[2004 Spring. SM Dorms]

~ Siwon’s POV ~

“Hyung, they really look like celebrities now aren’t they?” I asked them. We huddled together in Donghae’s room tonight to eat. While eating, we decided to watch TV and we were in time for one music show.

“Who? Yunho? They only looked more human to me,” Heechul answered before taking a big bite on his sandwich.

“You’re so mean hyung. They do look awesome. You see they won their first award already," Donghae said and Kibum who was sitting beside him laughed.

"What is wrong with my sentence? I'm just telling my opinion. Look, people is finally accepting the fact that H.O.T wouldn't be reuniting anytime now and SM's whole attention is now on TVXQ."

"They would become successful soon. The audience already love them," I commented while my eyes were fixed on the screen.

"Of course, BoA sunbaenim is with them. Ahh, I envy hyung. I want to work with her too," Donghae said.

"Then wait for your own debut. We barely see the active artists because they are so busy," I replied. "Aren't you choosen for the new project group with Jungsoo hyung?"

"Yeah, finally they noticed me. But I wouldn't hope too much. They are planning to debut a girl group first," Donghae said back.

"Anyways, shouldn't you guys preparing for college entrance examination? You're on your senior year right?" Heechul asked me and Donghae.

"I'm worried about that. We're getting busier this school year and I also need to attend the added practices for the project group. How can I handle all of these?" Donghae complained.

"I also need to do well. I don't want to disappoint my parents especially my father," I said thinking about the promise I gave them when I asked permission to train at SM. I have to be responsible with my choices.

"Talking about studies, how about you Kibum? You will begin filming for your debut drama soon, aren't you coming back to the states for the semester?" I asked him. Kibum was lucky to be chosen to debut as an actor by SM. Actually he is not alone, Heechul hyung was also casually invited as a model or sometimes VJ. He had appeared on screen already.

"I think I would pass this semester and make up for it on summer. I'm planning to go home after this," he replied.

"Hmm... that's good. Don't forget my chocolates right?" Donghae grinned.

"Yahhh.. me too. Bring me more, I'm your favorite hyung remember?" Heechul hyung bribed Kibum.

"Why don't we finish eating now and get ready to sleep? We need to wake up early for the training tomorrow. I don't want to be late, who knows a sunbae would watch our practice this time,"

"It's just Lee Soo Man!"

"Lee Soo Man sunbaenim," I corrected.

"Whatever," Heechul rolled his eyes. "Have you noticed why some higher officials occassionaly visit our training sessions? My ears got another news from the inside. I heard they are planning to create a large scale group --"

"Male or female?" Donghae butted in.

"Yah listen to me first. Have you ever heard of the Jpop group Morning Musume? They are planning to use the group's concept,"

"What concept?"

"A project group with a graduation system. That's what I heard some of the staffs were gossiping a few days ago in the studio,"

"Hyung you haven't answered my question," Donghae pouted.

"There's no specific details yet. I think majority of our coaches are not yet aware of it,"

"So we should put our best efforts. They are looking for the passionate ones, the one who would do anything for the desire to perform onstage one day," Kibum said.

Heechul put his arms around Kibum and said, "Sometimes I forget that you're the maknae here. You act like you're the oldest among us." He ruffled his hair and laughed.

"Shhh... hyung we just hear Kibum speak few times! Listen to him," Donghae said but also laughed.

Kibum shrugged and kept himself busy with the television and food while the rest of us laughed. We just enjoy teasing our dongsaeng at times like this.

*             *             *

~ Leeteuk’s POV ~

I stretched my arms after finish another round of exhausting practice. It is already late at night and I’m sure I will reach home after midnight. My house isn’t so near from the studios and I still refuse to transfer to the dorms. As long as I get to see my mom and sister everyday, the long hours of ride is worth it.

“Hyung, aren’t you going home now? Can I go with you?” Somebody called me and I looked back.

It was Junyoung, one of the trainees whom I am friends with. “Sure. I never knew we had the same route going home. We should have gone home every night together,” I replied.

“I didn’t know until Hyukjae mentioned that you ride the same bus as me hyung,” he grabbed his bag and went to my side. I signaled him to go out of the room first before I follow.

“Jungsoo hyung! Wait for me!” Donghae called.

“Huh? You’re living in the dorms remember?”

“But I want to go down with you,” he with a smile as he ran to my side. “Hankyung hyung! Come on let’s go now!” he called our Chinese friend whom we had only met a few weeks ago.

“Wait. You’re not waiting for Wonbin?” he innocently asked.

“Who?” Donghae and I ask confused.

“The one wearing sweatpants and a beanie,” he explained when Heechul who was sitting on a chair laughed loudly. I don’t understand what’s funny about it but then Youngwoon and Sungmin also started laughing beside him.

“Yah... what’s funny?” Hankyung asked.

“I still don’t know who you were talking about. And please be specific, baggy pants and beanies were popular clothing for the trainee here,” Donghae said.

“As far as I know there’s no Wonbin here with us. Are you sure it isn’t a trainee from another batch?” I asked.

“Yah Jungsoo… when he said Wonbin he meant Hyukjae!” Heechul said before laughing again.

“Hyung! Hyukjae introduced… himself as… Wonbin to him! Until …now he doesn’t know… Hyukjae’s real name!!” Sungmin explained between his laughs. It only caused the rest of the boys to laugh louder. Really, Hyukjae named himself to that famous handsome actor and he choose poor Hankyung to prank with it.

“Ohhh…yes I remember! Wonbin, how could I forget him?” I said to myself scratching my head. I flashed a sly smile and played along with them. It is up to Hankyung to find out the truth. Hahaha.

“If you’re waiting for him them I will go now. I have to catch the bus early,” I said smiling and Junyoung and Donghae followed me.

“Okay, bye hyung!”

I waved goodbye but all the way home I’m bothered by something. I knew that my studies were affected ever since I started training. I didn’t totally neglect it but considering how I am one of the top students before, my grades started dropping. My teachers warned me about it before but now all I want is to finish college. I had set my mind to focus on debuting because it is the only thing I do best now.

My friends can see me smiling and fooling around with them but they don’t know that I am only hiding all the worries and doubts I had with myself. I am feeling down these days because of a recent encounter with my father. Honestly I resent him for being so strict with me. I didn’t have a good relationship with him, and that goes the same with my sister and mom. That is why I only want to be mother.

Every time I see him I only feel bad for myself. He said he wants me to give up and focus on studying instead. I can't. I want to prove him that I will succeed in my chosen career.

If only I could be deaf from all the hurtful words that comes from his mouth. I will be okay. But I'm only human. I can get hurt too.

When I was a little bit younger, I experienced being hit by him whenever I miss my assignments or I get low scores. The pain that I felt every time he hits me strained my relationship with him. Years passed and when I thought that the physical pain was worse, I was wrong. I realized that hurtful words from a person are more painful that the body pain I got.

I always try to push away all the negative things that I hear. It is the only way to keep on going towards my goals. If I will let myself be discouraged by anyone then my life would only go to waste. And so here I am, standing in the middle of our small living room. One day, I will only look back and smile for everything that I endured just to reach all my dreams.

*             *             *

~ Donghae’s POV ~

“Hyung look at the people, what are they talking about?” I asked Jungsoo hyung one afternoon while we are walking together on the busy streets of Seoul. We both agreed to go out and find some cheap yet good food outside. Instead of food, we were a bit surprised to see how cheerful everyone was outside the streets of the city.

“It must be the good news about our team in the sports. I think they might have won,” Hyung replied also curiously looking at the cheerful faces of the people. Some of the people were actually chanting the South Korean team which means that our country had won the tournament.

Hyung and I went closer to the people crowded together to listen to their conversation. They were happy and in high spirits so we became excited to and decided to join them in cheering.

One thing I learned in this was to mind your own business. Whether it’s a national crisis or a personal problem don’t mingle with others especially when you don’t know them. Hyung and I were still smiling when these three people in their mid-20s approached us.

“Shut up!” one of them shouted suddenly.

We were both surprised. “What? Why?” I said in a low voice suddenly terrified. Just a while ago, these person were so happy and then suddenly their mood changes. I don’t know what did we do wrong to anger these three people. The other man called us to come closer t them but since I have pride I said, “What is it?”

I didn’t have a chance to react when two of them punched my face. The other person was bigger than me and surely I couldn’t fight back even if I want to. I will surely lose the battle with them. I tried to reason out with words to them. “Look, our country had just won. Everyone is cheer