Right now, I'm sitting in isolation room - the room which has kept Kangin captived so, so many times, room which has witnessed many tears, insults, fears and hallucinations. And there I'm sitting, facing the wall, on my left is bed with cuffs for wrists, head, chest, waist, knees and feet. Here I'm sitting, listening my own toughts and silent hum of AC. Kyu got permission to visit our warth, and he was lost weight and he was sulkier and angrier and said so many things which didn't make any sense at all. I was losing my Kyu. I was terrified.  My head is pulsing with my fear, I don't have any tears left and my voice is raw and throat sore. I haven't ever heard Kyu's yelling, but today I heard and got so scared, that I started to cry and Kyu started to rage more and I ran away. I haven't seen Kyu that angry ever, he yelled to me, and wanted to know what the I was doing and I just cried more, and more, and he screamed, what the hell was my problem? And I ran.

Kibum, nurse Key, my nursing team's only sane person, lovely, beautiful Kibum left yesterday. We threw small farewell party for him, and he cried and Taemin kissed his cheeks, saying that tomorrow everything will be better, baby darling and Kibum smacked his arm. We ate starwberry cheesecake and vanilla ice cream, drinked soda and ate chips. He thanked his fellow mates, saying Jonghyun would never reach 177 cm even if he used bigger insoles, how Jinki still kept special place in his heart, how Minho should get some laid (Onew and Jonghyun shouted "language for s sake Key language there's children?!??!"), that Changming should think outside the box, and said to us, to patients, that even you have ty day, tomorrow is always coming, and remember, everything looks better in the morning. I cried like little child when Kibum hugged me, and shorty kissed my forehead before leaving from the door. I wanted to believe, I was his special patient.

Day before yesterday, we threw small fareway party for our lovebrids, Kangin and Leeteuk. There was laughter, bad puns and chips and cookies, we got hot chocolate and ice cream and ate cup noodles like teenagers should be eating. Played Uno and Kimble, and in the end cried when our leaders left. I cried like a baby and Leeteuk promised to visit me, promised that when he gets nice apartment, I can spend my vacations there, so I don't have to go home. And I cried more and promised to Kangin get my s together.

After all this, and Kyu's hate, I pulled Onew's sleeve, saying that I wasn't sure about how I could cope with this everything. That I was afraid I might do something, "Onew, I'm afraid of myself. I want to talk." He glanced around, noticing he was all alone right now (on girl's warth was emergency situation, so he was alone), and said, he would let me into isolation room, if I was really afraid of myself, because there no one, not you, not some one else, would hurt you. And I nodded.