THE DARK SIDE

Author: chocolat98

Reviewed by: 170100

TITLE: (4/5)

The title has a connection to the plot. It sticks to the plot and works with the plot throughout the story. I would have given it a full mark if the title was eye-catching as well as 'original'. 'The Dark Side' indicates that the story will bring misery, sorrow as well as danger. It gives the readers a sense of what the story could be about which is good. However, there're many titles here on aff that are similar to yours which makes readers a bit bored just by looking at the title of yours causing them not to read your story, so I would advise you to change the title into something more fitting andbutso, to conclude, the title gives us readers an idea/s of what your story may be filled with.

FOREWORD/DESCRIPTION: (5.6/10)

Both description and foreword are interesting. While reading both, it grabbed my attention. It did not reveal too much of the plot and therefore made the story quite interesting. However, the reason why I didn't give a full mark is because of the grammar. You have a lot to work on regarding your english. I can see already that your writing has potential just by reading the foreword/description of the story, but you need to work on your tenses (past/present/future). I can see that you're trying to write in the past tense(?) but there is some mix tense going on which makes readers a bit confused, so please reread your work. It will help plenty.

PLOT: (12.3/25)

The plot seems cliche, to be quite frank with you. Yes, you have your own style and it is adorable - adorable is okay, but if you want to make a connection with your readers using your story (which is quite a heavy theme), you can't do adorable. You must be the story, you must be the characters. Don't tell the story. Be the story. You need to pretend that whatever is happening in the story is happening to you - your surroundings, the people around you, everything. You have your own style but it's being shadowed by how cliche the plot is. The plot is not all over the place. Just confusing and a bit dull, if I must say. As I was reading, some parts left me confused (the characters' actions). Other times, it felt like I finally had a grasp of the characters' thoughts and why they did this and that, etc. The genres that you filed in were action, comedy, drama, mystery & romance. Action isn't quite there yet but it's okay, otherwise, it would make your story a bit rushed, especially in the condition it is in right now. Comedy is there - I actually smiled at some parts about her relationship with Kris and the flashbacks that followed throughout the story. It was cute and I suppose this goes well with romance too. Drama is there along with mystery which is good because as the title suggests, THE DARK SIDE, the story should provide mystery and drama so you're coming along quite well and it's your first story as well. All you need to work on is the flow of your plot - how you need to sit down and read your work and get to know your characters, and how you need to apply these genres (balance) with the thought of your story centering around the theme, DARK. Other than these, your plot seems to be alright, I mean after all, cliche is okay to be honest, just be sure to throw a surprise once in a while as to catch your readers' attention (and to throw them off-guard with it).

FLOW: (4/5)

The story is progressing quite well. It is neither too fast nor too slow (although some parts bored me as I just wanted to get straight to the point and found that some parts are irrelevant to your story). This is quite good as it keeps readers on track with your story. Some parts may leave them confused (goodness damn it with those cliffhangers - this is good by the way, cliffhangers are qui