All I see is black. I hear a quiet yet harsh beeping which is slow and steady in the background. I’m probably in a hospital. I didn’t feel like opening my eyes so I didn’t and instead, without moving, I got to familiarize myself with where I am and I tried to get my sense of smell and touch back. I felt pain mostly in my ribs, right leg, right arm and head. I also felt a weight on my left arm, which was the way I had my head turned. I groaned as I came to realize I was still alive. Suddenly, I felt the weight on my left arm disappear and I heard a voice say my name. I didn’t want to get up yet so I lay silent and still, since I couldn’t move because the pain was blinding if I tried to. So I just listened.

“Nina? Are you awake?” Someone said. It sounded like they were pleading me to wake up. Why would anyone want that? Who in their right mind would want me to keep living? I’m a problem child; I’m a depressed, suicidal, bi-polar child. Well I’m not really a child anymore considering I’m 20 years old.

“Nina, please wake up. You can’t leave us now.” The person said. I felt something wet fall onto my arm. The person is crying over me? See, I’m a problem. I’ll always be a problem why can’t I just die already.

“Nina, if you can hear me, you probably can’t but if you can just please wake up I’m so worried about you, all the boys are we’ve been taking shifts and well Chen I don’t think he’s even slept properly….” My brain clicked at the mention of Chen’s name. Kim Jongdae. The boy whose smile makes me smile, whose laugh brightens my day and whose mischievousness makes me want to join him. I decided that it’s time to wake up so I pry my eyes open to see a tall figure standing in front of me in a very bright room.

“Nina? Nina!” The figure hugged me and I flinched at the sudden skinship. “Oh sorry, did I hurt you? Oh my god Chen needs to know.” The figure pulled away to my astonishment I find that it was Tao with tears in his eyes as he rushed out of the room to get Chen. Kim Jongdae. What will he say? It’s my fault that he hasn’t slept properly. I feel horrible. It’s my fault. I look around and a nurse enters my room, closes the door, locks it and then closes the curtains.

“What are you doing?” I asked the nurse. My voice came out rough and my throat felt very dry all of a sudden.

“Here Nina, drink this and take these pills you aren’t allowed to see anyone today because we need to figure out what has been damaged in your brain since you have taken many blows to your head, right arm, right leg and ribs. You’ve got 3 broken ribs, your right arm is broken and still healing, your right leg has a lot of harsh bruises on it and your head has been damaged severely so we need to take you through a few tests to make sure nothing serious has happened.” The nurse closes her folder that she was reading from and hands me a drink and some pills. I take them and finish my drink to loosen my throat. All if a sudden I hear shouting from outside as the nurse is busily doing things around my room.

“What do you mean I can’t see her?” The voice shouted

“Sir I’m going to need you to calm down, you cannot see her because she needs more rest and she needs to undergo some tests that need to have no physical or verbal contact with anyone.” Another voice which I assumed was a doctor said.

“She’s been resting for four months now! What am I supposed to do?” The person shouted louder then I heard a loud sniffle. “I just want to see her okay.” The voice broke and I could hear someone crying. This is my fault. Someone is in pain because of me. Why can’t I do anything right?

“Nurse I need the toilet.” I said as I slowly got up and made my way in the direction the nurse had pointed me. I locked the door and looked around. I found immediately what I was looking for. A razor. I sliced again and again at my skin, thinking about all the people I’ve caused problems to.

That’s right it’s your fault that the boy was crying.

It’s your fault that Chen hasn’t gotten any sleep.

It’s your fault.

DIE.

All of a sudden I felt light headed. The nurse rushed in a lead me to my bed and bandaged my arm. I just kept saying the words again and again “It’s my fault.” I felt myself come back to my senses and the nurse was just rubbing my face with a wet towel that was now warm. I smiled at her generousness. Not many people are like that these days.

“Now Nina, your boyfriend was outside crying because he doesn’t want to lose you and his friends have all come to comfort him, I don’t think it’s your time to leave if you have that many people wanting to keep you alive and well now is it?” The nurse, whose name I learnt was Gemma, said to me.

“Gemma, sorry but I don’t have a boyfriend.” I told her.

“Well then you have a boy who seems to care about you an awful lot.” She said as she handed me another glass.

“When can I see them?”

“After you answer some questions that Doctor Lucifer has for you.” Someone unlocked the door and walked in then locked the door again. “Here he is now; I’ll leave you to talk to him.” With that, Gemma left.

“Now Nina let’s get down to business.”

(N: Nina D: Doctor L)

D: I’m going to need you to answer these questions truthfully and as detailed as you can, okay Nina?

N: yeah

D: Okay Nina what day is it today?

N: I don’t know

D: What day was it when you had your accident?

N: I think it was October 25^th.

D: Well today is January 31^st 2014

N: I was asleep for that long? Wow

D: Yes you were today was going to be the day we took you off of your life support. But you woke up a few hours before. Next Question. What do you remember before you passed out?

N: I remember that the boys took me out shopping and it was so much fun until my brother and his friends came along and beat me with their fists and many bats causing me to pass out.

D: By ‘the boys’ who do you mean?

N: The boys from EXO of course, Suho, Chanyeol, Baekhyun and Chen.

D: What happened the day before that and please explain everything apart from the things you want to remain secret.

N: The day before I was so excited to meet EXO because they were coming to my town I bid goodbye to my mother and I went. I met all of them: Chen, Chanyeol, Suho, Baekhyun, Kris, Luhan, Xiumin, Tao, Lay, Kai, D.O and Sehun. They were the sweetest and since I was the last one I had the most time with them. I told them about myself and they asked me to perform for them so I did. They all left after apart from Chen who asked me about my self-harming, I told him everything and he gave me his number after we sat and hugged whilst I cried.  After that I think I fell asleep because I woke up in his changing room or whatever it’s called, I then had to leave because it was late and I promised my mum I’d be back before ten I think. When I got home I found my mum she had committed suicide and so I called Chen he’s now letting me stay at their apartment but I’m not sure if they’re still living there because they were having a short break.

D: Well Nina I’m happy to say that nothing is wrong with your brain and we will give you some anti-depressant pills make sure you take them every day in the morning. But for now you will have to stay here for at least a week more to let your leg heal and then you may leave with your boyfriend and his friends.

N: But sir I don’t have a boyfriend.

D: Oh sorry, It’s just there’s one boy who has stayed here as long as he could everyday sitting beside you until today.

N: You must be mistaken no one cares for me that much.

D: Oh but that’s where you’re wrong Nina. You can’t have any visitors today but you will be able to have them tomorrow so I suggest you get some sleep.

N: Okay bye Doctor.

Now that was the strangest thing that I’ve ever had to do. I feel pretty sad because I can’t see the boys until tomorrow so I decided to go to sleep.

I woke the next morning to find a plastic cup and some anti- depressant pills near my bed.  I take them and I got up to go make myself look a little presentable. I walked to the bathroom and I washed my face. I looked around and found that there was nothing else that I could do to make myself look a little better.  I walked out the bathroom to find breakfast on the small table beside my bed. It looked so disgusting but I ate it anyway. I checked the time and saw that it was 8:30 am. Wow it’s early. Visiting starts in half an hour and I just had my IPod with me surprisingly. It’s nice that one of the boys brought it here for me fully charged. I checked my leg and I could barely see any bruises and it didn’t hurt to walk on it anymore so I’m pretty sure I’ve healed. My arm was still in a cast but that was going to come off today and my ribs had healed in the four months that I was sleeping. I heard someone open the door and a small sniffle then a gasp. Everything happened all at once.

“Nana!” I heard as I turned around with the biggest smile on my face as I hugged the figure in front of me.

“Chen,” I smiled as I looked up at his face. His eyes were tired and red from lack of sleep, he looked tired and broken in general but he still had an amazing smile and a small sparkle in his eyes.

“Nana, I’m so sorry that I didn’t come sooner,” He started to say but I cut him off.

“No Chen it’s not your fault, it’s my brothers fault,” I told him.

We stood there holding each other afraid that we were going to lose each other again.

 

“Don’t leave me,” I whispered.

 

 

“Never”

 

A/N:

Okay so here’s your update! Remember if you want to talk just message me. I’m sorry if I don’t reply it’s just that I’ve just got back to school and guess what freaking GCSE’s already starting and it’s going to be a pain in the . But I will be updating every week on this day!

Subscribe and Comment!

Stay True :)

~TheHaniniPanini