Dara was hitting the keys on her keyboard a little too hard as she tried to edit some parts on the scripts Kraz had assigned her to do with a gritted teeth. No, this spiel should be on the second part. No, this should not be delivered at all. No, this is a lame pathetic attempt of a joke unless the host is good in making this work. Who in the hell did this stupid script?

She didn’t know how long she had been typing furiously on her computer but all she wanted is to blot out the fact that Donghae is back. And he didn’t even let her know. What happened to I’ll be back soon, don’t miss me too much and all those crap? Why is he a dickhead!

Yes, that’s right. Angry. Get angry. She needs to focus on that to drown the other stupid emotions that is ominously rising. No, she won’t let it. He’s dead. He’s dead once she sees him, that stupid . He’s her servant. He’s supposed to do her every bidding. He’s supposed to pick her up from home to work and vice versa. They’ve still got a month of the deal. He was the one who insisted on it. She should’ve known. He only did it to throw her off. Pretend that he is some dude who’s bent on keeping his promises and oaths so she would think he’s good on his words. He’s a liar. A jerk. An . A dickhead. She can’t wait until she sees him so she can beat the out of him.

Just one text message. Just one! But no. He’s too busy living his happy life he didn’t even bother. Taking a tour of the city, not to bother me because I’m busy. She slammed her hands on the keyboard seething as she glared at the incessant letters swimming in front of her eyes from the monitor, not really seeing them.

“Damaging company property is against the company policy.”

She snapped her head to look up at Jaejoong who was hovering above her station. She’s so mad she couldn’t even manage to smile. She returned her attention on doing her work, trying to recall where she is at now.

“Is Chaerin done with her shopping?” She asked in a monotonous tone.

“I already drove her home three hours ago,” Jaejoong answered studying her as she hit the keyboard in rapid-fire succession. “And you should go home. You’re the only left here. Again.”

Dara didn’t look up. Everybody left for the day but she didn’t want to go home. She doesn’t want to be alone with her thoughts. That would conjure all kinds of things she doesn’t want to remember at the moment and she just continued to focus on the script, typing without rest since she got back. She even looked for other things she could edit. Some looked at her queerly probably wondering what’s happening to her. She didn’t talk to anybody, just answering when asked in not more than two syllables but no one prod her. Mr. Kraz, thankfully, had left early for a family event or else she would end up with no job tomorrow if he even so much at breathed at her.

“Dara,” Jaejoong said when she just continued ignoring her.

“Aren’t we supposed to be on a meeting?” she asked.

She heard him sigh quietly before answering, “What do you want to discuss in the meeting?”

“I don’t know,” Dara said. “The complexities of human idiocy in trying to display an ounce of pathetic comedy in an otherwise poorly delivered dialogue. Who in the hell made this script? This is horrendous!”

Jaejoong’s mouth lifted to one side. “Isn’t that the work of your team?”

“Right,” Dara just said. “Ignore me. I’m just trying to be a know-it-all at the moment.”

Jaejoong just watched her and he sighed again. When he found out Donghae was back, he was pretty sure Dara would be the first to know. But the morning he watched her, it seems like she doesn’t have any idea and he doesn’t want to ask her. It wasn’t his place to tell her. He hasn’t seen Donghae either except on his birthday when he was sitting there at Grandma’s house talking to Yoona. Celebrating his birthday. When Dara doesn’t even know he’s already back. He just kissed his grandma goodbye and walked out of the house, not wanting to be a part of it. He wanted to shield Dara for any possible pain she would feel if she knew. He doesn’t know if what he’s doing is a good thing, protecting her, keeping her from knowing that the man she had been waiting for is already back and what would she do if she knew.  And Chaerin had to come in and opened her big mouth. He was worried it had hurt her. But looking at her now, he’s sure she’s more hurt than she let on. Yes, she looked mad enough to kill his cousin and he thinks it’s much better than crying but… he much prefer her to cry her pain out instead of hiding from layers of masks she’s putting on.

She should’ve been mad at him too. For keeping it a secret. He felt guilty enough to admit that. If he only told her when he found out Donghae’s back, she might not be more hurt than she is now.

He jumped when Dara slammed her palms on her keyboard and looked up at him with blazing eyes. For a moment, he thought she had read his mind and is going to punch the daylights out of him.

“I want to go there,” Dara said resolutely.

Jaejoong didn’t have to ask where there Dara is referring to.

“I want to see,” Dara added. So I can kick his off to neverland.

Jaejoong just looked at her determined but fierce expression and he let out a breath. “Turn off your computer.”

Minutes later, Dara was staring out the window on Jaejoong’s car as they sped on the highway. The night had cloudless dark sky without even a single speck of a star to dot its magnificence and she could distantly see lightning from a distance. She couldn’t remember the last time she had tuned into TV or listened to the radio. Is there a storm coming in? They passed on cars, trees, houses, and into a private subdivion. They skidded to a stop at a big house that are lit up by numerous lights and when Dara got out, she can hear soft music playing in the distance. She clenched her jaw as Jaejoong stood beside her.

“Are you sure you want to do this?” Jaejoong asked.

“Yeah,” she answered. “Don’t worry, I’m not gonna make a scene. I just… I just want to see.” What she wanted to see she doesn’t know.

Jaejoong just took her gently by the arm and led her inside, nodding to the security guard. They went to the back garden, all the lights shining amidst the night sky, flowers are all draped on the light posts like it was some kind of debutant’s party. A lot of people are huddled in groups and all are wearing casual attires. None have noticed them coming in as they are too busy in their own conversation. Dara could see Chaerin talking to a group on the other corner, laughing, looking beatiful in her white sequined dress, their grandmother sitting in the group with Donghae’s mother. There were some media taking pictures of the event, commemorating whatever celebration it’s supposed to be.

And that’s when her eyes fell on Donghae. Her heart wrenched at the sight of him. And all the anger she had felt earlier evaporated. But it was replaced by something she would prefer anger anytime. It made her gasp softly as her breathing became constricted, the ache blossoming into a pain far more worse than what Rick did to her. She couldn’t even swallow, her gaze directed at the man who had unknowingly gave her more grief than she thought she could have. Standing tall and handsome, wearing a blue polo shirt, laughing and talking with a beautiful woman beside him. Looking so stunning, her skin glowing like a porcelain doll. The kind which you want to keep but was afraid to touch in fear of even denting its beauty. Yoona.

Someone whispered to Yoona and she nodded before saying something to Donghae and then walking off, with Donghae by her side, to where a DJ had been playing the music. The music cut off and the DJ gave her the microphone while the crowd all looked at her expectantly while the cameras all clicked away.

“Hi,” Yoona said smiling brightly. “Thank you all for coming. I know it’s such a short notice but any excuse for a party, right?” The crowd tittered and Yoona continued. “As you all know, my uncle had been trying to set an investment on an advertising agency and of course… in our country, we know who’s company is on top when it comes to advertising.”

Donghae smiled while Yoona continued. “So it was very lucky that my uncle happens to be present in Thailand to have a meeting with the CEO of Fishy Ideas, Lee Donghae. It wasn’t a very long meeting but we are very pleased to announce that The Fishy Ideas had agreed to be partners in setting up an advertising company in Thailand with Im Indsutries.”

The crowd clapped but Dara barely heard it. She was watching Donghae. Was watching him as he smiled at Yoona. Watched him as Yoona asked him to step in and do some speech which he shook his head at. But one of his friends, Eunhyuk, had pushed him forward. Dara watched it all. Watched the smile glinting off Donghae’s face.

Like it is exactly where he wanted to be.

For a moment, Dara thought their eyes met but he winced when a camera’s flash blinded him and Dara turned her back and walked towards where they had come in, with Jaejoong following close behind.

Dara just kept on walking, feeling numb. She wished she could be number. She walked past several cars parked beside the house, past other houses shouting grandeur. Just walking, not really knowing where she should go. She should call her mom and ask her how the business is. Call her brother to ask him how his studies are going. Yes. She enumerated things that she need to do.

“Dara…” she heard Jaejoong call her. She knew Jaejoong was following her. She wished he didn’t. He had witnessed far too many of her dramas in life that she wanted him too. She smiled brightly and turned to him.

“I’m okay, boss,” she said. “Go back to the party. I’m just gonna walk for a while.”

“Dara…” He shook his head not knowing what to say.

The bravado she was trying to project fell from her face. “I’m okay… really. I just… I want to be alone to think.” She smiled tightly before starting to turn but then she glared at him again but it doesn’t look threatening. “And remember, if you let it slip to anyone that I’ve been here, I’m gonna come back for you.” Then she smiled again and turned around again to walk away. Jaejoong watched her  walk away from him knowing there is no amount of comfort he could probably offer. He just put his hands in his pocket as he watched Dara’s lone figure walking through the dead of night until she completely disappeared from his sight.

Dara leaned her head on the rails of the swing she was sitting on, swinging it slightly with her foot, going back and forth, back and forth. She had been in the children’s playground for a while now, just staring into space, not wanting to get her mind to work. After walking for what seemed like hours, sitting on a bench, then walking again, then standing to wait for the bus, then deciding against it, then walking again until she came to a children’s playground.

Myriad of memories had been ravaging her mind try as she might to block them. Memories with him. She doesn’t even want to think of his name. Even his name is bringing her pain. She sighed heavily as she turned her head down to look at her lap. She felt something wet fell on her finger and she lifted it up to look at it. And realized it was her tears. She was already crying and she wasn’t even aware of it. She pinched the tear with her thumbs and didn’t even bother to wipe her eyes. She breathed in and looked up at the sky hoping the rain would come sooner. It was easier to cry if the rain was there to wipe it off.

When she found out Donghae was back without even som uch as a hello, she was mad as hell. Wanting to do him bodily harm, kick him to Timbuktu. She asked Jaejoong to go the party so she could see. At that time she didn’t know what she wanted to see.

Now she knew.

She wanted to see if there’s a chance that Donghae had already gotten over Yoona. But she was wrong. She saw how happy he is. The smile he has while talking to Yoona… he looks so different. So much like he belonged there. Right beside Yoona.  And that’s when it had hit her.

He was not hers. He can never be hers. They were just playing. He was just playing. And he was very clear about it from the start. He doesn’t owe her anything. She doesn’t have the right to be mad at him. He didn’t even cheat on her. They were not together for her to be cheated on. He was just being true to his feelings. Being honest to the fact that he wanted to be with Yoona. And she had known that. Right from the start. She even lectured him once about it. The fault lies in her. Not with him.The anger she felt immediately disappeared replaced with a feeling of despair and ache inside her chest like it’s being twisted.

Dara felt trickles of water fell on her face and she thank the gods for hearing her prayers. The rain started to pour in little droplets, washing the tears off as she let it out.

Dad, she silently called out. I wish you were here to advise me about boys. Mom would probably be a good choice but youwere firmer. And I wish you could tell me not to start dating until I would be forty or something. I would’ve listened and I wouldn’t be feeling so damn… heartbroken. She let out a sob as she turned her head down, her shoulders heaving in silence. The rain started to pour heavily, her shirt starting to get wet and she cried loudly this time, the rain blocking the sound with its heavy patters. No one could see her now. And even if some passed by, they would probably think she’s some crazy girl having an emotional breakdown.

Dad, you taught me to fight. But no one taught me how to wrestle down emotions that are meant to cripple you until you break down. Dad! I look like an idiot crying here because my first love didn’t love me.

She cried even more then stifled a sob which is more between a laugh and a snort at having realized the nature of her grievances. But she doesn’t care. This is the most teenage angst she could probably display. She deserves it after all those years of trying to be grown up. Trying to be strong for herself. For her mom. For her brother.

She sobbed loudly, crying for her dad to come and take the pain away. This is hurting her too much. Way too much. The rain continued its heavy pour, its water filling out gaps on the asphalt, soaking the slides, the mini merry-go-round, the seesaw, the monkey bars, the swings. Its loud sounds blocking out the soft wailing of a breaking heart.

She didn’t know when the rain had stopped, or when she had stopped crying. She just stared at the immobilized seesaw across from the swing she was sitting on. Her eyes felt puffy, her head hurts. It was when she felt a twinge of pain on her shoulder again did she snap out of her frozen state. She rotated it again while massaging it hoping she wouldn’t have to put a strap on it again. She already removed the bandage and the bruise is already starting to fade. She returned in staring at nothing, her mind already tired. She could feel her wet shirt clinging to her back, her hair dripping on each side of her face. And her shoes will probably make a squeaking sound once she walked. There is none of her that is dry but at least, the cold night air is working its way to drying her