THE DEFINITION OF JUNGKOOK

AUTHOR: mistressdean

REVIEWED BY: kuruumi

TITLE: (5/5)

This title is definitely something one would never find. Ironic seeing that they have to do a definition assignment of words and how that related back to the title. Very well thought out. However, what was even more thought out was the fact that it never really occurs to the reader that there is truly no definition to a person. Sure, there a definitions of a person’s name, but one that completely defines someone and what they do? No, there is none. And that’s exactly what Jungkook needs to figure out. He doesn’t know himself very well and is in the process of figuring himself out; which basically deals with this title. It’s a pretty interesting title, and not to mention, eyecatching. Great job!   

FOREWORD/DESCRIPTION: (10/10)

Well your foreword is unique, but it sounds pretty random at first glance. A government experiment?  Superman? Those things don’t seem to relate back to the story at all, but it serves well as an example, I suppose. (But later reading it, I can see how it relates back thanks to Minhee’s convo with the gang) There was a twist to how most typical descriptions out there are though. I’m pretty sure you included batman for the heck of it though, seeing how much you love him. LOL.

PLOT: (21/25)

From what I’ve seen so far, this seems to be the typical boy and girl meets, hates each other, fall in love eventually. The shy girl and the cold guy, basically. I don’t know if it’s just me, but that type of character stereotype is just plain boring. It’s so common in fanfictions and kdramas and even manga/anime. (I noticed that you did mention you based this off a drama, hence why this plot technically wouldn’t be very original anyways) However, you’ve made a part of it your own but making their relationship unchanging. Usually in these types of stories, the main characters fall in love so quickly that it is boring, however, the rate at which Jungkook and Minhee’s relationship is going at seems rather realistic. Though the readers can see that Jungkook has a form of attraction and he subtly helps her own at times; he is completely oblivious to it. To sum up, your plot isn’t really original-but then again, no plot is really original- but, you’ve created characters that enable it to be fun and lighthearted which keeps the story going fine.

FLOW: (5/5)

The flow seems pretty nice! The plot is able to be executed at a decent rate; it keeps the reader hooked and interested as to what would happen next.

GRAMMAR: (25/30)

I have to say, your grammar and spelling is one of the better ones I’ve seen here. Though there are still some minor mistakes here and there, for the most part, it was on point. I’ll just pick out a few for examples.

000:

“Boys are trouble. It's what everybody kept telling Minhee as a child. Her parents. Her teachers. Her friends. She wishes she hadn't been raised to keep boys at a distance. If she hadn't, she would be able to talk to them properly, especially the cute ones.”

The only problem wrong with this is the fact that there are fragments. I understand that you are using periods to show a pause in what Minhee is trying to express, however, it is grammatically incorrect. I’m pretty sure you know this, but fragments are incomplete sentences. Fragments are pieces of sentences that have become disconnected from the main clause. To correct them, you would remove the period between the fragment and the main clause. Maybe it’s just me, but I find the ‘hadn’t’ to be extremely awkward to use in sentences. Normally one wouldn’t use that in their everyday language. Also, I found these sentence to not run very smoothly. In fact, it almost sounded a bit chunky. So for example, a way to fix this would be:

Boys are trouble. That’s what Minhee’s parents, teachers, and friends told her ever since she was a child. She wishes that she wasn’t raised to keep boys at a distance. If she wasn’t, should would’ve been able to talk to them properly; especially the cute ones.  

or

Ever since Minhee was a child, she’s always been told that boys were trouble. She was constantly reminded by her parents, teachers, and even friends. She wishes that she wasn’t raised to keep boys at a distance. If she wasn’t, should would’ve been able to talk to them properly; especially the cute ones.” 

“Min He tries to move closer to the window and hope they'll go away if she doesn't respond.”

Super minor mistake, but you misspelled your OC’s name LOL.

“Once the bus starts moving again, Jungkook returns to his seat before Minhee can thank him.”

Since Jungkook is in process of returning back to his seat, it could be inferred that it was too late for Minhee to thank him (past tense), so naturally, for it to run smoothly, instead of using can, I would advise changing it to its past tense, ‘could’  

Once the bus starts moving again, Jungkook returns back to his seat before Minhee could thank him.

or

Once the bus starts moving again, Jungkook returns back to his seat before Minhee was able to thank him.

“The Tiara Diner should be a block away and she's suppose to meet her date there at 5 pm.”

"Three more minutes until the clock strikes 5."

It would be more formal for you to write out the numbers.

“‘You need what from me?’”

This just sounds plain awkward.

-> What do you need from me?

“‘I need something of yours to give to my friend for proof I went to this date with you.’”

-> I need something of yours to give to my friend for proof that I went to this date with you.

001:

Even her Chance of Being-in-a-Successful-Relationship is waving goodbye to her.

There are unnecessary capitalization and dashes in the middle of the sentence. Also, there is a mistake with the word, ‘to’. The prepositions ‘to’ and ‘at’ are similar, yet have different meanings depending on their context.

Ex. Toss it to her:

This means to  'give it to her'. One tosses it so that 'she' could catch it.

Toss it at her:

This demonstrates th