“You would have won either way. Chin up.” Seungkwan says as they leave the party. The insecurity has come back to haunt Soonyoung, it seems. They’ve been through this, and Seungkwan hates this the most. Hates to see Soonyoung putting himself down so hard, being so harsh on himself again.

Boo isn’t ashamed to say he’s a crybaby, but at least that means he gets it out of his system.  Soonyoung, that stupid child, bottles everything up until it overwhelms him. Tries to keep smiling even when it’s so hard for him.

“Did Jihoon say anything? I told you, don’t listen to him. He’s just mad you did so well.”

“I’m fine. Just tired.”

Sure. Seungkwan can interpret that.

Those are exactly the words Soonyoung chooses when he doesn’t want others to worry, that fool. Like he worries over Seungkwan and makes sure he eats and drinks near his major emcee slots, Seungkwan wants to worry over and take care of him the same way.

Unlike certain so-called friends who had thrown Soonyoung under the bus to save their own skin, all Seungkwan wants is for Soonyoung to smile and mean it. What else are friends for?

The dance club and rock band members clearly understand that. Without asking they trust Seungkwan to take care of him, making various feeble excuses to leave while asking if it was better if they stayed.

Frankly, it wouldn’t make a difference. Soonyoung is a stubborn guy that refuses to share his feelings for days on the end. Keeps pretending that there’s nothing wrong when there obviously is. It takes lots of food bribes and loving concern for Soonyoung to start talking. Clinging onto him for the rest of the day isn’t going to change matters.  All Seungkwan is going to do is send Soonyoung home and nag at him to have a good rest.

It’s when Seungkwan has Soonyoung safely bundled on the bus home that he realises.

Seokmin’s house is the other way. He shouldn’t be here. 

“Go home.” Seungkwan hisses. Stupid boy probably decided to take all the blame for making Soonyoung upset when no, it isn’t his fault. Telling the truth, standing up for justice, those are just what Lee Seokmin does. It goes against everything Seokmin is to willfully ignore it. And in the first place, it isn’t Seokmin’s fault. It’s Lee Jihoon’s. Everyone knows that.

“I want to stay.”

Oh god, please don’t do this to poor Seungkwan. He knows what’s going to happen. Soonyoung is going to keep pathetically pretending he’s perfectly alright and Seokmin is going to continue blaming himself for Soonyoung being upset. Then he’ll have his best friends both sad and upset. Which will make him sad and upset.

“Please.”

Seokmin and Soonyoung always complain about Seungkwan’s Best Quality aegeyo. But that won’t win against Seokmin’s earnest eyes. So rarely does he look so serious, so focused. He’s a talented guy. Things come easy to him, he doesn't need to go all out to win.

But even then it’s hopeless. Seokmin is stubborn. Soonyoung is stubborn too.

“I’m fine.” That’s all Soonyoung is going to say.

“I’m sorry.” That’s all Seokmin is going to say.

Leaving them together wouldn’t make a difference.

Or would it?

For some reason, Seungkwan can’t shake off the feeling that it would. Maybe it’s because they’re both stubborn as hell, or because they’re both anime nerds.

But why Seungkwan thinks so is less obvious. Right then, all he thinks of is that silent moment where they were facing each other, precious stuffed toys in the hands of each other. That moment.

It might be a mistake, but Seungkwan believes. There’s a something he can’t really put his finger to. And even though it makes him unspeakably  nervous to leave them with each other, when a few months earlier they hated each other so much, he does. Against all his better judgement he slinks away.

----

Soonyoung comes here when he’s sad. Or downright moping, Seungkwan would say. The playground near his middle school is pretty quiet once after school hours. And even though he’s grown way too tall for it, he sits on the swings and rocks back and forth, ignoring the creaking of the chains protesting his weight.

Like this, he hasn’t grown up. He’s only grown taller, older. It’s still easy to hurt him, so simple to make him lose faith. So small.

Nothing much has changed. Except for some reason instead of a worried Boo watching over him like a hawk, there’s a guilty-looking Seokmin in the swing right next to him. Way too big for the swing, legs too long such that they drag on the playground floor. And Soonyoung’s too tired to chase him away, too weary to think. Throw his legs up and let the gentle motion carry him away. Trying to force the stray thoughts to empty from his mouth as the soft breeze blows across his face.

Did he come because he’s sorry? Seokmin doesn’t need to be.

And if he’s sorry, where’s the apology that Soonyoung is supposed to dismiss?

It’s only quiet.

Soonyoung doesn’t know how long he stays like that. Enough time to tire himself out and make him soft, vulnerable. And still the normally loud Seokmin has no words, just lifts himself off the swing.

It’s strange, to be so close to someone yet not exchange a single word. And even though he hasn’t actually seen Seokmin since Seungcheol’s house, Soonyoung can feel him. Carefully walking right next to him, trailing behind just a little. Slowing down to match his footsteps.

And to counter Soonyoung thinks he knows about Seokmin, perfectly silent. Not a single stray word, not an accidental loud sound. Where’s the guy who always needed the last word in, the sharp-tongued rocker?

To his own surprise, he speaks first. When he’s unlocking the front door, halfway up the stairs. When he turns around to face Seokmin. 

“If I don’t fight, am I weak?”

Seokmin’s gaze doesn’t shift. The answer is hushed, but prompt. 

“You’re strong.”

Soonyoung tilts his head up, trying to blink back the tears. Not like this, he’s not going to cry now.

Has he ever heard words like this?

You dance better than Jihoon, you won’t lose!

You’re smart, look at your physics scores!

Look at your awards, you’re obviously a good dancer!

That’s not how it’s supposed to come out. That’s not what Seokmin means. Where’s the qualifier? The criteria for saying he’s strong?

“You are.”

There it is again. The baseless faith, the blind belief. 

Seokmin really can't say things like that. Soonyoung is stupid, he's easy to fool. If Seokmin keeps saying such words with that conviction, Soonyoung might just do the absolutely crazy thing of believeing him. 

It's so easy. His eyes are earnest, attention undivided.

"You don't mean that." 

The words are muttered, nothing much louder than the whisper of the wind. But Seokmin hears his words, and pounces. 

"I mean it. Really. I believe it. Kwon Soonyoung is really strong." 

Seokmin walks right up to door and unlocks it. He barges in, stepping in without invitation.

“Get in. It's cold outside.”

So Soonyoung does, walks up to his room with Seokmin following. His goal is clear. Lifting Mr. Fluffles from Soonyoung’s bed, he places the worn-out teddy bear in his open arms. Then he reaches into his back pocket, retrieving a half-used packet of tissues and passing that too.

How would he know? Are the tears absorbed in the cotton stuffing truly that obvious? Does he look like a weak crybaby? 

“See you tomorrow.”

And this where Seokmin turns to walk out, but Soonyoung stretches out. A small noise, something like a whine escapes. Latching onto the edge of his sleeve, tugging at it.   

Normally all he wants is peace and quiet. A place away from others so he can cry without others knowing, somewhere even Seungkwan can’t hear.

So why exactly is his head asking Seokmin to Stay?

He’s already too tired to think. Anything is okay, Seokmin just needs to be here.

“Want to watch anime?”

The words come out weak, unsure. But Seokmin replies with a firm nod, sitting down on the floor. Helps Soonyoung with his laptop when his hands are too full of Mr. Fluffles.

He doesn’t really watch the anime at all. Just looks at the colours rush across the screen. Listens to the laugh soundtrack play at random intervals.

What Soonyoung can feel is the soft fur of Mr. Fluffles, the slight body heat radiating off Seokmin who’s lying next to him. Seokmin’s not really watching the anime either, Soonyoung is sure of that. All he’s doing is clicking the next episode button when he’s supposed to. Soonyoung can feel warm eyes studying him, trying to understand something. And after that Seokmin is somehow satisfied he leans back, moving a little closer.

Soonyoung can’t explain how or why. But somewhere between the fifth and sixth episode he starts feeling better.  

The tissues lie on the floor, untouched. 

---

a/n: the fluff isn't quite here yet :< hope ya'll still liked it :x