The gaps between the past and the present.

Yifan pulled himself back only to stare questionably at the unusually submissive male under him. Eyes closed shut and pink swollen lips slightly open, no feelings whatsoever reflecting on neither the boy’s pale face nor frail body. He felt like he was kissing a dead person, a person who just wanted to get over and done with whatever Yifan wanted to do with him. Yixing wasn’t pushing him away because he was long gone, not caring the slightest about what the taller male had in mind for him. He was shutting himself off, probably thinking Yifan was doing what he was doing because he was drunk or or even just for the heck of it.  But that wasn’t it. Yifan wasn’t here because he wanted to mess with Yixing’s mind and already ed up emotions, Yifan was here desperately trying to come to terms with (or get rid of) whatever messed up feelings he still had for the younger. Because it was literally killing him, he couldn’t take it anymore. Not having Yixing for himself was tearing him apart both physically and emotionally. Yifan can no longer pretend that he wasn’t as in love with Zhang Yixing as he was in high school, he can no longer watch Yixing pine over that pathetic orphan kid and still keep a wide smile as his beloved went on and on about how gorgeous Kim Jongin is. He had enough of being Yixing’s second choice. The fact that he wasn’t there to protect the only one he ever truly loved from that Zhoumi made him feel even tier and hella more useless than he already was feeling.

“Yixing…” Yifan hated the way his voice came out, broken and pathetically weak, totally unlike the stoic-always-in-control-Wu-Yifan he once was. Yixing ignored his call, choosing instead to clench his jaw and tighten his grip even harder on the wine colored duvet under him. “I—Yixing, why aren’t you pushing me off?”

Yifan pushed his body off the younger when he got no answer and settled his lean body (that felt heavier than ever) next to the maroon couch where Yixing was lying motionless.

“I’m so sorry I didn’t—“

“Don’t.” Yifan was more than startled when suddenly Yixing’s cold voice cut him off. “Just don’t.”

“Yixing I—“

“Yifan, please. Just leave me the alone, I don’t want to talk about it. I accept your apology, so please just leave.” Yifan gulped down the disappointment before taking a swift glance at the younger’s still body and closed eyes.

“I’m not leaving.” His unpredictable stern answer was enough to make the Chinese male open his eyes and stare right back at Yifan with a hostile frown on display.

“Fine then, you either leave or I call the damn cops to throw your sorry- in jail for ual harassment. I’m pretty sure you and Zhoumi would make the cutest friendship to ever exist, you already have so much in common you know, you can talk about how easily it was for you two to make my life a ing hell, how you’ve managed to ruin me and make me feel like . How easy of a lay I am, right? That’s your opinion of me, isn’t? Nothing but a—“

“Accusing me of ual harassment is not something new from you Yixing! You’re not the only victim in here, so stop acting like a ing prissy princess! At least for once in your life try to—try to—UGH!“ Yifan pushed his hair back with a frustrated groan; he couldn’t believe how easy it was for Yixing to rile him up like that. It was now or never, he had to get what he’s been hiding for years off his chest. He didn’t care anymore. Yixing was hurt, that much was understandable but he didn’t have the right to compare Yifan’s intentions with ing Zhoumi’s.

“At the age of fifteen my father finally remembered he had a son.” Yixing made a small confused ‘huh’ and was about to ask Yifan to leave again when the older male raised a hand to warn Yixing from interrupting him, making the younger’s ever so prominent frown deepen.  

“Like I told you before my mother and I used to live in Canada, just us two and her dad. My father refused to leave his homeland and come live with us but when the Media got a hold of my existence, they started questioning him and accusing him of not taking good care of his only child. He got mad at mom for whatever reason and threatened her of getting sole custody over me as well as divorcing her if she doesn’t let me stay with him in China for a while, at least until the Media loses interest, and that’s how I ended up losing both my home and friends just because my so called father wanted to keep his Mr. Perfect businessman image clean.”

“Why are you telling me this, Yifan—“

“And then when I got there, my father signed me up in this high prestige private school.” Yifan leaned back, barking a hollow short chuckle before continuing. “An all-boys boarding school.”

“I don’t want to hear your life story, Yifan off!” Yixing got up from his sleeping-beauty position, more than ready to drag Yifan’s giant body out of his house only to stop at the other male’s shocking next words.

“And that's where I first met you. Zhang Yixing, every boy’s wet dream.” Yixing’s breath hitched at that, mouth gaping and eyes nearly popping out from their sockets at the unexpected turn of events. The younger boy took his hands back to his sides, finally invested in hearing what Yifan had to say and completely giving up on kicking him out. “You were Mr. Popular with daddy issues, the rebel who did everything in his power to gain people’s attention, you enjoyed breaking the rules and making the headmaster call your father every single day for some dumb you’ve done yet again. The sad part was that he never actually cared, never bothered to come and it hurt you so much that you made it a goal to cause even more just for the heck of it. You’re probably wondering how I knew all of that, well to be honest…”

“To be honest I was kind of obsessed with you. You intrigued me for some odd reason. At first, just like everyone else in our school, I was attracted to your physical appearance. I mean who wouldn’t? In a ing isolated all-boys boarding school, you were the closest thing to a girl a guy can get out there.”

“I—“ Yixing looked so lost, it amused Yifan to no end. Getting this off his chest was so satisfying, he should’ve done this long ago when he first came face to face with Zhang Yixing at his father’s Magazine’s rooftop.

“Everyone talked about you behind your back. About how ble you were and what kind of things they’ll do to you if only you allowed them to. I was disgusted by them, all of them even the few friends I made.” Yixing pulled the wine colored duvet over his body before letting out a long deep sigh.

“But I—I don’t remember…”

“Back then my name wasn’t Wu Yifan. It was Li Jiaheng.” Yifan paused to face the younger with a sad smile and to take in his reaction before getting back to his story. “You’re probably thinking I’m making up but it really is me. I look nothing like my old self now, I'll give you that. We were the same height at the time, I had darker skin, my hair was unkempt and all over the place. I wore both glasses and braces, I was a total nerd. Actually I was a ing trainwreck of awkwardness meets unattractiveness. But puberty did me well, plus getting into fashion and dying my hair blonde was a wise choice I guess.”

“Yifan I—“

“Back to our story,” Yifan interrupted Yixing from saying whatever the hell he wanted to say because the part that hurt him and kept haunting him his entire life was finally about to be unraveled. He just had to get this off his chest once and for all. And maybe even move on from his silly unrequited love, he just wanted to make Yixing understand that the victim between the two of them was never him.  “I—or rather Li Jiaheng finally managed to catch the great unattainable Zhang Yixing’s attention. I think you lost your phone or forgot it back at the locker room, and it just happened that I was the only one left there to find it. When I gave it back to you you were so damn rude to me we ended up getting into a fist fight that you miraculously won. After that I convinced myself that it would be much better if I hated you instead. That you weren’t worth it. A few weeks later rumors about you sleeping around started spreading like wildfire. I hated everyone for talking about you behind your back in such manner, and then it hit me, I wasn’t over you and I didn’t want to be, especially not when I haven’t even tried to get closer to you.”

Yixing hugged his legs to his chest already knowing where Yifan’s story was heading to.

“Then on this one rainy evening, I finally got the chance to taste those delicious lips of yours. You have no idea how many nights I dreamt about that moment actually happening, and just like that you came on to me and kissed me.” Yifan stopped to take a long breath with eyes slightly unfocused; clearly long lost in a memory long forgotten. “You looked so lost and desperate, I just didn’t have the heart to push you off. Not to mention how my heart was beating so