Grammatical errors oops srry yo

()()()()

Baekhyun is a little monster about being dragged away from the wedding and Chanyeol has to smack him a few times to get him to stop reaching out for the steering wheel. He couldn’t stay at the wedding, not after his unsuccessful meet with Kyungsoo and the situation in the stall with Jongin– he had to leave immediately before he exploded and stepped on anyone’s feeling, especially Yura’s.

She was been understanding, well, it’s not as if she was checking for him. Wedding are busy and everyone’s doing their own thing. He’d kissed her and his mother goodbye– avoided glancing over at where he saw Kyungsoo’s parents seated and dragged Baekhyun out.

He brushed right past Jongin and didn’t spare him a glance; he didn’t miss the pure confusion painted on his face. He got what he wanted, it felt great in the moment, but that was it and sooner or later– Jongin will understand what kind of person he is. Why should he care about Jongin? He has no responsibility to him and Jongin was just another warm hole,  and convenient at the right time. But Chanyeol has never been this careless with his partners.

“,” He hisses as he leads Baekhyun up the stairs to his front door and it’s easy Baekhyun is not at all that heavy. His stumbling is what makes it difficult though and once they are in the house, Chanyeol drags him to his bedroom and helps him out of the awfully tight pants and dress shirt, before rolling him under his comforters in his briefs and socks.

He spends a couple of seconds looking at his best friend’s face before he leaves the room after placing a trashcan by his bedside. There’s no way he can get a decent conversation out of Baekhyun– shaking him at this point won’t even make him twitch.

He enters the kitchen, rips his fridge open with more force than what’s needed and grabs the six pack of the beer he loathes and a bottle of Jack Daniels in one of his cabinets. He gets himself a jug of ice and closes the fridge’s door with his foot before stalking into his living room in silence.

He sets everything on the table, grabs the remote and turns on the television before pouring himself his first glass of Jack Daniels and dropping ice cubes in it. He leans back into the couch with his legs propped on the table, glass to his lips and decides today is a good day to drink himself silly.

()()()()

He wakes up laying on his carpet, in his vomit, and Baekhyun is trying to wipe off with an old towel and yellow gloves. “You’re a ing idiot!” Baekhyun hisses but never stops trying to clean up the mess– he looks angry and his body is trembling.

“Were you trying to poison yourself?” He continues and starts blurting out profanities Chanyeol hasn’t heard many people using. Baekhyun get sobers up quickly after sleeping his drunken stupor off and Chanyeol is sort of jealous he doesn’t get hangovers. Because Baekhyun up and running means he’s going to be very loud. And angrier. “This isn’t funny anymore,”

“Shut up,” Chanyeol groans as he wraps as him mouth with the wet babywipes Baekhyun hands over to him and rolls away from him after throwing them on the floor, “Be quiet.”

“What the happened?” Baekhyun demands and slaps the towel back on the carpet, it creates a disgusting wet sound. “Tell me!” His loud voice has Chanyeol’s head pounding more.

He makes a move to sit up and stops himself when his stomach disagrees. His mouth tastes of his own vomit and he wishes to lay down for a couple of hours, “I rang your boss while you slept away in your vomit and told him you were unwell.” He declares, voice thick with annoyance and Chanyeol nods his thanks and moans in discomfort. “What happened? I thought you were having an alright time.”

“Kyungsoo was there.” He mumbles quietly, “I knew his parents were going to be there, but he was there with them, Baekhyun,” He sighs pathetically, making a bitter face at the taste in his mouth and at how painfully his heart aches at the mention of Kyungsoo.

“What?” Baekhyun sounds scandalized and Chanyeol cringes at the loudness, “Oops,” His tone is lower, “Did you talk to him?” He’s peeling the yellow gloves off his hands when Chanyeol glances over at him, dropping them beside the towel, and crawls down to Chanyeol– lays next to him– holding his gaze steadily.

“Didn’t give me a chance,” He tells him and his heart clenches in discomfort, “Why do I still love him?” There’s a pregnant pause before he speaks again, “I should have tried harder– back when I had the chance,” He looks away from Baekhyun when he scowls at him.

“ that,” Baekhyun says quietly, “You promised me you wouldn’t beat yourself over this anymore,” He reminds him and Chanyeol turns onto his back– his head swings and he closes his eyes.

“Should have talked to him more, told him it wasn’t his fault and that I love him; I should’ve read in between the lines. Kyungsoo has always been difficult,” He chuckles bitterly. Getting Kyungsoo to even look at him all those years ago was challenging but it was worth the chase in the end.

The first time Kyungsoo finally said the words Chanyeol never thought he’d hear from him– his heart wanted to burst. Life with Kyungsoo was a delight– before the pregnancies and before trying to make it as adults and now– life is empty. It’s worthless and he sounds exasperated with himself as he continues. “Losing her broke him–”

“He wasn’t the only one who felt the loss. You did too,” Baekhyun breaks in as gently as he can but Chanyeol chooses to ignore him.

“The look on his face back then, Baekhyun, it ing killed me and I could do nothing– I stood there, like the ing idiot I am, and watched him fall apart,” He sat there because his own emotions were threatening to swallow him whole and he didn’t know how to could comfort his husband then when he was a complete mess himself.

“How long are you going to keep this up?” Baekhyun’s quiet voice and Chanyeol turns his head to look at him. He looks discouraged and at loss of what to do or say– and Baekhyun always has something to say; he has always been mouthier than him. “You’re making me sad,” He tells him with a smack of his lips, “I don’t like feeling sad, Chanyeol.”

When he closes his eyes he thinks of big brown eyes and the lips he misses and sighs. He hasn’t seen Kyungsoo in so long– it has been too long and yesterday was impossible to let himself appreciate just how much he misses looking at Kyungsoo.

He had been all caught up with trying to hold him in his arms than look at him properly. “Pathetic, really,” He mumbles to himself and his best friend makes a noise at the back of his throat.

His eyes snap open and he stares wide-eyed at the ceiling before turning over to look at him. The feeling of guilt comes from nowhere and he’s left feeling lost. “I did something rash,” It comes out before he can even think about it.

“Don’t tell me you caused a scene.” Baekhyun rolls his eyes and narrows his eyes at him. “What did you do this time?”

Chanyeol blinks, “I did run after Kyungsoo–,” Despite that horrifying moment, when Baekhyun snorts– Chanyeol smiles lightly because despite yesterday being a nightmare, looking back on it– he realizes how childish and nuts he was behaving. “But that’s not the stupid part.” A beat, “I ed someone in the stall right after.” And he’s not proud of it.

“And I’m not shocked that you did,” His tone turns aggravated, “Will you never stop it with these you bury yourself in? It’s dangerous. You could get some poor naïve bastard pregnant!” He scowls deeply and Chanyeol shakes his head because he has thought about this– hasn’t happened yet and he’s always carefully. Yesterday was different– he couldn’t help it and he was cross. 

He doesn’t have it in him to tell Baekhyun that for him has become a meaningless activity. He hasn’t enjoyed it for a long time, but he’s not an about it to his partners. He pays attention to them, gives them all the awareness they desire and that’s what helps him forget– even if it’s only for a while. Yesterday, he was a little caught up with Kyungsoo and his frustration and he wanted to be selfish. So selfish that the lack of protection didn't matter and he handled Jongin a little too roughly in the too small toilet stall.

He grimaces, ignoring Baekhyun’s last statement because he wasn’t careful yesterday and he doesn’t want to think about it. His stomach turns at the thought and he forces himself not to let out a string of swears at himself. “Why should I chase after someone playing hard to get or chase for something deeper,” He spites out and it's almost too random and he doesn't know who he's even mad at anymore, “When I’m not looking for anything serious? I don’t want anyone clinging to me– expecting more,” He frowns, “They all make it easy for me to get what I want,” He says it mostly to himself but the sharp intake he hears from Baekhyun has him almost regretting his words.

“You’re a , Chanyeol.” Baekhyun snaps and Chanyeol winces.

“I know,” He clears his throat and blinks at Baekhyun who looks as though he’s about to strangle him.

“And you’re making it hard for me to feel sorry for you,”

“You and me both.” He pulls himself up, ignores his swimming vision and holds a hand out to Baekhyun who slaps it away after glaring daggers at him and gets up on his own.

“What would Kyungsoo say if he knew?” Chanyeol drops his hand and narrows his eyes at Baekhyun.

“Knew what, Baekhyun?” He asks snappily, fists clenching at his sides and he feels a little bit ridiculous at how angry the question makes him. This is something he doesn’t like to think about it– he has a ty habit of acting and dealing with the results later or brushing them away.

“About you ing around, Chanyeol, don’t ing act stupid!” He shouts and his expression is one of absolute irritation.

He holds his tongue, lashing out at Baekhyun will cause them to break out in a shouting match and fists always have a way of flying when it gets intense. Baekhyun is almost a head shorter than him, but he’s brutal with his fists.

It has happened a couple of times in the past and the one to break it up had been Kyungsoo and a bucket of icy water. Before Kyungsoo it had been his mother and Yura– they both let them fight to their hearts content.

But with how much anger he has bottling up in him each day now– he’ll make the mistake of taking it out on Baekhyun violently. “I’m going to take a shower,” Chanyeol murmurs quietly, breathing shakily and he brushes past Baekhyun.

 ()()()()

“I apologize for my actions, Mr. Do,” Chanyeol mutters into the phone as he sits on his balcony. He ignores his neighbour when she waves eagerly at him from her own balcony. He turns his back to her, sits on his chair and mentally wants to shut down.

He would’ve called earlier but the scene with Kyungsoo on the stairs looking up at him kept him from doing so. Why did he run off? It makes no sense because Kyungsoo has never been one to run away from a confrontation– has never been such a coward. Chanyeol doesn’t think he has a right to be calling anyone else a coward though because he often brushes away his feelings of vulnerability.

The anger at the rejection has faded and he’s only left feeling hopeless and too hurt to function.

He rubs his palm over his eyes and sighs at the foolishness of this whole situation. He doesn’t want to move on– not without Kyungsoo because he still finds it hard to live without him around even though it has been over two years now.

He has only found the guts to call because some loud mouths at the wedding reception spotted the scene with Kyungsoo and went to run their mouths about it to his mother. She ripped him a new one over the phone and ordered him to apologize.

Kyungsoo’s father laughs it off, laughter rich with age and the familiarity that Chanyeol misses. He goes on to tell Chanyeol he only came up to him because he hasn’t seen him in so long and wanted to know how well he’s holding up.

Chanyeol lies easily and asks the man about his business– he forces himself with every fibre in his being not to ask or mention Kyungsoo’s name. He cancels the call when the man– what can he call him? The man still calls him my son or my boy, but Chanyeol knows it’ll be inappropriate for him dad like he was used to for years and it’s a habit he fails to break because he finds himself slipping up a few times during the call.

He stares at the duration of the call on his screen until it fades to black. He gets up from his chair, finally nodding over to his neighbour when she waves eagerly at him before he disappears into his bedroom and shuts the glass doors.

“I think it’s time for you to get out of my house, Baekhyun,” He says as he stares at the fully clothed man dozing off on his bed. Baekhyun has been staying with him for the last week because he has a few recordings to do in the recording studio downtown.

Baekhyun around him means he can’t bring anyone to his house because his best friend is a slob and does nothing but write lyrics all day when he’s not lazing around in his bed. And he knows Baekhyun won’t really appreciate him sleeping around when he is in the apartment. They don’t talk about the argument that almost took place or apologise for it.

Having him around has been good for him– for them both because they haven’t been in each other’s company for so long. Having someone else in his house, someone he doesn’t have to sleep with and kick out before the night breaks is refreshing and so is eating breakfast with another breathing being.

The only downfall is that Baekhyun is loud in the mornings and even worse at night. But he fills the void of loneliness in him. Chanyeol’s thoughts then do the annoying thing they’ve has been doing for the last week and they dissolve into thoughts of Kyungsoo. “Baekhyun!” He shouts and watches how his best friend is startled off his bed, eyes darting around widely before stopping on him.

“What?” He responds indignantly.

It’s childish– how this amuses him, but it helps thoughts of Kyungsoo shatter and swept to the back of his mind. “Is there anything you want from the store? I’ll stop by after work,” He inquires lamely as he steps further into his bedroom, heading for the closet after dropping his phone on his bed. “And use the guestroom from now on,” He mumbles as he strips off his shirt, “It’s there for a reason,” He hates how his voice breaks at that but keeps his posture upright and expression closed off.

He hears Baekhyun’s silent footsteps head towards him before he’s right beside him. He stays there for a moment, obviously working hard at whatever he’s about to say. Chanyeol holds his breath because Baekhyun doesn’t have to walk on eggshells around him anymore– that was back then. “Are you sure? Last time I went in there– you ing lost it.” There’s an accusing undertone and Chanyeol pretends he doesn’t hear it, he exhaling softly.

“That was two years ago,” He looks down at the buttons and pauses– his jaw tightens at the sight of his quivering hands and he knows Baekhyun can see them too, “Everything has been removed. She’s never going to use it.”

Talking about her is never easy and he tries his best to avoid the topic because it still hurts. He was a father and his time was limited to only a few months– and a few minutes of actually holding his daughter. He wasn’t given enough time to memorize her face and even the little he remembers of her features– it’s all fading, but he’ll never forget how defeated he felt in that moment.