Chapter 20

The Request

It’s been an hour, it’s been an hour since Kris and Lena sat on the floor in front of Lena’s bed room. Lena leaning on her door, Kris facing her, his hands on Lena’s arm, trying to calm Lena as much as he could. It was working, Lena was finally able to compose herself, and she almost stopped crying. She was sitting with her knees bottled up; personal space wasn’t in mind at the moment as Kris was sitting right in front of Lena, still her arms slowly. All Kris wanted; all he had in mind was to talk everything out, to let it out in the open, to let Lena say everything she needed to say.

“It happened when I was twelve” Lena slowly approached the topic; she knew she couldn’t avoid it anymore. “They left me when I was twelve, without good bye, without an explanation, they left me at an orphanage” She continued, head still down, she wasn’t embarrassed, she was wounded. “They left me with some money on my name but that was of no use. No one wanted to adopt a twelve year old kid; I was considered old. I left the orphanage when I was sixteen, when I met you.”

Lena looked up to Kris, trying to smile towards him, trying to hide her real feelings. “I didn’t know” Kris answered and he continued to slowly caress her arms, he was still willing to hear what Lena had to say. He was trying to encourage Lena to open up more, say things she needed to say, he wanted her to stop bottling up.

“I was scared of everything back then, I was afraid of getting left again so I left first, I went to Singapore to study so I could leave there and come back here. I don’t know what I was thinking back when I went to Singapore. I just wanted to avoid people from disappearing away from me.”Lena stopped, taking a deep breath from all the spilling. “Ironically, I hate the word leave, I hate hearing left, I hate anything connected to it but I seem to do it all the time.” Lena looked up towards Kris, her eyes were different now. She needed understanding. She was hoping that Kris understand what she was feelings.

“Then don’t leave, don’t leave me” Kris answered, his hands now traveled to her cheeks, wiping out the tears that had continued to fall. “I would never leave you, I wouldn’t let you be here alone” He continued asking for Lena’s attention.

“But, you don’t understand Yi Fan. I have problems, and I’m just not the right girl for you. You, your family wouldn’t want a girl like me in their family.” Lena tried to push his hands away, her back pushing hard towards her door.

“Len, I want you. No, I need you so I don’t care what my family thinks” Kris now argued, his voice still soothing to Lena’s ear. No trace of force, angry in his voice just honesty. Lena felt her heart tug at the words but she was too scared, she was almost having a break down.

“Yi Fan, please, my family left me, they left me Yi Fan. I’m sure there’s something wrong with me. I’m not good; I’m not the right girl for you. Why do you think my parents left me? Why would they leave me if I was a good person? Why would they leave me? Why?”  It was starting to become heavy, the atmosphere. She was feeling the weight. Kris didn’t know what to answer, how to answer Lena’s question. He couldn’t think why someone, her parents would leave a wonderful girl like Lena.

The questions, the words that never came out from finally did. She had never told anyone, not her friends, not the care takers, no one.  “So, why Yi Fan? Why would you pick me? Why would you like me? Just please, leave. Leave when I’m not attached to you; leave when I can accept your leaving.” Lena tried to stand up from her place, tried to re-enter her room but her knees were still weak, she almost collapse towards the floor when she tried to stand up.

Kris caught her before she landed on the floor. Slowly, he gave her support. One hand wrapped securely around her waist, another on her face asking for Lena’s attention.

“No. Even if you force me to, I will not leave you Len. I need you, you need me as well. Don’t question why, I just need you. Even if people say you are not right for me, they don’t know, they don’t know how I feel around you, they don’t know how you make me feel so they have no right to say you are not good for me because I know, my heart knows, you are for me.” Kris now helped Lena to stand, he helped her stood tall, and he gave her both his hands for her to hold onto.

“Why are you doing this Yi Fan? Why? Go home, rethink everything, then you will see what I’m saying is right. I’m not for you. Tell your parents, my parents left me alone, your parents would hate a girl like me. When you go home, I assure  you Yi Fan, you will realise I am not the one for you.” Lena shoves Kris’ hands away gently. She looked up towards Kris, trying to save him from making stupid decision.

“Len, even if I think about this for hours, days, months, I will still be convince, you are right for me. My parents? I don’t care what they think, and honestly, they wouldn’t care” Kris answered, he now puts his finger under Lena’s chin, asking for Lena’s eye. He wanted her to look him in the eye and know that he was not joking around.

“Just please, Yi Fan. Go home, get some rest, you’re just tired, your feelings are playing with you. Please, go home.” Lena begged, her eyes were begging him.

“Okay, all right, I’ll go home. I will re think about everything but Len, tomorrow, if I still feel the same way as I am feeling now, then accept me. Can you promise me that?” He Lena’s cheek asking for an agreement. Lena was too scared to say yes, too scared to agree, too afraid to give consent. Tears were threatening to fall from her eyes, she was out of words.

“I’m not asking you to marry me, I’m not asking you to love me, I’m just asking you to accept me in your heart, let me in, let me be someone you could hold onto, someone you could lean on. Forget all those marriage talk; forget all about that three months time limit. Use me all you want, just accept me. That’s all I want.” Kris said and kissed the tear that flow from her left eye. “Think about it Len, okay? Now, please get some rest. I’m sorry for barging in but I’m not regretting anything I did or say tonight”

Kris helped open Lena’s bedroom door and waited until she entered the room before he turned around and closed the front door. Kris took a deep breath, his heart was beating fast, holding onto his chest, he was praying hard that tomorrow would be a better day, that tomorrow; Lena will still open this door for him.

Truly sorry if this story is not going the way you want it to be.