I woke up the next morning with this strange feeling inside me. I don’t know why but I find it disturbing. Then when I remember that Seung Ho and I are going to get married soon, the feeling subsided.

When I went downstairs, my stepmom was holding that wooden stick I haven’t seen in years. I began to panic. She whacked me with it. I fell down surprised.

“Where’s Seung Ho?” she screamed at me.

I was so confused and surprised I didn’t know what she was talking about. She kept hitting me and demanded that I answer her. But how can I answer when I don’t even know myself? Then something unusual happened. My dad grabbed the stick away from my stepmom.

“Stop hitting her! Can’t you tell that she can’t think straight with all that pain?” My stepmom was shocked and she kept shut because my dad has never done that to her before.

“Ji Yeon,” my dad said to me holding my hand.

“Seung Ho ran away from home again. He’s no longer in Hawaii and the wedding’s cancelled.”

“He left?” I asked blankly. My dad nodded his head sadly.

“How can he leave me?” I asked standing up. My stepmom’s next words hit me hard and cold like ice.

“He probably left because he didn’t want to marry you.” I sunk to my knees and fell to the floor. I began to sob. My parents left the room, leaving me alone.

*How can you leave me, Seung Ho? Were all those promises of taking care of me lies?* I loved Seung Ho so much. All I ever wanted is to be with him, even if he did only consider me as a dongsaeng. I needed to know why he left. Being with him all this time, I knew where he went. I’ll search all of Korea if I had to…

One year later…

During this year, my life of hell returned. I managed to save enough money for a ticket to Korea with money to spare. I had to work odd hours so my stepmom wouldn’t find out or she’ll take the money from me. I also had to sell some of Seung Ho’s gifts to me. He was a really generous oppa who would buy me a lot of expensive clothes, jewelry, perfume and just about anything that I wanted. I figured he wouldn’t mind because they’re just material possessions. They were a big help because I managed to trade them for a lot of money.

July 24, 1997

I finally had enough money to leave. It took me a while to go because I knew chances of finding Seung Ho right away are low. I needed extra money while searching and I had to pay extra for a fake I.D. You could say that I had almost everything planned out. I got a pretty good amount with me and I planned on leaving today. It’s been a little over a year since Seung Ho left me with no reason or explanation. I’ve gotten so much thinner because I couldn’t eat or sleep and I miss him so much. The problem facing me right now were my parents. I know they are not going to let me leave.

I was only 17. Damn. Still a minor. This year had been total hell for me and I can’t stand another year of it. I had to leave and I had a plan. I was going to fake my death. It was all so perfect. My family had to go out to a luau with Mr. Yoo. He still keeps in touch with us. I guess it’s because he thinks I might know where Seung Ho is. Truth is, I have no idea except I know that Seung Ho's somewhere in Korea. I planned to fake a drowning. Due to my heart problems, I can hold my breath for up to 4 minutes and yet stay alive. This time I am using it to let my family think that I have drowned and that the tides have taken my body to the sea so I will never be found…

But before I go, I had to say goodbye to my father. I hugged him hard. He looked at me surprised.

“What was that for?” he asked. I shook my head.

“It wasn’t for anything dad. I did it because I love you.” My dad had tears in his eyes.

“I’m so sorry Ji Yeon. I’m so worthless as your father.”

“No you’re not but you have to do what’s right dad. Don’t let anyone stop you and stop putting yourself down.” He nodded his head. I hugged him for the last time.

“I’m going for a swim okay?” He nodded his head and watched me head toward the ocean. The plan went perfect. I stayed underwater for a while and swam to the other side of the beach where they couldn’t see me. All my belongings were there. I got on the dock and sailed to the mainland airport leaving Hawaii forever…

---> to be continued...