Home. I was home for the next two days until I am obliged to stay in the hospital for who knows how long. I was in the backyard, sitting on the swing my father had created for me specially. My feet met the ground as I slowly swung myself, closing my eyes and felt the cold breeze hit past against my arms. 

I sighed and wondered what my father was doing right now. 

Appa, can you hear me? I wish you can... please give me strength to go on.

I told him this countless of times but I just keep getting hopeless and hopeless. It was as if I'm sitting on the last piece of string hanging. I opened my eyes and saw my sister with crossed arms, looking at me from afar. Her face contoured with her concerned face. I watched her open the sliding door and close it gently, walking towards me. 

I begged myself not to break down and cry because I didn't want to become that vulnerable Dara they always knew of.

For once, I wanted to be strong. For once, I have a purpose to be strong. 

For what it seemed like a short time, she sat down beside me and looked at the sky. I followed what she did and saw the bright blue sky, saying hello to my soul as I breathed in the fresh air. She rocked the wooden swing gently and muttered, "How was it?" I knew she was asking about the doctor's appointment. 

And she knew better than that. 

She should know already, but I assume she's in denial. 

I didn't blink nor flinch and answered her without hesitation, "I'm staying in the hospital for a while..." I explained and then continued, "in two days time." From my peripheral vision, I could see her turn to me. Her eyes about to burst out in tears. 

"W-What?" She stuttered. 

I looked away from the beautiful sky and then looked at her, giving her a reassuring smile. 

"I'll be fine," I managed to whispered. 

I hope. 

She flinched and sobbed quietly, looking away. Possibly because she didn't want me to cry along with her, but I wasn't going to do that anytime soon. I'm sick and tired of lying to myself that I'll be fine, and I'm sick and tired of being weak and fragile. For once, I want to be strong. For once, I want to act strong. 

For once, I wanted to live for someone after my father died. 

"Why is this happening to you?" She asked. It was such a rhetorical question. 

I don't know either unnie. I wish I knew, I thought to myself and frowned. It pained me to see one of the people I cherish the most get hurt because of me. I have already seen Jiyong upset because of me and I don't want another person whom I love to be sad because of me. Again. 

"Do me a favour," I asked her. 

She looked at me and then I continued, "Please protect my position." She furrowed her eyebrows and looked at me, "What are you saying? Dara, you're going to protect it yourself. You're going to get through this," she stated. No, begged. I shook my head and chuckled, "I didn't mean that." 

She frowned with her eyebrows furrowed. 

"Then what do you exactly mean?" 

I smiled and said, "As you know, I don't know when I'm going to be released from the hospital, so please protect my position from... father until then. I-I don't want to disappoint appa and be careless about what he gave me." She immediately heaved a deep sigh of relief and scooted closer to me, sliding her right arm around my shoulders and hugged me. 

"You're going to be fine, Dara. I know it," she whispered.

"You don't know how much I've prayed for that unnie," I told her, hugging her back tightly. 

---

I was walking down the stairs, going to the backyard since Dara wasn't inside her room. My hands were shoved inside my jeans as I walked towards the back of our house but immediately stopped when I saw our mother looking out the sliding door to the backyard. I furrowed my eyebrows and just stared at her, wondering what she was looking at. 

I shifted my gaze outside the door and saw my two sisters hugging each other. My eyes shifted from my sisters to our mother who looked pained, as if she was about to cry. I cleared my throat, catching her attention. She turned around and immediately wiped her cheeks. She did cry, I thought. I walked closer to her and asked, "What were you doing?" 

She looked back at my sisters and shook her head, "Nothing." 

She was about to walk away but I held her back, then she furrowed her eyebrows and looked up at me. "Did you need something?" She asked quietly. As the oldest of the three of us, I knew how much my mother has struggled. I knew she was still struggling now and I knew she's trying her best not to be affected by anything else. 

I bit my lip and quietly asked, "Why... did you marry him?" 

Suddenly, her eyes shifted from utter confusion to a forced cold gaze. 

She shook her arms away from me and looked away, "I thought I told you it's none of your business as to who I marry, Park Hongjun. I have all rights to marry whoever I like." However, I was unfazed by her defensive manner. Everytime I've asked her this question, she becomes very defensive and I have a feeling she's hiding something from us. 

"It is my business, omma. It's our, your children's, business. We can see how unhappy you are after you married him," I hissed. 

She glare