Starbucks

“Aim, you’re missing in action again.” Muk complained while im busy checking my phone. I sent a message to Nam asking her what she’s doing. We just separate ways an hour ago.

“Yeah, im a bit busy now with school works and the practice. How have you been doing?” I asked her without really paying attention. Im scrolling the pictures in my cameral roll.

“What are you doing?” Muk grabbed my phone. Out of surprise I don’t have time to dodge. “What’s this? Nam’s pictures? You’re taking pics of her? And you even have selfies with her? As far as I know you don’t like talking selfies? Can you explain this then?” Muk seems annoyed.

“Ah. You saw it already I don’t need to explain it.” Im confused now.

“What? I don’t understand.” Muk demands for an answer.

“Muk, I like her. I tried to fight it but I yielded. The more I pushed her away the more I fall for her. Why does it feels so right when its totally wrong? “ I told Muk, my voice is shuttering into pieces, I know Muk is still in pain after Nam turned her down, but I don’t want to hide it anymore especially to her.

“Does she knows it?” Muk asked coldly.

“I don’t know. But I know the others are suspicious about it. Im obvious. I cant conceal it. Everytime I see her im losing it. “

 Muk gave a deep sigh.

“Are you ready to face the condemnation of the society? Are you ready to tell your parents that their only girl likes a girl also?” Muk sounds like she’s scrutinizing me. “Im not saying this to you because I want to discourage you, but I want you to know what maybe the consequence that you will face and if you’re sure of what you really feels. Because you’re taking a big risk.”

“I know and I thank you for that. But I don’t intend to tell her and im fine with this. I see her everyday, we’re together everyday. Im perfectly fine with it.” I told Muk

“Look who’s talking now? Hahaha. But you cant hide it for long. Time will come you’ll need to face it. I ask you now, if you see her with someone, will it be ok for you?” Narrowing her eyes on me.

I keep quiet and give a deep sigh and just look at Muk confusedly.

“Ok, im not going to stress you anymore. But these are the things you need to consider. I know you cant control and fight it. But at least be prepared. If you’ll choose this way, just go straight, don’t think of what will others will say to you. Ignore them. If this will make you happy go for it. The beginning will always be rough, but it will be worth it in the end. And besides your “Aim”, you’re the girl who never gives up until she gets what she wants right?”

“Thanks Muk.” I hugged her but the look of determination is in my eyes. I know what I want and Ill get it.

Suvarnabhumi Airport

“Nam, let’s checked in together.” I want to be beside Nam in the plane.

“OK.” Nam smiled at me.

As soon as we boarded the plane, Nam fell asleep. Her head is almost leaning to me, so I decided to rest her head in my shoulder. All throughout the flight she’s asleep. The scenery outside the window is beautiful but the word beautiful is not enough to describer her delicate and pearly white face. I wish the flight is a little more longer.

After an hour and quarter of flight we’ve finally reached our destination. The airport to our hotel is around 45 mins of travel by coach. Inside the coach I asked Nam to sit beside me again. I just hope she don’t notice that I like sitting beside her.

Amari Vogue Krabi

“Boys and Girls, here are your room assignment for 3 days. Only 3 person per room. You are not allowed to switch room so you need to stay with your roommate for the rest of the trip. Is my instructions clear?” Prof Rod said. Nam is nowhere to be found. I was distracted for quite awhile and Nam is gone. I really hoped where in the same room.

“You can drop your things in your room and after 15 mins let’s all meet in the resto for our lunch.”

Prof. Aey said.

Room 503

When I reached the room someone is inside already.

“Hi Aim, I guess we’re roommate for 3 days. You don’t mind if ill take the single bed. I snore and I usually changed positions when I sleep.” Jun asked.

“Its ok I can share bed with the other. Why don’t they just give us 3 single bed instead of 1 single bed and 1 queen size. Itll be more comfortable for us. Anyways, this will do.” Im a bit tired and I don’t want to complaint too much. The other roommate is not yet in?”

“I haven’t seen her. Maybe we should go down now. Im hungry.” Jun asked.

“Yes, I agree, but have you seen Nam?” I asked.

“I saw her with Poom and Pond awhile ago. Can we go?”

Resto

 I keep on looking for Nam, but she’s nowhere to be found. When Jun and I reached the Resto she’s still not there. I wonder where she is. Why it took her so long?

Jun saw 4 seats vacant, we sat down leaving 2 seats vacant. I hope Nam will sit next to me I thought to myself. Then came Nam with Poom, Pond asked her to sit next to him and Poom chose the sit next to me. We had our lunch together but I don’t have the chance to talk to her because she’s busy talking to Poom and Pond while eating.

“After our lunch, you can go back to your room to freshen up and we’ll meet in the lobby for our next program. Let’s meet at around 3 pm. Ok” Prof. Ngor said.

We went back to our room and saw the other girl’s bag is inside already.

“I think she came here already. I wonder who she is. I hope she’s not snoring like me. If so, you’re vacation will be ruined. Hahaha” Jun said laughingly.

And the door opens.

“Hi. Where am I supposed to sleep?” She asked.

I wasnt able to answer right away as Im in a state of shock to see her in front of me.

“Nam, you sleep next to Aim in the queen size.” Jun pointed to me.

“Alright then, can I take a nap? Im really sleepy.” And she occupy 1 side of the bed.

I cant still believe that ill be sleeping beside her for 2 nights.

“Me too, im going to take a nap.” Jun said while yawning.

I lie down in the bed looking away from Nam. I need to resist staring at her as I might wake her up. But I definitely feel her presence beside me.

After our afternoon program, we are given an hour to enjoy the sceneries of the resort. We will gather for dinner at around 6 pm.

“We will give you 30 mins to rest and be back here for our night program. Understood?” Prof Rod asked.

“Yes sir.”

Seashore, Campfire

Everyone gathered in a circle surrounding a big camp fire. May took his guitar and started playing some country songs.

Nam is sitting beside Poom and Pond and opposites Jun, Aim and Mac.

“Boys and Girls, I want everyone of us to take this opportunity to make ourselves comfortable with each other. I know that recently there’s a lot of misunderstanding and cases of school violations.” Prof Rod said looking especially to Nam. “But I hope that you’ll understand that we just wantedall of you to learn your lessons and to be a better person.” Still looking at Nam but Nam is not paying attention to him, finally Prof Rod lost his patience and call Nam.

“Nam, can you tell us more about yourself, what do you like to do? What do you want to be? Your dreams and aspirations.” Prof Rod said impatiently.

Nam’s POV

I hate this kinds of activities, not because Im shy to speak in front of a crowd. But because I don’t like to pretend and say what people want to hear. People always wanted transparency and honesty, but there are facts that they refuse to hear. Sometimes being quiet is better than telling the truth. People judge you because of what you do and what you say, but the reason why you did it and why you said it is not important to them. Only those people who love you will understand.

“A month ago, I spoke in front of the class to describe how good my father is. I wasn’t even able to finish my essay, when I was asked to stop… “

“What are you trying to do again, Nam?” Prof Rod interrupted.

“Sir, can you give me a chance to recite my essay? I have put so much effort on it and try to find the best words that will fit in. The moment you gave us the assignment my mind is busy gathering and consolidating the best information to write what will be the first and the only good thing I can do. I know, technically, Im wrong but I really hope you’d listen to it first before you judge me.” Nam pleaded.

“Prof Rod, please give her a chance, since we’re not in the English class tonight.” Prof Ngor asked.

“Ok, proceed.” Prof Rod said.

“She’s the best thing that happen to me. I know I’ve been stubborn but she’s the only person who never gives up on me, when the world turn their back. She tried her best to fill up the missing piece of my life. Provided everything to make us feel like where no different compare to other normal family.

I grew up as an independent and strong willed girl. She told me never to let anyone pull me down, but stay humble all the time. I’ve never tell her how much I love her, how much she means to me, because I don’t want her to think that Im soft and make her worried. I always show her that I can do it on my own. When everything seems to be fine then things turn out the other way, I got expelled and disappointed her. She slapped me and she cried…. (My eyes starts to be watery). That was the first time for so many years that she ever laid her hands on me. I failed her. I ran away because Ima shame of myself. Ive decided not to give her anymore heartache. I told her that ill be leaving and promised her that once Im back she’ll be proud of me. I went to Bangkok to pursue my studies. I enrolled to this university and took part time jobs at night as a Singer.

Im a product of a broken family, my father left us, I cannot remember when and I don’t even want to know. I didnt write about him and I’ll be honest that I did it on purpose. How can I describe him when I cannot remember any memory of him? Even his face I cant remember.

My only dream is to see my Mom happy, that time will come that she don’t need to work for us. I don’t need a mansion or a luxury car or to be working in famous company. Seeing my mom happy and contented is more than enough for me.

Thank you. “ I said and went back to my seat. I didn’t look at them but I can feel the silence yelling.

“Ok.” Prof Rod broke the silence and call another student to tell his story.

Everyone starts to tell their own story and all the while Aim’s eyes is locked down on me. She felt worried and uncomfortable. I wanted to tell her that its ok and Im ok but we’re too far from each other. After the activity they dismissed us and asked to go back to our room.

Everyone went back to their room and some went to the lobby to take pictures.

I stayed. I wanted to enjoy the scenery of the calm beach and the night full of stars.

Someone sat beside me. “Very well said Nam.” I turned to look and saw Aim.

“Hahaha, thanks. Arent you sleepy?” I asked her while looking at the reflections of the moon in the ocean.

“Nope. How about you?” She asked me.

“Not either. Look at the sea, it can be peaceful and serene and rough and viscious at the same time.” I told and look at her.

“Just like you, you may seem to be compose and cool but can be passionate and uncontrollable.”

She said and looked me in the eyes. I didn’t looked away.

“Nam, what if you fall for the wrong person?” Aim asked me, her eyes is still and calm.

“Love itself is right. There’s nothing wrong about it. We don’t choose the person we love but love itself will choose the person. Love is wrong when we make the wrong decision.”

I was looking straight to her almond shaped eyes. Her perfect skin that looks vibrant. Her lips as soft as marshmallow. I didn’t notice that our heads are leaning towards each other. Only half an inch away and our lips will touch. I can smell her nice perfume. She closed her eyes and I tilt my head….

“Nam? Aim? What are you two still doing here?” Poom asked.

She was rattled and suddenly got up. “We’re just enjoying the view. We are about to go to our room.” Aim said in shocked.

“Let’s go.” And we went back to our hotel. Silence keep as company until we reach our room.