Okay, first of all, I'M SO SORRY FOR NOT UPDATING IN OVER  A MONTH!!! I told myself that I'd update as soon as all the national tests were over but when they ended my brain just froze and I couldn't think of anything to write (for this story, as you can see I've been updating quite a lot of fanfics recently: selfish self-promotion) but now I'm back!!

I'd like to thank all of you who've been reading my story so far and subscribing (337 SUBSCRIBERS OH MY GOD), also, I saw a lot of your comments and once again, I'm so sorry for not updating in so long, and to you who said you'd die without an update, YOU'RE ALIVE NOW RIGHT?!??! :)

Anyways, I've got nothing to warn you about in this one (except for the junchan cuz I'm trash) so please enjoy <3 <3

It’s been a week since the first time they slept in the same bed and by now it’s a wide known fact, not that anyone talks about it. It’s not a secret, but it’s not a conversation to be held during dinner either, Chanwoo keeps quiet and Junhwe ignores it, ignores him too but that’s another matter.

It’s been a week since they started sleeping together and a month since he first came here, the one month mark doesn’t change anything physically, they don’t throw a party for him or give him gifts or anything like that. It’s more of a psychological shift in the air, he’s no longer the person that lives with them, he’s now iKon. The same but entirely different.

Being a part of iKon doesn’t magically fix everything, though, he still flinches whenever someone raises their hand or shouts a little bit too loud. The anxiety isn’t gone either, or the feeling that he’s about to be abandoned at any second but he’s working on it, they all are. They try as much as possible to make him feel included without being overbearing and try to offer help whenever he needs it but if he backs away they don’t push.

But sometimes they have to push to get through the walls he’s put up around himself, it’s not always easy and they don’t always have time to pamper him. But when he locks himself in the bathroom a Tuesday morning because he refuses to go to school they need to know why. Of course it’s Jinhwan’s motherly nature that takes place and tries to coax him out.

“Chanwoo, you’re gonna be late, get out of there” okay so maybe he’s not as motherly as he seems, but he can be when the time calls for it, but right now Chanwoo’s being an annoying brat. “I don’t want to go to school,” they hear him mumble through the door and Jiwon pushes Jinhwan away a bit, “none of us did either but we did it anyway” he calls and they hear Chanwoo scoff, “and you all jumped off at the end and look where you ended up.”

They probably weren’t supposed to hear that but they do anyway and Jinhwan’s patience runs low, Chanwoo’s doesn’t know where the confidence came from but he’s suddenly afraid that he’s angered them a little too much.

“Get. Out. Of. There” Jinhwan says sternly and seconds later the door unlocks and Chanwoo steps out, he’s fully dressed in his school uniform and his backpack is slung over his shoulder. He doesn’t look at them as he walks past them, and when he puts on his shoes he doesn’t say anything either. The silence is eerie and Jinhwan frowns at him, feeling his anger running away to be replaced with worry.

“Everything alright?” he asks as Chanwoo laces up his shoes, “hmm, just tired” he mumbles but doesn’t look up, he sounds resigned and Jinhwan doesn’t want to do anything to jostle him at the moment so he doesn’t tell him off for being rude earlier. Instead, he just hands him the bag with lunch that Yunhyeong made for him and tells him to call when he leaves the café later, so they know when to be back from wherever they’re going. Chanwoo nods and smiles in thanks for the lunch and then he’s out.

Jinhwan wonders if it’s just a bad day, maybe he’s just a little down today but will get better later. It’s not weird, he thinks, the boy’s barely of legal age and he’s already been robbed of his family and home and been beaten black and blue. It’s anything but weird.

The kitchen is loud when he arrives and he rubs at his forehead to stop the headache that he knows is coming, “Chanwoo out yet?” Jiwon asks with his mouth full of something he’s sure is Yunhyeong’s doing, “yeah he left just a minute ago” he says as he sits down on his usual seat. Jiwon smiles his eye-smile at him that makes the skin around his eyes crinkle and it would have been adorable to anyone else if they hadn’t seen him behead a person just three days ago.

“He was being a brat” he says while stuffing his face with even more food and Jinhwan shrugs, “probably just a bad day,” he says but he doesn’t really believe himself. He hopes it is.

“We have some serious matters to discuss” Hanbin says suddenly and their conversation dies down, suddenly it’s not a peaceful morning for a family of seven (minus one) to enjoy, suddenly it’s a morning for a gang of six to start planning. “Exo’s coming, I got a call from Suju up in Seoul, apparently EXO’s not the perfect gang of robots like SM want them to be. They have apparently gone their own way and they want Busan.”

The silence that follows is deafening and Jinhwan hopes this is a cruel joke or a nightmare of some sorts. “Exo?” Donghyuk mumbles as a question but he doesn’t really expect an answer, it’s just so hard to believe. “Why Busan though? I mean, there are bigger cities” Yunhyeong questions clearly asking the question that everyone was thinking. “Because we’re here, and Bangtan too. It’s not about the cities anymore, it’s about the names,” Hanbin frowns and crosses his arms.

“Busan is nothing compared to Seoul, but we’re...something, and that’s what they’re after?” Junhwe speaks for the first time with a blank face, “that’s right,” Hanbin answers and Junhwe nods but doesn’t say anything. Things just got a lot more complicated and they have no idea how to act now, “should we tell Chanwoo to-” Donghyuk’s question gets cut off by Jinhwan who leans forward and shakes his head. “Right now, I think it’s best if we keep him out of this” eyes snap to him and Hanbin looks at him in confusion.

“Why’s that?” he asks but Jinhwan knows he isn’t really asking, he’s commanding, “I don’t think he’s feeling so well,” he says with a perplexed look and quickly adds, “understandably” after, because it is and they all know it. The statement gives them something to think of and they fall silent once again, Hanbin looks like he’s trying to crack the da Vinci code and Jiwon looks bored, Jinhwan wonders if he’s Bobby yet.

Donghyuk and Yunhyeong carry identical looks of worry and anger, it’s a weird mixture but they manage to express it. Junhwe looks like he’d rather be asleep at the moment and Jinhwan wonders if he’ll ever see him look like he’s at least a little interested in what’s going on.

-

There’s a constant buzz around him as he walks through the school’s hallways with a heavy backpack and a heavy heart, the news of his father’s imprisonment has spread like a wildfire and he’s the talk of the school for all the wrong reasons. It puts him on an even higher edge than he was before and he tries to shy away from everyone and everything, he eats his lunch in the bathroom and sits in the back of the classroom whenever he gets to choose.

Whenever he passes a group of kids they always go quiet, like they don’t want him to hear what they were talking about, Chanwoo knows it’s because they were talking about him. He’s never been popular and never really had any friends, but he liked being alone and invisible more than being alone and the center of attention.

He feels like a number in a circus, like his whole existence is for the others’ amusement only, even the teachers can’t keep their eyes off of him but at least they have the decency not to gossip about him when he’s in the room. Although he’s pretty sure he’s all they talk about when they regroup in the teachers’ room to gossip about the history teacher and science teacher getting it on in the closet or their annoying students' horrible test scores.

After lunch they have an hour to do whatever they want since the teacher isn’t there, most students chose to go out and buy something from the local grocery store or just hang in the park a few minutes away from the school, Chanwoo stays, though. He sits alone in the deserted library with a book in his lap, it’s a book that Donghyuk gave to him after he finished the previous one. It’s called I’ll Give You The Sun and is about a pair of twins going through loss and...life. It’s nice, sad but quite realistic in a way. There’s also some forbidden love which makes Chanwoo think it’s a book after his own heart because it’s basically describing his life at the moment, minus the abuse and scars.

The hour passes by slowly as he sits in the dim lit room filled with old books that have probably been on the same shelf since before his parents birth, but he’s not one to complain over a break, it gives him time to read but also to think and clear his mind. He thinks about this morning where he’d acted like a total to Jinhwan just because he wasn’t feeling well, he had no right and he knows that. They took him into their house without reason and saved him from death and this is how the thanks them. He thinks that he really should make it up to them, and he knows just the way to do it.

When class starts again he sits in the back of the classroom with his book open in his lap, they’re only watching a movie because the real teacher isn’t present, apparently it’s flu season, and so they’ve got a substitute teacher who can’t teach science to save his life, the school’s way of solving the situation is to give them a movie to watch and a pen to take notes. Chanwoo knows that they’ll never discuss this movie ever again, they never do, so there’s no use in taking notes.

As he continues to read he comes across a quote that has his heart clenching and his chest feeling heavy, “this is what I want: I want to grab my brother’s hand and run back through time, losing years like coats falling from our shoulders,” and he doesn’t think he’s ever related to anything as much as he does in that moment. He feels so homesick for a home that doesn’t exist anymore and it’s painful and saddening. He closes his book after that, deciding that enough is enough, the last minutes of the lesson he spends doing nothing but scribbling on his empty paper and tapping his foot in rhythm to the song coming from the movie.

When the day ends he’s tired and a little worn out, but he doesn’t let the day’s thoughts get to him because he has work in half an hour and he can’t be late or else he’ll be fired, he’s already taken too much time off but his manager’s been kind to him. Chanwoo has a feeling that he won’t take too nicely to him being late.

-

When his shift ends at seven he’s tired and a hungry, it warms his heart to know that he won’t have to make dinner when he gets home, it’s nice to know that he has people who are willing to take care of him. But Chanwoo knows better than to take them for granted.

The bus home is almost entirely empty, as usual, except for a woman with a stroller singing quietly to her baby, she looks exhausted but she’s smiling and the baby’s hand like it’s the purest gift on earth, and it makes Chanwoo’s heart clench because in the past few years his father has never shown him any love, not when they were poor and not when they had everything they could ask for. Because nothing was ever good enough.

The woman gets off on one stop before Chanwoo’s and Chanwoo feels bad for her as he sees her step off, because he knows this part of town isn’t the safest nor the kindest, but even though it’s dangerous and one of the worst places to live in in Busan the woman’s smile as she looks down at her baby never falls, and it gives Chanwoo a little hope.

It’s dark when he walks on the empty street toward the house but the lights along the street help and he takes great comfort in the light they give, when he’s a few meters away from the alleyway he stops to look through his backpack for the keys Hanbin gave him. It’s the keys to the outer door, but they still haven’t fixed the fingerprint thing for him, Chanwoo believes that if they wanted to they probably could have asked Donghyuk to do it and it would have been done in five minutes or so, but he guesses it’s a matter of trust. Maybe they’re not ready to give him that much just yet.

He opens up the outer door and closes it with a bang behind him, he grabs at the handle to make sure that it’s locked for real before he heads up the stairs. The stairs are dark and he has a little hard time seeing as he knocks on the heavy metal door, it doesn’t take long for it to open though and as soon as it does he’s pulled in by warm hands clinging to him, it’s Donghyuk he realizes, both because he’s one of the only one’s who's ever this affectionate, but also because he smells of apples and Chanwoo knows that’s his shampoo. Weirdly enough that’s one of the first things Donghyuk told him.

“Chanwoo! Welcome back, how was school?” He asks as Chanwoo takes off his shoes in the hallway and hangs his jacket on the wall, “it was okay, we didn’t really do much,” he says quietly as Donghyuk takes his hand and drags him to the couch in the living room, “how about work, then?” he says as he plays with the hem of Chanwoo’s oversized sweatshirt and Chanwoo actually manages to smile a bit, “manager-nim told me he might give me a raise since I’ve been working so hard,” Donghyuk smiles at him and pats his head.

“That’s great!” he exclaims, Chanwoo also wants to tell him about how horrible it was in school because everyone were staring but he doesn’t want to lower Donghyuk’s spirits so he refrains. It’s nice to have someone to talk to but maybe the other person doesn’t think the same, and he doesn't want to bother any of them.

“Do you know where Hanbin hyung is?” Chanwoo asks as he suddenly remembers the envelope in his backpack, “in his room” Donghyuk answers and Chanwoo nods his thanks, He’s never been inside Hanbin’s room before and a little scared but also a little bit excited, he grabs his backpack from the floor and goes down the hallway until he gets to Hanbin, Jiwon, and Jinhwan’s shared room. He wonders if the others are inside too?

He knocks carefully on the door three times and awaits an answer, it takes a while and Chanwoo’s about to walk away when he hears a ‘come in’ from inside. He carefully opens the door and peeks in, Hanbin’s lying on his bed in nothing but a pair of pants and he’s listening to quite loud music too, when he sees Chanwoo in the doorway he lowers it and sits up on the bed.

“Oh, Chanwoo, you good?” he says and he’s clearly surprised, Chanwoo supposed it’s because they rarely talk, nonetheless go knocking on each other’s doors, “yeah I’m good hyung, but I…” he steps inside a little awkwardly and closes the door after himself. “I wanted to give you something,” he says quietly and tightens his grip on his backpack as Hanbin looks him up and down, his brows furrow at Chanwoo’s words and he pats the edge of his bed as an indication for Chanwoo to join him.

He only hesitates for a few seconds before he joins him, “what is it?” Hanbin asks and Chanwoo bites his lip, this is so embarrassing but he’s told himself that he should do it, even if what he’s about to give is petty. He opens his backpack and takes out the envelope, it feels lighter the second time he holds it and he automatically blushes, but he’s set his mind to it and he’s gonna go through with his plan. Instead of saying anything, though, he just hands the envelope to Hanbin and looks down at his hands, he hears the sounds of paper ripping and he can almost hear the sound of Hanbin’s frown deepen.

“What’s this?” he asks and the confusion is as clear as day in his voice, Chanwoo clears his throat before answering quietly, “money,” Hanbin’s scoff echoes in the room and Chanwoo’s almost sure he’s about to call it petty. But he doesn’t.

“I can see that, but what I meant was, why are you giving me money?” and Chanwoo bites his lips even harder that he’s almost worried he’ll draw blood, but he’s embarrassed and he’d much rather sink into the ground than stay for a second longer.

“It’s my salary for this month, from my job at the café. I figured that since you’re letting me stay here, I should repay you in some way,”he whispers the final part in embarrassment and awaits Hanbin’s laugh, but it never comes. Instead, he’s brought out of his thoughts by a weight landing in his lap, it’s the envelope he sees and it’s full. He frowns and looks up in confusion at Hanbin who’s looking quite bothered by this whole ordeal, “you don’t have to pay me for staying, we’ve got enough money as it is.”

“But I want to, I want to contribute in some way and I’m not good at a lot of things so the least I can do is give you some money,” he says in earnest and Hanbin sighs, “this money is yours, you’ve earned it fair and square and you shouldn’t give it away to anyone. Besides, we may not be your parents but you’re still a minor and I’m not so I’m kind of your guardian, which means that I’m in charge of taking you to the doctor’s when needed and I’m in charge of feeding and clothing you. When you turn eighteen you’re free to do whatever you want but until then, I’m in charge, and until then, you don’t have to give anything, do you understand me?” Hanbin grabs Chanwoo’s hand and looks him in the eye with a serious look that has Chanwoo cowering a bit. But he’s beyond grateful.

He nods his answer and Hanbin pats him on the shoulder, “good, now get out of here, let me sleep,” Chanwoo would have been worried by his words if it wasn’t for the half smile on his face and the cheeky look in his eyes, telling him that he’s just joking, so Chanwoo grabs the envelope and his backpack and stands up. He wonders if he should just leave now or if he should say something else, he’s not good with his words so in the heat of the moment he does something unexpected.

He leans forward and engulfs Hanbin in a hug, it’s not a tight hug but it’s a hug nonetheless, and when he pulls away he swears to himself that the red on his cheeks are from the heat and not from the fact that he might have actually liked the way Hanbin’s arms encircled him like an older brother hugging his younger.

He hurries to the door without looking at the elder but he can almost feel the elder’s eyes following his every move, and just before he closes the door entirely he whispers softly, “thanks, hyung,” and the he’s gone, leaving Hanbin a little dumbfounded but happy, Chanwoo’s display of affection is certainly progress.

-

Dinner passes by fairly quickly with Hanbin and Chanwoo stealing glances at each other and Chanwoo blushing, leaving the others very confusing and very not jealous at all. The night goes by quickly too and by eleven thirty Chanwoo’s already in bed in his pajamas and ready to sleep for a good while, Junhwe’s right next to him with his back turned toward him and as far away from him as possible. Chanwoo always sleeps on the edge because it seems to make Junhwe so uncomfortable to touch him and Chanwoo really doesn’t want to go back to sleeping on the floor, their nights are always quiet and sometimes fi Chanwoo’s lucky Junhwe will whisper ‘goodnight’ before sleeping. This is obviously not a good night because not only does he not whisper it, even he’s sleeping on the edge of the bed, leaving about a meter, maybe more, of space between them.

He wonders if he’s the cause for it but he can’t think of anything he’s done to upset the elder, maybe Junhwe’s just gone back to hating him, it hurts, Chanwoo decides. Because even though they’ve never been close he’s started to grow to like the elder, even though they probably haven't spoken more than fifty words to each other.

Chanwoo falls asleep fairly quickly that night.

Only to be awakened three hours later by a shrill alarm ringing through the entire loft, he sits up quickly and covers his ears with his hands, the room is dark and his eyes a bit foggy that he can’t see so well. Junhwe’s out of bed in a few seconds and digging through his desk for something, Chanwoo’s still having a hard time seeing so he doesn’t see what it is that Junhwe pulls out from the drawer. But when he rubs at his eyes to get the sleep out of them and is able to focus he sees what it is, it’s a gun. Junhwe’s cocking the pistol and pulling on a sweatshirt from the chair in the corner in just a few seconds and Chanwoo’s shocked and it’s all moving so fast. The alarm is still blasting and Junhwe’s armed, it’s all a bit too much for the poor boy and he slides down the bed on Junhwe’s side so he’s a bit squished between the wall and the bed, he keeps his hands over his ears and closes his eyes.

He opens his eyes when he hears shouting coming from outside the room and suddenly Junhwe’s kneeling in front of him with a serious look, “get under the bed, hide, and don’t come out until I’m back, you understand?” he says quite loudly so that Chanwoo can hear him over the alarm.

“Hyung, what’s going o-”

“Do. You. Understand?” Junhwe questions again and it shuts Chanwoo up, he nod his head quickly and Junhwe grabs his arm, “get under the bed and stay there, I’ll come back for you” he says and then he’s running out of the room. Chanwoo’s terrified of what’s happening but Junhwe promised that he’ll be back and Chanwoo has faith in him, and so he crawls under the bed and makes himself as small as possible. There are tears in his eyes and his scared but he needs to be brave, Junhwe will be back soon. It’s alright.