A month of continuous beatings and self harm, a month of dirty voices in his mind and a month with more misery, oh so much misery, passes by. Darkness surrounds all that Baekhyun can see, small bits of white hover from above him as he stares into the distance, though he knows that the blackness is all that envelops him. The chilly air of the winter night steadies his worrisome thoughts, but nevertheless, they still pile together to create an overflow in his perplexed mind, just like the snow flakes that fall all over his body. His knees fold against his chest, giving him something to hold onto, to hug, in his distraught state. 

Remnants of past conversations continues to haunt him, as he looks into the starlit sky in utter and sheer loss. Has he really done the right thing by becoming this whole new person? Heck, he does not even recognize himself when he looks into his reflection, often feeling as if he has transformed from the doings of a magic spell. He has even drove Chanyeol away, the man in which gave him extraordinary feelings that he never knew could exist in his empty soul. Feelings that he never found the meanings of, keeping them hidden within the shadows whenever Chanyeol was in close proximity.

“You look like you just found out your girl is prego; what's keeping you up this long?” His tall Chinese friend walks over to sit besides him on the grass, the moonlight becoming the only source of light they have in this dark and starry night. Baekhyun doesn't recall coming here too long ago, how long has it been?

“I just came out, what do you mean?” Tao gives him a look of doubt.

“So three hours ago counts as just came out, to you? Something has to be wrong with you, what's on your mind?”

Sighing, Baekhyun turns his head to throw the man a look. “Would you really like to know? I've got demons where brains should be.” His words are delivered in a way that makes it seem as if he is comfortable with Tao, in which he really is. 

Tao makes a notion to appear as if he is thinking about it. “Well, let's see, you come out here for hours almost every single night, even when it's snowing. Didn't you think I'd— someone, will question you eventually?”

Baekhyun shrugs, “It's not like anyone cares anyway. We're all isolated here, it's why we all work together. No one thinks about anyone else.” Tao's lips form a thin line, obviously disagreeing with his harsh claim.

“Oh shut the hell up, I know your lying. We're all broken and dysfunctional in our own ways, that's why we work together. Your an unstable little and I'm a mental piece of – oh and don't get me started on Kris now.” As per usual, Tao makes the ends of Baekhyun's lips twitch in the slightest. Giving him something to actually chuckle about. 

“Tao, have you ever felt...nevermind.” His words start out fine, but they quickly fade away towards the end.

Alerted, the Chinese man sits with his back straighter, leaning in closer to the shorter. “Say it. Have I ever felt what? Wait... Are you...” He eyes him up and down with mischief in his black orbs. “trying to ask me about ?”

Taken aback, Baekhyun punches Tao in his rock hard bicep at the assumption. Oh Tao. “Jesus no! Your so nasty huang.”

Touching the area around his upper arm, Tao makes a sizzling noise with his tongue, symbolizing that Baekhyun has gone too far. “You er, what else did you mean then?” 

Baekhyun begins to pick at the snowy grass below him, not paying mind to the fact that they're currently sitting in snow. He never pays mind to it anyway. “There's this weird feeling that I used to get... a while back. I never knew what it was, I never found out what it was either.”

“Like a weird feeling down there? That's called an erec—”

Already knowing what will erupt from his mouth, Baekhyun speaks. “Your so dirty, not that! I'm talking about something in your upper body, I guess. Stomach, chest, well mostly chest. ”

“I think that means your going to get sick.” Baekhyun knows he has chosen to speak to the wrong person when he hears this. 

“It's been happening for the last 11 months, so I think I would have died by now. But thanks doctor dofus, that helps a lot.” Fully aware that he is being sarcastic, it is Tao's turn to punch the bicep of the other man. Baekhyun's bones ache afterwards, and he knows that if he winces it would show how weak he truly is, so he keeps it barred inside, much like how he's handling his feelings.

Tao seems to notice that he has hit bone instead of muscle, so he clears his throat awkwardly. “Damn man, if your feeling bad then go see a therapist.”

This makes Baekhyun roll his eyes, even if it seems like his only hope at the moment. “Don't you go there.” Sensing that this conversation will get him and his delima absolutely no where, he stands up to leave. 

“Wait, actually...” The other man begins to drift, his words floating in pieces into the air, keeping him wondering if the letters should be formed to words. When Baekhyun brings himself to sit back down onto the wet snow, he speaks his thoughts. “I... used to know how that feels. It was... well, it happens whenever I see you.” It appears that this is difficult for him to say, so when Baekhyun gives him a look of surprise, he backs his words up immediately. “...Your ugly- face. I think it means I want to punch you, but I don't know. ” 

Blowing a raspberry, Baekhyun picks his feet up once again. “Your so annoying.”

Also standing up, Tao shoves his hands into the pockets of his black skinny jeans, sending him a knowing smirk. “But you know you can't live without me.” The shorter man doesn't speak, for he knows this claim is nothing but true. Ever since the leaving of his streak of light a month ago, Baekhyun has grown clo