"I understand, TOP. Its okay, i will be okay. It'll get better in time" she said, gazing at the floor. 

I wished to make it stop. I want to. But its better this way. She cannot know. 

All the things that she said, showed how hurt she was. How can I hurt someone who loved me this much? How much more can i stand.

"There's nothing for you here" i said. I had to. Once i'm no longer here, she'll be more broken. I dont want that. 

Finally, she said it. "Its over" 

The moment she shut the door, i collapsed to the floor. 

"God... Give me strength to get through this. Its my final wish" i prayed. I no longer can stop my tears. Its heartbreaking. The fact that i'm losing her for my selfishness. 

I dragged my body to the dining room. The food on the table were untouched. I bet my words erased the appetite of ours. 

I took a piece of paper from the drawer and grabbed a pen. With the unstoppable tears, i wrote a letter to her. 

How i wished i could tell her everything in the letter. But i cant. 

After a week. 

"Seungri" i called for my brother, who was lying on the bed next to me.

"Yes hyung..." he said, weakly. His eyes were teary. 

"Dont cry. Its okay. Its my time to go. Enjoy your life. Can you promise me something?" i begged. 

Our parents were standing beside me. Mom was crying, dad too. 

"Anything hyung... Anything you want" Seungri answers tangled with coughs. He wiped his tears. His other hand was formed into a grip. 

"When i'm gone... Take care of omma, appa, this heart and her" i said, pointing to my heart under the green operation gown. "There's nothing i loved more than you guys" i continued. 

I tried not to cry. I dont want to worsen the condition. 

"Omma... Appa.. I hope you two forgive me, and continue to love her. Love her as i cant no longer do so. I wanted to marry her, give you guys grandchildren. But my condition are worse than i though" i said, holding my mothers hand. 

Mom looked at me and nod. She nods and then ran out of the room. 

I turned to Seungri. 

"Dongsaeng, there's a letter in my drawer at home. Take it to her. Tell her what happened so she wont hate me. Apologize for me. And finally, love her. Love her as i love her. Thats the payment i want for this heart. No matter, how long it takes, love her. I begged you" I said to him. 

He cried. I cried too. 

My body cant no longer be strong. My condition was incurable. I was already dying before i met her. 

The machine went crazy reading the reaction of my body. Its time.

The doctors hurried us to the operation theatre.

"Maam, Choi Seung Hyun is losing. We have to go now" i heard the doctor. 

She wailed. I held her hand for the last time and smiled.

"Its okay, omma. I'll always be in your heart. Take care" i said, gasping for air. 

My eyes were blurry, i cant see right. 

The last thing i heard was the long beep from the machine. 

"Goodbye, my love" i whispered.