Tuesday.
I declined the cutting-the-paper-snowflakes-session with Taemin, blamed horrible headache.
Puked till meat and curled into tight ball of bones and flesh between sheets.
 

Wednesday
Tried to get session with Changmin cancelled, but that bloody tall hell born bastard didn't allow that. So Kai - the new nurse - escorted me into his brown office. If you would be allowed to desribe the smell of his room, it would me "muted and silent", they are adjectives for sounds, but the air and smell in his room was long dead and still. He asked how I felt about incidents which have taken place during these weeks. He said how staff has taken notice that I've been avoiding sessions with Taemin and been bit too touchy with other patient (Kyuhyun, I added silently). All these months here, locked up in the castle of lunatics, I've never really talked to Changmin, I haven't got hold on his person or character, he felt like he was coming from another world than the nurses or Minho or Taemin or Key. He hold barricades around himself, I've never seen or hear him laugh or smile. He is always so neutral, tasteless, colorless. He is like canvas, waiting that I'm going to paint him with my colors and stories.  I blink once. Twice.
- "My parents are coming on the weekend. To visit." I heard my own voice speaking, while inside my head I'm wondering why I'm even telling this, he knows that. Surely. Changmin request me to elobrate more, and I play with my fingers.
- "I don't know, I don't want I mean I don't know I mean? I mean that.. I don't know them? I want, I would want to go and see nurse Kibum." Changmin's face is neutral, not even lifting his eyebrow to my rambling of "I don't knows".
I puked noodles and ham and milk.

Thursday
- "Have you seen Zhoumi?"
- "That skeleton guy?"Sungmin nods and deals five cards for me, I stare them, not really knowing what I sould do with them, so I deal two of them to Donghae, who groans. I conclude I made right decision and pick two new cards, so my hand is full again.
- "He got transferred to the ED clinic in Seoul."
- "Right place for him, I mean, they can't do much for him there, so why not."
- "His parents have money so they can pay his treatment." Heechul decided to join our group while fixing his nails.
- "Have you heard about Leeteuk?"
- "He is coming back."
- "Teuk?"
- "Zhoumi, couple of months in clinic and back here. Ther're going to get him gain weight and get his head healed here." I really don't know how Heechul knows that, but in the end, I don't know these guys as well they know each others. I've learnt that some of them has been here for five years, others just two months, like Henry, my beloved little brother from another mother. Two years later I learn that Zhoumi ja Heechul has been close friends back then and Zhoumi even lived under Chullie's roof couple of months after his release from nut house.
I puke rice and beans.

Friday
We're watching some re-run of music show with Kyuhyun. I'm glad he doesn't want to play any stupid card games with me, but is just content playing with my hair while watching those boys dancing and singing.
- "Can you sing?"
- "Somehow. Never really tried. But singing in shower is thing here. You should try that." I didn't believe what I saw then, his eyes. Those black marbles of chaos were twinkling.
- "You're stupid."
- "No physical contact! Kyhyun hands off. Ryeowook get off from his lap." The twinkling in his eyes died and I got up and sitting next to him, shoulder to shoulder, bones against bones. Jonghyun looked tired, he has been working a lot, like really too much. From night shift to morning shift, day off, from morning to day shift, from day shift to night, back to day shift and still taking night shift right after that. I learnt from Kyu that Jonghyun owns a dog, he brought his puppy to the ward for day when he was just got her two years ago. Kyu was just fifteen years old then, and played with the puppy until Jonghyun's shift ended. He pinched bridge of his nose, inhaled two times, and stated that they decided with nursing team that I shall go and visit Key but not right now, when the day shift ends and night shifts begun to work he promised to take me to visit Key, "Kyuhyun, you can also join us, you've been doing well and have granted 15 minutes outings so as well you can come with us. But don't. ed. it. up. now." Kyuhyun nodded, like he really just now understands that he can't mess this now.