Taeyeon took out a faded photo from the drawer to her desk. A young, beautiful woman with dark-coloured hair smiled back at her. That was the image of her mother that remained with her. She chose to remember the happier memories with her mother which was why she kept this picture. The one and only picture. She did not want to stain the loving image of her mother that she chose to keep but sometimes, reality could be a b*tch. She the picture with trembling fingers and tears unknowingly trickled down her face. She loved the woman in the picture but she hated the person that the woman had become.

Her mother used her life to protect her, to love her but she was the same person who left her, abandoned her without turning her head. She thought her mother loved her father. She thought that their love was so strong that it could withstand the harshest of storm, but she was so wrong. One day they could be so loving, giving each other goodbye kisses in the morning, then the next day, they bidded goodbye, with her mother leaving with her luggage. Overnight, her father lost the woman he loved the most and she lost the mother she adored the most. She was 14 then.

For days, weeks and months, she pestered her father for the reason for her mother's departure but he was too devastated to speak about her. On days when he felt better, he would dismiss the topic with a quick change in topic but on other days, he would shout at her and chase her out of the room. She waited patiently for her mother's return but she did not. For a period of time, she held a grudge towards her father, thinking that it was her father who chased her mother out but her father did not clarify anything, leaving Taeyeon to attack him with words as sharp as darts. She did not give up hope; she was certain her mother would return and her father would relent and what she hoped for came true. Her mother came back, battered and bruised. She cried for forgiveness and acceptance once more but she would always remember the coldness in her father's eyes. "That moment when you chose him, there's no going back."

And everything became clear to her. Her mother left for another man. She left without a thought for her. Did she mean nothing? Was she not a reason for her to stay? When she heard what her father said, she went back to her room and buried herself under her blanket. She cried for the longest of time she could ever imagine. She cried because the image of the perfect mother that she had and she was so proud of was shattered. She cried because she felt guilty for all the things she had said to her father. And maybe because of the guilt, she did everything her father told her to, including taking over the company which she had no interest in at all. Of course she protested, but it was when she got the news that her father had gastric cancer from Yuri then she realised there was nothing much left to do for her father. Six months were all she had with her father and whenever she could, she would sit down with him at home and keep him company. They did not have the closest relationship but Taeyeon was grateful for all the things her father did for her, and there was a moment that she would remember forever.

"Dad, why didn't you tell me that mom had an affair?" Taeyeon asked, sitting beside her father's bed.  "I wouldn't have said such hurtful things to you back then if I knew it wasn't you..."

Her father flinched slightly at the mention of the woman that broke his heart. He smiled weakly at her daughter. "I knew how important your mom was to you. I didn't have a lot of chance to watch you grow up when you were a baby but she did. It was her who raised you up. I knew how close you were to her so I didn't want to destroy the love you had for your mother."

Taeyeon felt her eyes getting wet and getting tighter. She never knew what her father was thinking. She never asked and he never told. That was her problem. She never liked asking. She did not want to feel like she was imposing on others or being annoying, but that made her regret so many things. She could have shared her father's sorrow. She could have said comforting words instead of those nasty words she hurled at him. She could have had a close relationship with her father.

"I'm sorry..." Taeyeon choked and that was all she could manage. Her father was a really strict man. He allowed no compromise and that was how he raised Taeyeon after her mother's departure. She felt apologetic towards her father but sometimes, she felt suffocated when she was with him. He never displayed any affection for her, unlike her mother who would hug her whenever she get home. Her father, on the other hand, would look at her and nod. But now when she thought back, her father did care for her. Before going back to his room, he would put a glass of hot milk or a bowl of hot soup on the table. He would quietly go into her room in the middle of the night (she pretended to be asleep) and adjust the temperature to the air-conditioner so she would not catch a cold. It was these small acts of love that got her through her teenage days.

Her father reached out and gently patted the side of her head and said breathlessly, "You don't have to say sorry, Taeyeon. I'm the one who should say sorry. I didn't give your mother the love I promised her and she left. That is love. It comes quickly and goes as quickly too."

Taeyeon shook her head and tears continued to fall. "No, dad. I'm a terrible daughter. I made you have a hard time and I'm sorry. I can't even take good care of myself, I'm sorry. Dad, I'm sorry. I'm sorry I disappointed you."

"Taeyeon, no, come here." Her father pulled her into a tight hug despite his weak condition. "No matter what you do, you'll still be my daughter. Nothing can change that. I trust that you've learnt from your mistakes. Even if you're in the wrong, when you get hurt, I won't feel any better either but hey, you're still my daughter and you'll be my daughter for this entire lifetime. I'll still love you no matter what happens."

Taeyeon cried even harder and she started shaking in her father's embrace. She could not remember when was the last time she hugged her father. It almost felt like she was a child again, curled up in her father's warm embrace and nothing was going to hurt her because her father would be there. She could not imagine how her father looked like when she was lying motionless and being pushed into the operation room. Yuri said she had never seen him so distraught before. He kept pacing back and worth in front of the operation room and mumbling prayers. It was heartbreaking enough to hear about it, let alone see it. She was a reckless person, never thinking twice when she started on something and that was how she got into trouble, by loving a married man, or caught up in lust. When she woke up hours after the operation, she expected her father to scold her but he did not. Disappointment was clear in his expression and the look he had in his eyes was just like how he looked at her mother when she left. He did not say anything for a whole minute; just looked at her with glistening eyes.

"Dad..." Taeyeon managed weakly.

"Don't say anything. It'll hurt your wounds," her father said, gently pulling the blanket up to cover her exposed neck. "Sleep for a while more. I'll be here."

Years after that, it was her father's turn to be in the hospital. His condition deteriotated faster than expected and the doctor said it could possibly be his last few hours. The news came to her like a smack in the face. She expected to spend a few more weeks, and perhaps months with her father, but now she was left with a few hours. How could she return what her father gave her in just a few hours? She thanked the doctor and returned to her father's room. She forced a smile as she sat down beside his bed.

"Hey dad."

"What did the doctor say?" Her father spoke through the oxygen mask.

"Nothing much, you'll be fine." Taeyeon's voice cracked.

He nodded knowingly. He knew his body the best and he would know when her daughter was lying, and crying.

"Daddy, are you tired?" Taeyeon whispered.

Her father nodded again.

Taeyeon smoothed his hair and said, "Sleep for a bit. I'll be here."

Her father smiled and muttered a "mm" in consent and closed his eyes. But that was the last time her father looked at her. He saw her smile and heard her assurance, and that was when he knew he could leave without any worry. He left with a smile on his face and Taeyeon know in that moment, he was blissful. 

He was happy, just like how the woman in the picture was. And Taeyeon wished they would be by her side but that was just wistful thinking. What she had been through shaped who she was now. She had her defenses up and would not let anyone approach her but she did not know why she took the first step towards Jessica. That moment of revelation made her felt closer to her mother, ironically, who left and never returned ever again after her father pushed her away. Of the two people she fell in love with, both were married. Life was mocking her, she knew it, especially the smile that was greeting her in the photo. She threw the photo back into the drawer and slammed it shut. What was wrong with her? Why did she have to bring unnecessary pain upon herself? But the feeling towards Jessica was different. She was certain it was lust that overcame her the first time she fell in love but now, it was genuine attraction.

And that was a mistake.