Jimin's POV

She sighed as she walked past me straight into the kitchen.

„He saw me at the grocery store and asked what I was doing. So I told him I was searching for a bag.“, she answered with a neutral undertone.

I narrowed my eyes in return. „You did what?“, I answered without even trying to suppress the harsh tone in my voice.

She didn't really tell him that. How could she do this?!

I followed her watching her attentively as she turned around to face me. „Don't worry“ She came closer and looked straight into my eyes. „I didn't tell him that it was your bag. He only knows that I was searching for a bag and then he wanted to help me search but we couldn't find it anywhere. It looks like someone else has taken it or something“ Her voice softened as she turned around again opening the door of the upper cabinet.

I didn't know what to say no more. I just stood there watching her do her thing. So she didn't tell him everything? And he didn't even ask? This can't be true.

„And then he wanted to bring me home“ She suddenly continued but her eyes never met mine.

My eyebrows met as I thought about what she just said. He wanted to bring her home? I remembered the scene where she just came back together with him a few minutes ago. Haven't they exchanged their phone numbers? She seemed so joyful around him, everyone could see that she hadn't wanted him to leave.
It hurt to think about that. I didn't want to hold her back from life but I also didn't want her to be around him. Hasn't she already known that I liked her?

„Why?“, was all I therefore could bring out of my now trembling mouth.

“I don't know”, she simply answered but I could tell that she lied. Why was she lying to me? What has happened at that damn grocery store that she changed so much in these past few minutes?!

I didn't say anything else after that because I just didn't want to argue with her. I was tired and would've loved to just leave again. But I didn't, I wanted to find out what has happened between these two.

So I silently watched her continue her work while another piece of my heart slowly broke off.

After a while, she walked up to me with some antiseptic, sterile gauze pads and bandages.

I gazed up to her trying not to change the expression of my face. I didn't want her to see any reactions, nothing at all. I just had wanted her to leave me alone at that moment but of course, she didn't. She never left me alone. That probably was the reason I loved her so much. Whenever I felt so bad I didn't want anybody to be near me, she kept an eye on me because it seemed like she knew that I needed her company when I was at my worst. It sounded ironic but although I didn't want anybody to see me at these moments, I needed somebody to watch over me. I just had troubles letting people in.
She was my last hope and all I could count on. I didn't want her to fall in love with Jungkook. I wanted her to be mine.

After telling me to sit down in front of the kitchen table, she reached out for my arm as I lifted it myself. It was useless to fight against it, she wouldn't give up until she could clean up those damn cuts. Why did I cut again? I hated this life so much. If it wouldn't have been for here, I wouldn't be living no more. She was the only thing that kept me alive. The only reason to live. I had nothing left except for her, I didn't want to lose her as well.

But it didn't always feel like she wanted to stay by my side. Like at that moment, it felt like she only did it because she thought it was the right thing to do. It felt like she didn't do it by heart. She probably also was tired and wanted her former life back. As if she didn't have the strength to take care of me no more.

I felt horrible. I wanted to cry and scream, I didn't want to feel like this. I hated it, I hated all of this. Why couldn't it just end? I hated burdening her, I wanted her to be happy but she wouldn't be happy if I'd stay. But I had to stay. She would search after me over and over again and I also didn't want that. I just hoped it wouldn't damage her on the inside. I knew it was hard for her and I had tried to make it easier with leaving her. I hadn't blocked her contact on my phone without any reason. I wanted to protect her, I wanted her to get her life back. She wouldn't have to take care of me no more. But she hadn't wanted that or at least she pretended it. Now it was my turn to accept that and to stay, though it was hard for me.

I had to do everything I could to make it easier for her. It sounded stupid but I wanted to help her while she was helping me. This was the only way for us to get along.

I watched her quietly as she carefully cleaned up my wrist. It didn't hurt at all. Probably because I was used to the pain. She moved slowly and her touch was so soft as if I'd break if she'd use more of her strength.

After cleaning and sanitizing the cuts, she placed some gauze pads over it and wrapped the bandages around my wrist.

“Can you hold that for a second?”, she asked as she held up the end of the bandage. She didn't look me in the eyes once during the whole process but I still did what I was told. So I put my fingers on the bandage while she stood up to fetch some clips she had forgotten to bring with her in the beginning.

As soon as she came back, she hooked the clips onto the bandage to secure it before she got up again, cleaned up the package of her bandaging material and then left the kitchen without saying anything.

I turned my head to watch her walk away. Why was she like this? She was so quiet and seemed to be deep in thoughts.

I wanted to follow her and ask if everything was alright but I couldn't. I simply sat there, in the kitchen of her mothers house, staring at the direction to where I last had seen her. I wanted to talk to her but I didn't know what to say. I wanted her company so bad that it hurt. I needed her company and I needed her love. It broke my heart that she barely spoke to me.

I sat there for the next few minutes just staring holes in the air until my eyes landed on my covered wrist again. Why didn't she say anything while putting on the bandages? Was she already that tired that she simply couldn't care anymore?

I wanted her to start a conversation, since I couldn't.

Maybe she was hurt because of the way I had reacted to the thing with Jungkook? But it somehow had pissed me off that they seemed to be that close already. How could she get in contact with him after all what has happened? I didn't know her intentions but I definitely didn't want her to be near him. You could never be sure about what he was up to.

“Jimin?” _____ brought me back to reality. I haven't even realized her entering the kitchen. “I've made your bed. It's late, you probably should go to sleep soon. Or wait, you haven't eaten right?” Her eyes widened as she stormed past me up to the fridge. That was the first time she actually showed some feelings since the moment she came back.

“_______”, I interrupted her causing her to turn around with a worried expression on her face. “I'm not hungry” I simply said looking straight into her eyes as I got up and came closer towards her.

She slowly closed the refrigerator door as she watched me with her eyes never leaving mine.

“What's wrong?” I finally said with a calm voice.

“Nothing...I'm just tired”, she looked away and tried to make her way past me again but I stopped her in her tracks.

“Stop lying to me”

“What?”, I heard her stop and turned around to face her. “I know that something is up. Stop denying it”, I paused and took a deep breath, “Is it because of Jungkook?”

But she just lowered her head and didn't answer in return.

“Tell me” My voice got louder although I didn't intend to do so.

Due to this, she looked up at me again and although she stood far away from me I could see that her eyebrows met. “Stop raising your voice at me, Jimin. I'm tired, let's talk about that tomorrow” With that she left the kitchen as I added: “How am I supposed to trust you when you are the one lying to me?” My voice was calm yet strong and I knew she had heard it though she pretended she hadn't...

A/N: Here it is~ the next chapter hehee~~ Gosh this is so hard for me to write lol I just keep messing the characters and storyline up wtf hahaa I really need to write down some things so I remember what has already happened..when I'm searching for somethig to check if that makes sense what I'm trying to write I end up facepalming myself since literally nothing makes sense lol my characters keep changing arrghh it's so hard~ it's my first time I've written such a big and intense story with characters like these...I'm not used to that lol I hope you can forgive me^^'' But as always, if you liked it nonetheless, please let me know in the comments and subscribe and upvote if you want to~ I love you all and see you in the next chapter <33