Woohyun's POV

It's swallowing me up again. My past. I swore to myself when I was young to never love anyone. Not to love anyone at all, because in the end they will betray you and you'll be torn apart. When I saw Seoyoo walk through those doors (well specifically, it was through the elevator doors) I felt my fingers and whole body tingling and itching- like I just had to get closer to her.

I tried to cover it up. I tried to persuade myself that I really didn't like her. But I think I really did. She told me that I was her bias, but when she said it, she looked uncertain. Damn, I bet it was the managers and stylists that told her that I was... retardedly and emotionally... mean.

While the members were in the kitchen sorting out some food, I sneaked out of the house, not even looking behind me when the door slammed shut. The frosty breeze clawed at my face and I shook violently from the cold. The ground was lined with ice. I felt myself going to the same window where I had stood with Seoyoo the other day; the window where you could see the family. I spent hours standing there- watching them eat, play and show affection to one another. And while they did, my heart was burning with envy. 

"Never," I said to myself, my chapped and dry lips aching as I mouthed the words. "It'll never happen."

Tears flowing down. Hot, scathing tears pouring down. Raspy breaths. Trying to breathe.

The manager said that he needed to meet us, but I'm not going.  Because if I'm in the same room with her, something might happen. Something might happen to her. I still don't understand what happened to me last night. It was three seconds of pure animal frenzy- trying to get the girl that I love away from me, off of me, as far from me as possible.

She wasn't stable. After the huge breakdown that she had after she was bullied, I knew myself that you get sensitive. When I was bullied, for long weeks I would tremble when someone get near me. And if someone hurt me in any way, it didn't hurt just physically- but emotionally too. I know this feeling so well, except I did exactly what I resented so much in my childhood. While she was still emotionally and physically vulernable and weak, I completely threw her across the room, screaming and such. 

I can't explain what went through my mind then. Such flashes of pain and red and all these girls climbing on top of me saying, 'Nam Woohyun, if you want popularity, you've got to play with me. Or else I'm going to make you unpopular in the music industry as well.' Those were the famous female celebrities threatening me to 'play' with them.

It was so cold. I couldn't feel my hands, feet or face anymore. I had to check if my nose was still attached to my face because all it felt like was a lump of ice. 

" you, Woohyun," I cursed at myself.

I threw off my jacket and my shirt and tossed it on the ground. 

Self-punishment.

I kicked the garment behind the bushes and took off- running. Running away from my past. The cold air was biting me now, all over, and it hurt so much. But it doesn't hurt as much as I was aching inside. I blame myself for even h