongin says as he follows after him and the ride down is in silence because Chanyeol pretends not to answer him.

Jongin steps off the elevator on the 3^rd floor, he turns around before the doors slide shut and opens his mouth, rubbing the back of his neck before closing his mouth again.

“What is it? Spit it out already,” Chanyeol asks, he’s holding the doors open and lets the button go when Jongin shakes his head before turning away and stalking off in the opposite direction. “,” Chanyeol ruffles his already tousled hair and decides he won’t be coming in this apartment complex anytime soon.

He stands inside the elevator doors, unsure of what step to take next. He presses the button and quickly steps out. Sometimes he doesn’t even understand himself anymore and it’s absurd. His irritation wavers slightly and he doesn’t question himself on why he follows Jongin. “Jongin,” He calls to the figure walking down the hallway and he doesn’t know what he’s about to do next.

He can turn around now and take the elevator to the 1^st floor and leave the building– but he’s already an to everyone else he knows; he doesn’t want to be an on someone else’s list.

“Look,” He starts lamely as he reaches Jongin and runs his fingers through his hair. “Sorry about that,” He adds with a shrug before absentmindedly placing his hand on the small of Jongin’s back. He feels Jongin tense before he relaxes and throws a faint smiles his way.

“Don’t worry about it,” Jongin laughs and it’s a little dry, “It’s okay,” He turns to stare at Chanyeol and the only place Chanyeol’s eyes land on are his lips. He can’t help but remember how good they looked around him. “I just thought it was nice to see you again,”

Chanyeol closes the space between them, thinking with his lower regions now and nothing else, “Have you been thinking about me, Jongin?” The blush he sees on Jongin’s cheeks tell him all he needs to know. He lets out a quiet laugh because this is too easy. It’s easy but this is a dangerous road he’s about to start wandering on and he knows this and can almost picture what a disaster this will be.

Because he’s sure of it and gets the vibe that Jongin doesn’t know that he draws a line– that this is a dance he is working on perfecting and faking interest isn’t at all that difficult for him.

He shouldn’t do this and part of him strongly disapproves. The stronger, more selfish part of him reminds him that his visit to his ‘friend’ on the 6^th floor proved to be a waste of his night and someone needs to make up for it.

He waits.

They stand in the dim lit corridor for a while, his hand still resting on Jongin’s back and he watches how Jongin’s eyes flicker about. He’s almost uncertain, it’s fairly obvious and he looks lost– like a child about to play an adult’s game.

He breathes and tries to play it off by shrugging, “I’m not usually like– this,” Jongin whispers, looking even more flustered and embarrassed, lashes fluttering and his tongue swipes over his own lips. Chanyeol doesn’t have the heart to tell him his precious actions prove otherwise, but then again, who is he to judge anyone at this point? “I swear– I’m not a– I just–” He stops abruptly and his lips so more.

Walk away. Get back to the elevator and go home– leave him alone and don’t come back. Chanyeol eyes him before gently grasping Jongin’s chin and moving in, “All up to you–” Jongin’s lips press gently over his own before he can finish, needy but faltering and Chanyeol wastes no time– he asks for where Jongin’s apartment is between breathy and wet kisses.

()()()()

where are new subscribes coming from? I’m joyful but confused and a little freaked out because how and why but still joyful because today is actually a good day (/ ‘з’)/