When you slowly open your eyes, you see 12 boys looking at you. You stare at them for a while and then stare at your arms. A bandage is covering your whole arm, getting thicker on your wrist.

You look back to EXO and look in their faces, their eyes are puffy and red. Not much, but enough that you could notice it.

Nobody is talking, silence filling the room. Nobody dares to say something and you can't remember everything of what happened yesterday, so you slowly start talking.

"Why am I here?" you whisper.

Nobody gives you an answer. They can't manage to say it out loud.

If you wouldn't see the bandage on your arm, you wouldn't know that you cut your wrist. You really can't remember what happened. You only remember what happened until you locked the door and leaned back on the wall. Your mind and just everything was so messed up.

And then something came back to your mind. Chanyeol. He's the one who came in.

"Chanyeol" you say.

He raises his head, looking at you with a sad expression.

"Tell me what happened." you say, trying to talk without your voice breaking.

Suddenly Sehun stands up and walks out of your room.

You look at the door.

"He isn't good at showing emotions, you know. But he is really affected by what happened yesterday. We thought you wouldn't make it." Kris whispers the last words so quietly that they could barely be heard.

"I will look after him." Lay says and walks out of the room.

Then Chanyeol slowly starts to tell you what he saw, when he went in the bathroom.

"I even asked you why you have so many bruises in your face, but you didn't want to answer me. They will check you later. Your whole body I mean. If something is broken." he adds.

After his words you slowly touch your face and feel some band aids.

"Can you hand me the small mirror please?" you ask.

Tao gives you the mirror and you look at your face. Many parts are red, some are tainted with light violet. Your left eye is a little swollen and blue. You put the mirror back and close your eyes. The scene of yesterday plays in your head. The girls. Their kicks. Your pain. And slowly the scene in the bathroom comes back. How you searched for the blades, how your warm blood ran down your arm.

"Who did this to you?" Kai asks, with anger and sadness in his eyes.

You just look at him.

"I will go outside for a while." you whisper.

"I will go with you." Suho says.

"No, I will look for Sehun." you answer as you make your way to the hospital garden.

You walk around in the garden for a while, looking at all those beautiful flowers. Then you see Sehun and Lay sitting on a bench, Lay patting the back of Sehun. When you walk towards them, Lay nods at you and leaves to go back into the building. You sit next to Sehun now, but none of you talks. Every now and then you slightly glance to the right and see his puffy eyes.

"Why did you do that" he whispers.

Tears are forming in your eyes.

"Why did you want to leave us alone here" he adds.

"It would be better if I wouldn't be here" you whisper back.

"For s sake, nothing would be better" he raises his voice, just to hear it breaking at the last words.

"I'm sorry, Sehun." you whisper.

You feel his left hand pulling you closer to him. You lie your head on his shoulder and he rests his head on your soft hair.

"Just promise that you will never try it again." he whispers.

You don't know if you can make that promise so you don't give him an answer.
You feel a warm tear falling from Sehun on your hand.

"I am so sorry." you whisper.

                                                                                         ❀ ❀ ❀ ❀

When Sehun and you go back to your hospital room, the others are still sitting on their chairs. You go back to your bed and decide to say some words since they deserve it after all those things they have done for you.

"I really want to apologize for what happened yesterday. Now I know that all of you are sad and concerned because of me."

You're not sure if you're trying to convince them or yourself.

"It would be better if all of you wouldn't know me at all." you whisper and your voice breaks just like Sehun's did.

Kris wants to say something, but somebody suddenly opens the door.

"Oh, excuse me for interrupting. I'm the doctor." the man introduces himself. He looks at the 12 boys and looks confused.

"Are all of them your brothers?" he asks you.

You're not sure if he's really referring to EXO as your brothers or if he really has no clue who they are.

Then you think about his question. He is right, what is EXO to you?

Friends?

Can you call the members of EXO your friends?

Or are you just another fan, who just got to be luckier than the others?

"It's difficult." is the final answer you give him.

He gives you a weird glance and adjusts his glasses. "Well, it doesn't matter anyways. It's time for your guests to leave now." he says.

"Wait, I can't go home?" you ask concerned.

"Of course not. You will have to talk to our hospital psychologist. Also we can't dismiss you just yet since your body is still experiencing the severe consequences of...your incident." he states.

He might try to help but you can't stand him for a reason.

"How long do I have to stay here?" you try to ask friendly, but inside of you are you completly upset and afraid.

"At least 1 week."

You feel like you need to throw up. 1 week in this terrible and boring hospital? You're not sure if you will survive.

"But they can visit me, right?" you ask with a bit of hope that you don't need to be alone the whole week.

"No, since you'll have to attend to multiple sessions with our psychologist we need you to completely concentrate on yourself and your emotions. Visitors might distract you or change your moods. We hope that you'll understand, all of us want your best and for you to recover as fast as possible."

"5 minutes and they are gone." he adds quickly and leaves the room. He obviously got tired of your questions.

"I can't do this" you whisper.

"Of course you will. Look forward to next week when you're back at the dorm, okay?" Kris says.

Then they stand up from their chairs and slowly walk towards you.

And they all give you a small kiss on your forehead one by one.

"Take care." Tao whispers.

Luhan is the last one, the others are already waiting outside.

"Luhan, did you cry?" you ask softly.

"We all did." he answers. "I tried to hold back my tears to support the others, but this affected me too much. We were all afraid."

"Afraid of what?" you ask.

"Afraid of losing you."

With this words he gives you a kiss on your cheek.

"Take care, angel. See you next week." he says and walks out of the room, with a voice like he is on the verge of crying.

But your imagination is probably just messing with you again.

                                                                                               ❀ ❀ ❀ ❀

Day by day you had the same schedule.

-Wake up

-Take a shower

-Eat something

-Go to that stupid man who doesn't deserve to be called "psychologist"

-Take walks in the hospital garden

-Eat again

-Read a book

-Sleep

The psychologist really isn't better than the doctor. He isn't kind, helpful or anything else someone like him should be. It's obvious that his intensions of attending this job isn't about helping people.

You always refuse to tell him why you tried to kill yourself or who punshed and kicked you on your whole body.

You two would always argue, that it's important that you talk to somebody, that your problems won't be gone if you keep them inside of you and all this other .

"It's none of your business." you would always scoff before you leave his room.

 

                                                                                           ❀ ❀ ❀ ❀

 

1 week is over today. You didn't make any progress with the psychologist, but he can't do anything against it. You pack your backpack and call a taxi for your way back to the dorm.

 

You open the doors with your key. You didn't tell your boys by what time you will arrive.

Wait.

Did you just say "your boys"?

"What the hell is wrong with me?" you think.

"SUNSHINE!" you hear them all screaming and running to you as fast as they can.

They all hug you tight, and you would have fallen if they didn't hold you.

"Did you miss me?" you smile.

"More than you can imagine!" Suho says.

"Sehun missed you the most." Xiumin laughs.

"Shut up, hyung!" Sehun shouts and playfully attacks Xiumin.

You go to the kitchen to drink something and you see a vase with roses on the table.

"Oh my god. How beautiful." you say.

"13 roses." Kyungsoo says.

"This 12 red roses are like us." Kai continues.

"And do you see the white rose in the middle? It's the most beautiful and outstanding one, right? And without that rose, the whole vase of this roses wouldn't look as beautiful as it does now." Kris goes on.

"The white rose represents you." Chen says.

You are touched by their words. You don't know what to say, so you spread your arms, symbolizing them to hug you.

They immediately understand and hug you again like their lives depends on it.

"Let's go to the living room." Baekhyun suggests.

You all agree and walk there.

When you enter the living room, you see that they arranged the ocean of pillows and blankets again, with the only difference that there are way more than before. You can't even take a step without stepping on a pillow.

"You truly know how to make me happy." you laugh.

A few raindrops are falling on the big window. Just a few minutes later the rain got heavier, lightnings lighting up the room once in a while.

"Perfect wheather to cuddle, right?" Kai says.

"You're so naughty, Kai." Tao laughs.

"Hey, let's sit down." you say.

You all sit it in a circle, and they see that you need to tell something important.

"The week I was in the hospital was really boring, you know. When I didn't lie in my bed or read my book, I went outside to the garden and lied on the grass. I had a lot of time to think. And I realized that it isn't fair that I didn't tell you what happened to me, who punched and kicked me. I think after all you did for me, you deserve to know what you want." you say.

They nod, so you start to tell them everything what happened on that day in the bakery.

When you're done, they all look shocked and are speechless.

"Do you know who they are? I will do worse to them than what they did to you!" Kris says with anger in his voice.

"No, I don't know." you whisper.

"Did you tell the psychologist what happened?" Chanyeol asks.

"The "psychologist"? No, he's just a stupid old men who isn't interested in the problems of others. His only interest seems to be the money he gets for doing nothing." you answer.

"Please talk to us if somebody is being rude to you. We can't let something like this happen again. You can't imagine how much you are worth to us." Lay whispers.

"And you don't know how much you all are worth to me." you whisper back with a smile. And your words cause another hug-attack which you fully enjoy.

---

a/n: Welp another chapter after almost 2 years. I'm not satisfied with this story in any way, but I still have some unpublished chapters saved on my laptop. I'll see how long I'm going to continue it, but I don't really want to leave it on here when it's uncompleted. WELL ANYWAYS, I'd like to thank @vanessanesangtae  for commenting on this story which encouraged me to publish another chapter. I am actually working on a new fanfiction with (hopefully) improved writing. That's it for now, see you in the next chapter maybe ☺