(Sukkie POV)

     It’s been six years. She left us, me and my parents because she couldn’t endure her illness anymore, leukemia. Today is her sixth anniversary of her death also today is my birthday. Now, I’m in her room, it likes become my behavior to spend the whole day in her room every year at her anniversary. Her room has been left behind as long as six years by its owner. But, the feeling inside it is still the same.

      ”Typical my sister, all her belongings colored in turquoise,” I muttered. I travelled my gaze on her bookshelf, then a small book distracted my attention. A small book, colored in red maroon, makes it looked contrast with the other books surrounded it. It has similar size with a diary book, then I decided to take it. It has simple design on its cover, just pattern of roses shape. I sat on her study chair, opened the book. All I found is blank on the first page of that book. Then I opened the other sheet, on the second page, I found her hand writing.

This diary is belong to Jang keun Hye

      I didn’t know since when she named her book like that. I continue opened the next page. I found her hand writings again. Not like the previous, this time a little bit longer than before.

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I lack so much, I keep wanting to cry
In sadness, I fall asleep
When I wake up, I laugh at the me of yesterday

I hate myself, I keep blaming myself
My sad feelings keep making me like this
I want to throw myself away somewhere

It’s not anyone’s fault
But I keep hating and disliking myself
I keep thinking, of course it’s natural that I lost you
I hate myself and I keep hating myself

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      I didn’t understand what she’s really told through those writing. All I can sense from those are the deep sadness from her heart. I left that page then continued to the next page.

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      Hi, stranger… what’ve you been? You must have suffered because you stuck in my bookshelf, right? Now, I’ll start to write what I want to write on your pages, stranger.

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      Stanger? Is it this book’s name? what a weird name she gave, I thought. I continued to read the rest.

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      I didn’t know why he love red maroon color so much. He said it’s cool? Ani, he said that red maroon make him calm, weird? Yeah, I think so. But, lately I found it cute^^

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      I didn’t really know what she’s wrote.

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      We are over. I and him, haven’t any relationship anymore. I, myself who broke that relationship. I didn’t regret what I have been done, even I have to break his heart into pieces. I didn’t tell him my true reason about, I lie to him. Call me selfish, but this is me.

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      She broke with her boyfriend, and she herself who broke it. What’s her reason? Because of her illness? Why she has to hide it from him? If she loves him so much, and that namja too, she should told him the fact, wasn’t it? I’m a bit disappointed with her writing in that page, she looked like didn’t feel to continue it. Then went to the next page.

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I’m walking barefoot through the memories with the fallen leaves

I’m letting go of the people I haven’t been able to forget

I’m walking barefoot through the memories, to the red-stained sky

I’m raising up the people who I haven’t been able to be with, time passes like water flows

I’m building a dam called memories, there are memories that I couldn’t hold onto

It’s the reason why I look beyond the horizon again today

I’m walking barefoot through the memories, the colored leaves that embrace me

I’m giving my all as I softly lean on them

I’m walking barefoot through the memories with the fully ripe scent of autumn

I hold onto my hungry heart and fall fast asleep

The flowers and trees of my heart are withering

The memories are buried too deep, I can’t take them out

It is beautiful that they are asleep in that place

Just the way they are, it’s sad, it’s sad

I’m walking barefoot through the memories in the yellow ginkgo tree

I call out to the old memories that are hiding

I’m walking barefoot through the memories with the blowing wind

I hold tight to the eyes that are closed in my heart

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      Another heartbreak poet, huh? I thought. I opened the next page, all I found is blank. Several pages stay still unwritten, what’s going on? Then in the middle of that book, I found her hand writings again. But not on the sheet of that book, it’s on the folded paper. I opened it. It’s longer than her other hand writings that I have read, it looked like a letter to someone.

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      To : My Brightest Sun

Let’s not fall in love, we don’t know each other very well yet
Actually, I’m a little scared, I’m sorry
Let’s not make promises, you never know when tomorrow comes
But I really mean it when I say I like you

      Maybe I should say it at the first time we met, neh? Mianhae. Ah, I forgot… annyeonghaseyo, how are you? It has been long, isn’t it? Hope your life is better than before, my Sun. One thing I want to tell you, if you read this letter, it’s mean that I’m no longer in this wonderful world anymore. Don’t be sad, I believe that when you read it, you already have someone better than me by your side.

      Shin, gomawo. All the things that you gave to me, jeongmal gomawoyo. I will remember it as the best memories of my memories as long as I life. Shin, mianhae… I have broken your heart, you hate me? Of course you are. But, can you accept my sincere apology? I, Jang Keun Hye, the yeoja that have fallen in love with you, loved you, and always love you, I’m sorry for leaving you…

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      Her writing looked a little hazy, I can saw some her teardrops that has been dried years ago in that letter, made some alphabets blurred.

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      Shin, I don’t want to tell you the true reason why I left you. After you find this letter, you will know it. I can’t tell you, mian. Actually, I write this letter because I miss you… I miss you so bad. After we broke up, day by day I spent it without you, without hear your voice, without see your face nor your smile, without feel your embrace that always calm me. I think, that I have left you, I will feel better because I’m no longer feel worried about you, but I’m wrong. I feel terribly worst because I left you, babo.

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      I closed the letter immediately. It’s something that I must not read in the first time. I folded the letter like before, then placed it in the place when I found it. I opened the other page of that book, bingo! I found one.

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      Mianhae, lately I didn’t write on your pages, my body can’t make it, I get tired so easily, damn that leukemia!!! Today, uhm… what should I tell to you, Mr. Stranger? Ah, today I miss him so much. Shin. You must ask me, who’s Shin? He’s… a man who I can’t have, maybe not in this life. If reincarnation is true, I hope in my next life I can meet him again, so I can spend the rest of my life by his side. He just an ordinary namja like other namja that I have met.

He’s a student of Medical Department in our university. The first time we met is at the library. It was when I didn’t find the cozy place to make a sketch in my sketchbook. Then, I went to the corner of the room, and I saw him. Sat on a chair in the corner with his gaze travelled lazily through the book in the bookshelf near him. I came to his table, and I asked him if I could sat at the seat in front of him. At first, he just looked at me. But then after I asked him again, he let me sat there.

Oh, how could I forget that face? He looked shy, even when he asked my name and my department. Since that, we become friend. I called him Shin, he called me Hye. Little bit I knew, he three months older than me, but I never called him Oppa. We often spent our free time together. Day by day I felt so comfortable whenever I’m with him, I thought I started to like him. Then when my feeling towards him become deeper, I must accept the cruelest thing in my life, my personal doctor told me that I suffered leukemia stage 2, and soon to be stage 3. Ah, I’m sorry… I mustn’t tell you about it, neh?

     Mr. Stranger, do you know? Life is short, yeah it’s 100% true. Day has passed so fast. Every day my feeling towards him grew, and so my illness. Even though I took chemotherapy, but it seemed that my body can’t hand