END OF FLASHBACK

The whole of my life went the same way. I would wake up, go to school, get bullied, come home, get bullied, listen to music whilst going on my social media, cut, then go to bed. It hurt to be this way. I know I have a problem. When I was at school they used to have these "drop-in" sessions for people with questions and problems. Me being, well me, I refused to go because... maybe I just don't want to be saved. Maybe I want to die. Every single day I go through all the ways I could do it. I imagine what it'd be like, painful? Painless? how should I go? 

On the bright side. Today they are coming. Finally, they are coming to England. I have never felt so happy in my life. I feel so amazing. I cannot even comprehend how happy I am. Well, I may have just tripped over everything in my room. 

"Nina! What's going on up there?" ahaha well at least she pays attention.

"Nothing Mum! I'm just excited I'll tell you when I get downstairs!" I shouted back as I looked for my outfit of the day. I may or may not have just squealed a little. Today is going to be a good day.

 Today is the day I’m going to meet them. I’m going to meet the 12 guys that have given me hope that my life will get better. I throw on my EXO jumper and my black patterned leggings. I leave my untamed curls out and put on some eyeliner. I go through my boots and choose which ones I’m going to wear, my black lace up boots and my silver heart necklace. I look at myself in the mirror and for once I feel satisfied. I don’t look pretty but I don’t look as ugly as I usually do. That feels good to me.

I walk downstairs and see my mother in the kitchen. She looks like she’s in a good mood today. I fist pump inside my brain. “Muuuuuuuuummyyyyyyy,” I call.

“Yes?” She replies as she turns around eying me up and down. “You look nice are you going out?”

“Yeah mum! I’m finally going to meet EXO but don’t worry it’s all free and they are coming here to our town!” I jump up and down excitedly. My mum just turns around laughing at me.

“Well, have fun and make sure you get back home before 11:00pm,” she says this. I just stare at her she’s never let me out that late before. Something’s going on… I choose to not question her worried that it might put her in a bad mood and she might not let me leave.

“Is there anything that you want me to do before I leave because I have until 4:00pm” I say to her.

“No, no, just go and have some fun. You haven’t been out in a while. Instead of 11:00pm curfew just make sure you’re back home by tomorrow!” She looks at me with a sickly sweet smile on her face.

“urm… okay mum! I’ll be leaving now I’ll text you after I meet them, because that’s when the mini show starts.” I say to her not wanting to make her mood die. I grab my bag with my phone, IPod, headphones, snacks, purse and keys inside. I open the door and leave. I plug in my headphones and I set off on my walk to where we have to meet the boys.

Today isn’t a cold day so I decided not to where too many layers. The trees are swaying in the cool breeze forever whispering to each other about the secrets of nature. I was so caught up in how beautiful nature looked I didn’t realise that I was already there.

I looked around. There were about 30 people here. And it was 10 past 4. I assumed I was the last one here. I lied to my mum about it being free. It was £20 if you wanted to go to the mini concert. But the meeting them was free. I joined the back of the line and waited for the line to move. It was going so slowly. I didn’t mind though, because I was the last one I would probably get enough time to talk to them all. I was so glad that I had learnt Korean and as my parents where Chinese I had learnt Mandarin first. My parents wanted me to learn Korean because they said it would help me expand my language skills and make it easier for me to learn other languages in school, which it did. I looked at the long line of girls in front of me and they all had gifts, whereas I had none. I immediately started to feel bad. They probably get enough presents already. The problem with my jumper was that it kept riding up my arms and this morning I had forgot to put any make up on them or any bracelets. I hoped that none of the boys would see my arms with the ugly cuts on them. I started to get hungry so I took out some snacks and I started eating them. Soon my yummy snacks where finished and I was still far away from the boys. Because I was at the back of the line and no one seemed to be paying attention to the girl with her headphones on I started to sing along to whatever music came on.

Before I knew it I started crying because I was listening to a song that I related to so much and listening to it made my heart break every time. I usually skipped this song but I didn’t. I looked up and I started panicking. My eyes grew wide as I noticed I was next to talk the boys. I was so close. I pulled my jumper sleeves down and wiped my face as best as I could and I looked up. They were all staring at me. I looked at them all. Is this a dream? I reached under my jumper sleeve and scratched at myself. I started to calm down a bit.

A/N: This conversation will be in Korean but I will write it in English

“Hello!” I said nervously. They all stood in a line and bowed and did their greeting. It felt really weird to see them up close in real life. They all introduced themselves individually. I laughed. “I already know who you are!” I told them whilst laughing. I haven’t laughed like this in a long time. It felt really good.

“Well we don’t know who you are, so what’s your name, tell us a bit about yourself,” Said Suho. Holy hell! Suho just spoke to me. I’m dying.

“Erm my name is Kong Hua Ning, but you can call me Nina for short, I’m 19, currently unemployed and living with my (sad excuse of a) family and, I love to sing and dance but I don’t know if I’m any good at it.” I replied. I widened my eyes. Crap I told them I like to sing and dance should not have done that.

“Well Nina I’m wondering one thing… Two things actually, the first who is your bias?” Chen sneakily asked me that looking at me with his eyes. Gosh his eyes are beautiful. His face is beautiful. He’s beautiful. H ow can an amazing person like him exsist what even is this. I'm going to die. I can die happily. Oh crap i've spaced out.

“Erm… Well… you see it’s… my bias.... is you Chen,” I saw awkwardly looking at my feet. I think I started to blush. Chen suddenly runs up to me and hugs me. I look up surprised, with wide eyes. I decide to bury my face in his chest because I can feel my face is as red as a freaking tomato at this point.

“Aww Nina You are the first fan I’ve met today that has me as their bias,” He looks down at me whilst hugging me still. I look up at him and stare into his amazing eyes. I could stay here forever. I am getting so lost in his eyes. again, how does an amazing human being like him exsist?

“Ya! Chen! What’s your second question?” Shouted Kris.

“Oh yeah haha… My second question is can you perform for us?” he asked me while letting go of me. I looked at them all in shock and they all nodded their heads vigorously at me.

“Yeah! Nina-ah please perform for us, you said you didn’t know if you were good or not we’ll tell you if you are!” Tao said to me doing aegyo. Oh my god. I can’t say no now. Freaking aegyo. I nearly squealed. These guys need to stop right now.

“Erm okay I will. But you have to be honest please don’t just tell me I’m good to avoid my feelings getting hurt… I’ve had enough of people lying to me” I murmured the last part I think only Chen heard me because He was standing closest to me and just frowned at me. I'm sorry Chen but it's true. 

They all took their seats and I asked one of the staff to put ‘Don’t Go’ by EXO on. The staff told me that EXO wouldn’t be singing in it as it would just be audio. I just nodded. I knew all the words anyway. I decided I would sing in Korean. So they would all understand.

I stood in the middle and I closed my eyes. I imagined myself at home in my room and when I opened my eyes I had calmed down a bit. The music started playing and I started to dance and sing. I just made up the dance and I sang the song through my heart. I felt tears coming on but I held them back. Something didn’t feel right about my mum today. I knew there was something wrong. I don’t know why but she’s probably miserable right now. I just sang and danced my heart out. And when the music finished, someone rushed over to me and the rest just clapped. I looked up and saw that Chen was hugging me again. I moved away from Chen and looked at the boys. They were clapping. They were clapping for me! Why would they clap for me? Wha-?

“Nina-ah you’re amazing!” Said Tao.

“Ne, Nina you’re just as amazing as Lay and Kai when you dance!” Baekhyun said.

They all said nice things about me. “Do you really mean it?” I asked them.

“Yes we mean it Nina-ah maybe we could duet sometime ne?” Said Chen. I looked at him with wide eyes.

“really? Wow, that would be amazing,” I said with a smile on my face. A genuine smile. Chen you might have just brought back my smile. I went around and hugged them all. And thanked them. I got to Chen last and he told the others to go on without him as he needed to do something. I bid my goodbyes to the rest of the members and I turned to Chen. He looked at me with sad eyes. “Chen?” I said to him.

“Nina-ah, why do you do it?” He asked me. I looked at him then at my arm. I must’ve rolled my jumpers sleeves up, because there were my scars on show for everyone to see. I looked back at Chen with tears in my eyes. I spilled my heart out to him.

“You don’t know what it’s like, going to school getting bullied coming home and then getting told you’re a useless waste of space. I hate myself so much. I’m not pretty, I’m not even a little bit good looking, I’m fat and I can never make any friends. Every time I try to make friends they always see my scars and tell everyone. They tell everyone that I’m a freak and that I should just hurry up and die. The reason I haven’t just killed myself yet is because of you. It’s because every time I see you on my TV or on YouTube or just pictures, you light up my day. But I have voices, they’re in my head telling me that I’ll never be good enough, they tell me that I’m a waste of space, every time I make a mark on myself they stop. The voices stop and they fade away. It feels good to me. I know it’s bad but it’s the only method of release that I have.” I just fell to the floor and cried. I cried so much that I didn’t realise I fell asleep.

When I woke up I was in a dressing room. I looked around and I started to hear shouting and loud cheers. I sat up and looked around. Suddenly the doors burst open and I saw Chen. He was standing there looking at me. His eyes were locked on mine. He rushed in and hugged me. Woah there's a lot of hugging going on. I'm not even that much of a 'huggy' person. Like erm no thanks. But it's EXO, they are the only excpetions. “Take this and if you ever need someone to call. Call me, talk to me. Every day call me and talk to me. We are going to be staying here for a few months because we have some time off now. So we can hang out every day ne?” He said as he laid his head on mine.

“Thank you, promise me you won’t tell the guys,” I asked him.

“I don’t need to they all saw, but it’s okay none of them really care they still all like you so much, I can tell,” Chen said as he assured me as he rubbed the small of my back up and down. I nodded to him and we just sat there and hugged for what seemed like ages. Nothing was said because nothing needed to be said. I checked the clock on the wall to check what the time was and I jumped up, startling Chen obviously. He looked at me and asked “What? Did you just realise that you were huggingthe amazingly talented Chen from EXO M?” He smirked at me.

“When did you decide to get so cocky? But no I did all my freaking out the first time I saw you all,” I shot back with a just as cheeky smirk. “ I have to go home now my mum is probably dying to know what happened when I met you guys,” I laughed imagining my mum happy and jumping up and down with me. I liked it when she was like that but not when she takes her anger out on me and calls me names. She never says she doesn’t mean it, it’s always the same. I could feel the tears welling up in my eyes again as I thought about how I finally have some friends. It felt good to have friends, ones that don’t judge me because of my scars.

I bid my good bye to Chen with one last hug and I put my number in his phone as he put his in mine. I smiled the biggest smile on my way home. Today was the best day ever.

But little did I know that it was all going to change as soon as I set foot into my home.

A/N: Now that Chen knows the story is finally starting properly :D yayyy. This chapter took up five pages on word okay. that's alot. O.O

I’m very excited because I’m not sure if I want a happy ending or a sad one yet.

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What do you think is waiting for Nina at home?

Stay true :)

~TheHaniniPanini