FLASHBACK

'When I wake up I'm afraid...'

My alarm goes off. Why so early? I open my eyes listening to the song, staring at the ceiling of my rectangular room. I look around my dimly lit room. My one wall with the never ending amount of posters stares back at me as I sit up. Rubbing my eyes, I think another day of faking smiles and laughs oh yay. I leave my warm, comfy bed and walk across my room grabbing my glasses and switching off my alarm. I string a long line of bracelets onto my wrist whilst changing onto my uniform after applying makeup to my arm.

 I plug my headphones into my IPod and put it on shuffle. I start to close my eyes and dance. I feel the beat in my veins, my movements becoming one with the song. Slowly, I start to sing along whilst dancing. I always do this. End up getting so lost in the song. Singing the main vocals dancing whatever I feel. Portraying whatever feeling the song has into my dance and voice. To my dismay, the song slowly comes to an end, the piano playing its last melody. I look at my IPod and see that it was Baby Don’t Cry by EXO M that I had just danced and sang to.

I leave my headphones in and my IPod playing venturing downstairs seeking out my breakfast. Porridge. Oh, how nice. I hate porridge; it’s not really my taste. I barely eat anything and take an apple from the fruit bowl after brushing my teeth. I take a bite out of my apple, bid goodbye to my family, grab my skateboard and start to ride to my bus stop.

As I ride my skateboard I lip sync to each song I listen to perfectly. Some songs were English others Kpop. I ride my skateboard below underpasses, round corners and through people admiring how nature can be so beautiful but the people living with it are not. The trees whisper to each other as the wind blows. The leaves fall to the ground with their new amber look. Autumn (A/N or fall which ever it is) is my favourite time of the year, the time when nature changes the most to adapt to the harsh winters of England.

After 10 minutes of riding around, I finally reached my bus stop to find that I arrived just in time because the bus turned up seconds later. I pick up my skateboard show the bus driver my bus pass and get on the bus. I plaster a smile on my face. If anything it was a sickly smile. I’m not really good at this. I look around the bus, due to it being the first day back to school the bus is packed. The only empty seat is next to a boy, his head down, hood up and headphones on. I have no choice but to sit next to him. So I did. Nothing happened I sat there with my skateboard and headphones on lip syncing to each song that comes on my IPod. I stare out the grimy bus window noticing that the boy sitting next to me is staring at my lap. I follow his gaze and see what he has seen, my deepest darkest secret.

The boy is staring at my arm, my wrist to be exact. The wrist I made sure I applied make up to, the wrist I made sure was hidden with my bracelets. The bracelets had ridden up the makeup was smudged at was nearly gone. The wrist with my cuts.

I quickly pushed my bracelets down and looked up in horror to see the boy’s face looking back at me.

Great Nina the first day of your school and you go and it up already. You haven’t even set foot in the bloody school yet someone already probably thinks you’re some freak! Now he’s going to tell everyone else and you will yet again be the outcast that everyone picks on because you’re seen as a weakling.

I look at the strange boy, waiting for him to look at me in disgust, to move as far away from me as possible. But he does nothing. He just stares at me with kind eyes.

“Hello, my name is Josh Thomas Cuthbert but you can call me josh,” He says as he sticks out his hand. “Don’t worry your secret is safe with me.”

I just stare back at him. I’m surprised why is he not acting like the others? I slowly move my hand forward and shake his hand. “Hi, my name is Kong Hua Ning but you can call me Nina. And thank you” I whispered the last part, Not really sure he heard me he just looked at me and smiled. The rest of the bus journey we talked. I found out that he is in the same year as me but neither of us knows what class we’re in. I hope we’re in the same class. He’s really nice he’s just completely ignored my wrist, it’s like he never saw anything. I’m not sure if I can trust him yet but I smile at him as we walk off the bus. Obviously it’s not a smile that reaches my eyes. Not like how I used to be.

We walk to the student office as we are both new we get our schedules and I find out that we aren’t in any classes together. “It’s okay I’ll see you on the bus then, yeah?” He says nudging me a little, showing me his white teeth.

 Holy crap his teeth are so white he could blind you if you keep staring. He’s probably just pitying you, you pathetic excuse for a person

YEAH what she said pathetic ugly girl.

I nod at Josh and rush away to registration. I clutch my head The voices they’re laughing at me I need to do it I can’t help it I’m sorry. I run to the bathroom forgetting about registration I have enough time anyway. I lock myself in one of the cubicles and take out my scissors. I don’t have any razors but this is the next best thing. I pull my bracelets up and I slice at my skin.

Yes

More

Ugly

Useless

Why would you even think he is nice he’s not he’s just going to turn on you

They always do

They start laughing as I stop and I look at my wrist. Blood starts to come through. I stare at it for a few minutes before I exit the cubicle and wash my arm re-applying the makeup and pulling my bracelets and sleeves down. I wipe my eyes and hide my tear stained face with my hair and glasses. Then I leave and go to registration.

It turns out I was a few minutes late and because it to be me I am being put next to some dumb s that keep staring at me trying to look at my face. I turn to the teacher again and give him an incoherent apology for being late. I take out my music book and I start to write in it. Let it be a melody, a song lyric or even a title I will write it down in here. It is what it is.

A/N well here’s the first chapter none of EXO have been introduced as of yet but they will be introduced soon. This story is completely made up. Well maybe not completely, but most of it is made up. The story line is made up by my twisted imagination.

I don’t know if I’ll carry on writing but here if you like please comment and please subscribe.

I’m not sure if I should carry on with this but if you think I should then please let me know in the comments

Stay true :)

~ TheHaniniPanini