Yoongi was inside their mini studio, mindlessly fiddling with the keyboard and creating random tunes out of boredom. There were no request for a new music and he found himself in near death due to the lack of things that he could do (studying was not an option because who does that in his spare time? Definitely not him). He could bother his son or brothers but upon seeing the time, he thought against the idea. The man leaned on his seat and sighed. 

He was in that position when the door opened, revealing Jihoon in his Kumamon onesies. The child stared at him with wide doe eyes which he returned with an eyebrow raised.

"Why are you still up?" He asked as he divert his sights back to the monitor. 

"I can't sleep." Jihoon answered and made his way to his father. He raised his hands to motion Yoongi to carry him. The older man could only shake his head, a small smile on his lips, as he took his son on his lap. "What are you doing?" Jihoon owlishly blinked as he rested his head on Yoongi's arms.

"Music." He answered and started tapping some keys. Jihoon didn't moved from his spot and just watched his father do his thing. After for about a few minutes, Yoongi clicked the play button and the sound of piano filled the room. It was then followed by a violin before a very familiar voice drifted through the air. 

Jihoon perked up from his spot and excitedly squealed. "It's Grandpa Kookie!" He exclaimed to which earned him a smile from Yoongi. 

"Wait there's more." He said and as if on cue, the voice of Namjoon replaced Jungkook's. The child could only coo in amazement at what he was hearing. He had never heard them sing in unison before and with the addition of Yoongi's skills, it was one of the best song he had heard. And even if he grow up in the future he was sure that his opinion about it will not change. His eyes were practically shining as the song hit its chorus and he once again heard Jungkook's voice, only this time with Jimin's blended with it. 

But much to his dismay, the song ended abruptly.

“Why did it stopped?” Jihoon tilted his head up to pout at his father. Yoongi shook his head and shrugged. 

“It’s not finished yet.” He casually admitted. Which was true. In all honesty, he had composed the song about seven years ago. Something that he was supposed to give to a certain woman as a gift for her birthday. Only he wasn’t able to finish it because of reasons he can’t remember anymore. 

“Oh.” Jihoon mindlessly murmured, swinging his feet back and forth out of habit. “You should finish it.” He grinned to his father. 

“I should, huh?” Yoongi played along, pulling his son closer to his chest as the child continued to swing his feet.

“Yup! Then then you can earn more money using it! You might get famous and become rich like Eomma Chaerin!” 

“Man, you only think of money, don’t you?” Yoongi clicked his tounge and flicked his son's head gently. Jihoon yelped and rubbed his forehead, pouting at his father. 

“Appa!” Jihoon exclaimed. “That hurts!” he added and glared at Yoongi. 

Instead of saying sorry, Yoongi flicked his forehead again which made Jihoon whine even further. The child turned around and fisted his father’s shirt before hiding his face to his chest. 

“You’re such a baby.” The man commented while grinning. He patted Jihoon’s head who continued to whine something incoherent. 

“I’m not a baby. I’m turning six!” Jihoon murmured, which was slightly muffled against the fabric of his shirt.

“hmm… which will not happen not until four months from now.” The older man chuckled.

“Still,” Jihoon started, rubbing his small nose on Yoongi’s shirt. “I’m not a baby.” 

“Whatever you say, kid.” The man shook his head while chuckling. He started rummaging through the list of his the songs and clicked the one entitled ‘nevermind’, something that he had always played around Jihoon. You could say that it’s one of his schemes to make Jihoon into a amazing rapper (like him) in the near future. 

“Appa…” Jihoon wrapped his arms around his father’s waist. “I’m sick of that song. Please change it.”

“ Yah! What do you mean by sick of that song?! When did you start to lose your sense in music?!” Yoongi gasped and acted like his son just committed the biggest crime in the history. 

Jihoon on the other hand let out another whine and slapped his hand on his hips. “you always play that! It’s getting boring. I don’t like that song.” 

The older man could only click his tounge as he searched a song that might suit his son’s taste. “Honestly, where did you inherited your bad taste from?” He murmured and played Ne'yo's So Sick. Which Jihoon seemed to like as he stopped whining and just clung onto Yoongi like a baby Koala.

The child had his cheek rested on his chest, completely ignoring his father’s question. They stayed in that position in all the course of the song, Yoongi occasionally humming along while patting Jihoon’s back and Jihoon sneaking a yawn or two. 

By the time the song ended, Jihoon was already asleep. He had his fist fisted on Yoongi's shirt and the man could only smile at the sight. 

He carefully cradled Jihoon and stood up from his seat. The child stirred a little but in the end just rested his cheek on his father’s shoulder.

Yoongi made his way through the dark hall to his son's room. He lay the child on his bed, tucking him under his Nemo blanket before brushing his fringe off his face. 

The man sighed as he sat on his son's bed. People say that the kid was his exact replica, often times they state that he even act like him. But much as how he would not like to admit it, Jihoon acts like a certain person that he know when they’re alone. 

He reminded him so much of ‘her’ and it was frustrating on his part.

Yoongi ruffled his hair in annoyance and lyed beside his son. Tucking Jihoon’s head under his chin, the father closed his eyes and allowed himself to drift into sleep. 

Only a few hours later he found himself back to their mini studio once again.

He couldn’t sleep. 

Soft mellow music drifting off his speakers while he mindlessly bit his thumb.

His eyes shifted to the camera on the corner of the studio. Yoongi closed his eyes and frowned. The man let out a groan and wiped his face with his palms. 

After for a few minutes of battling with himself he finally gave in and took the camera. He placed it on top of one of the speakers, staring at the lens like he was going to talk to God himself. The man gave out one last sigh before pressing the record button. With the red light informing him it was on the roll, Yoongi his lips and stared at the lens.

“I told myself after that video message I gave to you after you left, I will not make another one.” He started, diverting his eyes to the corner and rubbed his temples. “what’s the point of continuously sending you one when you don’t want to stay with me anymore?” 

“… Jihoon.” Pause. “is turning six, four months from now. I wonder if you even thought of that. Probably not. I’m sure you’re already happy wherever you are now.”

“Hey,” the corner of his lips quirked up and gave the screen a sad look. “I’m sorry for ruining your life. But I tried giving you everything, right? It’s just that there are things that I’m just not capable of.” 

Yoongi intertwined his fingers as he diverted his eyes once again. “The other day Seokjin asked me what would I feel if you returned and beg me for forgiveness… I said I would be angry…” He humorlessly chuckled upon remembering his response. “I just spatted whatever came into my mind. It should be a normal reaction right?” The man groaned and ruffled his already messy mope of a mint hair.

“But now that I think about it… I guess I wouldn’t be able to feel anything…” He murmured. “I might still love you… but you have been gone for so long that I’m not sure if I still do.” 

He said her name. “You're not a bad person. I know that. You’re just a coward.” He looked down and appeared to be in deep thought. 

“… there are still nights that I dreamed of when you left me.” The man confessed and chuckled. “I wish I could give Jihoon a normal and complete family but I guess that’s impossible.” 

“It has been really tiring lately…” He half smiled and looked away. “I kept thinking of you… Did I loved you too much for me to still have thoughts about you?” 

“I’m tired of it…” Yoongi leaned down and sighed into his palms. “Tired of thinking of you. Tired of thinking of the things that I should have done to stop you.”

“so tired of it…”

He paused, his lips and leaning back into the backrest. “what the am I saying?” Yoongi looked away and shook his head. He reached out and took the camera, stopping the recording midway. He mentally beat himself before he stood up of his seat and turned everything off, leaving the camera on top of the swivel chair. 

He gave it one last look, like instead of the device sitting on the chair, it was her. 

Yoongi bitterly smiled before he turned around and left.

×

/siNGS/ I NEED YOU GAAAAAARL!!!!!!!!!! /kicked/ 

Wrote this at 1 AM so sorry for the rollercoaster of emotions. I tend to get really emo around that time ehe ~ /nottomentionimstillindenialaboutwhathappenedwithminzyand2ne1

BTS, SEVENTEEN, TWICE WILL BE THE DEATH OF ME. KBYE.