DEAR BROTHER

AUTHOR: imsimsz

REVIEWED BY: 170100

TITLE: (4.5/5)

To be honest, I actually quite like the sound of your title. At first glance, the title helps to give a little something away of what the story may hold. It is eye-catching and it has a 'curious' feel to it. It makes readers wonder if the story is soft/fluffy or sad, etc. It does not give away what the story WILL be about which is good as it keeps us interested just by reading the title of your story. The title has a connection to the plot as well as the story itself so I applaud you for that. However, it is not worthy of a full mark as the title seems quite dull but other than this, it is good enough.

FOREWORD/DESCRIPTION: (5/10)

The foreword is interesting as well as the description. Whilst reading, both were able to grab my attention and I instantly knew then that the title was going to be leaning more on the 'sarcastic' and 'evil' side rather than the soft or sad side which is really good as this will make readers surprised. It does not reveal too much of the plot although I was able to tell right away that the story involves and torture (something that some readers despise) but other than that, both the foreword and description are good. However, the reason why I have not given you a full mark is because of your grammar. Your tenses are all muddled up and some sentences do not make sense at all and need revision. I suggest you hire someone who can beta-read your story as it needs a lot of proof-reading. Honestly, I was a bit annoyed and disappointed (still am) because I know that your story has potential but it's your grammar that has made the story bad. Your description, I believe should be written as this:

Jun and Kiseop are brothers, but Jun has never loved him.

"He always stands in my way!"

So when an unfortunate incident happens, Jun is determined to destroy his brother's life.

instead of this:

Jun and Kiseop are brothers.

But Jun never loves his older brother.

"He always stands in my way!"

When an unfortunate incident happened, Jun is determined to destroy his brother's life.

This is because the first two sentences are quite short. It is better to put a comma between the sentences instead of putting a full stop. This is so that the sentence structure smoothes out. Also, as you may have noticed, I rewrote 'Jun never loves his older brother' as it does not make sense. There is also a confusion of tense in the last sentence: when an unfortunate incident happened … it should be 'happens' (as you are trying to write in the present tense, I believe) and instead of 'when', it is better to write out, 'so' as to smooth the sentence structure out. Your foreword has a lot of grammar mistakes as well. I'll just give you a head start by showing your mistakes in the first sentence. You wrote, " … He