ignore typos and everything that comes with them lmao orz

()()()()

Chanyeol has always been terrible at handling his problems. It takes two more weeks of him being angry at himself for his stupidity and at Jongin for being, well, Jongin.

He doesn’t contact him, finding he’s unable to do so now because he doesn’t have a clue of what he’s going to say and he knows too much time has already passed.

There’s no denying it anymore. Jongin is pregnant and it may or may not be his. But this whole issue of not knowing is will drive him completely nuts, given how Jongin himself is unsure. Or maybe he knows well enough who the other father is, but doesn’t want to say it at all?

Chanyeol hasn’t exactly been the most open or nicest person to him. He understands the hesitation– if there’s any– Jongin seems to have towards this whole thing.

He’s also unsure if he really wants to know who the baby’s other father is. He doesn’t want to be his, he really doesn’t. He has other things to think about and so far it has been impossible to think of anything else– apart from the elephant in the room and if he’s ever going to pick up his phone and dial Jongin’s number.

It’s absurd of him to wait for Jongin to call him first. Not with how he reacted– he doesn’t regret much of it because really, who really would just stand there and nod their head and completely agree with it? Take it in a stride and say something like– oh, I guess that one time without the really hit the nail on the head, yes?

And if anyone like that actually exists, Chanyeol will personally get on his knees and bow. But he’s not like that. He reacts first and thinks later– starts to overthink everything he has ever done, question it and the constant dwelling he has been doing the last two weeks is almost enough to drain anyone.

Too many loud thoughts and nothing is distracting him away from them.

He does his research, goes through a few shady sites about paternity testing before deciding to call the clinic to get some answer from them and the one answer that calms him down is yes, Mr. Park, it is possible to take paternity tests before the baby is born. She says it as though he’s supposed to know this and her tone is condescending, but Chanyeol runs with that because now that’s one thing out of the way and he’s immediately crashed when the nurse on the other side of the phone goes on to say him this only works if your partner– Chanyeol has corrected her once and he doesn’t bother doing it a second time– consents. It’s illegal to do it without him knowing. Your partner has to consent to the tests.

He doesn’t respond to her and he hears her exasperated sigh over the phone, “Mr. Park?” She calls, “Would you and your partner like to schedule an appointment?”

“Huh…” He sounds stupid and he knows it. “No, but thank you.” She bids him farewell in an instant and hangs up on him. He stands there staring down at his phone, blinking at the duration of the call– 14:08 minutes of him asking bull questions and her replying as best as she could without snapping at him.– the screen goes dark and Chanyeol tucks his phone into his pocket.

He adjusts the satchel over his shoulder and makes his walk across the street and into the bar Minseok and the gang are waiting for him. He regrets agreeing to this, but it’s a distraction and he no longer wants to be getting the funny looks some of his co-workers have to shooting his way lately. It makes work a tad bit unbearable and that last thing he needs is unbearable.

Chanyeol is tipsy on the few cocktails he drowned himself in when he steps out of the bar, a woman hanging off his arm– Minseok and the others forgotten– and laughing hysterically at something stupid he has probably just said.

He glances over at her and sees how pretty she is and just how enormous her s are and smiles before pressing his lips to her neck and enjoying the sound of her giggles. She’s unsteady on her feet almost as much as he is and they can hardly walk properly.

He doesn’t make it a habit of sleeping with drunk people and the fact that sleeping around has got him into this mess– he’d rather not. He does kiss the woman until he feels too lightheaded to stay on his feet before flagging down a taxi and helping her into it before slamming the door as she protests and taps the taxi that immediately drives off.

He wakes up with a terrible headache the next morning and bitter taste in his mouth and still hating himself.

()()()()

He passes by Jongin’s apartment complex one too many times over the last week, but he never once has the guts to go inside. Not to Jongin’s apartment or to the woman on the 6^th floor he occasionally ed around with in the past before meeting Jongin.

He can’t even call so going in is something else. He stays rooted to the ground. He runs his fingers through his hair to comfort and convince himself that maybe he can wait a little longer and doesn’t have to see or call Jongin just yet.

If Jongin isn’t making an effort to call him– why should he be the only one to stress about this?

()()()()

He caves.

He calls Jongin and after four rings, his call is answered.

“Chanyeol,” Jongin breathes from the other end, “Hey,” He sounds nervy, and Chanyeol wonders if he has been waiting for his call.

“We should– we need to talk,” He hates himself for stuttering, but he’s nervous as and he can’t control how his voice comes out. “In person,” And he’s nodding to himself as he stares at the blank screen of his laptop. He had been watching some uninteresting show before he picked up his balls and dialled Jongin’s number.

“When?” Jongin asks.

“As soon as possible.”

 ()()()()

“I’ve already spoken to my doctor about my options– for the paternity testing,” He mumbles, obviously trying to look as small as possible where he sits across from him and Chanyeol feels incredibly awkward because this is the first time he has been out in a public place with Jongin.

And really, Jongin looks like a wounded animal, it’s not a good look for him because he looks like he’s scolding the poor guy. “Not knowing has been bothering me, I’m sure you feel worse– I don’t know.” Jongin continues with a shrug.

“When can it be done?” He asks because it’s honestly the only thing he wants to know and he wants to leave because this café is local and the best spot in town and he’d rather not have anyone catching him and striking up a conversation with him while Jongin is right there.

But the café isn’t too busy yet because it’s not noon yet and pretentious coffee lovers are still stuck in their offices.

“This coming Wednesday,” That’s in three days. “I’ve already talked to my doctor about this,”

There’s silence and Chanyeol sort of regrets asking Jongin to meet him in public. But for a conversation like this and given their history, it’s only appropriate that they do it where there’s no near access to a bed.

“And what? Which one did they recommended?” He inquires, trying to get this over with quickly. Because Chanyeol doesn’t like confrontations– that he’s not in control of– very much.

“None because this isn’t for any medical reason,” Jongin bites his lower lip and Chanyeol’s stomach drops, “Because the sample has to be taken directly from the baby and those two tests carry risks of miscarriage. He–”

“No.” Chanyeol snarls and Jongin flinches back in obvious shock, but Chanyeol’s whole world is at a standstill. What the hell? He’s not going to risk finding out if he’s the father if it means endangering the baby– no. He can’t lose someone who could potentially be half of him– not again, never again. “No tests,” He’s quick to decide and he’s mostly talking to himself than he is to Jongin.

“No tests?” Jongin frowns, his bottom lip before biting it, “I’m not taking those two tests, Chanyeol, I’m not an idiot,” Chanyeol looks up him and sees him scowling at the breakfast in front of him. “There’s another test that only needs my blood and your DNA.” He finishes and looks up at him, unimpressed.

“Risks?” He asks stupidly and Jongin shakes his head slowly. “How far are you?” Chanyeol finds himself asking when he can finally breathe and Jongin looks surprised by the question. He doesn’t want to talk about miscarriages, not with Jongin and not with anyone else.

“Does it matter?”

“Yes, it ing matters now, Jongin,” He rolls his eyes and a bit wary about the stares from the few people in the café when his voice gets louder, “Or else I wouldn’t be asking you,”

Jongin looks away from him, hiding behind the glass of water before bringing it down to the table, “15 weeks,” Chanyeol’s eyes immediately trail over to Jongin’s waist, but it’s as though he wore a loose shirt on purpose before coming over. The table is also blocking him from seeing much. He doesn’t want to ask to see it. “It’s there.” Jongin glances over at him.

“What?” Chanyeol asks, caught off guard and that’s when he notices he was staring for too long.

“The belly.” He says plainly and he looks tired all of a sudden. “I don’t know you well, but I know enough to know that you wouldn’t appreciate me wearing something, well, revealing,” He says in one breath and abruptly cuts himself off, looking a bit embarrassed.

Chanyeol stays silent as he looks at him– really looks at him as he tries to push all thoughts on miscarriage at the back of his mind.

The setting they’re both in now is different and Chanyeol is only ever used to seeing Jongin . He hasn’t really had the time to see him properly, without the thoughts of satisfying himself and it leaves him with a weird feeling.

Jongin looks exhausted and as though he has barely got any sleep. But he’s still beautiful and Chanyeol still remembers how he felt when he first saw him– before he opened his mouth and had some sort of personality switch.

He remembers well what his thoughts were before Jongin decided to become a permanent person in his life– the results of the paternity test will definitely seal him as permanent if the baby turns out to be his too and Chanyeol still doesn’t know what he feels about that.

He doesn’t want it to be. Not now and not like this.

But would he abandon his own child, if this one turns out to be his? No, of course not. He would just have to adjust his life. And it kills him a little and he’s disgusted with himself because how long has he wanted a child to call his own and how many failures in trying to accomplish that have destroyed him? Destroyed Kyungsoo? Destroyed his marriage?

He hasn’t been thinking too much about Kyungsoo these last few weeks because whatever chances he thought he had with him are completely sipped down the drain. Kyungsoo will never look away from this and Chanyeol doesn’t want him to know about this. Ever.

And for the first time, Chanyeol doesn’t want Kyungsoo beside him.

Because despite all the sleeping around and being emotionally detached from Kyungsoo during the end of their marriage– this feels a whole lot more like he’s betrayed Kyungsoo in the worst way possible and the emotion is ridiculous because they haven’t been together in years and he hasn’t seen Kyungsoo in months.

“…meant what I said last time,” Chanyeol has completely missed whatever it is Jongin just said, “Were you listening?” He asks, confused.

“Yeah, I’m right here,” Chanyeol lies as he picks up his already cold coffee and gulps it down in one go. His breakfast is also untouched and he doesn’t find himself caring too much because he feels full and drained.

“Okay,” Jongin sounds like he doesn’t believe him, but he doesn’t press for the right answers. “I can manage on my own,” Chanyeol knows he’s repeating himself and he suddenly sits tensely in his seat, “My parents are willing to help–”

“Your parents? They know?” The question comes out louder and unforgiving, but Chanyeol is mortified, “You told people?”

Jongin looks put off before nodding carefully, “I see my parents weekly, Chanyeol,” He says it like Chanyeol is supposed to know this. “They don’t know about you or…” He trails off, looking suddenly miserable and ashamed.

“The other father?” He’s relaxing now, he forgot that someone else could be the father. There’s a chance– there’s always a chance that it’s not his. “Have you finally told him?” because Chanyeol doesn’t think it’s very fair he has to deal with this while the other potential father is walking around freely, unburdened.

“He’s engaged now.” Jongin purses his lips and Chanyeol thinks about running his thumb over them and kissing him. Because kissing Jongin is something he hasn’t done in a while and he likes how warm Jongin feels against and around him. “I won’t ruin it for him, it won’t be fair.”

“And you doing this to me is fair how?” Chanyeol demands bitterly, no time for games because he’s about to lose it. He’s done being rational and done letting Jongin talk to him like this is fair.

“I know that!” Jongin blurts out, “But between the two of you and if I had to choose– you’re the better choice,”

Doing this in public was a bad idea, Chanyeol thinks. “I’m not the better choice because I don't want any of this.” He hisses. “And I have my own problems– throwing a ing child in the mix isn’t going to help me–” He stops himself before he says something that he’ll regret later. He doesn’t want to insult Jongin, he already did that last time.

And he hasn’t apologised for it yet.

His eyes flicker between his cold coffee and Jongin’s gloomy expression to their breakfast before sighing. Chanyeol needs to stop being so aggressive and rude– has to stop being impossible to deal with if he wants this to work and have some peace for once. “I’ll see you on Wednesday at my doctor’s office, if you still want to do this.” Jongin is pulling out his wallet, looking through it and Chanyeol shakes his head.

“I’ll pay,” Jongin makes something that sounds like a protest, but Chanyeol is quick to him off, “Don’t worry about it.” His tone is holding no room for arguments and the last thing he needs is the dance of who gets to pay right now. “I’ll be there on Wednesday,” He assures, gut twisting because of course he still wants to found out.

The bell chimes when the door opens and Chanyeol looks up, past Jongin’s shoulder and to the café’s entrance. He eyes the few people that step in and before he can look away– he loses his breath and stands up without really meaning to.

He blinks, once or twice or more times than humanly possible as he stare at the short figure walking into the café behind the other strangers.

Chanyeol watches him sweep his eyes around the café for a moment, obviously trying to find where to sit, before their eyes meet. And the world around is muted instantly and he ignores Jongin trying to get his attention because of his sudden action of standing up, and Chanyeol forgets about why he’s even here in the first place.

Kyungsoo.

He wishes to say, but can’t. The name is stuck in his throat, like a rock, and his heart is pounding loudly in his chest. He’s gripping the sides of the table as he waits for what Kyungsoo will do– ignore him? Pretend he doesn’t know him? Run off again?

Kyungsoo’s still staring at him, almost as if he can’t believe his luck, and there’s so much in his eyes that Chanyeol can’t read and it hurts. Kyungsoo looks torn though and he stays where he’s stand, looking out of place and as though he’s debating with himself internally on what to do.

He looks ready to walk out of the café, but he stays still.

“Chanyeol,” It’s Jongin and Chanyeol looks down at him, averting his eyes away from someone who makes the dull ache in his chest came alive to the person he isn’t even sure he has feelings for. “Are you alright?”

“Kyungsoo…” He trails off, lump caught in his throat and he really has no idea how to answer that question. Because when he tries, the lump gets larger and he isn’t given the chance to because a voice he hasn’t heard in what feels like an eternity is addressing him.

He looks over to his right and sees Kyungsoo looking between him and Jongin. Their eyes meet again and Chanyeol can’t bare it anymore, his throat tightening and he’s unable to speak.

Kyungsoo doesn’t look like he wants to talk either, as if his words are stuck in his throat, too, because he opens his mouth –once, twice and nothing comes out.

Jongin is the one who speaks first, breaking the silence. He’s sounding apprehensive and uncomfortable and he’s fidgeting before slipping from the seat and getting to his feet. He adjusts his clothing, anxiously, “I’ll– I guess I’ll leave now,” His voice is shaking and Chanyeol doesn’t even know how the to feel about that, but it doesn’t feel good to hear him sounding like that.

“No, no,” Kyungsoo finally manages to say and , how Chanyeol has missed the sound of his voice and the smell of his familiar cologne that he loved so much. “I’m so sorry. I did not mean to interrupt–”

“You’re not interrupting anything important,” And it feels like a cliché when he says it, Chanyeol tries not to think about how Jongin’s face falls. Why does he keep saying things that obviously will hurt his feelings? Because Jongin has a crush on him and he feels like he’s in control?

But he doesn’t want to think about Jongin right now because Jongin is less important in his life than the man beside him. And Chanyeol hates himself for thinking like that.

There’s a pregnant pause.

You’d think that after all these years of Chanyeol dwelling and thinking about Kyungsoo– that he would written some kind of script, that he would have chosen specific words to say before he finally met Kyungsoo.

But he comes up blank and feels stupid for it.

He doesn’t have anything prepared and he does the only thing he can, the one thing he has longed to do that’s decent– he turns, watches Kyungsoo, who seems to be sizing up Jongin, before throwing his arms around him and pulling him to his chest.

“, Kyungsoo, I missed you,” He whispers as he presses his lips on the side of Kyungsoo’s head without much thought of what he’s doing, “I miss you,” He repeats hoarsely and he buries his nose in the shorter man’s hair, breathing in deeply before holding him even tighter.