There was so much going on, so much. Somehow, that everything affected me, and I got tired. More tired than what I already was. I tought that I would not get more tired what I was, but I was wrong. I was ready to just collapse, and sleep till I would be dead. I was t h a t tired.

Days felt like I was under water, trying to run, swim, away but my moves were slow, so painfully heavy and slow, and I was losing that game.

Someone has told some higher up about Taemin and Kibum, and their realtionship was frowned upon, and there was a strong rumor about Kibum getting fired soon. Because, no one would dare to fire some therapy guy, but some simple nurse? Who was a male?! Doing?! Womans JOBS?! I felt so bad that I was vomiting every meal which I was forced to eat. Kyu was worried, I could tell that much. But I didn't find any strenght on me to tell him, what was bothering me. I was worried of their relationship, while I used to laught on them, about their.. wild life (with Kyu we're best spies!) I noticed so much love, and tenderness, and respect between them in their eyes, that even I started to believe in love. And while I was spying them on luch time, how they were worried of their position, and how Key was ready to leave that Taemin could continue in this ward, on that position "because Minnie, I know how much you have to give them, and how much you belong here and how much you've to show them. So baby, please, try to understand, you need this more than I, I can go back t-" "Bummie, you aren't going to back there, I could work on private center as well, so we don't have to worry about mone-" "Oh shut the up! I'm not going to be leech-" "No you aren't going to be! I just want to ensure I don't know Bummie, we will work this out, just please, let me take care of us, even this one time." "You stubborn moron." "Your stubborn moron." "Aich, go to hell!"

Another one, Kangin and Leeteuk, they were getting out from this nut house. Leeteuk because he was turning soon eighteen, making him an adult. He was.. coping well. Kangin was leaving because Leeteuk was leaving, and I could tell that togother they would get better. Leeteuk has matured so much, while Kangin has gotten his temper under control. I was still terrified - they were leaving, those two which has shown me that love was possible even for the brokest persons. My crying didn't stop at evenings, until when Kibum brought sleeping pills for me. And still, there was so much nightmares.

There was so much rumors going on, how some kid is still missing, that kid is dead, committed suicide, that Kyu is doing drugs, that me and Kyu are together, that Kibum will leave tomorrow. I was feeling so sick.
 

Like that wasn't enough, I got new roommate, he was that silent guy Yesung, who never take direct eyecontact, and when he spoke, it was one, big rush of words, and then he was silent again. I tried to get myself together for his sake - I was broken into tiny pieces, because rumors, and Kyu has sent to.. another ward for unknown time. And I was afraid of Yesung, I didn't know him, he didn't know me, what if he finds my treats so ugly, so wrong? When he arrived, he came left hand bandaged and Jonghyun behind his back. They arranged together Yesung's stuff, couple of books, mp3-player, and locked behind the lockers his shoes, backpack, pencils, keys.. you know, things which has some value or you could harm yourself.

Later, when Kibum and Jinki tucked us to sleep, we were laying in silence, both awake. I tried to control tears which were trying to spill, while Yesung was picking his bandages.
- "Don't listen those rumors. You know, there is going some big flat lie that I tried kill one nurse here while he was trying to stop me from killing myself. Pretty insane. I've to say. So don't believe everything what you're hearing here. You know Sulli? She hears always some insne things, like there's worms in our food and our water is poisoned, and no one believes her, so get your together. Life isn't over." His voive holds that rush as always, but there was some gentleness in here, like.. he knew what he was telling me.

But later I found that he really tried to kill Minho (not nurse you know..) when he was preventing Yesung from committing suicide.