His steps are heavy as he tries to keep his legs standing, the weight of the wind itself feels too heavy for him to walk through. The people around him serve as shadows, he would even occasionally bump into them and brush past them, not caring about anything at all, everything is unclear in his view anyway. The wind strikes him with each and every step, making the play back in his mind go slower. mind begins to play back to the conversation he just walked out of, or weakly trudged away from. 

“So what, have I officially gone mad?” He remembers asking unpleasantly, he can still taste the bile that rose into his throat.

“Actually, I have read over your files from when you were in that hospital, and nothing came out in the results. Your not sick, nor do you have a brain disorder.”

Mr. Zhang's voice rings in his mind as he pushes himself against the hard wind, fighting hard to believe the truth flying into his hands. 

“Don't be too surprised. If I am correct, in that place and time, you were feeling alone, abandoned, and pessimistic, even. Like the whole universe was in a war against you. You had an unbearable weight that you carried for far too long– you craved for something to liberating. This controlled your behavior, your brain's ability to think normally, and therefore it created a person who you can keep by your side.”  The accuracy of his words, they make this all the more unbelievable. To practically sire someone who was brain dead over to him, to see and hear them, to be able to actually feel something towards them– these factors themselves explain how demented he should be claimed as. 

Baekhyun reaches the frozen ocean and lays his body against the railing, his swollen eyes glued to the surface. He reminisces of the times when the ocean was full of life, unexpectedly splashing its waves up and about to send peace into the hearts of passerby. Looking at its icy layer now makes it all seem as if it was just one big game of deception, and maybe it was, though he really wouldn't be able to unravel it.

“I say this not because I some how managed to collect information about you,  so do not be frightened. But I do know about one person, and that is Park Chanyeol. You see, Park Chanyeol came willingly to you whilst being in an unconscious state. It is as if he had wanted to help you himself, although now, I must be the one sounding crazy.”

“But... But why? Why Chanyeol? I don't even know him.” He remembers his heart aching while asking.

“I do not wish for you to be in any more uncertainty and fear, so I will tell you: Chanyeol was a very different child. He... His caretakers weren't the most caring or nurturing, they only abused him and made his life, well, a living hell all through his childhood, basically up until the coma. And even though most therapists would not dare say this, but no matter the situations and points of time, there was a connection between the two of you. ” Stinging, stabbing, mind shaking, and sharp pain, Baekhyun remembers feeling all of the above at the revelation. The picture of Chanyeol crying and wincing at excruciating pain and aching suffocates him until he feels the need to pull down on the neck of his shirt. How can someone so beautiful, so heartwarming, so loving be the victim of cruelty and abuse? Ah, but of course, he was never who he thought he was, but even so, Chanyeol must have felt so useless and hopeless, and Baekhyun knows the feeling better than anyone. And thus far, Baekhyun doesn't know if he even has a heart to be pierced any more– how he is still living, he has no idea.   

Baekhyun closes his eyes, unable to decipher between what is mythical and actuality anymore. If the ground were to open up and swallow him whole, or if the sky opened up and a giant hand were to swoop down to take his body away into some alternate universe, he wouldn't even be surprised.

“What about his brother, Jongdae? W-Was he never there? Is that why he could see Chanyeol too?”

“On the contrary, his brother is quite real, actually. He is one of my many patients, and though he probably never told you, Jongdae was diagnosed with Schizophrenia, which is why he believed his brother was physically there also.”

Everything is frustrating him, the fact that he actually believed in an illusion burning him from the inside. But no matter how many things prove him wrong, he still can't believe any of it was unreal. Love, sadness, confusion, happiness, elasticity, euphoria— he felt every possible emotion he could have ever felt whilst being alongside Chanyeol. And now he must succumb to the fact that it was all like... some dream? As if it was all just a big fat lie? How can he stand such an outrageous revelation? It revolts him and brings the widest feeling of unsettlement into his chest. 

“It is private information, but Park Chanyeol was attempting suicide before he got into the accident several years ago. After his attempt, he was hit by a truck and fell into a coma instead. He used to be on a countless amount of drugs as well, which induced the coma and prolonged it. It was a tough life for his brother and him, as you can already guess.  Jongdae was in denial all of his life after the accident, especially because his parents had abandoned the both of them, so he had no one to go to after Chanyeol. They had no one, and surly the caretakers never counted.”

This ocean that used to serve as serenity and a symbol of hope, it is now nothing but ridicule and derision. And as much as he knows that he should rig himself of all these false surroundings, it still feels as if he has his Chanyeol next to him, existing by him, smiling, and being his silly self– the thought enlarges the empty pit growing inside his stomach. 

He hates pondering over it, but everything clicks as he continuously thinks about it. Why Chanyeol called him his purpose, why everyone was oblivious to Chanyeol's presence, why Jongdae always had times of distress and deranged speech, why Suho was so hung up on Jongdae's well being, why Jongdae cursed his parents during that argument, why Chanyeol never accompanied him with others, why everything was how it was. He wouldn't say it all makes sense now, because it still leaves nothing but a horrible buffer inside his head, but it is more understandable. Everything... it really was too good to be true. 

Though now, what is he? Some insane man who is originally supposed to be stuck inside an asylum all along? Is he just walking feet on a soulless body? All he has been doing ever since that maddening disclosure was staring at that mocking ocean, tuning out anything and everything around him, still holding onto what never was. He's even been sleeping at Mr. Zhang's place for sake of not seeing anyone. What a tragedy it is; he thought he had gotten rid of the most terrorizing aspect of his life, but this seems to be even more agonizing. 

This is not a manner of living, it is bringing nothing but droplets to flow out of his system, along with hectic thoughts to take refuge in his intellect. It's just like the beginning, when he was so hopeless and lifeless, only dark things keeping him alive. It is as if nothing had changed, after all, he's still storing a broken heart. 

The sky from above him gradually becomes darker as the air around him becomes frostier. Just like how the clouds have dispersed, his head tries to grow clearer, though it is futile as this situation isn't one he can just ponder on for a couple of days and make a decision the next– it is far more complicated.

Another man approaches him in the dead of the sunset, his eyes sad and casted downwards, but his intentions good and clean. “So, I guess he told you about the ocean.” The voice comes from his right side, making him flinch towards its direction.

“Jongdae.” His tone doesn't come out in a questioning way, it is more breathless above all.

The other man tries to smile, though now Baekhyun knows how hard it must be, how hard it must have been all this time. “Don't treat me so differently now that your aware of everything. I'm not used it.” The man says, and Baekhyun can feel the melancholy dripping from just those few words. 

Looking away, Baekhyun turns his head towards the icy surface below them. “I wasn't going to...”

“I heard you have been staying at Yixing's for a while.” He says the therapist's name casually, making Baekhyun think that he has known him for a great amount of time. “I learned it the hard way, but... but you shouldn't hold onto the past and make it drag you down. It won't help, trust me. And if anything, it'll just make everything worse.” He speaks with a heavy heart, one that must be so strong to have endured such a long time of pain and harship. 

His words though... Baekhyun feels like he has heard them before. And a deep voice in the back of his head confirms that he has indeed.

“How can you not understand yet? It's for your own good; it's not healthy to hold on, Jongdae. Please don't act like this, not now.”

Chanyeol was probably informing him of his departure or something of the sort that day. Though as much as it pains him to think about his magnificent voice, he is quite relieved that Jongdae has finally learned to let go of these hallucinations; if only he could do the same. 

“He came just to help us escape everything that has tortured us, he came to give us light, not darkness.” He is being truthful, and everything his lips spill is nothing but correct, and Baekhyun knows it. If he does this to himself and continues to wallow up in sorrow and unhappiness for the rest of his life, then the appearance of his streak of light would have been pointless. To continue on with a broken heart is like not continuing at all, and he realizes that Chanyeol would not want it this way at all.

Sighing, Baekhyun can only hug himself as goose bumps take over his skin, and to be clear, it is not from the chilly breeze. “Thank you Jongdae, truly.” His eyes begin to water, and he wishes that he can yell at the voice that calls him weak. It hurts to speak, but if Jongdae is trying, then he must also. “Moving on... it's the only way isn't it?” His lips wobble as he says it. 

Nodding and placing a hand around Baekhyun's small body, Jongdae tries to give him warmth. Out of anyone in the world ri