Chapter 42

“Aaron wanted me to bring you to his room.” Auntie paused as we stepped into Aaron’s room.

Auntie brought me to her house after we had enough crying at the hospital. She said that she wanted to show me something. And to my surprise, she wanted to show me Aaron’s room.

I’d been crying for hours. I still couldn’t accept the fact that he was gone. It was so hard. Everything didn’t feel real. I wanted to believe that this was just a dream, and when I opened my eyes, Aaron would be lying next to me, smiling brightly and greeting me with kisses.

This was the first time I went to his bedroom.

I gasped and my eyes widened in shock when I saw his room.

“How did he…?” I paused and looked around. Many pictures of me were hanging on the wall.

“I’ll give you some time alone here. You can do anything you want with his room.” Auntie forced a smile. I knew she, herself, was hurting.

Auntie went out of the room and closed the door.

I walked to Aaron’s bed and sat on it. I scanned around his room and he actually had photos of me. I wondered where he got them.

I lay on his bed and I could smell his body scent on the bed. It smelled just like him. Tears started dripping my cheeks. I missed him. I missed him so much.

I hugged one of his pillows and squeezed it hard as if I was hugging Aaron.

My heart was bleeding. I couldn’t stand the pain. I didn’t know when would this pain go away.

I kissed the pillow and smelled it. I loved the smell. It had Aaron’s scent. How I missed this scent.

I got out of the bed and walked circling his room. I walked until I stepped on something. Feeling familiar, I picked it up.

It was my shirt. Where did he get this?

I remembered it went missing the day I saw him with Genie in the shower area. He actually kept my shirt?

I finally went to Aaron’s desk. There lay a letter. ‘Guigui’ it said. It must be for me.

I picked it and opened it up.

Dear Guigui,
I know I’ve been keeping a secret from you.
When you read this letter, I’m already gone far away.
Gui, do you remember how we first met? I remember I was very cold toward you.
We saw each other every day. And as time passed by, I slowly felt that I cared about you.
I felt you were a lot like my sister.
At first, I thought that what I was feeling toward you was just the same feeling toward my sister, a brother love.
But I was wrong. You are different. Although you are much like her, you aren’t exactly like her.
I remember you tried to teach me how to smile. You were bullied by those gangster girls and I had to save you.
I remember there was a night I happened to pass by your house, an old drunken guy was in front of your house. I didn’t feel good about it. I made him go away and ended up staying in your house for a night.
I remember you went for some scam job. I remember you were kidnapped by Leo’s men and Leo almost shot you dead.
You always have me worried. You really don’t know how to protect yourself.
Do you remember the night I stayed over in your house?
We were watching your favorite drama together.
That night, I realized that I had already fallen for you.
But I didn’t want to fall deeper in love with you. I was afraid because I knew that I wouldn’t live long.
After that night, I tried to act cold toward you. I yelled at you. I scolded you.
But every time I saw and knew you were in trouble, I couldn’t help myself from worry about you.
It was hard for me to hide my feelings. It tore my heart to see you in danger and trouble.
You are very important to me. You’re my life. You’re everything to me.
I’m sorry I’ve been keeping from you about my illness.
I didn’t want you to watch me in pain.
I knew that I wasn’t going to live long and that’s why I’m very thankful to you.
You are a bright star that shines into my life.
You give me reasons to stay alive, but fate doesn’t let me do so.
I love you Gui, I really do.

Tears trickled down my cheeks and dripped down onto the letter.

I want you to stay happy like you always are.
I want you to keep my gloves, my favorite boxing gloves.

More tears rolled down my face. It was just like in my dream.

I want you to always remember me until you find the right guy for you.
When you do find one, you have to completely forget about me.
You can’t hurt his feelings.
I’m joining my family soon.
Please, be happy Gui. Please take care of yourself.
I can’t protect you anymore. You have to take care of yourself.
I’ll be watching you silently from heaven. You’ll always be in my heart.
I love you.
Aaron.

By the time I finished reading, the letter was soaked wet from my tears.

I cried, screaming his name. He couldn’t do this to me.

How could he want me to live happily now? How should I continue living my life?

I didn’t even know how to continue living my life.

I had lost a part of me. I didn’t even think of finding a new guy and he already talked about it.

My mind was filled with images of our memories.

Flashbacks of our memories from the first time we met were playing in my head.

Tears streamed down my face uncontrollably.

I couldn’t stand the pain. I couldn’t make it go away.

Who was I now?

Without Aaron, I didn’t know who I was.

“AAHH!” I screamed, crying and throwing everything in front of me.

I lost my mind. I didn’t get why he had to keep everything from me. I didn’t get why he didn’t want to share his pain with me. I was willing to share everything with him, but why wasn’t he?

I missed him so much. I missed everything about him.

“Aaron…”

I wanted to hear his voice.

I took out my cell phone, playing all the voicemails he had left me before.

How I missed his voice. His soft and musical voice.

I replayed the voicemails over and over.

I couldn’t get enough of his voice.

Tears rolled down as I listened to his voice.

I couldn’t hear his voice anymore now. I would never hear him say that he loved me anymore.

I replayed the voicemails again.

I loved how he was worried about me. I loved when he started getting impatient. I loved everything about him.

Tears streamed down my face.

How could this happen to me?

Those hands that once embraced me…

That beautiful voice that used to make me calm…

They were gone…

~

I walked down the street lifelessly. I didn’t know how long I had been walking.

I had not gone home. I needed some time alone.

I kept walking and I didn’t even know where I was going.

The sullen sky reflected my mood perfectly. I felt useless. I was hopeless. I didn’t want to live anymore.

I felt my body weak. My half soul was gone. How was I supposed to continue with my life?

My tears had not dried.

My heart died.

I couldn’t accept the truth. My time with him was too short.

I didn’t get a chance to tell him everything inside my heart. I had so much to say and there was no time to say it anymore.

Why Aaron? Why him of all people?

Who was going to protect me from now on?

Who was going to care and love me from now on?

I wiped my tears away, but more tears dripped down my cheeks.

If only he was here now…

I stopped, waiting for the bus. I looked up and surprisingly I saw Aaron across the street.

He was waving at me. He smiled fanitly.

I felt shivers down my spine.

I blinked and rubbed my eyes. Was that really Aaron?

“Aaron…” A tiny smile grew on my face. It was him.

I walked to run across the street, excited.

I suddenly heard screeches of tires.

I turned and see a car coming towards me.

I took a quick glance to see Aaron and he was gone. He was only a hallucination?

I closed my eyes, knowing that I wouldn’t be able to get out of the way fast enough.

I’m coming Aaron… I’m coming.

= = = = = = = = = =

I hate it. I at writing the letter. I’ve had a hard time writing Aaron’s letter. I want to make it super sad, but I failed haha. So sorry if it wasn’t sad.

Did Guigui die?
I don’t know.