Blank.

This was how my mind seemed to be like, sitting on that bank.

I felt his gaze on me but I couldn’t raise my head to look at him.

He turned his head to the opposite direction and started staring at his house.

Not being able to communicate , and the worst part was that we used to never be out of words  around each other, and not hearing a single word coming out of his mouth made me feel like I was losing my mind, thinking how bizarre the situation was.

I turned my head to look at him, slightly, trying not to seem like I’m actually staring.

He had his head in between his hands, pressed, I saw his neck to be slightly red, he looked pained, even though I wasn’t able to see his face, I could tell. I turned my head back and looked at my palms,  not knowing what to do, how to start a conversation.

I was scared, too scared to admit that I was scarred by him leaving, that was why I ran away from him, every time he tried to hold my hand again.

I was scared to hell, and he knew I was.

Because he knew me.

Better than I wished him to.

“I’m sorry.” I heard a voice say quietly, slowly, not rushing anything. His tone was soft and caring, ı was able to make out the sadness in it.

I didn’t know what to say, mostly because I  didn’t know why he was sorry.

Then for the first time after he came to Korea, for the first time, I felt a flick of forgiveness in me. For a single moment, I felt like, he apologized for more than he should’ve. For a single moment, the warmness of my feelings towards him broke down my cold walls, a sweet light seeping through it.

Every time I saw him wanting to talk to me or apologize, I thought the feeling of him chasing me, asking for forgiveness would caress my ego, help me stand up again.

At that moment, he looked like he was in pain. And that was the one thing I couldn’t stand.

Apparently, his pain was also mine.

I raised my hand to put it on his shoulder, contacting him on purpose for the first time after what seemed like a century.

I wanted to touch his skin again, put him at ease, it didn’t matter, whatever reason he left me for.

I just wanted him back.

I felt my phone buzz that very moment, and the scene was ruined, I was back to reality.

I took my phone out using my previously raised hand and saw that it was my mom calling.

Kai looked at me leaning back on the bank, his head slightly dipped to right.

“Y-yes mom.”

“Hello”

                                                                                           ***