xxi. the twenty-first step

When the morning rays were bright enough to spill through the curtains, it flooded the apartment in a bluish glow. Under its light were a pair of lips, moving slowly and softly in sync. Fingers threading through her hair, Minji allowed Jongin to tilt her head to match the rising ferocity in their kiss.

Everything about him was wild like fire but gentle as the warmth he emitted. She was enraptured, caught in his flames that the emotions built up as fast as the burn in her lungs. She pulled away with a gasp. He on her bottom lip softly.

“Jongin,” she said breathlessly, mildly distracted by his affectionate nips. “I have so much to tell you, things about me that I want you to know.

“Me too,” he tightened the arms around her waist, pulling her securely in his arms. “I want you to know everything.”

The everything he spoke of ended up being his family back home and his hometown in the countryside, then it was his aspirations, his love for dancing and why it brought him here. There was also the mention of how he met his friends here in Seoul.

Indeed he told her many things as they laid together, the sun slowly rising in the backdrop and it made Minji happy—but also sad. She wished it was easy for her as it was for him. If only chunks of her life were as easy to digest as his.

And Minji couldn’t run forever. After giving herself to him last night, a fragment of the past also had to catch up in the form of Jung Soojung. Life just never ceased to taunt her.

She was about to take off his shirt when the bathroom door opened. Jongin. As soon as he reached her, he loosened the grips he found on the hem and tugged her by the waist.

“Don’t take it off,” he whispered against her cheek. “I like it on you.”

She flushed. “I know I’m wearing pants already, but isn't it a little inappropriate? You have a visitor.”

He sighed harshly, glaring at the wall, muttering. “I can’t believe she’s here again.”

“Again?” Minji echoed, not liking the sound of that. It seemed Jongin shared the same sentiment with a surly expression. He caressed her sides soothingly.

“Just…” he almost groaned. “If she ever acts out of line, tell me, okay? I swear if she does anything…”

She thumbed his cheek. “It’s fine Jongin, stop stressing. You’re just going to the convenience store nearby. And what would Krystal do in the meantime? You’re acting like she’s a psychopath or something…”

That claim felt weird on her lips. It was an exaggeration that she would honestly like to believe but couldn’t. Jongin seemed to agree as well when he lowered his shoulders.

“I can’t believe she forced herself in here and demanded I go out and do her shopping.”

“Well, it is for you. She said Taemin noticed the lack of food in your fridge yesterday…”

“The jerk. If he’s so worried, why the hell is she here instead of him?”

That was a question Minji wondered too.

When they exited the bathroom, they found the girl unloading the grocery into Jongin’s fridge. She greeted them both with a smile before ordering Jongin to go out already and buy the eggs she had forgotten. The way she acted so casually with him made Minji jealous inside, even after Jongin reassured her with a kiss before leaving the two alone.

Silence took hold of the apartment, save for the rustling of the plastic bags that Krystal was putting away. She then turned the stove on and cut some ingredients on a cutting board that she whisked out of nowhere. She just seemed to know her way around his kitchenette that it made Minji grow spiteful by the second.

“Why are you here?” Minji asked as she watched the girl chop away. It didn’t help to feel awkward and useless standing by.

“Here,” Krystal ignored her, pushing another chopping board on an empty space next to her. A carrot and a knife sat on top of it. “Can you do this one?”

Minji was dumbfounded, unable to grasp the situation at all but moved anyway. She stared at the knife and vegetable in front of her like she had never seen it before. It wasn’t far from the truth when she has never interacted with either of the items in her life. She never had to cook for herself.

“It’s easy,” Krystal was suddenly beside her, knife in hand, smoothly cutting through the vegetable. “Just like that. Take your time, you can do it.”

Curiosity was the only thing Minji could blame at the moment because she did what she was told. With fascination, she tried to chop the carrot. Keyword—tried. Huffing at how stubborn it was being halfway through, she threw the knife away, frustrated.

Krystal examined the pieces she made with a shrug. “It’s fine—”

“You didn’t answer my question,” Minji bit. One could call her y and it wouldn’t exactly be farfetched. The other girl simply sighed and resumed her cooking, making Minji even more agitated. She was about to open when Krystal spoke again.

“You did well. For your first time cutting that,” her voice became soft, almost wistful. “I remember cutting myself and flipping out, chopping board and everything. I had a little breakdown because that’s when I realised I had to start cooking for myself. I hated it.”

Minji didn’t know what to say but listen intently. The questions began to accumulate; from the relevancy of this topic to why a wealthy girl like Soojung would have to fend for herself like that. What was she getting at?

“That’s wonderful, Soojung,” she opted for sarcasm. “But I’m not that interested in sharing life stories with you. My life hasn’t exactly been that interesting since…” Minji had to in a harsh breath. “It had been ruined.”

Talking about such a painful topic with clear-cut tone must’ve shocked Krystal enough for her to drop the knife in her hands. There was a visible tremor that washed over her before she picked it up again and started cutting, her movements stiffer and less controlled.

“Mine hasn’t been that great either,” she went on with a swallow. “I just…” her grip turned white. “I’ve been repenting since. There’s not a day I don’t—”

“Repent?” The grating sound of the chuckle that left Minji’s lips shocked even herself. “Why would you need to repent? You didn’t do anything,” Minji also took her knife and drove it down on the carrot with force. The thud that came after seemed to echo. “That’s right. You did nothing. No one did.”

There was a clatter, and Minji turned to find Krystal suddenly on her knees. Her long hair hung around her hunched shoulders like a curtain, wavering. Yet Minji couldn’t it in herself to feel compassion. Not when she saw herself in the same position a few years ago; pathetic and weak.

“I didn’t mean to go that far,” the words were frantic under Krystal’s breath. “I was jealous…I—she was all I had before you came into the picture, okay? I just—I wanted my Luna back.”

“Stop,” Minji exhaled, a sweet smile resurfacing in her head at the name.

It brought on unhealed wounds to memory. It still hurt. Even now. The world began to blur in her eyes but Minji wiped the incoming tears away. She became quiet with contempt. “I don’t need to know how pathetic you are, Soojung.”

Krystal inhaled sharply, shuddering, but accepting.

“I know. I know I am…” up on her feet, Krystal stood, yanking Minji’s hands to her in a desperate grip. “It just wasn’t supposed to go that far! I didn’t know they’d lock you in that shed, that it would end up with you on a hospital bed—”

Black.

Pitch black.

It was like a never-ending void as the hours ticked away slowly in that place, hope along with it. Minji had been hysterical, scrambling for anything until she bumped into something solid. Then there was the pain. Sharp and severe, bursting over her head.

The memories played out in her head but Minji in her stony exterior felt nothing but a twinge. If she was still the same girl back then, she would’ve been hyperventilating already but Minji was already breathing in deeply.

Deep breaths, Minji. No need to rush. Just like that. See? As long as you and your sister continue to attend, we’ll make this all go away.

Those were the usual coos of Dr Park amidst the gruelling sessions she had to undergo. She was almost twenty years old and she still had to sleep with the light on.

Attend, huh? Who needs to do that when the scars have been long forgotten in the face of the engagement and the other she was going through. Composed once more, Minji jerked herself free from Krystal’s grip.

“Save it,” she said. “I don’t want to talk about this anymore—“

“God,” Krystal cut in with a bitter laugh. “You sound exactly like Kai, you know that?”

The mention of Jongin made Minji uncomfortable. Only because it came from her lips.

“Don’t you find it funny?" she said. "How we meet again through him of all people?”

“Funny?” Minji couldn’t help but scorn. “I don’t see how—”

“I slept with him too, Minji.”

Blood rushed past her ears, decreeing everything silent but loud at the same time. Just the thought of Jongin, sharing an intimate moment with her, much like the one they had last night, was vile in and heavy in her stomach.

“Why are you telling me this?”

Krystal eyed Jongin’s shirt on her form. “Because you slept with him last night, didn’t you?” Before Minji could respond, she continued. “Do you remember what we talked about last time?”

Minji faltered. “To stay away…”

“No, after that. I asked if your feelings were genuine.”

She recalled their conversation in Myeongdong before Jongin intervened it that day.

“They are—”

“So you’re not using him for ? To vent from the duties you carry? Fooling around with guys like him, it’s thrilling right? Because they’re so different. They’re not up their own asses and they don’t talk about money and how many cars they own. They’re hard working, passionate and sincere,” for a moment, Krystal’s eyes softened. “Like Taemin and Kai.”

“What’s it to you?” Minji tore her eyes away towards the other direction. “You’re the one dating Taemin.”

“That doesn’t apply to me anymore,” Krystal lowered her voice. “Because I’m just like them now. My family got buried in debt sometime later after the incident. We’re no longer the same, and that’s exactly why I’m telling you this. If there’s anyone who could see this from your point of view, it’s me.”

Minji was stunned. She had always wondered how she ended up with someone like Taemin and best friends with someone like Amber; they were both nowhere near the social standing she remembered Krystal to be.

“I know what you’re thinking,” Minji watched Krystal’s lids fall, almost wistfully. “I had to crash first before I could humble up, but Minji, I’ve been sorry and regretful since the day you were hospitalised.”

Under Krystal’s gaze, Minji kept shut. Under the sheen of the other’s tears, she could see the sincerity in its depths. She found herself hating it. If Krystal was still the same cold-hearted princess she had been back then, this would’ve been easier.

“My feelings are genuine,” Minji found herself repeating. “I’ve never thought of using Jongin for . Yesterday was even the first time we…”

Krystal stilled, taking the information in slowly. She seemed taken aback. “After all this time, only yesterday?”

Minji nodded fiercely and the other girl paused again, before severing the eye contact. She returned to the ingredients they had abandoned and started cutting again.

“If he waited this long then…” she let the last word hang for a bit. “Then all more reason for you to not screw this up. I hurt Kai once and there’s nothing I can do to make it better but you—you can. So if you’re really going to go through this despite the odds, then promise me, Minji. You won’t hurt him.”

Of all things she expected Krystal to tell her out of this visit, this would be the last. By the time she finished, she was looking at Minji again, her almond eyes firmer, looking much like the girl Minji remembered her to be.

“You can ignore my apology all you like, you can resent me for the rest of your life, but Minji all I ask of you is to not hurt Kai. Please. Don’t hurt him.”

Breakfast had turned out to be an awkward affair like Minji expected it to be however, it was tolerable. With Jongin’s hand on her thigh under the table throughout, the gesture was calming enough as she tried to process what Krystal just told her. And it was a lot.

Now with questions circling in her head, Krystal was soon gone and she was left with Jongin yet again.

“What did she say to you?” he murmured into her hair, leaning against the kitchen counter with her smaller body enveloped in his arms. “You’ve been out of it since I came back.”

“Nothing,” she tried to mumble in his chest but she knew he wasn’t taking it.

“I’m not an idiot, Minji. Look, I won’t do anything, I just want to—“

“Is it true?” it came out timidly, her voice muffling against the fabric of his shirt. “That you slept with her?”

Every muscle in his body seemed to stiffen. Minji could hear the slight jump in his heartbeat.

He pushed her further into his frame. “It’s in the past…”

“I just want to know the circumstances, if you’d let me,” she persisted softly.

He seemed to ponder. Thankfully he resigned to her plea, his face head angling towards her neck, his words tickling along he