YESTERDAY'S TOMORROW

AUTHOR: twenty-six

REVIEWED BY: kuruumi

TITLE: (3/5)

The title isn’t common, though it’s not unique either. I believe I’ve seen other works titled like this. The title is pretty eye catching. The word play was used to demonstrate “today”; which was led up to from “yesterday”. I’m not quite sure if your title links back to the story, but it could’ve been used to show the “today” in which Krystal visits Jessica’s grave(?)

FOREWORD/DESCRIPTION: (8/10)

Your foreword is quite interesting. It shows that you have the understanding of your title and that you are able to explain it to the readers as well. It seems very magical and light-hearted. The foreword does not, however, give the reader any information about what is yet to come in the plot.

PLOT: (19/25)

This plot doesn’t seem to be completely unique, but it’s not as cliche as it could’ve been. There are many stories out there about a sibling taking the other sibling’s boyfriend/girlfriend/fiance/spouse, but you’ve managed to make a twist. Not many characters are able to willingly admit their mistakes in the end and reflect on it. I’ll give you props for that.

I’ll admit, the first time I read it, I was confused as to what had happen. A few hours later, after dealing with some of my personal needs, I realized that this plot was about Sehun having an affair with Krystal while being engaged with Jessica. Which was really ironic, because I envisioned the scene at the bench by the sea, gentle breezes, white flowers growing nearby, and overall, a light hearted scene. LOL.

FLOW: (5/5)

Since it’s a one shot, I’ll give you credit for writing a story that deals with a heavy plot. Not only were you able to write about Krystal’s actions with accurate and not overwhelming description; you were also able to explain her reasons behind it. This story dealt with one scene in which the characters engaged to bring up a past event that led them to become the characters they came to be known as. Since the timespan was only a day, I felt that the pace progressed on just about right. You were able to use that pace to explain the reasoning behind just about everything and demonstrate the relations between the characters quite nicely. I liked the way you tied off the end as well.  

GRAMMAR: (16/30)

I’m going to be honest- your grammar was quite poor and it hindered my ability to read the story. There were some sentences that were structured a bit strange. If you would like, you could also request for a beta-reader in our shop. Just let me know if you’d like one. If there was one thing I particularly liked, it would be your descriptions. I liked how your descriptions didn’t come off as overwhelming. It gave a rather beautifully painted image inside my head. There was quite a variety of different words used. I’d say your word choices were excellent.

I’ll just use some sentences as examples.

If there was a day I'd overjoy by the humidity of air that feel so tender, it was today.

Upon my first glance at this sentence, I had a hard time understanding it. I eventually figured it out though. You are missing a few words in this sentence. It would flow much smoother if you were to write it like this:

“If there was a day where I’d be overjoyed by this tender, humidity filled air; it would be today.”

Please Subscribe to read the full chapter